When people show their true colors?

[Preety_India]

How do you deal with someone who gets icy and cold and abruptly walks away. Someone who is friendly to you to get their job done and then suddenly shows their icy side when they no longer need you. Basically they show you their true colors and you realize they were a sham all along. Cheap and shallow with all their kindness talk. 

But behind closed doors they are a snake in the grass slithering their way into your life only to hurt you while walking out. 

 

[Waken]

A suggestion I got from Conversations with God when someone judges you (I thought might apply to your case too): "if someone judges you, see if their judgement is something you are having about yourself or if there is something in you that could use that friction". Wanted to share, as I found it a little gem:)

[Rilles]

Depends. What relation do you have to this person? Is it your boss. Then you might have to be stoic about it. If its your boyfriend then tell him how you feel or if he keeps up his behaviour dump him.

Edited April 23, 2021 by Rilles

[Preety_India]

@Rilles neither boss nor boyfriend. 

Friends. 

 

[Rilles]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Rilles neither boss nor boyfriend. 

Friends. 

 

Then be bold and confront them. ??

[mandyjw]

It helps to realize that they don't really HAVE true colors, the same way that WE aren't always our best selves. Sometimes when we see people in the best possible light, it feels amazing, but if there's any sort of insecurity of needing them to keep being that way, we get sort of stuck in that. We believe that our positive image of them defines them, until something happens that shows us that what they are is much more fluid than we thought. Any thought and judgement about people is always a snap shot in time. A snap shot often seems like a good representation, but it's never the person. The reality is fluid, always changing. This can make us feel insecure and so we double down on trying to get a snap shot, surrounding us with people we believe that we can trust, and that only makes us feel even more vulnerable and insecure. As you get more unconditional you start to get in touch with your own power. It's like mother nature, sure, she is gentle, nurturing, and it's easy to see that on a nice sunny day. But you don't expect her to be that all the time. When you are more unconditional you can appreciate the sound of the pouring rain and the thunder, instead of being caught in it unaware, surprised and feeling betrayed because you know that's just one of her many forms. Then if you're there after it clears, appreciating Her at the right place and the right time, you might see her true colors, the whole spectrum of them in a rainbow. 

 

Edited April 23, 2021 by mandyjw

[Opo]

6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Someone who is friendly to you to get their job done and then suddenly shows their icy side when they no longer need you. 

If you develop authentic niceness you'll automatically notice if someone is faking it. 

Before that if someone is being too nice don't get paranoid but don't trust them. 

[Michael569]

7 hours ago, Preety_India said:

But behind closed doors they are a snake in the grass slithering their way into your life only to hurt you while walking out. 

I think the attempt is not to hurt anyone, the attempt is to get as much as possible, damn the costs or consequences.  Hurting others is always only a nasty side effect of ruthless selfishness. Best way? Cut ties, forever. 

[Nahm]

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

How do you deal with someone who gets icy and cold and abruptly walks away.

Why in the world do you want someone icy & cold to stick around?

Quote

Someone who is friendly to you to get their job done and then suddenly shows their icy side when they no longer need you. Basically they show you their true colors and you realize they were a sham all along. Cheap and shallow with all their kindness talk. 

But behind closed doors they are a snake in the grass slithering their way into your life only to hurt you while walking out. 

Now it kinda sounds like you’re judging them... which is a bit icy & cold. Comparisons dilute, rather than unify.

[Guest EmptyVase]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Now it kinda sounds like you’re judging them... which is a bit icy & cold. Comparisons dilute, rather than unify.

Reminds me of an insight I had some time ago. I noticed that the things I criticized about others, could perfectly be criticized about me, as I embodied them myself. It's sort of a self-disgust seen in, and projected on, other people. The way you see the world is a reflection of how you see (=think about) yourself.

*or in other words, the way you perceive the world is the way you perceive yourself

Edited April 23, 2021 by EmptyVase

[Nahm]

@EmptyVase

Oh God yes. Sometimes I laugh about once believing in “spiritual teachers”... while my wife and kids are the guru’s. Can they just stop showing me my true colors for five minutes please!! Lol!

[mandyjw]

 

[Guest EmptyVase]

20 minutes ago, Nahm said:

... while my wife and kids are the guru’s. Can they just stop showing me my true colors for five minutes please!! Lol!

So true!!! ???

[Preety_India]

None of these are helpful.