I'm going too deep into spirituality and I'm not sure if it's wise

[Javfly33]

I want truth before anything else but if I become crazy?

Yesterday I took a microdose of Lsd because I had to do a night shift and I was very tired. In the middle of the shift I was talking with one of my co-workers and suddenly i had an insight, a very weird feeling, I had the insight that That moment was Me. Luckily I was able to resist the Truth and ground myself again in material reality. But for some seconds it looked like that moment was Me and that's fucking it. 

The possibility of me actually being God it's getting too real, I have been listening to Leo today (his last video blog) and reading some non duality texts and I am understanding them in a whole new other level. I have a retreat planned out soon and I plan to go very deep. I guess I just want reassurance that continuing this path is safe for my sanity.

[BipolarGrowth]

“The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” -Joseph Campbell

It’s probably not much of a concern for your sanity tbh. If it were much of an issue, you would’ve probably had multiple psychotic breaks by now. I’m speaking from experience. I’ve had those psychotic breaks caused by consciousness work and awakening, but I have a pre-existing condition which makes me prone to that. If you do experience a break related to consciousness work, you can always shoot me a PM for support btw. 
 

An important thing to notice is that you were able to dial back your experience of the Truth for the sake of your relative life at your own desire. You were also on a psychedelic then. If you’re close enough to the Truth to encounter it on low doses, is it wise to consume low doses when performing regular activities which may call for a more worldly and grounded expression of yourself? 
 

Ask yourself these questions if they seem useful:

If the Truth is insane by my culture’s standards and I don’t want to be insane, do I want the Truth?

If I am Truth, is it necessary to be conscious of what I am? 

Would I rather have the transcendental goodie (as Alan Watts might say) or the worldly goodie? 

If you are God and God is Goodness/Love among other amazing things, why do you fear anything? 

If You are Eternal, why is there a need for you to rush becoming more conscious of the Truth other than it is simply how you wish to live your life? 

 

[Carl-Richard]

46 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

I guess I just want reassurance that continuing this path is safe for my sanity.

That is what the retreat is for

[caspex]

Man I can relate with that experience. It feels like this is just it and you are done. It's a sudden realization which is multitudes higher than your current understanding and it fucks you up.  For me it has been sudden breaks into the robotic flow of daily life and realizing, "."

[Javfly33]

@BipolarGrowth thanks man those are very good questions thx for the tremendous help ?

[Heart of Space]

The path is not safe for your sanity that's the point.  

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

 I guess I just want reassurance that continuing this path is safe for my sanity.

Worrying and seeking reassurance is just one way of addressing emotion, but that won’t be available on the solo retreat. Lay the foundation for the solo way now. Be prepared. When the thought about yourself arises, don’t fall for it (believing you’re actually thinking you). Instead use the emotional scale, starting at worry. Then on your retreat, the body mind will respond to this more like riding a bike. The higher dose peeling back layers of psyche & beliefs, and the emotional muscle memory of the body mind will work in tandem. I wouldn’t be surprised if you have the time of your life, glimpse infinity, and in hindsight question why there wasn’t “ego death”. Another ‘way’ is complete focus in seeing, hearing, breathing, feeling (contentment on the scale, via non-focus on thought). The trip isn’t really for the trip, it’s for your entire life, and the only actuality of that, is This. 

And keep in mind this is what you’re choosing! You could plan & do whatever, and you’re choosing to do what you want. By all means man, feel good about that. Look forward to the adventure & excitement.  

[The0Self]

@BipolarGrowth I've had psychotic breaks from this work too. Generally they're nothing to worry about, and "I'm gonna go crazy" is just a last ditch effort for the ego to stay hidden -- this isn't about killing the ego, only bringing it to light so often that its influence is released instantly whenever is activated, that way the true personality can shine unhindered ("just be your self" is actually far more profound of a statement than I originally thought).

And I mean true psychotic breaks. I really think it's mostly due to a psychotic break I had from meth before I got into consciousness work: instantly something snapped and I started seeing micro cameras everywhere that I thought aliens had placed and I was the star of an alien tv show where I was getting framed for murder (and rape), I experienced my parents as aliens disguised as my parents, and the hospital I went to was actually appearing to my mind as a disguised police station, but then I realized I was actually the worlds first AGI and this was just a ruse to get me to come in for updates to my system... and that's not even 2% of what transpired... It was BAD. It left a door slightly ajar. Most people need not worry at all about this possibility, but a psychotic break on psychedelics?.. Psychosis almost always involves persecutory delusions... What do you imagine this can look like on psychedelics? That's right, extremely convincing evidence that you're in hell, if you haven't gotten far in this work, but if you have? You will feel yourself to BE the devil. Once emptiness is seen, psychosis loses its teeth though.

Edited April 23, 2021 by The0Self

[BipolarGrowth]

@Javfly33 no problem man. Feel free to PM me if you find yourself wanting more than a forum question/answer context for this kind of stuff. I enjoy having these types of discussions on calls. It’s a good way to bounce ideas and develop with another person’s perspective in mind I’ve found. Not that I have all the answers by any means. I’ve seen you being pretty active on here basically whenever I have been. Your tenacity will pay off — that’s guaranteed. Keep at it, and any temporary worries about the path will certainly resolve themselves as you deepen your experience and understanding. 

