Life Progress

[Raptorsin7]

I'm just going to record some thoughts about how my life is going. 

3 days of procrastinating meditating, basically 0 hours.

I know this is it. Right here right now. But i just keep putting off meditating.

Going to do an hour tonight and an hour in the morning.

I want to start making money and getting my shit together.

I got like 50k in savings but idk how to leverage it. I make 17 dollars at my job but it's taking me nowhere. Only good thing is I can listen to podcasts etc while I work. Maybe I can learn some valuable skill through podcasts that can aid in making money.

Dream board I want 1 million dollars. Doesn't work like that, whole premise is off and missing key steps

Edited April 23, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Rilles]

3 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I'm just going to record some thoughts about how my life is going. 

3 days of procrastinating meditating, basically 0 hours.

I know this is it. Right here right now. But i just keep putting off meditating.

Going to do an hour tonight and an hour in the morning.

Start small. If you procrastinate on meditation, do 1 minute. This will trick your mind to sit down. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Rilles Yeah that's a great idea

[Raptorsin7]

My current go to non-dual master. He has an entertaining personality too.

Best quote. I'm a sage... not a saint. That's exactly how I feel about myself. Fuck people who are against me

[Raptorsin7]

Haha I gotta work on how I interact on the forum. I went too hard.

I wonder if I should set a timer for how long I rest as awareness. It seems like I start the process of surrender and then i immediately distract myself.

I'm at a weird spot on the path. I think I'm right here at the gate, but I don't feel a strong urgency to enter. I'm in a trance of procrastination.

Self inquiry is the way. I remember how typing out my current thought process during psych trips helped me surrender because it would hurt when I typed something wrong

[Eternal Unity]

Leo has a fantastic episode about it.

Life Unfolds in Chapters & Phases.

It's from May 2019.

I don't know, however, exactly when he recorded it. Could be earlier.

[Raptorsin7]

@Eternal Unity Yeah i've heard a few people here mention that. 

I'm on the last stage of my life before I stop caring about what stage i'm at haha

Edited April 25, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

I gotta stop getting into arguments with people.

I feel like a melon ready to burst, but then again people end up seeking for 20 years haha. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

I regret all those interactions dam. I feel remorse. 

I have to stop posting so much nonsense and just focus on finishing. I want to move on from this and live my life.

[Raptorsin7]

I wonder what % of men would satisfy what was being talked about in the discussion. There was always a small % of men I never talked to growing up, and everyone else I talked to was more or less a typical man to varying degrees. 

Maybe there lots of emotionally intelligent conscious men walking around.

I don't hold tightly to any beliefs about dating honestly, maybe I should have said that too when giving advice. First and foremost I'd say integrate with no-thing, ala Rupert Spira. He has a great quote, Be in Love and Do Whatever You Want. This is my philosophy first and foremost. If it feels way better to be wrong about all that stuff then i'd happily drop all my conceptions.

I thought it was kind of funny when a bunch of posters insinuated they wouldn't date me haha. I guess because i'm foreword looking I don't put much stock in who I am now because I know how rapidly things change when you can surrender, but I was tempted to respond. I really don't know how many men my age are as conscious as I am, plus I'm tall good looking and I have family money. I think people can sense my psychopathic psychology so i don't blame them for being put off, but if a woman was smart and looked at the trajectory of my life and how my mind will develop I believe overall i'm a total catch.

But I also wouldn't want be interested in the posters either so to each their own. 

I think I look down on too many people here it must come across aggressively. I know some posters trigger me just how they post haha I can't imagine how I make some people feel reading my responses.

But I feel confident that following their advice is a mistake. Give it to god. 

[Raptorsin7]

I need to stop going back and forth with people here I instantly regret it.

I bet If ask 99% of people here are you happy, if they are honest they will say no. It's the blind leading the blind. I know I do this a lot here.

I remeber growing up I said I'd never marry an Indian girl. Most of the woman in my family took on masculine parental roles and I still have an underlying hatred/anger towards my mom. Hearing an Indian girl say she would never date someone like is good karma.

Within 1 year I bet all these women who threw subtle shade would be eager and willing to have me as a partner.

It's so easy to find people who understand non-duality and how to work through chakras. Ha. Give me a break. 95% of men are retarded 

 

Edited April 26, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Preety_India]

@Raptorsin7 I didn't say that I wouldn't date someone like you. I'm sure you're interesting as a person. My point I was trying to put across was that I'd be very unhappy if the person im dating didn't partake in anything that I was interested in, because I always thought that relationships were about sharing mutual passions, that integrate both masculine and feminine Side. 

Don't be disheartened. I'm sure you would find someone to deeply care and love and they will love you back the same. 

I'll leave it to that. 

 

Edited April 26, 2021 by Preety_India

[Raptorsin7]

@Preety_India Thank you

[Raptorsin7]

Okay enough of this nonsense. Let them be. None of these people have what I want. 

Helped about a woman at work and she had huge smile and randomly asked me for date and went out of her way to say bye. Not going to lie most woman I work with not so great but shes probably cutest.

Zero had best advice when he said don't listen to woman about how to attract woman.

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

Interestingly all this anger and hatred has made me more productive at work over the past few days. 

I always did well when push came to shove but it's hard to simulate this in normal life. Anger>Depression but Peace>Anger

[Raptorsin7]

It's all about learning to move through the chakras. Most of us are stick in our lower chakras, stomach, gential etc and it limits us. That's why some people aren't into poetry, beauty etc they have a closed heart(heart chakra). Rapists, murders etc are unsafe and they have unresolved trauma in the lower chakras so they can't move up. 

This is the root of emotional immaturity. People get stuck at a certain chakra pattern. If you open your heart up and then someone bombs your country your heart will close to survive. Aggression and fear will keep you alive, who has time for love. But some people get stuck at that point of development and don't move up. 

Want to be smart. Want to know. Knowing. All pointing to the same experience of an active third eye, upper head chakra. People who live in their heads have an overactive third eye, and they are stuck in their heads and don't experience the other chakras in the body. 

That's how you get a true sociopath. That's why these serial killers etc are so smart. They live in their minds and they are disconnected from their bodies so they can't process the pain, trauma, grief etc.

I honestly want to know how many people on this forum have this level of understanding. 

Edited April 26, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

I've been unconsciously trying to get myself kicked from this forum for months. I've done like 10 things that are worth getting me kicked out haha.

If I go out i want to go out like WinerKnight

[Raptorsin7]

These blow ups are really valuable, the key is just not to do lasting damage. I already have 0 reputation so I don't have to worry about that haha.

I have to get my shit together here and start acting like a god dam adult.

Meditation is the key. 1 hour a day will work wonders if i combine it with some solid habits.

 

[Raptorsin7]

I can feel the anger and hatred just slowly reside in my being it's pretty interesting.

I am so resistant to just sitting down to meditate. This is crazy. 

It's like I just get enough satisfaction from my subtle addictions and I'm content with it.

I believe I can't fall any lower because I can always just become aware of being aware, but I wonder if I can fall further before being done

[Raptorsin7]

That retard is still going off. 

I think when I get a temptation to engage with people on the forum in any sort of charged way I should just come post here. I can feel the pull to go back and forth.

Lol at anyone who thinks Leo is a real non dual teacher. 

Talks about reaching states so deep and conscious that no one has ever met. Can't even fix his own narcissism and schizo. Complete joke