Does Success Hurt Woman's Dating Chances

[Preety_India]

Just now, wwhy said:

I think all women are beautiful in their own way. Variety is the spice of life.

And going by the latest archeological discoveries, if there was an eve, she was a black woman.

Glad that you think this way

[Etherial Cat]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

And that's such perceptions of female beauty only serve to denigrate women, especially black women 

 

But i've gotta say that I think that not all black women are equally suffering of rejection and denigration. Black women are not a homogenous group.

Meghan Markle and Serena Wiliams are looking rather different and undergo different type of abuses or stereotypes.

I'd say lighter skin black women are having much more privileges than the darkest ones or the one's with the most ethnic features. 

[wwhy]

1 hour ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I think this thread has run it's course. Thank you everyone for your responses

@Forestluv @mods please close the thread

Aaaaaaawwwww... poor baby.

He just got a tiny teeny taste of his own medicine, and now wants everything to be shut down and locked up.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Etherial Cat said:

But i've gotta say that I think that not all black women are equally suffering of rejection and denigration. Black women are not a homogenous group.

Meghan Markle and Serena Wiliams are looking rather different and undergo different type of abuses or stereotypes.

I'd say lighter skin black women are having much more privileges than the darkest ones or the one's with the most ethnic features. 

I wouldn't really want to compare the suffering as it serves no purpose 

 

[Etherial Cat]

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I wouldn't really want to compare the suffering as it serves no purpose 

 

Actually, there are an awful lot of documentaries and books written on the different experience between light skin and dark skin black individuals in academic afro-american studies.

The aim is not as much comparing the suffering per se (as in a literal sense), but to understand these two groups and their difference in treatment to heal the black community. 

[Consept]

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

Anyway, to go back to the point. My tdlr should be: Black women in the USA are saying that good black men are scarce because black men are subject to a lot of social violence that leave stains on them, and they've got more opportunities than them to date outside their race. Which creates an even deeper shortage of "good men".

Fair points and i think they are valid, but i think theres some other issues. So its true black men are subject to this but then they always have been and in fact it was worse before - jim crow, red lining etc, during these times most black people were married to each other in more traditional setups. So we cant say its 100% due to social violence as you say because more black people are able to escape these traps than before but marriages are going down. 

There is an argument that a lot of single parents were and still are incentivised to be single parents, not in that they have a kid to get benefits, but in that they would get more money if the dad is not around. I myself grew up with a single mum for 10 years before she re-married, my dad didnt make too much money and it was quite clear my mum would be better off financially if he wasnt around as she could get more benefits and also get contributions from him (which he didnt make too many). But i wonder if more single mums would either think twice about having kids with a guy that cant provide or stay with a guy whos not making too much money yet, if they would not benefit financially if they left. Im not blaming single mums for this az theyre doing what they believe to be best, but i think theyre underestimating how important a father figure is especially for a boy. Of course there are situations where the father is just a complete lost cause, but its still down to the mother to select wisely. 

Another thing to note and not really to compare them negatively, but if you look at other races ie latin, asian, the women will stay with the men through this hardship or even if theyre not making much money. A Mexican guy who works as a gardener trying to get work everyday, will still have a feminine, wife back at home, latin people tend to also have a lot of collective trauma as well. Black women seem to have higher expectations than most other races, im not exactly sure why this is. 

In terms of dating in general, yes its often noted that black women are the least picked on dating apps but are also least likely to date outside of the race. Black men are pretty high up for other races and they also date have an issue dating outside their race, but when it comes to marriage i think they tend to go for black women. So all this leaves very few options for black women, especially when they themselves have such high standards.  

[Etherial Cat]

20 minutes ago, Consept said:

Fair points and i think they are valid, but i think theres some other issues. So its true black men are subject to this but then they always have been and in fact it was worse before - jim crow, red lining etc, during these times most black people were married to each other in more traditional setups. So we cant say its 100% due to social violence as you say because more black people are able to escape these traps than before but marriages are going down. 

Hmm. Well, I'm not sure what are the numbers for interracial marriages, but wouldn't it be logical that since the end of segregation, the number of black/black weddings are decreasing due to ability to marry outside your race? I'm not saying this is the only factor, but it could surely be one. Then, on top of that, you can add the socio-economic factors which led to a general skepticism in the institution as society has evolved. This isn't only specific to the black community.

