Does Success Hurt Woman's Dating Chances

[Preety_India]

@Emerald  I've total of 6–7 years worth of relationship experience of 4 relationships in total, out of which 1 relationship was long term LTR, and completely agree with you that these dudes speak in a way that is far removed from real life experiences and reality will hit, much of their theories won't apply in practical life, it isn't so cut and dry in real life where you walk around with a list in hand and reduce everything to a 2 dimensional reality.. 

Edited April 25, 2021 by Preety_India

[Raptorsin7]

@Emerald What i've said in this thread has been supported by the vast majority of men who are responding,

If you want to single out a point to disagree i'd be happy to respond to it, but if you are trying to question my authority to give advice, I don't know what you want me to say we're on an internet forum, and you are in the online self help/spiritual field.

I can only speak from my experience, in terms of what i would want in a partner and how I view men around me and how they judge females.

I have high standards, I guess i'm biased in speaking to what i'd look for in a woman. 

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

But you’d be wise to question your own authority in providing relationship advice to women because...

 

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Best to keep ahold of your fairy tale... I mean, it seems to have been working out so far. Right?

This is laughable. You are talking about living from the heart haha. Are you speaking from the heart when you write this?

[Emerald]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Emerald  I've total of 6–7 years worth of relationship experience of 4 relationships in total, out of which 1 relationship was long term LTR, and completely agree with you that these dudes speak in a way that is far removed from real life experiences and reality will hit, much of their theories won't apply in practical life, it isn't so cut and dry in real life where you walk around with a list in hand and reduce everything to a 2 dimensional reality.. 

Yes exactly. Too much theorizing, based on distorted notions about women, femininity, relationships, and family.

You have to live these experiences to glean the wisdom and perspective.

The truth of the matter is that he won’t even know what he wants until he experiences the real thing. 

[Raptorsin7]

Just now, modmyth said:

TBH I don't think the men we're talking about here are exactly on our radar and probably vice versa is probably true as well. And that is.... probably a good thing for all of us involved since we just don't have compatible values. 

This is a good point I agree with.

[Emerald]

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Emerald What i've said in this thread has been supported by the vast majority of men who are responding,

If you want to single out a point to disagree i'd be happy to respond to it, but if you are trying to question my authority to give advice, I don't know what you want me to say we're on an internet forum, and you are in the online self help/spiritual field.

I can only speak from my experience, in terms of what i would want in a partner and how I view men around me and how they judge females.

I have high standards, I guess i'm biased in speaking to what i'd look for in a woman. 

This is laughable. You are talking about living from the heart haha. Are you speaking from the heart when you write this?

The problem is that you’re telling women that most men feel this way and giving advice as though it has some kind of authority. You’ve not just been sharing a preference of yours and saying that it’s yours. You’re implying that your preference is universal and something that women should keep in mind, as though it’s relevant to us.

And keep in mind that this forum is a bit of an echo chamber. And because it relates to personal development with a masculine slant, it attracts a lot of guys who are too in their head, who have low self-esteem, and have trouble attracting women.

So, it’s not really a surprise that many men on here would feel uncomfortable with successful women. But why would I cater to that insecurity when I can find a man who’s on my wavelength.

But you are living in a fairy tale idea of relationships right now. And the sooner you realize that, the better your ability to have actual relationships will be. You’re going to run into the same laundry-list dilemma that I mentioned before in relation to women.

So, I won’t sugarcoat it for you. You are in a fairy tale. Go get some actual experience with women, then come back to me and tell me what you learn about yourself and your preferences. 

[Preety_India]

@Emerald exactly. I'm not saying that only people with relationship experience have the sole right to offer advice, but it's much more effective when the advice is backed up by relationship experience than otherwise 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Emerald What am i saying specifically that you disagree with?

