Does Success Hurt Woman's Dating Chances

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

 

I think that you're saying this out of a lot of bitterness because you can clearly see that she has a superior argument.. 

Personally @Emerald I'm an ardent fan of her channel, I really love her content and she presents it with such great  depth that it gives me the impression that she has a profound knowledge and she knows what she is talking about and this can only happen if a person speaks from experience. I like her takes on animus integration, jungian psychology, shadow work, enlightenment, she also brings in many guests and she is a true seeker on the spiritual path, she has been a great addition to the forum and she has been so for so many years now and I like how she always speaks with conviction and doesn't compromise with truth just to pander to people, she doesnt like to sugarcoat which is a mark of a true seeker. 

I think @Raptorsin7 your critique of her channel is baseless and bitter and unfair given that so many benefit from her channel. 

She has come so far and she had some tremendous experiences last year that have sharpened her knowledge even more. 

Not only is she passionate and great at succinctly explaining her concepts, she is very knowledgeable and experienced in her field and she possesses great intuitive skill which is absolutely needed in this kind of work to understand complex truths about reality. 

 

 

Thank you for the kind words! ?

[Zeroguy]

Attracted to intellect? For me it's a huge turn on. 

Most men are afraid of smart women but I am not. 

With normal vibe ofcourse. 

Edited April 25, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Raptorsin7]

@Emerald Okay I completely acknowledge that attacking your spiritual ability was unnecessary and childish.

I don't what exactly you are disagreeing with about my perspective. If you bring up a specific point i'd be happy to discuss it.

As far as lacking experience, you don't have the relationship dynamic I want. Just I because I haven't been in a close relationship doesn't mean I don't see people around me and notice certain patterns about what's happening. I do believe that your personality/life experience makes you unique when it comes to finding a partner. We are speaking to different parts of the spiral and how they are embodied.

I appreciate you staying on point with good charity through the discussion though

As far as what I want in a relationship and me running into problems I'm not worried. The most important thing I'm going to look for is if she is a loving person, I can literally feel myself changing as a person because of learning real meditation and I know what it looks like in other people.

Edited April 25, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Zeroguy]

Pick your side.

@modmyth

Closer to Reality. 

[Zeroguy]

It's exactly true most women and girls I had in life came from shared social circle. 

No need for tinder, facebook whatever. 

Even some stranger is still known by some of people I know. 

Constant exansion of circle and always new possible ladies. 

Girla from clubs=one night stands or "relationship" I don't really care about. 

[Consept]

Just to throw my 2 pence in, I'm 36 and have had a few relationships, usually fairly long, longest being 8 years on and off. When I was in that relationship I didn't have anything, didn't really have a clear purpose, although I had started down the line of entrepreneurship, I was still working in a supermarket. So basically I was attractive physically and maybe in terms of conversation but that was about it. So obviously I wasn't picked for stability, having said that the woman I was seeing wanted desperately for me to upgrade, because she wanted I certain lifestyle. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, why wouldn't she want what she wants? But I felt a lot of pressure because she was very ambitious and I was trying my best but couldn't keep up. To be honest I felt kind of trapped. She hated paying for me for anything btw so that made it more difficult, plus I didn't really want her to pay anyway. It ended eventually, but we still talk and she's a good person. 

Now since then, I've made more money, got my own place, car etc. During this time I've had about 3 or 4 relationships, what I will say is money is nowhere near a main factor for the women I've dated but if you don't have it I could see it being a concern. It's not necessarily the money itself, I think they want to do certain things with their life and they need someone who can be on that level and is able to do them. 

So regarding this subject, from my perspective I definitely like a woman who's got something going on, but I think if she's competing with you or she's earning a lot more than you, there will be difficulties as she's in a different lifestyle than you. This is the problem I've highlighted on several posts, if a woman is earning a certain amount it shrinks her eligible pool of men, by her choice. You may say you don't see this, I've got a feeling it might be more prevelant in the black community for whatever reason, but I see a lot of black women having trouble with this situation and I know them personally. I don't think it's good enough to say black men are bad, which is what I hear from black women or there's 'where have all the good men gone', if women are choosing 'bad men' then that's on them. 