27 minutes ago, Consept said:

There is an argument that a lot of single parents were and still are incentivised to be single parents, not in that they have a kid to get benefits, but in that they would get more money if the dad is not around. I myself grew up with a single mum for 10 years before she re-married, my dad didnt make too much money and it was quite clear my mum would be better off financially if he wasnt around as she could get more benefits and also get contributions from him (which he didnt make too many). But i wonder if more single mums would either think twice about having kids with a guy that cant provide or stay with a guy whos not making too much money yet, if they would not benefit financially if they left. Im not blaming single mums for this az theyre doing what they believe to be best, but i think theyre underestimating how important a father figure is especially for a boy. Of course there are situations where the father is just a complete lost cause, but its still down to the mother to select wisely. 

I certainly agree that a father figure is terribly important for boys, though it is equally important for girls. The wounds of the black male is having a terrible effect on black families. A young boy will lack a role model for what is healthy masculinity, and the young girl will not know healthy masculine love.

As for the social policies, I was actually not aware of them. It depends a lot on different countries. My mom married an angolan refugee which was about to get expelled from the country.  She didn't care as she made enough money on her own. He was very happy with the situation and he contributed "symbolically" with the strict minimum amount so he feels confident enough to claim he's been involved in my upbringing.

38 minutes ago, Consept said:

Another thing to note and not really to compare them negatively, but if you look at other races ie latin, asian, the women will stay with the men through this hardship or even if theyre not making much money. A Mexican guy who works as a gardener trying to get work everyday, will still have a feminine, wife back at home, latin people tend to also have a lot of collective trauma as well. Black women seem to have higher expectations than most other races, im not exactly sure why this is. 

Hmm. I agree that these communities have an awful lot of traumas. 

Maybe the social violence directed at black female is still more intense though. Black females are at the receiving ends of both sexism and racism.

Of course latino, native and asians are suffering from it as well, but black folks have always been at the bottom of the racial hierarchy.

So I can understand that it makes them/us especially tired.

It would make sense that black women want to desperately escape the stress for their future offsprings when choosing a partner and are therefore obsessed with bettering their condition. Survival is and have been awfully rude. The traumas are deep and a lot of it is still unhealed.

48 minutes ago, Consept said:

In terms of dating in general, yes its often noted that black women are the least picked on dating apps but are also least likely to date outside of the race. Black men are pretty high up for other races and they also date have an issue dating outside their race, but when it comes to marriage i think they tend to go for black women. So all this leaves very few options for black women, especially when they themselves have such high standards.  

In my case, I've not felt that shortage in the USA.  Curiously, this stage Green culture in the cities and social circles I've been in seems to have flourished into a crazy melting pots where POCs are very much accepted and found to be good looking by multiple races. New York, L.A or San Fran especially comes to mind.

I've been approached there mostly by white and black men, mixed races ones and then even some eastern asian or middle eastern. So I'm not sure where it's gone wrong in terms of stats. 

I think socio-economics might have a part to do with it. Or that mixed race females gets a serious leg up next to very dark ones, which isn't much of a surprise...  

[Consept]

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

Hmm. Well, I'm not sure what are the numbers for interracial marriages, but wouldn't it be logical that since the end of segregation, the number of black/black weddings are decreasing due to ability to marry outside your race? I'm not saying this is the only factor, but it could surely be one. Then, on top of that, you can add the socio-economic factors which led to a general skepticism in the institution as society has evolved. This isn't only specific to the black community.

Im learning as well but looking into it marriage has been on a decline but black womens decline is much steeper. If we just look at how many black women are married regardless of what race theyre married to, it was only 34% (women between 25 and 54) compared with 67% of white women same age, this was in 2006, and the gap between black and white women has grown even more since then, and was declining before then. The amount of black children in a single parent household is 54% compared to white children at only 22%. So these are massive gaps and ive got to say family and home life has to be the biggest factor not only in the success of the child, but mental health, propensity to criminality and many more crucial things. This is not just a social violence issue, although it couldve stemmed from that, although i dont even think thats a good reason as family this is the worst its ever been despite there being a lot more social violence back in the day.

 https://voxeu.org/article/incarceration-unemployment-and-black-white-marriage-gap-us

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

Maybe the social violence directed at black female is still more intense though. Black females are at the receiving ends of both sexism and racism.

