I'm feeling bad.

[roopepa]

I have felt bad for a long time. This started when I was about 15. Now I'm almost 23. Depression, anxiety, loneliness, drugs and alcohol, even some psychotic symptoms... It's been really hard. I might get an ADD diagnosis soon too.

I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel okay. Sometimes even "good". But mostly I'm tired, sad and anxious. Can't focus. Can't enjoy the moment.

Been trying to "figure it out". Been trying lots of things. It's propably going to get better at some point. Right now I'm just feeling like shit so I'm writing this because I hope it would be helpful. Putting things into perspective.

I know the usual stuff, that I should clean the diet, exercise, and fix the sleep routine. And meditate, of course. But I just can't do it. It's too hard. "I don't have what it takes", at least right now. Hoping that maybe the ADD meds could help but at the same time I would not like to take pills. Fuck

I would like to have a good cry too but it just doesn't happen. I just can't cry.

Been focusing on feeling a lot lately. It has been helpful. This post is propably due to this "cleaning up". I feel the bullshit in me. The dishonesty and the deception. I'd like to just vomit it all out.

I also often feel this longing. My mind feels so limited. There are moments when I see and remember this great freedom in me. Can't really touch it, but only look at it from afar. I'd like to feel free. I'd like to feel lightness and joy, depth and boundlessness.

Give a thought if you like.

[4201]

8 hours ago, roopepa said:

Can't focus. Can't enjoy the moment. "I don't have what it takes"

First I would deeply challenge this idea. Anytime you feel bad, come back to this. What is it that you are missing? Don't just ask it quickly, focus on the question and keep coming back to it.

You listed a bunch of things you "should be doing" but none of those things would really fix the root issue. Cleaning your diet and having a nice sleep schedule can help you think of yourself positively, inciting positive thoughts but it won't contemplate and dissolve the negative idea for you. If the belief remain unchallenged, it will keep ruling your life.

Maybe you are reading this and you are not convinced. "I really believe I don't have what it takes". Ok then. If that is really the truth, why not just accept it? You have to notice that this thought is not only thought, it is also being rejected. No matter how much the mind tries to take control of things with this thought, the heart rejects it because it's not true and so you feel bad. As long as you keep trying to dictate how things are and what you are through thinking, it will feel bad.

 

 

[Virgo]

Try inner engineering 

[Hardik]

@roopepa  have you tried any psychedelic?  tried any techniques for dealing with emotions?

[Preety_India]

@roopepa

It seems that your mind is going through a period of restlessness and chaos. This can feel like a crisis where nothing satisfies you. You feel very out of touch and the conventional methods appear like they are really not going to help you. That's because the heart is not grounded and the mind is searching more. 

Here you need more spiritual help than psychological. Of course you can take psych meds but this won't resolve the situation fully. You are currently operating in chaotic mood. And so you're going to experience moodiness, instability, lack of freedom, tightness and feeling scattered.  

Try to spiritually ground yourself. You will need to do self inquiry to see if there is something inside that is bothering you. From my personal experience, these kind of symptoms are generally experienced when your center is disturbed, peace of mind is disturbed,  you are probably dealing with some sort of trauma or stress caused by something in your life, some disturbances in your emotional psychological spiritual core, you need a lot of gentle care and attention to yourself, focus on self love. 

Try to center yourself and bring order to your life. You'll always see that when you have order in life then you feel more spiritually grounded.  

Focus on peace. Because peace is an important part of spirituality. So keep yourself calm at all times. 

Become self sufficient. Try to support yourself emotionally on your own rather than relying on people. Develop your own personal power.  

Focus on freedom. Freedom is also an important part of spirituality. So keep yourself free from deep within because this world is simply an illusion. Keep your soul free. 

Try to observe things around you yet be non reactive  inside. Just give superficial reactions. 

Keep your soul free. That's the basis of spirituality. 

Keeping your inner self free from the bullshit of the world is a key technique of preserving your spirituality 

 

[robinmk4l]

Bro, I have ADD aswell and im in the exact situation as you and been many times throughout my life and i have risen out of the hole then fell back into it many times so i know exactly how hard and hopeless it can feel to do it (feeling it right now actually) I know people here give a lot of spiritual advice which if u feel is useful to u then great but I know for me when im at that place and your brain isn't working, it can be a bit hard to take in, my advice would be to take more action to form those habits that u mentioned. Go for the small wins, I know it seems overwhelming at first, but start of by like taking a walk for 30 minutes, 5-10 minutes of meditation, eat just a little bit healthier, maybe smoke just a joint less (or whatever you do) thats some really small and doable changes but its already so much better then if u wouldnt have done it. Keep going every day and it will quickly form a snowball effect of positive results and before you know it you're gonna have a strong, healthy, foundation to keep actualizing and building ur life on. Let me know if u want to talk bro id be happy! Im 25 and in a very similar life situation so maybe we could help each other

Edited April 21, 2021 by robinmk4l

[roopepa]

4 hours ago, 4201 said:

First I would deeply challenge this idea. Anytime you feel bad, come back to this. What is it that you are missing? Don't just ask it quickly, focus on the question and keep coming back to it.

You listed a bunch of things you "should be doing" but none of those things would really fix the root issue. Cleaning your diet and having a nice sleep schedule can help you think of yourself positively, inciting positive thoughts but it won't contemplate and dissolve the negative idea for you. If the belief remain unchallenged, it will keep ruling your life.

Maybe you are reading this and you are not convinced. "I really believe I don't have what it takes". Ok then. If that is really the truth, why not just accept it? You have to notice that this thought is not only thought, it is also being rejected. No matter how much the mind tries to take control of things with this thought, the heart rejects it because it's not true and so you feel bad. As long as you keep trying to dictate how things are and what you are through thinking, it will feel bad.

Thank you 

I sense good energy from your writing. Makes me feel better.

[roopepa]

1 hour ago, Hardik said:

@roopepa  have you tried any psychedelic?  tried any techniques for dealing with emotions?

I have done psychedelics. Went a bit too deep and almost got psychosis and killed myself. lol

Still in recovery. I want to be emotionally stable if I'm going to use them again. Maybe after a few years.

[roopepa]

@Preety_India

Thank you very much 

[Waken]

Loving yourself and being gentle with yourself when you feel bad goes a long way too:-)
Take care buddy

Edited April 21, 2021 by Waken