 

2 minutes ago, Emerald said:

The problem is that you’re telling women that most men feel this way and giving advice as though it has some kind of authority. You’ve not just been sharing a preference of yours and saying that it’s yours. You’re implying that your preference is universal and something that women should keep in mind, as though it’s relevant to us.

You are talking to me about speaking without an authority. 

Why do you have a series of videos on the common traps of seeking spiritual enlightenment when you aren't enlightened? You made that video in 2018, but you made a post recently about this paradigm shattering DMT experience.

Isn't that misleading? Would you say you are qualified with direct experience to speak about spiritual enlightenment?

Don't you think it's misleading that you have a youtube audience that you have led to believe you an authority on spiritual enlightenment?

[Emerald]

10 minutes ago, modmyth said:

Emerald is totally right here IMO; I've also been dating for about as long as she has and am a similar age. There is no actual shortage of "good" men in the way she mentioned.

TBH I don't think the men we're talking about here are exactly on our radar and probably vice versa is probably true as well. And that is.... probably a good thing for all of us involved since we just don't have compatible values. 

Yeah, I’ve never run into a man I was attracted to who was liking me until I revealed my career or goals to him. It’s just never happened. The intuition does a good job at sorting.

But yeah, people tend to attract and be attracted to those on the same wavelength. So, I just haven’t been involved with any hyper-traditional men nor would I ever want to be. 

[Preety_India]

@Emerald what I see is this. 

A typical stage Blue mentality pattern based on 2 things. 

1. The strong need to assert a traditional paradigm and the inability to see beyond it, having firmly believed that that's the only pattern that works 
2. The need to believe that this pattern is universal, a certain dogmatism in asserting so, wanting the pattern to be universal as the stage blue to maintain dominance and lack of room for openness,accommodation,  new paradigms or any changes that are swaying the dominant position from its original form. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

2 minutes ago, modmyth said:

For what it's worth, my partner occasionally reads this forum (he does not have an account; he mainly comes to read my journal posts) and he finds this particular subforum really daft. He says that regular dating forums (for example, sex/ dating subreddits) ask questions that are less so (but maybe not by much). So we must attract a certain demographic? And also, if he was a girl, he would not date dudes here either lol because they are so... what even is the word?

He must be a gem

[Preety_India]

@modmyth the word is "hardheaded" in terms of retaining humour. Haha. 

 

[Emerald]

4 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Emerald What am i saying specifically that you disagree with?

 

You are talking to me about speaking without an authority. 

Why do you have a series of videos on the common traps of seeking spiritual enlightenment when you aren't enlightened? You made that video in 2018, but you made a post recently about this paradigm shattering DMT experience.

Isn't that misleading? Would you say you are qualified with direct experience to speak about spiritual enlightenment?

Don't you think it's misleading that you have a youtube audience that you have led to believe you an authority on spiritual enlightenment?

This is not a relevant topic to the conversation and it’s definitely a derailment tactic because you know deep down that I’m right about you not having authority to speak on matters you’ve never experienced ...

But yes, I am qualified to speak on these matters because I’ve had direct experience.

First off, I never shared anything that I’d never experienced. And my videos on enlightenment were always from the perspective of being a seeker on the path.

But I experienced total dissolution of ego last year and then came back into ego. And it was shown to me to show me that enlightenment from the Gods-eye view is meaningless.

And it was clear that the purpose of my life was to surrender deeply to my human embodiment and to act as an extension of mercy within maya.

So, because of my experience, I no longer seek. There is nothing to be sought.

But I disagree with you advising women  on relationship matters when you have no experience, to start with. If women actually followed your ideas, they’d run their life and the quality of their relationship prospects into a ditch.

But for you more specifically, I’m trying to show you that relationships don’t follow your internal script. And if you cling to this script, you won’t get what you want.

[Emerald]

10 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Emerald what I see is this. 

A typical stage Blue mentality pattern based on 2 things. 

