Life Progress

[Raptorsin7]

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

Sadhguru claims his wife did because of mahasamadhi. I call bs. I bet that dude killed his wife

[Raptorsin7]

How can you write a book that changes the world when you can't even address your narcissism and grandiosity?

This forum is full of sheep

[Raptorsin7]

At least I have a plan to heal my psychopathology. Will retain all the benefits of being a psycho but without giving off a sick vibe.

I know I'm crazy. 

I also know that the mind has no answers. 

Keep typing paragraphs to yourselves

[Raptorsin7]

Time to find my own voice on this journal. Gotta stop writing like this.

Always something funny to read in zero's journal. 

[Zeroguy]

19 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

 

Always something funny to read in zero's journal. 

Hahahahaha. Just GD madaefing life. 

10-20 years later those ladies will moralize and present themselves as saints hahahaha. With completelly re written past. 

Maybe in some conversation they will call out men for cheating. Hahahahahahahahaha 

 

Edited April 27, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Raptorsin7]

Bitches be crazy

[Raptorsin7]

Yup people who claim i'm not worthy are emotional wrecks and can tell they have no sense of how to fix it. Shocker

[Raptorsin7]

Haha guy who made penis thread and got all this sympathy is a covert narc.

Beware of the victims with sob stories. We are all devils. 

Push comes to shove you will see their true colors

Wow that same guy called me an ingrate because of my child thread. HAHAHAHA. 

That is only kind of person I want to hate. Hopefully I can retain a bit of my edge. 

Edited April 27, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

I am insecure damaged person. Got no problem admitting it

[Raptorsin7]

Yup. I like to differentiate between awakening "in mind" and awakening "in heart".

What I call "being enlightened" is when BOTH your mind AND heart is fully transcended, awakened.

The "heart"-part is the 'hard part' (pun intended) for a lot of atheistic, rational, INTP, Enneagram Five, logical types of people (basically 75% of peeps following Leo).

The heart part is hard because you can't become awakened in it:

- without pushing your comfort zones to the max
- without listening to and allowing ALL of your emotions to come up
- without direct experience, actuality.

The heart part is especially hard because all INTP/Enneagram Fives are most likely not 'real' introverts, or real logicians, or real nerds or real competition/mental-minded aloof people. Their soul is probably filled with a desire to

- FEEL
- CONNECT
- LOVE
- EXPRESS
- DEEPLY BOND WITH OTHERS

However, all their desire to withdraw from society, to think and rationalize everything, to observe (instead of participate in) life, to create firm boundaries with other people in fear of getting too close to someone etc etc.. is VERY LIKELY survival/defense-mechanism learned in childhood (3-18 years old) due to some pretty intense trauma, that they are NOT fully conscious of today.


All fives, intps, go talk to a pyschotherapist, a good one who knows about trauma, and then be honest and open with her (or him) and cry your hearts out. 

Love <3

The trauma probably has to do with early experiences of getting exluded from the peers' community, and perhaps even bullying, or perhaps father-figures who were emotionally inept / detached. But lots of other possible causes out there.

Being awakened in heart is equal to deep inner peace, almost no fear, free expression.

Being awakened in mind is equal to deep knowledge of Oneness, Nothingness, the illusory nature of ego/thought, and basically the perspectival nature of reality. A deep knowledge of the mechanics of duality. A deep understanding of relativism/post-modernism, basically a full embodiment of both stage green & yellow thinking.

Turquoise requires the 'heart' part + fully integration of stage yellow.

Do know that some people are kind-of awakened in heart but pretty asleep in mind. Sociopaths for instance, we could say, zen devils, or some extreme hippies.

Likewise a lot of people on this forum are very much awake in mind but seemingly kind of lack the heart part still ( @VeganAwake, @traveler, im looking at you xD). It is basically another more benevolent form of zen delivery, denying their own unconscious attachment to concepts by masking it with their hillarious/sad nihilistic "no-self / no-one / nothingness / nothing to understand / nothing to attain / nothing to realize / no one to realize / nothing to do / nothing to get to / nothing to become / no one to become" - jargon, which all INTPs/enneagram Fives, including me (i've been there) know all too well =D 

Also guys, now I tagged you for lolz, but you don't have to come in and tell me your repetitious (and often funnily obviously shadow-projective) lines of:

"that's just a belief, narrative, story, conceptual-thinking, cute model"

"that's just what appears there, and it's perfectly fine - for no one"

I got it.