In general, of course men are not going to be attracted to masculine women, unfortunately some women feel they have to become masculine to be successful, hence why it appears success can hurt womens dating opportunities, add to that their new found high standards not based on what attracts men. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Consept This is a problem in the Indian community in Canada too. The men were babied and coddled, and the woman were forced to be more responsible and now you have a situation where many more woman are educated than man, and the Indian community values intelligence and education.

The result is a shortage of eligble Indian men for Indian woman. Many of these woman are first-second generation immigrants who's parents weren't educated. It is clear to say that many Indian woman effectively hurt their dating/marriage prospects because of their decision to get highly educated.

I know you guys like to judge/look down upon stage blue around here but it's a real thing

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Emerald Okay I completely acknowedege that attacking your spiritual ability was unnecessary and chidlish. 

I don't what exactly you are disagreeing with about my perspective. If you bring up a specific point i'd be happy to discuss it.

As far as lacking experience, you don't have the relationship dynamic I want. Just I because I haven't been in a close relationship doesn't mean I don't see people around me and notice certain patterns about what's happening. I do believe that your personality/life experience makes you unique when it comes to finding a partner. We are speaking to different parts of the spiral and how they are embodied.

I appreciate you staying on point with good charity through the discussion though

When I began the discussion, I had assumed you to be around my age and I was primarily trying to show you how the assumption on the original post is incorrect in my experience.

And I will often post on posts that are discouraging of female empowerment for the sake of any girls/women who might be passing through who might have low self-esteem and stuff like that... who might actually suppress their interests fearing it will make them less attractive. 

That was the original intention.

But then I read through and realized your age and lack of relationship experience. And I also heard you say something to the effect that you avoid relationship because you want to stay together with the first person you’re in a relationship with.

And this is a losing strategy. 

You have to find out what you actually want in a relationship. And that’s not something that you can discover in the abstract.

You might believe you like this dynamic in your mind. But often, the reality doesn’t give you what you were expecting in the ideal.

Basically, you’re sacrificing personal experience of reality and the ability to learn about yourself and grow in favor of an ideal that you may end up finding unfulfilling anyway.

This is a sexual example that I’m using as an analogy, but it holds up. When I was a teenager before I had had sex or a relationship, I had certain ideas in my head about what I would like sexually. And it was mostly based on the references I’d seen to certain positions and stuff like that. And then, in the experience of my first sexual relationship, I discovered that I liked totally different things from what I thought I would.

And this was also true in all the non-sexual aspects of relationship too. This was just the example that was easiest to illustrate.

You learn these things about yourself in relationship in ways you could never do without the experience. And that initial charge you get in the beginning of an attraction is just a flash in the pan, and it won’t tell you about what you really want in a full-fledged relationship.

[Zeroguy]

How to meet successful women? 

You yourself have to be successful. 

She won't be part of your social circle. 

How I know all celebs here and their families and successful people of all sorts even if they don't belong to my profession? 

Because it's all connected. 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Consept said:

This is the problem I've highlighted on several posts, if a woman is earning a certain amount it shrinks her eligible pool of men, by her choice. You may say you don't see this, I've got a feeling it might be more prevelant in the black community for whatever reason, but I see a lot of black women having trouble with this situation and I know them personally. I don't think it's good enough to say black men are bad, which is what I hear from black women or there's 'where have all the good men gone', if women are choosing 'bad men' then that's on them. 

This is a typical problem of black communities though, not true of other communities. 

If I've to be very honest without coming off as offensive, and apologies in advance if I did, whenever I think of success in the black community, it's usually the image of some black woman that pops up, like Oprah Winfrey or Beyonce or Michelle Obama.  I think when I think of successful black men, it's usually some NBA player like Kobe, which is actually a physical activity 

Of course success can be anything but my estimate or speculation is that academically speaking, the women in the black community do far better than the men and then it elevates their financial status making it difficult for them to find black men on the same level. However this problem can be resolved if majority of black men worked hard and accomplished more and secured a better life financially then it would be much better and easier for black women, the solution would be to upgrade yourself rather than downgrade her progress. 

 

[Zeroguy]

You won't be able to even meet anyone of "higher social status" by working 9-17 job. 

So it's always about you and noone else. 

But I still pick "mundane" lady. 

Less headache and less shit to deal with. 

Edited April 25, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

You won't be able to even meet anyone of "higher social status" by working 9-17 job. 

So it's always about you and noone else. 