Of course latino, native and asians are suffering from it as well, but black folks have always been at the bottom of the racial hierarchy.

Im not sure about this, its really hard to quantify suffering in such a way, but natives have had a terrible time, genocide and everything else, and their family structure is still in much better. Black people obviously have suffered, but i think for some things we have to take responsibility, meaning that it isnt black peoples fault but they do have to find a way out of it, one of which being the family stuff which they are somewhat in control of and as we've seen other races have been able to at least have this part of the picture look a lot better than black people. 

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

It would make sense that black women want to desperately escape the stress for their future offsprings when choosing a partner and are therefore obsessed with bettering their condition. Survival is and have been awfully rude. The traumas are deep and a lot of it is still unhealed.

Black women of course would want to better their position but the ones that are successful are already in a good position and are not even considering good men because they dont earn enough. Other black women are choosing men that are not going to be around or are just generally not good choices, having kids with them and then raising the kids as single mothers, this is a massive problem and is the cause of a lot of problems. You can blame men for not being good but the women are ultimately in charge of choosing who they reproduce with, also a lot of men that 'arent any good' probably also came from single parent households, so its a never ending cycle.

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

I certainly agree that a father figure is terribly important for boys, though it is equally important for girls. The wounds of the black male is having a terrible effect on black families. A young boy will lack a role model for what is healthy masculinity, and the young girl will not know healthy masculine love.

Yes youre right it is also important for girls to have a father figure, i didnt mean to diminish that, i just think its slightly more important for boys to have a healthy role male model.

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

As for the social policies, I was actually not aware of them. It depends a lot on different countries. My mom married an angolan refugee which was about to get expelled from the country.  She didn't care as she made enough money on her own. He was very happy with the situation and he contributed "symbolically" with the strict minimum amount so he feels confident enough to claim he's been involved in my upbringing.

Yeah its a social policy here in the uk and similar in the us , essentially if you have a kid and the father leaves or was never there, youre a priority council house, youll get rent paid and youll get money for the kids. If the dad is around the family have to cover all these costs, will have to pay normal rent etc. So the results are women having kids with whoever they want regardless of if they can provide in the knowledge that the government will back them. Im all for social policies but we also have to look at how they can affect certain communities and it seemed like this one did. 

Also sorry for the situation with your dad, its not really fair that your mum didnt care about what he could bring to the table as youve lost out in that. I always think the kids have to always be priority whatever happens. 

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

In my case, I've not felt that shortage in the USA.  Curiously, this stage Green culture in the cities and social circles I've been in seems to have flourished into a crazy melting pots where POCs are very much accepted and found to be good looking by multiple races. New York, L.A or San Fran especially comes to mind.

I've been approached there mostly by white and black men, mixed races ones and then even some eastern asian or middle eastern. So I'm not sure where it's gone wrong in terms of stats. 

I think socio-economics might have a part to do with it. Or that mixed race females gets a serious leg up next to very dark ones, which isn't much of a surprise...  

Its because youre mixed race, not to be rude, im also mixed race  but the stats that you see are for black women not mixed race. Lighter complexion women are always seen as more beautiful, Beyonce, Rhinana etc are the acceptable faces of black beauty and theyre often made as white as possible in magazines. So yes of course youll get approached more, but i dont think that will be the same for darker skin women. I always got a lot more action and attention than my darker skin friends. I even had a white girl tell me once that her friend isnt very confident, she could get a light skin guy if she was

[Roy]

7 hours ago, wwhy said:

I've nothing else to discuss with you, have a good day.

Then >

4 hours ago, wwhy said:

Aaaaaaawwwww... poor baby.

He just got a tiny teeny taste of his own medicine, and now wants everything to be shut down and locked up.

This behavior reminds me exactly of another poster I haven't seen here in a while hmmmm lol? Can't be possible though because I know they are different genders.

[Raptorsin7]

@wwhy Haha sad

@Roy Who is the other member 

Edited April 25, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Roy]

13 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Who is the other member 

Not worth mentioning don't want to cause drama.

