Does Success Hurt Woman's Dating Chances

[Forestluv]

1 minute ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Maybe for some men, but personally I have no interest in a powerful woman for marriage

Success does not always mean powerful. I have a friend that is a successful psychologist and she is super submissive. 

[Raptorsin7]

5 minutes ago, Forestluv said:

Lots of people won’t find it fulfilling to simply be a homemaker. They will want to reach their potential in some area.

In my view my children will likely be one of the most valuable parts of my entire life, I would hope a potential could see the importance of having someone dedicated to raising children.

A woman in a traditional role has the potential to pursue interests as well, homemaking is not a 24/7 job. Especially as kids grow up

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Maybe for some men, but personally I have no interest in a powerful woman for marriage

I did not mean powerful in the sense someone domineering. Domineering or submissive is a matter of choice. 

What I meant by powerful is two people who share similar values and interests and have similar accomplishments so they are on the same level and are thus are well informed to make better mutual decisions. 

 

[Forestluv]

1 minute ago, Raptorsin7 said:

In my view my children will likely be one of the most valuable parts of my entire life, I would hope a potential could see the importance of having someone dedicated to raising children.

Two parents with careers can see the value and importance of raising kids and work together. It happens a lot. Most of my colleagues ‘ spouses have careers. You keep putting her in a specific homemaker role. That’s fine if she is into that. 

[Raptorsin7]

2 minutes ago, Forestluv said:

Most of my colleagues ‘ spouses have careers. You keep putting her in a specific homemaker role. That’s fine if she is into that. 

Yeah i don't relish the idea of being in a relationship with a career driven person tbh. What does a typical career require of a person, 50-60 hours a week? 

There is only so much time and attention in this life time. 

[Byun Sean]

1 minute ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Yeah i don't relish the idea of being in a relationship with a career driven person tbh. What does a typical career require of a person, 50-60 hours a week? 

There is only so much time and attention in this life time. 

not necessarily

standard is 35-40 hour if your working a regular job and

If your really successful at what you do you can work LESS if you want.

 

[Raptorsin7]

21 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

In the end saying women should not pursue success because they won't be available to more men is not good advice.

Women should pursue their dreams in their careers and which ever partner they pick should respect that.

 

On top of that if being successful in this way makes a woman higher value she can increase her odds of attracting the attention of a higher value man.

Being successful and pursuing ones dreams and purpose through career is not just about money. It also shows strength in character

No, it's actually not bad advice.

You have countless examples of men here saying how they don't value a woman's success in the same way that woman value a man's success. 

A woman who spends who wants a family and a good partner, who spends her entire 20's working on a good career is doing herself a disservice in many ways. 

Of course for some woman they may be fully content being successful and don't value traditional relationships, kids etc.

If you were to tell a woman hey it's all good focus on your career and when you're ready you'll have no problem finding a high value man like yourself, I think that's malpractice 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Raptorsin7 said:

You have countless examples of men here saying how they don't value a woman's success in the same way that woman value a man's success. 

This forum cannot be used as a guarantor for success in relationships. That would be laughable. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

This forum cannot be used as a guarantor for success in relationships. That would be laughable. 

But there are many high conscious men and woman, and i'd imagine a lot of these people will go on to make great partners in the future. Understanding there values and preferences could be very helpful

[Byun Sean]

6 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

No, it's actually not bad advice.

You have countless examples of men here saying how they don't value a woman's success in the same way that woman value a man's success. 

A woman who spends who wants a family and a good partner, who spends her entire 20's working on a good career is doing herself a disservice in many ways. 

Of course for some woman they may be fully content being successful and don't value traditional relationships, kids etc.

If you were to tell a woman hey it's all good focus on your career and when you're ready you'll have no problem finding a high value man like yourself, I think that's malpractice 

You think the most influential women in society were just stay at home moms?

 

By the way a woman doesn't need a man to put her in a box and say what she can and cannot do.

If a woman grows spiritually strong enough she'll be chill single and content with pursuing her dreams.

 

But regardless this idea that successful women are unattractive is pure nonsense.

A high value man who respects her way of living and is compatible with her will find her if she wants.

Edited April 22, 2021 by Byun Sean

[Raptorsin7]

Just now, Byun Sean said:

You think the most influential women in society were just stay at home moms?

I'm talking about what men value in a relationship. Personally I don't value a woman's potential to be influential on society

Just now, Byun Sean said:

But regardless this idea that successful women are unattractive is pure nonsense.

That's not the point. The point is that a woman's success doesn't enhance her value in the eye's of men to the same degree that a woman value's a man's success. It's not that a woman's success is unattractive, it's more that her success isn't all that attractive. 

[Byun Sean]

9 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

That's not the point. The point is that a woman's success doesn't enhance her value in the eye's of men to the same degree that a woman value's a man's success. It's not that a woman's success is unattractive, it's more that her success isn't all that attractive.

ok so who the hell cares then?

If she's got a lot of money if she doesn't who gives a shit?

A hot girl is a hot girl then?

 

Under your construct your'e telling a woman to dumb herself down on career prospects and if she's too successful they are rejected in your eyes.

 

I smell insecurity here.

Only a man with insecurity issues is worried about a woman becoming more successful than him in her own life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 22, 2021 by Byun Sean

[Consept]

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Why do you think that a woman should tailor her needs and goals around what you find interesting and attractive?

It's not about wanting all women to tailor themselves for men, everyone is free to be who they are and others are free to desire that or not for a potential mate. 