You deny Love.

But even though you deny it, that it still Love. Reality is fucking Love. How could it be otherwise? :-) <3

What an exceptional post @WaveInTheOcean

Edited April 27, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

How much longer can I tolerate being a loser. That's the question.

Surrender to oneness. Don't be afraid of your feelings and being

[Raptorsin7]

Such great music. Too bad the Koreans look down on Indians. 

[Raptorsin7]

I wonder what it will take to fix my character issues. I've felt my personality transform during psych trips and I believe i'm close to accessing those same parts of myself with just weed now, but i've been in this i'm close phase for a few months now and I have been procrastinating hard.

I think it's time for another psych trip. It's long overdue.

Also a good idea to get back into the float tank. The last time I went i tried to leave right after because they have my card on file and I thought they would just charge me. The front desk lady had a bitchy attitude and said I had to check out. I was pretty taken aback, i just want to pay for my float and go in and out without being bothered. I haven't been back since it left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

 

[Raptorsin7]

So many people here are very systematic in how they approach their personal development.

I know I have to work on discipline and growing up, but given my experience with psychs I think it's all about reconnecting with disconnected parts of ourselves and being open to ourselves. 

There was nothing systematic about my crown chakra opening and the popping in my head. It was more internal and physiological. When my jaw unclenched and the tension released it  felt like I aged 1000 years in maturity. This background experience of suffering just went away, exercised out by the sensation in the third eye. 

Someone needs to explain me to how some people on this forum have deep spiritual experience and insight but they are still unhappy and broken. There's always this sense of you don't understand my past or some shit like that. When i had my awakening i was so happy and excited to take on the world, but it was a temporary experience before my conditioning just kinda came back. 

The manic energy i had when I was fighting with everyone has kinda wore off. Interestingly, I was much more productive at work because I was aroused/stimulated from the arguments haha. There's a strong determination that comes from competitiveness and arguing. I wonder if I can learn to channel that at will.

 

[Raptorsin7]

I have some more insight into why I never found Indian woman attractive.

I had negative interactions with virtually all my female relatives. They were very controlling and in many families the mom did everything and took on both  parental roles. I never got any emotional needs from woman in my family, all that happened was i disconnected from parts of myself and ended up with arrest emotional development.

There's no warmth or peace in Indian woman for me. There's just this underlying repulsive/aversive feeling towards them. 

Luckily I still find other woman very attractive, I find very few Indian woman attractive relative to other ethnic groups, and I've had a lot of attention from woman of other races so I think i wouldn't have a problem finding someone great of another ethnicity. I wonder how much of the attraction is based on self hatred vs beauty standards, 

Some Indian woman are very hairy and honestly it's not attractive. I wonder if I was whole if I would find hairy woman attractive haha. 

Natural beauty is very attractive to me. Imagine dating a girl who has to shave her face or arms etc every few days. Omg

@Zeroguy probably understands

 

[Zeroguy]

@Raptorsin7 man I really thought south east asians and white people are the biggest racist but now I beleive everyone are. Maybe it's all the same just the difference btw amount of self directed racism. Those with highest rate of slef directed racism will complain about it the most. 

[Raptorsin7]

1 minute ago, Zeroguy said:

man I really thought south east asians and white people are the biggest racist but now I beleive everyone are.

What made you think this?

I think there are people who have definitely transcended the notion of race, but for most of us it will affect at least some parts of our lives. I bet half ethnicities are least racist

 

[Zeroguy]

@Raptorsin7 When I see Leo dating black chick or indian chick I would beleive that. 

Or sadghuru having  sex with guy.

Regarding "uncoditional and oneness". 

Edited April 29, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Zeroguy]

Also you yourself are giving power to that by having beleif Light skin worth more. Also by wanting girl of other race which you beleive is more worthy based on skin colour. 

So you want something of higher value. Better to let go of that beleif. If you want it make yourself of higher value. You can't just think about something you have to actually do it. 

Edited April 29, 2021 by Zeroguy