1. The strong need to assert a traditional paradigm and the inability to see beyond it, having firmly believed that that's the only pattern that works 
2. The need to believe that this pattern is universal, a certain dogmatism in asserting so, wanting the pattern to be universal as the stage blue to maintain dominance and lack of room for openness,accommodation,  new paradigms or any changes that are swaying the dominant position from its original form. 

Yeah, that’s really the paradigm it grows from. And the only advice they have to give is for women to conform to stage blue standards.

But all that would do is guarantee that you could attract a stage blue guy which most women on here don’t resonate with in the first place. 

[Eternal Unity]

On the contrary, it improves them.

[Raptorsin7]

8 minutes ago, Emerald said:

But I disagree with you advising women  on relationship matters when you have no experience, to start with. If women actually followed your ideas, they’d run their life and the quality of their relationship prospects into a ditch.

I would say the same thing about you advising people on spiritual enlightenment and spirituality. And it is relevant because you're trying to invalidate my opinion by showing that i lack direct experience. You made a video advising spiritual seekers on how to progress, when you clearly had no direct experience at the time of making the video. 

I have enough experience with woman and desirability to give my opinion. 

8 minutes ago, Emerald said:

And it was clear that the purpose of my life was to surrender deeply to my human embodiment and to act as an extension of mercy within maya.

So, because of my experience, I no longer seek. There is nothing to be sought.

And you shouldn't be advising people on the path or spirituality. I woudn't go so far to say they will ruin their life, as if my advice here would lead someone to ruin their life lol, but you are a dime a dozen in the spiritual scene. You can read a book on meditaiton and spiritualtiy, have some experience with psychs, and your audience can't see how you're just filling in the gaps.

Edited April 25, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, modmyth said:

Actually, the interest or the lackthereof has most often been a good filter out for people who really just don't care about me in that way or can't handle it.

I second this. This is what I have been saying as well, that most men who haven't taken any interest in what I do are also the type of dudes who have primarily shown a lack of consideration or care for me to begin with, and isn't it the same vice versa, when has a man appreciated a woman showing zero interest in what he is passionate about, even though she might be attracted to his success initially, would he really cherish his attention if she wasn't particularly interested in sharing mutual interests, for example when my ex boyfriend liked cars, racing or fantasy football, I am least made some effort to show some interest in what he was passionate although I'm not the typical "Car" person, yet I made a bit effort in swaying in his direction to create mutual ground for interest when nothing existed there, isn't that something that a potential partner simply out of consideration. 

 

[Emerald]

3 minutes ago, modmyth said:

I think it's a similar type of phenomenon TBH when it comes to men not being attracted to intelligence (or perhaps creativity as well). I've heard lots of men (especially on the internet) say that it's either completely irrelevant or kind of irritating.

I do not particularly wear my own traits as a sort of mantle of identity especially IRL, but when my own backstory comes out, or when people are interested in what I can do and how I choose to spend my time, and what my aspirations are in relation to this; I have never actually gotten the sense of it being a turn-off at all. Actually, the interest or the lackthereof has most often been a good filter out for people who really just don't care about me in that way or can't handle it.

I think a lot of the time is that people don't like the social or emotional presentation of said traits too, which I get.

Do you attract hyper-traditional men? Or have you? For me I find that this filtering out happens pretty naturally; I probably just don't have the right vibe to start with even.

I think I learned how to not take it too personally at a pretty young age (in my mid-teens); I have no ill will, but I am what I am and am going to do what I want to anyways, etc.

Although for what it's worth, there is a sort of large group of traditionally-minded men who look for very educated wives on top of the interest in having a family (I'm thinking of people from Iran, a lot of Chinese immigrants, etc.), like doctors, lawyers, and other high earning white collars professions. Isn't this more common than not?

I do think it’s most common for college educated men to seek out college educated women. There tends to be congruence among partners. So, even at that, parity of education level tends to be valued.

I find that, in being cold approached, it’s anyone. But I’ve never been open to that type of interaction, so I don’t know.