But I still pick "mundane" lady. 

Less headache and less shit to deal with. 

That was like the greatest point lol. How did I miss that?

 

[wwhy]

3 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

What did you find contradictory, I have a pretty clear picture in my mind I can resolve any inconsistencies you find.

You say you have high standards, but at the same time think a successful woman is masculine.

How can you have high standards when you cannot even clearly communicate at-least 5 things you want in a partner? You did not answer, because that will pin you down, and your game is to be as controversial and vague as possible at the same time. You are just trolling everyone here.

[wwhy]

5 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Yes. There are plenty of other aspects of my life that gives me fulfillment. A guy isn't an end all be all. I want a relationship but I don't need one. 

I have journaled about this in the past so that's why this is so detailed lol. I wrote down this list when I was 16 I think to be clear about my standards because I didn't want to waste my time with guys who don't value me or who aren't healthy. 

1. Respect 

• He has to respect himself by not being a pushover. He has boundaries and is able to communicate them in a healthy way. 
• He has to respect other people regardless of race, sexuality, gender, and differences of opinion. We need to have similar political opinions and values.
• He has to be mildly mannered and keep his cool most of the time. I don’t play with anger issues. But when he is angry, he is able to express that in a healthy way. 
• He has to respect his surroundings as in he is not a slob nor is he someone who destroys things out of anger. 
• He has to respect me, my values, and my cultural identity and be open minded when it comes to dealing with my life. 
• He respects people enough to break up with them and be upfront about any issues in the relationship and not cheat. 

2. Genuine

• He has to have his own identity, ambitions, and hobbies. I need him to have a life so he is not clingy
• He has to have passion in his life in the sense he does things because he actually cares not because of any physical pleasure nor for an ego boost. 
• He is honest in action and in word. He has his own strong sense of morality that he can back up without having to rely on other people to tell him what to do. A strong sense of integrity is a must. 
• He has a humble and quirky side to him. He and I have to be able to be weird and comfortable together. 
• He has to have a sense of humor that is similar to mine and isn't rude or immature. I am including this in the list mainly because some people have a sense of humor that tends to annoy the hell out of me.
• He is not materialistic or shallow

3. Informed / Open minded

• He is well educated and has informed opinions. He knows what is going on in the world. It doesn't mean that he has a fancy degree but rather he is committed to self education. 
• When he encounters something unknown to him, he tries to understand it. He’s open minded. He is up for any new experiences, whether it be travelling to new places, tasting new foods, trying new hobbies, etc.
• He knows what he is doing in life and is not prone to making impulse decisions financially, personally, nor professionally. 

4. Supportive 

• He is supportive when it comes to my decisions and dreams in life. He tries to push me toward my goals and helps me become a better person. 
• He is empathetic and emotionally / mentally there for me.

5. Stable

• He has his life together, is ambitious, and has major life plans. I am the type of person who can listen to most people’s hopes and dreams all day and not get bored, so basically, ambition is a must.
• Financially, he is smart with his money and does not spend on unnecessary things. I don’t care about whether or not he makes more than me, but he still needs to have some sort of sustainable income or plan to do so, because in order to manage money well, you still need to have money in the first place. My man is not going to be a bum that leeches off of me. We also have to be comfortable with talking about money. This isn’t a superficial thing (hell I don’t even mind being a sugar mama) but it’s more based on stability and practicality so we aren’t on the streets. This is also important since many relationships end because of money issues. (This is more of something I would consider in a long term situation)
• He is not a serial monogamist. He doesn’t need to jump to a new relationship as soon as one ends because he is comfortable and stable when it comes to being on his own. I don’t want someone who will end up being co-dependent on me and expect me to complete him because he is in a constant need of validation through having a girlfriend. We need to be able to be two separate people with separate lives who don’t necessarily need one another but much rather want to be around one another. I don't like clinginess because I do tend to be pretty independent and clingy guys are pretty suffocating. 
• He can’t be on drugs. Now, the occasional alcohol or weed is fine, but it can’t to a point where he is addicted or he binges when he gets the chance. That said, I’m obviously not going to tolerate hard drugs, but I’m also not going to tolerate vaping or smoking on the regular mainly because I find smoking an absolutely disgusting habit that straight up repulses me.
• He is comfortable with vulnerability: He can express himself and his feelings towards me. He can communicate what he is going through responsibly and constructively. Vulnerability is important because that is the way the relationship can grow in the first place. I don’t want to date someone who is emotionally constipated and can be open with me. If he can’t be open with me, it is going to make it harder for me to be open with him.

