Life Progress

[Raptorsin7]

47 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Wait... what happened? I'm not on here much so idk what's going on lol 

I'll dm you

Edited March 21, 2022 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

A woman I went out with said she sensed a boyish vibe from me, and she doesn't feel sexually interested even though she wants to be friends. AHH so sad. I was hoping this would lead somewhere.

At first I said I am not interested in being friends, but I reconsidered and we had coffee and talked for a while. I think I stand to learn a lot from her no matter what, but still it hurts to be rejected and she has a sexy vibe.

This is a wake up call though. I am not a man, but I must become one. I was planning on doing a small psych trip today, but fuck that, I am upping my dose. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

My greatest desire is to let go of the boy, and to become the man

[Raptorsin7]

1.5g of shrooms later I realize why she wasn't sexually into me.

I have no sexual mastery or confidence. She would essentially be raping me or teaching me like my mother, both of which I'm cool with, but to her there is no appeal, especially given she has options.

She said maybe we would be sexually compatible in 20 years, but I will do this in less than 2 months. 

The archetype i must embody is oberyn Martell. That man has the sex appeal this woman finds desirable.

Idk if I even want to be with her, part of me sais fuck her. But we will see.

Kill the boy inside. Create space for the man 

[Raptorsin7]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSgYZksIoUw

[Asayake]

6 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

1.5g of shrooms later I realize why she wasn't sexually into me.

I have no sexual mastery or confidence. She would essentially be raping me or teaching me like my mother, both of which I'm cool with, but to her there is no appeal, especially given she has options.

She said maybe we would be sexually compatible in 20 years, but I will do this in less than 2 months. 

The archetype i must embody is oberyn Martell. That man has the sex appeal this woman finds desirable.

Idk if I even want to be with her, part of me sais fuck her. But we will see.

Kill the boy inside. Create space for the man 

I have a very similar problem when it comes to dating. Most girls don't look at me sexually, but as someone "cute".

How I've gone about this is that I started strength training to increase my masculine energy. Also I figured maybe if I have a more muscular frame others will percieve me differently and it will make me act more like I am percieved. Today when the online dating competition is so high it really seems to me we as men gotta "max out our stats" to compete. 

Your situation here is uncannily similar to what happened to me 1 year ago. I was feeling on top of the world, had great confidence. Matched with a girl who was hot, she wrote me first which rarely happens to me, it took me by surprise. We went on a date and both had a good time, joking and laughing. But I could tell at the same time she was not into me sexually. Deep down I knew but I really liked her and I really was hoping it could go somewhere. After the date was over she turned me down. I was surprised and sad because it was a fun date and we had a lot in common but deep down I could see it coming. That very evening I tripped on shrooms. The next day I started working out rigourously. I kept it up for about 1 month but I overtrained, got sick and fell off the training. 

This year I'm back with a fury. It's time to become a man.

[Raptorsin7]

4 hours ago, Asayake said:

I have a very similar problem when it comes to dating. Most girls don't look at me sexually, but as someone "cute".

How I've gone about this is that I started strength training to increase my masculine energy. Also I figured maybe if I have a more muscular frame others will percieve me differently and it will make me act more like I am percieved. Today when the online dating competition is so high it really seems to me we as men gotta "max out our stats" to compete. 

Your situation here is uncannily similar to what happened to me 1 year ago. I was feeling on top of the world, had great confidence. Matched with a girl who was hot, she wrote me first which rarely happens to me, it took me by surprise. We went on a date and both had a good time, joking and laughing. But I could tell at the same time she was not into me sexually. Deep down I knew but I really liked her and I really was hoping it could go somewhere. After the date was over she turned me down. I was surprised and sad because it was a fun date and we had a lot in common but deep down I could see it coming. That very evening I tripped on shrooms. The next day I started working out rigourously. I kept it up for about 1 month but I overtrained, got sick and fell off the training. 

This year I'm back with a fury. It's time to become a man.

Thanks for sharing man, it's cool how a lot of your stories are interconnected. I also felt good going into this date, I thought I was calm, confident etc. But I can see pretty clearly why I failed, and where to improve. 

I believe masculinity and manhood comes from embodiment and mastery of our lower chakras. Specifically the solar plexus(stomach) and root/sexual energy centers. On my trip last night I had a moment where I experienced an intoxicating sexual energy coming from my stomach and groin, it was an addictive sexual energy. I could tell in that moment that this sexual energy is what woman respond to, if I was able to embody and display this sexual energy on my date the woman would have felt it in turn and she would have been turned on and into me. She told me she would know within 5 minutes if there was anything sexual that was going to happen, and I believe within those 5 minutes she sensed I did not have access to that energy and so she wasn't stimulated.

I remember thinkin during the trip that this sexual energy is what would make sex interesting and fun, it was so addictive and hits so deep, I'm almost certain that mastery over this specific sensation is the key to sexual mastery and growth.