[Preety_India]

@Consept @Etherial Cat  for the time being I didn't read all that you both wrote because it's a lot to read ,  but the gist is that much of the problems with respect to dating is very exclusive to the black community and I have no idea why because I don't have much knowledge about the black community, although I do observe trends because I have begun to  follow black music and culture, more so recently so I learn new things about the black community everyday, even then my knowledge is very peripheral. 

However my views about the black community is largely as an outsider from another race, and many of the things that I see in the black community is not something I can relate to with respect to my own race so a lot of these issues are harder to discuss because of the race filter but I can say this much that whatever I have observed so far or whatever I've read is not a universal phenomenon for all races, not my race or any other, it's specifically the black community itself and so the reasons must also be unique to the black community as well. These reasons don't apply to my race or other races.  I have no idea what these reasons are exactly because I have only a cursory understanding of dynamics in the black community. 

 

[Consept]

Interesting debate that i thought was relevant to this thread -

 

[soos_mite_ah]

Femininity and the way it intersects between race and class is a very deep topic of discussion and has a lot of history dating back to the earliest records of the slave trade. Women of color, especially black women, have been stripped of the notion of femininity as an effort to dehumanize. Women of color especially black women can't hide behind a façade of fragility and have other people take care of them like white women can. It's incredibly difficult to revel in your own vulnerability when you aren't given the privilege or opportunity to do so. This also applies to working class women of all backgrounds. 

White women are often presented as the ideal for femininity due to things like colonization. They are seen as the pinnacle of beauty standards and often are excused from their contribution to white supremacy due to their perceived fragility. I have heard many stories from black women who talk about how black men view them as less feminine compared to women of other races and how sometimes black men date outside their race because of their own self hatred. Even though femininity comes in many forms, the caricature of femininity that is presented in society is someone who is quiet, docile, and submissive and this notion directly contrasts with the stereotypes that are associated with black women which include notions that they are loud, ghetto, and domineering. Black women and men have been historically hyper masculinized in order to justify opression. Especially with black women, there is this notion that she can handle more than women of other races and that she is physically can take more, which means you can hurt her more and she'll be fine. This also has direct consequences in the medical field where the pain of black women aren't taken seriously (to the point that there are still some doctors who believe black people perceive pain differently which is not backed up by any research) which results in a greater likelihood of medical complications, some of which can be life threatening.  

I found a really good video talking about femininity as it relates to race and class (I believe it also talks about how certain forms of femininity are associated with certain groups as well but I don't remember if it was this video or another one) 

 

[Consept]

7 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Femininity and the way it intersects between race and class is a very deep topic of discussion and has a lot of history dating back to the earliest records of the slave trade. Women of color, especially black women, have been stripped of the notion of femininity as an effort to dehumanize. Women of color especially black women can't hide behind a façade of fragility and have other people take care of them like white women can. It's incredibly difficult to revel in your own vulnerability when you aren't given the privilege or opportunity to do so. This also applies to working class women of all backgrounds. 

White women are often presented as the ideal for femininity due to things like colonization. They are seen as the pinnacle of beauty standards and often are excused from their contribution to white supremacy due to their perceived fragility. I have heard many stories from black women who talk about how black men view them as less feminine compared to women of other races and how sometimes black men date outside their race because of their own self hatred. Even though femininity comes in many forms, the caricature of femininity that is presented in society is someone who is quiet, docile, and submissive and this notion directly contrasts with the stereotypes that are associated with black women which include notions that they are loud, ghetto, and domineering. Black women and men have been historically hyper masculinized in order to justify opression. Especially with black women, there is this notion that she can handle more than women of other races and that she is physically can take more, which means you can hurt her more and she'll be fine. This also has direct consequences in the medical field where the pain of black women aren't taken seriously (to the point that there are still some doctors who believe black people perceive pain differently which is not backed up by any research) which results in a greater likelihood of medical complications, some of which can be life threatening.  