[BipolarGrowth]

9 minutes ago, The0Self said:

@BipolarGrowth I've had psychotic breaks from this work too. Generally they're nothing to worry about, and "I'm gonna go crazy" is just a last ditch effort for the ego to stay hidden -- this isn't about killing the ego, only bringing it to light so often that its influence is released instantly whenever is activated, that way the true personality can shine unhindered ("just be your self" is actually far more profound of a statement than I originally thought).

And I mean true psychotic breaks. I really think it's mostly due to a psychotic break I had from meth before I got into consciousness work: instantly something snapped and I started seeing micro cameras everywhere that I thought aliens had placed and I was the star of an alien tv show where I was getting framed for murder, I experienced my parents as aliens disguised as my parents, and the hospital I went to was actually appearing to my mind as a disguised police station, but then I realized I was actually the worlds first AGI and this was just a ruse to get me to come in for updates to my system... and that's not even 2% of what transpired... It was BAD. It left a door slightly ajar. Most people need not worry at all about this possibility, but a psychotic break on psychedelics?.. Psychosis almost always involves persecutory delusions... What do you imagine this can look like on psychedelics? That's right, extremely convincing evidence that you're in hell, if you haven't gotten far in this work, but if you have? You will feel yourself to BE the devil. Once emptiness is seen, psychosis loses its teeth though.

Btw, this isn’t necessarily directed toward you. I’m sure you’re aware of much of this due to your experiences. It’s also here to hopefully give some more context to this question of sanity that might benefit some others who come across this thread. 
 

People here and in nearly all spiritual/religious communities LOVE to demonize psychosis while also talking of God’s infinite nature, infinite love, Goodness, Truth, moral relativism, etc. There’s a lot of implicit hypocrisy in this. “Sane” is one of the most limiting words or concepts when considering true infinity. The idea that there is a box where all acceptable things or states should fit into and everything else is inherently wrong is about as arbitrary and ridiculous as puritanical standards for what women should wear. Psychosis is typically defined as being detached/lost from reality, but it simply is just being detached from other people’s interpretations and experiences. An ant is exponentially more psychotic under the currently accepted definition/connotation of the word than potentially the most out-there schizophrenic could ever be. It has a lot to do with the hardwire/software we have available to us for generating/filtering perception. Some of us simply have come to be prone to different forms of perception and existence. It’s not that these different forms are wrong by any means. To be clear, I’m not trying to glorify psychosis. It can be a hard road to walk, and for some it’s lethal. 
 

Psychosis has the ability to show the true potential of the power of consciousness even more than what many advanced mystics might even be familiar with. People want to talk about if psychedelic states are possible endogenously. Things sometimes far more radical can occur within the human brain. We just don’t like them usually because they’re against our collective and individual survival agendas. 

[Forestluv]

 

2 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I guess I just want reassurance that continuing this path is safe for my sanity.

In a way it is, in another way it isn't. Mind expansion can feel insane. Sometimes it's best to laugh and roll with it, likes its a dream or a movie. Yet other times it can put a strain on the mind and body. I've gone through some twisted, intense domains that knocked me out for a bit. My mind-body was like, "dude, chillout for a while with yoga, breathwork and forest hikes for a while". 

Not entering certain domains or taking breaks does not always mean one is avoiding repressed issues, not willing to look at truth etc. Sometimes it does, yet not always. I've entered places that afterwards I was like "why tf did I go there and engage with that?". Like engaging in a twisted movie that took a toll my mind-body. 

And not just with mind expansion. I've pushed things like running, yoga etc. so hard that I was causing damage to my mind and body. Like I was punishing myself, rather than loving myself. 

[Lyubov]

go listen to some sahdguru, and stop doing drugs if you can't handle your shit 

[Someone here]

3 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

. I guess I just want reassurance that continuing this path is safe for my sanity.

No it isn't. 

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

Worrying and seeking reassurance is just one way of addressing emotion, but that won’t be available on the solo retreat. Lay the foundation for the solo way now. Be prepared. When the thought about yourself arises, don’t fall for it (believing you’re actually thinking you). Instead use the emotional scale, starting at worry. Then on your retreat, the body mind will respond to this more like riding a bike. The higher dose peeling back layers of psyche & beliefs, and the emotional muscle memory of the body mind will work in tandem. I wouldn’t be surprised if you have the time of your life, glimpse infinity, and in hindsight question why there wasn’t “ego death”. Another ‘way’ is complete focus in seeing, hearing, breathing, feeling (contentment on the scale, via non-focus on thought). The trip isn’t really for the trip, it’s for your entire life, and the only actuality of that, is This. 

And keep in mind this is what you’re choosing! You could plan & do whatever, and you’re choosing to do what you want. By all means man, feel good about that. Look forward to the adventure & excitement.  

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

 

@Nahm For sure ??? Thx as always for your thoughtful messages. They go deep?

@Forestluv  Got it. Good point!

@BipolarGrowth Yeah I'll shoot you PM soon I think I can use some of your wisdom 

[Meditationdude]

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

go listen to some sahdguru, and stop doing drugs if you can't handle your shit 

What if you can do drugs and handle your shit? That cool?