Does Success Hurt Woman's Dating Chances

[Derek White]

12 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Any man here who has some sense of Leo's personality disposition from his posts, imagine dating a woman who had similar traits or a similar lifestyle. 

A female Leo? Wouldn't that be someone like Emerald?

I don't think Leo's a good example because his work is so inter-twined with his life. If you were his partner he would discuss his ideas with you I guess. Most people's work is not so inter-twined with their life. 

A good way to imagine would be a female teacher, realtor, or someone who has a 9-5 job or is a business owner. Jobs like that are different from what Leo does. Leo basically just shares his ideas with us. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Derek White I wouldn't consider someone working as a teacher a successful, career oriented person. If you are working 30-40 hours a week I think it's possible to balance life with a family, especially if your kids are in school.

I'm talking about a person who wants to be very successful at what they do. A successful lawyer, doctor etc will be putting in 60-100 hours a week in their career for many years if they expect to reach a high level in that field. Imagine dating a successful attorney working 90 hours a week. How attractive is that?

[Arcangelo]

12 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

If you love your children you aren't going to manipulate the person they are closest too. 

No. Precisely because they love their children they manipulate the person they are closest too. OFC this isn't love with a capital L is love with lowercase letters.

Take my step mom for example. I love my 3yo half brother but my step mom is dumb enough to buy him ice cream and all sorts of junk food. You name it: Fried chicken, chocolates, cheetos, McDonald's meals etc...

I would love to be able to manipulate her into not buying him those poisons.

[Preety_India]

One observation that I made about career driven women is this and it's interesting. 

It's coming from older women in my  neighborhood who are thrice my age. 

Some of these women were housewives and some of them had careers.  

whenever I observed their conversations, I saw that the women who were housewives always talked in childish ways, lot of immaturity and no knowledge about current trends and events and incapable of understanding the struggles of the present generation. They had no exposure and therefore far removed from the experiences of their children. And since they weren't able to relate, their solutions to present day situations faced by their children were completely out of touch with reality.  Talking to them was like talking to a wall. These women also gossiped a lot more. 

However this wasn't the case with the women who had some sort of career while being married and raising children. They showed greater maturity and understanding of current social issues. They weren't into gossip and more into constructive analysis of situations and contributed much to a conversation, and funny, smart and oriented to seeking meaningful solutions to present day issues, they could easily relate to their children's problems and it wasn't very hard to make them understand modern day struggles. They were surely in touch with reality and did not say delusional things 

They were aware and far more informed than the other group of women. 

 

[Derek White]

23 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Derek White I wouldn't consider someone working as a teacher a successful, career oriented person. If you are working 30-40 hours a week I think it's possible to balance life with a family, especially if your kids are in school.

I'm talking about a person who wants to be very successful at what they do. A successful lawyer, doctor etc will be putting in 60-100 hours a week in their career for many years if they expect to reach a high level in that field. Imagine dating a successful attorney working 90 hours a week. How attractive is that?

Okay, you should have specified that you mean women who work long hours.

I don’t think anyone would want to with someone who doesn’t have time to spend with them. 

Also, it depends on what type of lawyer or a doctor you are, some don’t work that long.

[intotheblack]

51 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Imagine dating someone like Leo. The traits required to be a successful entrepreneur pursuing their purpose are not attractive. 

I remember in Leo’s dating post a few month back, one of his ‘requirements’ was that the woman be independent. 

Really though, who wants to have someone financially dependant upon them for the long haul? Just sounds a bit ludicrous. 

[Preety_India]

@Raptorsin7 I think being a super busy person applies to both men and women.  And so it's going to be difficult to have a relationship with someone who is that busy, regardless of gender. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

59 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Imagine dating someone like Leo. The traits required to be a successful entrepreneur pursuing their purpose are not attractive. 

Not everyone is born wealthy. If you don't want someone who is independent you better be prepared for providing them single handedly for a long time. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

3 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

Really though, who wants to have someone financially dependant upon them for the long haul? Just sounds a bit ludicrous. 

If you are a high earning person it's not realistic to expect your partner to also be high earning. Imagine him saying I don't want to take care of anyone and i want someone who can independently afford my life style. Idk men who think like this, it's nonsense. 

I think you're scarred by the dynamic between your parents and so there's a part of you that will always worry about being dependent and left alone if your partner decides to end it. 

What is your plan? Have kids and then go out and earn a bunch of money so if your husband decides to leave you are good to go? Why would you be with someone who that was an option for?

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Raptorsin7 said:

If you are a high earning person it's not realistic to expect your partner to also be high earning. Imagine him saying I don't want to take care of anyone and i want someone who can independently afford my life style. Idk men who think like this, it's nonsense. 

I think you're scarred by the dynamic between your parents and so there's a part of you that will always worry about being dependent and left alone if your partner decides to end it. 

What is your plan? Have kids and then go out and earn a bunch of money so if your husband decides to leave you are good to go? Why would you be with someone who that was an option for?

That's because nothing is decided in life and we can only navigate through life based on current paradigms and past experiences to guide us 

The human brain is trained to depend on memory for guidance.  

Marriage doesn't come with a guarantee. A marriage doesn't necessarily break down because someone is incompatible or bad. There can be many factors for why a marriage doesn't work anymore. 