I found a really good video talking about femininity as it relates to race and class (I believe it also talks about how certain forms of femininity are associated with certain groups as well but I don't remember if it was this video or another one) 

 

Many of your points are correct but im not sure about the conclusions you draw. As i understand what you said in the first paragraph is that black women cant be vulnerable enough to let a man look after them and so this explains why many dont get married today. But when you look at stats 62% of black women were married in the 1950s, now keep in mind whatever issues black women have today, they were at least 10x harder in the 50s, we're talking about a time when black people as a whole couldnt go to universities, were discriminated heavily in every aspect of society. So if we follow this as society has somewhat improved (although not perfect) with issues of race you would expect that these numbers would improve, even if we say marriages are somewhat out of fashion at least you would expect if children are involved both parents are around. But this is not the case in 1995 the number fell from 62% to 38%, to compare white married women went from 66% to 59% in the same time period. This has gotten even worse now and i think its around 20% for black women. So the question is why were black women able to let a man look after them when times were even harder but now as times are at least easier than before, they cant?

Also another interesting statistic, 4 out of 5 black women are overweight -  https://www.wbur.org/commonhealth/2012/11/29/why-are-four-out-of-five-black-women-obese Now there are debatable valid reasons for this but as we've mentioned, this is a factor for mens attraction to women in general. So obviously if women are more attractive they are more likely to attract a partner. But my point in bringing this up is that at some point there has to be some kind of personal accountability taken. As i said youre not wrong about your points but no one is going to change these outcomes except the people involved. I think at the very least a bit of weight loss or exercise on a shallow level or on a deeper level choosing the right men to have kids with, trying to make it easy for the man to be in the kids life even if you broke up with him. 

Also on your point about self hatred from black men for dating outside their race, for one any other race can date outside their race and it not be called self hatred, but for two black women can be harder to deal with, not all of course but if as a man youve had an experience where black women have dominated you, it can, perceivably, be an easier life to be with a white, latina, or asian woman. As youve mentioned there are reasons for women being like this but either way men might not want to deal with it. Another form of taking responsibility could be to go to therapy. 

You might be interested in some of the results from this qualitative study on why black women are disproportionately single, they interviewed 100 or so black men to get their opinions, here are some highlights - 

--Seventy-three percent of the respondents in the gender relations category indicated that the Black woman’s approach to men is misguided, as it relates to patterns of pursuing a man for a relationship and not exhibiting ladylike behavior (e.g., cursing, wearing revealing clothing) (n=2), setting standards too high and placing more value on men who can offer material possessions and status (n=12), engaging in controlling behavior (n=2), lowering their standards to attract a man’s affection (n=4), and not being approachable (e.g., not friendly, bad attitude) (n=10).

-- Victor, a 32-year old who had been married for 5 years, agreed: “There’s not really a shortage of men out there. It’s that some of the women are raising their standards so high that they are missing out on that person for them.” Paul, 32 years of age and married for 5 years, concurred: “[Women] look [at] what’s on the outside and not what’s on the inside. They [are] not looking at their character; they [do not] care about looking at what they [are] made of [on] the inside.”  Forty-eight-year-old Xavier, married for 24 years, summed up his thoughts with, “You’ve got women who are not married; there’s two ends to that pull. You’ve got [those with] high standards and [who look] down at all the guys, then you’ve got the other end, where, you know, anybody will do.”

-- Other men observed controlling behavior among women. For instance, Isaac, 40 years of age and married for 11 years, said, “When I was single, and a lot of my single guys talk about [this], a lot of women that I chose not to marry, it dealt a lot with controlling us…You need to do this, this, this, this, this, that…They wanted to control you and shape you to be what they wanted you to be.” 

-- In 37% of the men’s views, some independent women believe that they don’t need a man (n=15). Quinn, married for 7 years and 35 years of age, said, “They got [it] in their mind [from] this independence song [referring to song titled, Independent by Webbie, Lil Phat, and Lil Boosie] that they can do it by their self. Can’t nobody do it by themselves.” Ricky, 34 years of age and married for 5 years, agreed: “The role of ‘I don’t need anything but myself’ has been contributing to the fact that a lot of women are looking past the benefits of marriage.” The men also described a lack of knowledge among Black women about how to share the responsibility for managing a household with a mate, having spent years without a partner or a model

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4465800/ 

Go down to the results and youll get a lot of answers to what we're talking about  

[soos_mite_ah]

14 minutes ago, Consept said:

Many of your points are correct but im not sure about the conclusions you draw. As i understand what you said in the first paragraph is that black women cant be vulnerable enough to let a man look after them and so this explains why many dont get married today. But when you look at stats 62% of black women were married in the 1950s, now keep in mind whatever issues black women have today, they were at least 10x harder in the 50s, we're talking about a time when black people as a whole couldnt go to universities, were discriminated heavily in every aspect of society. So if we follow this as society has somewhat improved (although not perfect) with issues of race you would expect that these numbers would improve, even if we say marriages are somewhat out of fashion at least you would expect if children are involved both parents are around. But this is not the case in 1995 the number fell from 62% to 38%, to compare white married women went from 66% to 59% in the same time period. This has gotten even worse now and i think its around 20% for black women. So the question is why were black women able to let a man look after them when times were even harder but now as times are at least easier than before, they cant?