6. Self-Aware

• He is self-aware. He needs to be emotionally open to himself and me so that we can actually get to know each other well. He needs to know himself enough to where he can recognize his own short comings as well as take steps to be better. I feel that self-awareness is key to keeping a relationship healthy because it helps you more efficiently communicate with your partner since you know where you stand and how to articulate your needs, concerns, etc.
• He has to be dedicated to working on himself, being a good person, and seek growth regularly. I consider myself as someone who has worked on herself immensely and personally, I feel like I need someone who has put in that type of work in himself as well. 
• His communication skills are excellent. I don’t want to deal with someone who is passive aggressive, a liar, or deceptive. If something is bothering him or something needs talking about, he isn’t afraid to be vulnerable and express his point of view of the situation. He isn’t going to expect me to read his mind and pick up on overly subtle signs as though he is a kid. Lastly, He isn’t going to bottle everything up in our relationship.

In addition to all of this I also have a short list of preferences. But the stuff I mentioned above are requirements. If a guy meets everything above but doesn't meet my preferences, I'm willing to go out with him. If a guy meets some of my preferences or hell all of my preferences but he doesn't meet one of the requirements, I'm not willing to go out with him.  

I think people tend to want to date those who are on their level. I'm sure the guy I'm looking for who has the above qualities are looking for a girl similar to that as well. I try to embody what I look for in a partner. 

Impressive. Someone who knows what they want and can clearly articulate it. @Raptorsin7 I hope you are taking notes...

[Raptorsin7]

2 minutes ago, wwhy said:

You say you have high standards, but at the same time think a successful woman is masculine.

If I meet a woman who is a partner at a law firm and works 90 hours a week and expects me to value that the same way woman value highly successful men I wouldn't find that attractive. It takes a masculine woman to become that kind of success.

4 minutes ago, wwhy said:

How can you have high standards when you cannot even clearly communicate at-least 5 things you want in a partner? You did not answer, because that will pin you down, and your game is to be as controversial and vague as possible at the same time. You are just trolling everyone here.

You are a joke. I listed you 5 things. You just didn't read them and instead chose to attack me. 

[Preety_India]

11 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

If I meet a woman who is a partner at a law firm and works 90 hours a week and expects me to value that the same way woman value highly successful men I wouldn't find that attractive. It takes a masculine woman to become that kind of success.

This honestly sounds like a stereotype to me. There's a lot of feminine hard working women. You're associating looks with work. 

These women aren't too oriented to fashion and beauty, because clearly they aren't in that field, it would look ridiculous if they did excessive makeup or fashion coming to work, but this does not mean that they come home and don't look after their husbands and kids. I'm sure most have a loving kind side to them. 

Your definition of femininity is very limited. 

 

[wwhy]

28 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

If I've to be very honest without coming off as offensive, and apologies in advance if I did, whenever I think of success in the black community, it's usually the image of some black woman that pops up, like Oprah Winfrey or Beyonce or Michelle Obama.  I think when I think of successful black men, it's usually some NBA player like Kobe, which is actually a physical activity

 

Hmmm... Beyonce. I wonder who she is married to. And that Michelle Obama too... I just wonder how successful them men they are with are.

[Raptorsin7]

@Preety_India That's fair, I acknowledge it's possible to balance both

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, wwhy said:

Hmmm... Beyonce. I wonder who she is married to. And that Michelle Obama too... I just wonder how successful them men they are with are.

Yes they have found successful men. Kinda goes against the general rhetoric of the thread. But I get what you mean. 

 

[wwhy]

"If I meet a woman who is a partner at a law firm and works 90 hours a week and expects me to value that the same way woman value highly successful men I wouldn't find that attractive. It takes a masculine woman to become that kind of success."

This is non-sense. You have this limiting belief that success means being a lawyer working 90 hours a week in a job you hate. There are lots of people in this world earning heaps of money doing jobs they love. Open up your mind!

You are a joke. I listed you 5 things. You just didn't read them and instead chose to attack me.

You listed 5 words. That's hardly what I'd call articulate, especially from someone who claims to have high standards.