Let's flip it for a second though, let's say a man says, 'you know what Im not going to work, my aim is for a woman to marry me and look after me financially and I'll help with the home. When we have kids ill look after them'. Now of course he's free to say this and some women maybe attracted to this but majority will not be and that's their right not to be. This man can't now say 'women are just scared of a caring, nurturing man, they're threatened, that's why no one wants to marry me', this would be a ridiculous stance but this seems to be the stance people have no problem taking the other way. 

Also if a man did say this a lot of women would agree and be like 'yeah that's really progressive', but I bet when it came to marrying or even dating that guy they'd start getting hesitant. This is also how men feel, of course we're for freedom of choice, but it doesn't mean men will marry someone who doesn't align with them. 

This is about taking responsibility, you can make whatever choices you want and you should but to say how others should react to your choices is an insane position. 

Edited April 22, 2021 by Consept

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Personally I don't value a woman's potential to be influential on society

That's very discriminatory. 

Both men and women are human beings. 

Why is a man's potential and contribution to society valuable and not a woman's?

So if you read a wonderful book on self improvement and would you consider inferior or less valuable if you learn later that it was written by  a woman? That would be bizarre and would make no sense. 

Why would her potential be less valuable? How does her being a woman change the quality or quantity of her contributions?

 

[Raptorsin7]

Just now, Byun Sean said:

Under your construct your'e telling a woman to dumb herself down on career prospects and if she's too successful they are rejected in your eyes.

 

 

 

Did you read the earlier posts? There's a circumstance where modern woman are achieving high financial success, and as a result they expect to partner with men of similar socio-economic status, but because men don't value success the way woman value men you have an entire group of woman who have priced themselves out of the dating market.

1 minute ago, Byun Sean said:

ok so who the hell cares then?

If you are a 35 year old incredibly successful woman who is having a hard time finding a suitable partner you would care. And if you are a young woman in her early 20's wondering how to spend the next 5-10 years of their life i think they would care too

2 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

I smell insecurity here.

Only a low value man is worried about a woman becoming more successful than him in her own life.

 

Haha. You are missing the point man. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Consept Great point. Thank you

If an attractive woman was happy with me living at home and taking care of kids and I was free to do whatever I want and spend however that would be cool haha

Edited April 22, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Byun Sean]

6 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Did you read the earlier posts? There's a circumstance where modern woman are achieving high financial success, and as a result they expect to partner with men of similar socio-economic status, but because men don't value success the way woman value men you have an entire group of woman who have priced themselves out of the dating market.

6 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

If you are a 35 year old incredibly successful woman who is having a hard time finding a suitable partner you would care. And if you are a young woman in her early 20's wondering how to spend the next 5-10 years of their life i think they would care too

Soooooo? They have more options not less?

Remember she still dates whoever she wants.

When you see a hot girl on the street or at the club or whatever you don't already know how much money she makes unless you deliberately ask 

her and its the mans job to make the first move.

 

If she rejects all men because she thinks they need to have a certain amount of money thats HER choice.

And if thats HER choice and that becomes her own self-imposed limitation on the dating market then who gives a fuck.

Edited April 22, 2021 by Byun Sean

[Emerald]

46 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Emerald @Forestluv It's not just about men being threatened by successful woman. There are a lot of costs associated with becoming a financially independent person in a first world country, for the vast majority of people it will take great sacrifice to become successful.

I would find it very desirable for a woman who is willing to value family over her own career prospects so I can pursue financial success. You may view that as me being intimated by a successful woman, but from my pov that's not what's happening. 

There's a reason there aren't two presidents, or two commanders of an army. In almost all cases power will shift asymmetrically in one direction. 

You could certainly find a partner that resonates with that. Most people aren't really jazzed up about working to begin with. Very few people work because they want to work. So, there are plenty of women who would want to be stay at home mothers. But then you really have to be able to support a family with a single income. That's the main thing.

All I'm saying is that, when men are threatened by successful women that it's an indicator that the man is not going to be a high quality partner. Preferring that dynamic doesn't necessarily mean you're threatened by it. It's a valid preference.

That said, as a mother who very much enjoys pursuing my life purpose and creative/intellectual pursuits, I wouldn't be compatible with a man who has that preference. So, I would never feel inclined to sacrifice my personal goals for a relationship to a man with those preferences. Nor would any woman who wants to pursue her own life-purpose/career.

So, if Arc's point was to discourage his step-sister's career goals because it would get in the way of her ability to find a partner, then he'd be incorrect. She'd just be appealing to a different type of man... and many men in that category aren't just preferring that traditional dynamic. Many of them are threatened by female agency and power. 

Now, in terms of power imbalances and the concentration of power in one direction in a relationship, that's a sign that things have gotten out of whack. The archetype of the lovers implies complementary opposites and balance. There is a symmetry to the lovers. So, if there is a power imbalance in a relationship, then that's a sign that the relationship is dysfunctional. So, even in cases where the woman stays home and the man works, there should be a concerted effort to remedy the imbalance in power. 

[Forestluv]

34 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

There is only so much time and attention in this life time. 

Yep. I’ve never understood why someone would invest so much of their life into raising kids. To each their own. 

My sister is a stay at home mom. She has a side gig of having an Etsy shop. So she gets to do rework for a few hours a day. Her husband is an engineer. It seems to work for them.

[Raptorsin7]

@Forestluv Yeah it all depends on what people value. I would value children very highly others won't