And you cannot decide how a person is going to be in a marriage. Today they are committed, tomorrow they could be cheating.. You need your lifeboat in case of emergency. So you need to have plan B ready for circumstances in life. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

And you cannot decide how a person is going to be in a marriage. Today they are committed, tomorrow they could be cheating.. You need your lifeboat in case of emergency. So you need to have plan B ready for circumstances in life. 

Anyone with any sense can tell the character of a person. Low character people who would do that are easy to spot. Some people get fooled, but it's not the norm that someone can decieve you that level.

Why would a man with a happy life want to cheat on his wife and disrupt the relationship that will affect his own quality of life and his childrens'. 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Anyone with any sense can tell the character of a person. Low character people who would do that are easy to spot. Some people get fooled, but it's not the norm that someone can decieve you that level.

Why would a man with a happy life want to cheat on his wife and disrupt the relationship that will affect his own quality of life and his childrens'. 

Because people do what they want to do. Not everyone is sane and wise enough to think about their children. It's like addiction. Why are people addicts? Doesn't that impair the quality of their life?

Same way.. 

[intotheblack]

11 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

think you're scarred by the dynamic between your parents and so there's a part of you that will always worry about being dependent and left alone if your partner decides to end it. 

What is your plan? Have kids and then go out and earn a bunch of money so if your husband decides to leave you are good to go? Why would you be with someone who that was an option for?

Actually, it was my mother who ended it, eventually. 
 

But no. Actually, my plan is that I have no definite plan, because I can’t see the future.  The only person here is me. Marriage rarely last a lifetime. You should have yourself as a backup, should plans not go as predicted.

May I ask why do you feel so strongly about having this traditional marriage? Is it because this was the setup with your parents?  

[intotheblack]

7 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Anyone with any sense can tell the character of a person. Low character people who would do that are easy to spot. Some people get fooled, but it's not the norm that someone can decieve you that level.

Why would a man with a happy life want to cheat on his wife and disrupt the relationship that will affect his own quality of life and his childrens'.

You realise that feelings and people change right?  How you feel when you fist meet is different to in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years?  Did you have a serious relationship before? 

Edited April 24, 2021 by intotheblack

[intotheblack]

Also, if you are a man who is focussed on being ‘masculine’ and pursuing your life purpose,  then a dependent woman is going to hold you back, sorry.  There are gonna be times when you are distant and busy, so at these times what is needed is a woman who is independent and can handle that, without feeling overly abandoned.  Just occupying herself with children won’t cut it. A person needs a partnership where both can pursue different things outside of the relationship. If there is an imbalance there, it will seep into the relationship over time and build up up resentment. Someone will always feel abandoned, if they don’t have their own stuff going on. 

[mandyjw]

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Derek White No one's saying money doesn't matter absolutely, it just doesn't matter to men the same way it matters to woman in choosing a partner.

And that middle class man who values money will value his partner's looks and femininity over her bank account 9 times out of 10. 

There's also incredible value in having a partner. A woman capable of inspiring and lighting up a man's life will enhance his ability to earn money, even if she is just a house wife doing nothing but raising kids

 

[soos_mite_ah]

I was just skimming through the comments and damn.... some of yall sound like yall are stuck in the 1950s..... 

[Raptorsin7]

@soos_mite_ah Do you want a relationship and a family at some point?

[soos_mite_ah]

@Raptorsin7 yes

[Raptorsin7]

3 hours ago, intotheblack said:

Actually, it was my mother who ended it, eventually. 
 

But no. Actually, my plan is that I have no definite plan, because I can’t see the future.  The only person here is me. Marriage rarely last a lifetime. You should have yourself as a backup, should plans not go as predicted.

May I ask why do you feel so strongly about having this traditional marriage? Is it because this was the setup with your parents?  

I grew with a strong family structure, and because of it I have incredible advantages in my life. 

I see what works and what doesn't and I want to replicate the good parts as much as possible.

3 hours ago, intotheblack said:

You realise that feelings and people change right?  How you feel when you fist meet is different to in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years?  Did you have a serious relationship before? 

No I haven't. I'll likely marry the first woman I have a serious relationship with so I've been pretty hesitant overall.

To me, that's like asking if my mom will one day stop loving me and stop talking to me or something, its just not part of my world. If I get married, the same way I wouldn't just stop loving my kids I'm not going to stop loving my wife.

3 hours ago, intotheblack said:

Also, if you are a man who is focussed on being ‘masculine’ and pursuing your life purpose,  then a dependent woman is going to hold you back, sorry.  There are gonna be times when you are distant and busy, so at these times what is needed is a woman who is independent and can handle that, without feeling overly abandoned.  Just occupying herself with children won’t cut it. A person needs a partnership where both can pursue different things outside of the relationship. If there is an imbalance there, it will seep into the relationship over time and build up up resentment. Someone will always feel abandoned, if they don’t have their own stuff going on. 

Yeah I don't disagree. But unless the children and the family were my wife's first priority it would be a deal breaker.

Theres lots of projection and assumption around what I'm saying, which is fine I don't care. I'm not going to stick my wife in a kitchen with an ankle bracelet. But I want what I want, and I'm willing to do what it takes to find a partner that allows that to happen