 

I don't know where these statistics are coming from and what are all the factors that are at play. But I do know that women as a whole are more likely to stay single or get divorced now because they have the means of living independently which means they won't have to stick around with a man who is not good for them for their survival. And I think that is a step in the right direction because a woman shouldn't have to put up with toxic of abusive behaviors because she can't financially stand on her two feet outside of a relationship.

16 minutes ago, Consept said:

Also another interesting statistic, 4 out of 5 black women are overweight -  https://www.wbur.org/commonhealth/2012/11/29/why-are-four-out-of-five-black-women-obese Now there are debatable valid reasons for this but as we've mentioned, this is a factor for mens attraction to women in general. So obviously if women are more attractive they are more likely to attract a partner. But my point in bringing this up is that at some point there has to be some kind of personal accountability taken. As i said youre not wrong about your points but no one is going to change these outcomes except the people involved. I think at the very least a bit of weight loss or exercise on a shallow level or on a deeper level choosing the right men to have kids with, trying to make it easy for the man to be in the kids life even if you broke up with him. 

Socioeconomic status and weight/ health issues are correlated in that richer people tend to be healthier overall. Poverty and obesity are intertwined because unhealthy food is typically easier to prepare (poor people working many jobs typically have less time and energy to cook), and are much cheaper compared to healthy food. Then there is also the whole topic of food deserts that are present in inner cities in areas where a large chunk of the population are either black or latino. The whole thing with the food desert is that there isn't access to healthy whole foods and the only food that is area in the immediate vicinity is processed foods. 

20 minutes ago, Consept said:

Also on your point about self hatred from black men for dating outside their race, for one any other race can date outside their race and it not be called self hatred, but for two black women can be harder to deal with, not all of course but if as a man youve had an experience where black women have dominated you, it can, perceivably, be an easier life to be with a white, latina, or asian woman. As youve mentioned there are reasons for women being like this but either way men might not want to deal with it. Another form of taking responsibility could be to go to therapy. 

Are they actually being dominated or are they perceiving the domination? Latina and Asian women aren't much different than black women but the way that they are perceived and the stereotypes that are attached to them can differ in what those stereotypes are and to what extent they are implemented. Black women are seen as more masculine not because they are actually more masculine but because there is a history of oppression that is built on stripping away the femininity of black women. White women can exhibit the same behaviors and styles of dress as black women and one group will be seen as feminine and beautiful while the other group will be seen as ghetto and ratchet. 

[Raptorsin7]

@soos_mite_ah Assuming what you're saying is true.

What is the solution for the black woman and black culture around issues of beauty/femininity, single motherhood/broken families, and catching up the black community with other communities of color 

Edited April 26, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[soos_mite_ah]

@Raptorsin7 I can't say much in detail because I'm not part of the black community but addressing systemic racism to bridge the gap in life opportunities and encouraging more intersectionality in feminism so that the voices of black women are heard are general points of action. Basically, check your misogyny and racism. 

[Raptorsin7]

@soos_mite_ah You can't comment on solutions because you aren't black?

Your answer is to go to war with sexism and racism?

 

[soos_mite_ah]

Just now, Raptorsin7 said:

@soos_mite_ah You can't comment on solutions because you aren't black?

No I can't. I'm not qualified to recommend solutions on issues that I have limited or no experience in. It would be an exertion of power and an overstepping of a boundary to tell a community what it should do about their own issues. I feel that the main thing I can do is speak up when I see something wrong and stand by other black women but I can't tell them what they can and can't do. 

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Your answer is to go to war with sexism and racism?

Pretty much 

Our biases on a systemic and individual level are the root of many of our problems.