The path forward for me is greater discipline with my practices, and learning to get in touch with these lower chakras and sexual energy more and more through sober practice, and also through psychidelics

Edited March 22, 2022 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

Kill the boy, and let the man be born

"This is the objective, advance, looking neither right nor left, bore into the thick mass, cost what it may"

Napoleon to Marshal Ney before the battle of Friedlan

[Raptorsin7]

Okay. So here are the best practices/teachings/teachers i've come across in my past few years of being seriously into spirituality and psychology etc. I'll give a brief description of each, and then if any of these peak your interest I can explain more, or send you links and you can ask any questions you have about it.

Basically, the logic behind all these practices is our normal way of being in the world and how we feel and operate is sub optimal. Most people are way more unhappy then they realize, but they are able to repress it with video games, food, porn, woman etc so they may think they are "ok" but they could be operating at way higher levels of well being if they were to pursue it. These practices and teachings are wise people's way of finding happiness and well being in the most optimal and efficient way possible. Although some of the things i'll recommend are stand alone products like books, I really recommend finding a good mentor/teacher because it makes a huge difference. I've done it both ways where I was just doing my own thing, and I've done it where I had a bunch of mentors, and it's clear that mentors will sky rocket your practice.

1. A course in miracles (Book)
This book has two portions. There's a wisdom portion that you can just read for a few minutes per day if you want, and it's designed to get you into a better feeling mood and give you a little blessing essentially. And there's a workbook which consists of 365 exercises to be done once per day, although you can skip days but it recommends you just do 1 per day max. 

The exercises are really good because it's designed to slow and systemtically retrain how you percieve the world. All of us see the world through our own distorted lenses, we don't actually see reality as it is clearly. Imagine a really a hot girl who always says how ugly she is, everyone knows shes hot but she genuinely beliefs she's ugly because of her own fauly thoughts and judgments/feelings etc that she has about herself and the world. That's just one example, but you can apply to that virtually everyone to some degree or another. This book is designed to address that fault perception, and the end result is more mental peace and clarity because you no longer suffer your own distortions and judgments.

2. Koharalan (Mentor) 3 months of coaching for about 3 grand.

This is the best mentor i've ever come across, and i've spent like 50 grand over the past 3 years on therapists/coaches/gurus etc. He has a spiritual approach, and he's the guy who taught me pc clenches so you will learn exercises like that, but he also talks specifically about anxeity on his channel and I bet if you asked him he could provide a lot of great insight and help with your anxiety. You can book a single session first and see if he resonates and you like what he's saying and then go from there. I got an immediate benefit the first call I ever did with him, so 1 call could be really helpful even.

His program takes you through a series of exercises and concepts that are designed to slowly develop your inner strengh and masculinity. You work on bringing energy into the body and that also correlates with aspects of our life. The lower spine/groin energy relates to sexuality, the energy in our stomachs (where anxeity is) relates to feelings of confidence/self worth/value etc, and feelings in the heart relate to how feel about other people and our relationships.

3. Sadhguru's Isha Kriya. This one you have to go to a center in America or Europe, where you spend like 4 days at a retreat and they give you a specific yoga practice.

The practice is incredibly powerful, although I haven't done it yet, I have a good friend I trust who swears by this and said it's one of the best things you can do to improve yourself. The guy who designed this yoga system made it so enhance people's mental functioning in the world, and it also brings greater bliss and mental ease through practice.
It's really good because the practices are simple, it's not like gym yoga where you are doing downard dog and shit like that, it's simple breathing exercises that are very specific and scientific to get max benefit in as little time as possible. I think you will only have to do it about 5-20 minutes per day, and if you are consistent you will be guaranteed results.
My friend said when he was doing this kriya yoga a lot, he could dominate league in perfect flow while having full conversations with his friends. That's how much mental balance you can get from this kind of stuff. 
The downside is you have to go to a center to get the practice, there is something about receiving the teaching from a guru and in the context of the center that his it's own power, and I was skeptical about this too I used to ask my friend why can't he just show me, but I think if you do it the right way and go to the center then you will get max benefit.

4. Sahaja Yoga

This is a simple yoga practice where you chant a mantra for 15 minutes, and then you sit in meditation for 15-60 minutes and surrener your will and basically let a higher intelligence come up with whatever pracitce you need in the moment. I know it sounds woo woo, but this one is really powerful. Basically, if you think about it, there is a higher intelligence within our own bodies that governs our lives. None of us control our blood flow, our digestion, etc. It's all done by a natural intellgience of the body. 
The idea behind this practice is that most of us don't know what is the best thing to do for ourselves in the moment. Each one of us is unqie and so there is no one size fits all for practice. But if you can learn to surrender and allow god/higher power etc/ to come up with whatever practice you need in the moment, it can be incredibly powerful.

Let me know if you have any questions

I wrote this for a friend, but i may as well share this here too

Edited March 22, 2022 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

A course in miracles is fucking incredible. What a divine book.

I don't think I can go a day without reading this book

[Asayake]

7 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

A course in miracles is fucking incredible. What a divine book.