The way attractions tend to work for me is that I’ll be involved in some social context where I interact with the same people very often. Then, after 2 or 3 months, I’ll develop feelings for one of the men in the group. And we either spark something up or we don’t. So, I wouldn’t typically be finding myself attracted to men who are worlds different from me.

But what I notice is that men project their own dating concerns into women. It’s men’s challenge to attract women and have mass appeal. And so they’re trying to tell women how to attract men... assuming this is even an issue we come up against.

But women’s issue isn’t attracting... its filtering and sorting... and knowing what you want and don’t want. So, giving women a “How to attract men” advice comes off as silly. 

Be however you are and the men will sort themselves. And you’ll be more likely to find your match.

Try to be a certain way to attract men, and you’ll end up with the wrong kind of man. 

 

[Emerald]

13 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I would say the same thing about you advising people on spiritual enlightenment and spirituality. And it is relevant because you're trying to invalidate my opinion by showing that i lack direct experience. You made a video advising spiritual seekers on how to progress, when you clearly had no direct experience at the time of making the video. 

I did have direct experience back then too. I had experienced ego transcendence twice at that point in time among other things. I had my first awakening at 20 and made the videos at around 28 or 29. 

And I’m very familiar with the path and the traps on it. It’s part of what I do as a job. I facilitate consciousness work and help people avoid pitfalls.

I have enough experience with woman and desirability to give my opinion. 

My point is that you’re going to shoot yourself in the foot because you don’t actually know what you want yet. You haven’t experienced enough to know.

And you shouldn't be advising people on the path or spirituality. I woudn't go so far to say they will ruin their life, as if my advice here would lead someone to ruin their life lol, but you are a dime a dozen in the spiritual scene. You can read a book on meditaiton and spiritualtiy, have some experience with psychs, and your audience can't see how you're just filling in the gaps.

If you have a critique of my work, feel free to share it with me. I’m happy to consider it and respond to it.

What specifically have I gotten wrong in your opinion?

But we both know you’re just throwing these criticisms up about my work because you feel like my pointing out your lack of experience is an attack. And you’re trying to attack me back with ad hominem criticism about my work. 

But I’m not attacking you. I’m telling you your ideas will get in the way of your capacity to meet anyone at all. 

 

[Preety_India]

27 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

And you shouldn't be advising people on the path or spirituality. I woudn't go so far to say they will ruin their life, as if my advice here would lead someone to ruin their life lol, but you are a dime a dozen in the spiritual scene. You can read a book on meditaiton and spiritualtiy, have some experience with psychs, and your audience can't see how you're just filling in the gaps.

 

I think that you're saying this out of a lot of bitterness because you can clearly see that she has a superior argument.. 

Personally @Emerald I'm an ardent fan of her channel, I really love her content and she presents it with such great  depth that it gives me the impression that she has a profound knowledge and she knows what she is talking about and this can only happen if a person speaks from experience. I like her takes on animus integration, jungian psychology, shadow work, enlightenment, she also brings in many guests and she is a true seeker on the spiritual path, she has been a great addition to the forum and she has been so for so many years now and I like how she always speaks with conviction and doesn't compromise with truth just to pander to people, she doesnt like to sugarcoat which is a mark of a true seeker. 

I think @Raptorsin7 your critique of her channel is baseless and bitter and unfair given that so many benefit from her channel. 

She has come so far and she had some tremendous experiences last year that have sharpened her knowledge even more. 

Not only is she passionate and great at succinctly explaining her concepts, she is very knowledgeable and experienced in her field and she possesses great intuitive skill which is absolutely needed in this kind of work to understand complex truths about reality. 

 

 

[ilja]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

I do think it’s most common for college educated men to seek out college educated women. There tends to be congruence among partners. So, even at that, parity of education level tends to be valued.

Well, yuhu more chances for me!

Edited April 25, 2021 by ilja