I don't think I can go a day without reading this book

I'm going to read this next. I am currently reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and he actually mentions A Course in Miracles in the beginning of the book as one of the spiritual texts that helped him understand his awakenings.

[Raptorsin7]

On 3/24/2022 at 3:20 PM, Asayake said:

I'm going to read this next. I am currently reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and he actually mentions A Course in Miracles in the beginning of the book as one of the spiritual texts that helped him understand his awakenings.

Yeah I highly recommend it.

Its incredibly insightful and wise. I'm hooked right now.

I've read some stories about people not enjoying it, I'm curious to understand why. But for me it's like perfect for where I'm at.

I can feel this book working on my brain when doing the exercises. This is near the top of my list of practices, if not number 1 

[Raptorsin7]

Well I think I hate league of legends, so idk what i'm going to do. I've always believed I would do something related to video games, but I hate that fucking game, and I think video games in general are just not that great. 

I really have no idea what to do here. I like my job I guess so maybe I could get more hours at my job, but I still wish I didn't have to work there and could just travel and live nomadically. 

I think I'll try and continue to set up a schedule for my practices, and then I'll see how I feel about league and video games. 

I think what's clear is that in my current state of mind/being video games are worthless to play. Maybe if I have some major emotional shifts with psychidelics I would consider playing and doing something with games, but unless that happens I just hate playing and i'm better off finding other ways to spend my time

[RendHeaven]

4 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I think what's clear is that in my current state of mind/being video games are worthless to play. Maybe if I have some major emotional shifts with psychidelics I would consider playing and doing something with games, but unless that happens I just hate playing and i'm better off finding other ways to spend my time

This is pretty crazy and awesome to read coming from you, I love seeing your open-mindedness in action.

I think my first memory of you on this forum is a little debate we had over whether or not a video-game centered life purpose was high consciousness or not.

I think I argued that no, video games are too inherently attention-trapping to be a medium of genuine spirituality while you argued that yes, high consciousness can be brought to any medium. In hindsight we were probably both myopic. Obviously there is no right or wrong or high or low here and we were probably both right from our own POVs.

But it's just cool to see your shifting stance overtime. And of course my stance has changed drastically as well, I no longer have the desire to "argue" for any particular worldview.

[Raptorsin7]

21 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

This is pretty crazy and awesome to read coming from you, I love seeing your open-mindedness in action.

I think my first memory of you on this forum is a little debate we had over whether or not a video-game centered life purpose was high consciousness or not.

I think I argued that no, video games are too inherently attention-trapping to be a medium of genuine spirituality while you argued that yes, high consciousness can be brought to any medium. In hindsight we were probably both myopic. Obviously there is no right or wrong or high or low here and we were probably both right from our own POVs.

But it's just cool to see your shifting stance overtime. And of course my stance has changed drastically as well, I no longer have the desire to "argue" for any particular worldview.

Thanks, yeah there are probably hundreds of statements i've made on this forum that I would go back and disavow in hindsight.

With video games, I think the only way a LP centered on them can work is if you have a genuine love for the game, or you are already so developed that you could essentially do anything in a high conscious way and you just happened to choose video games. 

I've been kind of dead set on doing something related to video games for a few years now, but now that i'm closer to actually having something to share, I'm becoming more skeptical about whether this is the path for me. 

I've had experiences with psychidelics where my coordination and reflexes were dramatically enhanced, and in that context I think it would be cool to do something related to video games, but I still can't reach that mental space consistently, and until I can video games are a complete sink and any significant time I pour into them just feels pointless

[Raptorsin7]

 

[Raptorsin7]

Psychidelics are soo good. Man. 

But even after a really good trip, well being still alludes me.

I am the devil and I am the only obstacle. It's like I know how to surrender, I know what surrender means, but I want to be a devil. The me typing this can only exist as long as I resist surrender, and so here I am.

I wish I was a more capable and better feeling devil haha. What a world.

Pure madness

[Raptorsin7]

I am a shitty fucking devil haha. I fucking suck.

Haha, it's funny because I know I'm a devil, and I know why I suffer. But i'm not even a good devil, why am I so incapable? 

Effortless mindfulness and psychidelics is so powerful. This is where true healing happens

[Raptorsin7]

The trap with psychidelics is you can feel like you are making significant progress, but in reality you can spin your wheels with glimpses and tastes. 

This trip felt great, but I still didn't resolve the core trauma that is preventing peace and well being. I was on the door step, but I didn't see it through. Even that terminology is misleading because you will never see it through, you have to surrender any sense of a subject doing something.

The biggest insight from this trip is, there is god's will and you surrender your will too it. All these insights seem fleeting and temporary, I think just continuing to persist and relying on direct experience is the path forward.

I'm getting way better at handling nausea. There are subtle feelings that can be tuned into, I think that's another key lesson

[Raptorsin7]

 

I'm going to do this program. It's a two day online workshop.

I'm really excited for this one