How do we love ourselves?

[SolarWarden]

I have this confusion on what self-love is.

You don't need to post Leos's self-love video as I watched it already. Neither from Teal Swan as I clearly remember the video "self-love is the shortcut to enlightenment".

I understand that it is the most important teaching. My autistic brain just doesn't understand what happens when we love ourselves?

Is it an action made toward ourselves that is aligned with the Higher Self?

I read a blog about this guy who says he channels the Love of the universe throughout his whole body everyday. Is he "loving himself"?

I am not talking about narcissism. Which is a focus on one owns attributes and appearances.

Sadhguru says that Love can only happen when there are two people:

He's view reminds me of the occult idea that "Love falls in love with nothing but its own self, it is free from all other attractions"

My mother used to say that I need to love myself more. I understand that this notion is prominent amongst women.

How do you love yourself? Is there a other name fo self-love that describes it? 

You are welcome to write anything you know about self-love.

 

[ivankiss]

Observe yourself. Understand yourself. Your motives, behaviours, values, needs, strengths, shortcomings... Be kind and respectful towards yourself. Honor your process of transformation. Give yourself time and space when overwhelmed. Take care of your body (nutrition, hygiene, grooming...) Try making choices that are in alignment with your's and everyone else's well-being.

How would you treat a child in pain? That's more often than not exactly how we should treat ourselves. Problem is; most of us don't feel worthy of that kind of loving attention. Or we simply do not know how to do it. We feel like someone else should do it for us.

That's ok. All of us struggle with this to some degree. It's a challenge - for sure. But it's worth it. You are worth it.

Edited April 20, 2021 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

@Kalo Like how you put that. It is cute, indeed. But it can also be harmful to you and/or others. I feel the acceptance in your words, and it's great - a necessary step - I'd say. But it's not the end all be all - imo. What you feel and think can be healed and transformed.

How would you describe hate and why do you feel powerless to it?

[mandyjw]

You feel loved by another when you feel that someone is openly, without judgement, giving you their full attention. This awareness of ourselves with curiosity but without judgement is awareness of our own awareness. You find that you have no borders but that Awareness itself, like unconditional love, has no borders. Then "you" Know and appreciate everything to be your very Self. 

[Guest EmptyVase]

I wrote about it a while ago in my journal. Here's a perspective on that topic:

Relationships, Acceptance and Love

One of the most beautiful things in a healthy relationship is to be accepted, as we are.

This creates a sphere, in which we can fully be ourselves, without hiding any aspects about our way of being.

This is very much aligned with Truth. This is why we feel so much Love.

Fully accepting who we are opens the gates to Love. It is perhaps the most beautiful and freeing feeling we can experience.

Compared to loving ourselves, it's rather easy for us, to love every aspect about our partner - both their shortcomings and beauties. At the end of the day, the very person we love would not exist, if one half would be missing. Both make one.

But can we be selfless enough to love every aspect about ourselves? Can we at least try?

[ivankiss]

@Kalo Interesting, thanks.

I agree; A healthy dose of a healthy ego is necessary to navigate through life. It is when the ego is wounded or inflated that it tends to cause 'trouble'. And that requires some 'work'.

To me; peace and fulfilment feel natural. Hate feels like something I picked up/accumulated along the way. No one is born hateful. 

Regarding acceptance;

I'd say there is true and false acceptance.

For example; I could be broke AF and then continue sitting on my ass, doing nothing, feeling like shit, thinking that's what acceptance is. When in fact it's resistance in disguise.

True acceptance would be me saying: 'ok, I'm broke AF and I'm obviously not happy about it, so let's try and do something about that. Let's find a way to generate an income.

Yet another example; someone could be staying in an abusive relationship thinking that's what acceptance is. 'Oh, it's ok that they continuously abuse me. I accept them for who they are.' When true acceptance would be packing your shit and getting the hell away from that situation. 

My point is; acceptance does not prevent change or transformation. In fact; it is what motivates us take proper action. When true acceptance dawns; change happens naturally.

Not trying to say you're doing anything wrong though. Just offering another perspective. Hope you or someone else finds it helpful.

 

[Thought Art]

I have been thinking a lot about self love lately along with self forgiveness. It's deep. I feel like I am loving myself more and more everyday. I had to do a lot of journaling, affirmations, contemplation, exercises etc. It's still an on going process. We love our selves through our actions, our self image, and our emotions toward ourselves and our external greater self. 

[WaveInTheOcean]

How would you treat your best friend? What advice? What would you tell him?

Treat yourself like you'd treat your best friend/brother/sister.

[Dazgwny]

I havnt watched your sadguru video. If I’m honest I can’t be be assed. You don’t need to watch him to realise what self love is. He can spout all sorts, we all can. Ya just realise, ya realise self love. It’s nothing to do with what u hear from anyone else. It’s nothing to do with your thoughts, on or about anything, it’s nothing to do with what u see outwardly, it’s nothing to do with that egoic love ya feel for yourself as in an individual. Or even loving every other human being. It’s absolutely total! It’s loving all that, everything, from what u believe is out there, to everything you feel is inside, and more. It’s everything. It’s the understanding that you are all, the deepest romantic love you can feel for someone, to the shitty pebble you see on the street when ya sat there looking out the window whilst having a cigarette. Understanding that all the feelings and emotions and visual aspects, the life and the death, the pain and the hurt, the love and the hate, from a relative standpoint point, is from an absolute stand point, all you. It’s all you it’s all within your consciousness, and consciousness is all there is, and you are consciousness, and accepting and loving all that is. Self love isn’t just loving your individual self totally, it’s loving all that is. And that, is a miraculously difficult thing to do. Because it means loving everything you hate. Not just accepting it. But loving it. How do you get there? I’ve no idea. But I’m trying?

[VeganAwake]

Love, hate and self are illusory constructs of a conditioned mind.

When the mind is empty of these concepts there's just everything and its freedom, salvation, enlightenment ❤

[Eternity]

Solarwarden   I had problems with the loving yourself aspect of awakening too.  And also I found the idea that there is only the One depressing.  But after listening to Alan Watts on Youtube, and flashing back to an experience I had of looking out into the greenbelt right behind our house and seeing the life in trees and bushes, weeds and rocks shimmering. lit from inside raising their limbs like arms up to soak in life itself, it dawned on me that we are Life itself, being God himself, living through us and all things.  Suddenly I loved that life coursing through everything.  I loved Life doing life, just doing life, creating and breathing life into all the various things you see around you.  It's all you.  How can you not love You doing what you do best.  That is loving yourself.

Edited April 21, 2021 by Eternity

[VeganAwake]

12 minutes ago, Eternity said:

@VeganAwake  I had problems with the loving yourself aspect of awakening too.  And also I found the idea that there is only the One depressing.  But after listening to Alan Watts on Youtube, and flashing back to an experience I had of looking out into the greenbelt right behind our house and seeing the life in trees and bushes, weeds and rocks shimmering. lit from inside raising their limbs like arms up to soak in life itself, it dawned on me that we are Life itself, being God himself, living through us and all things.  Suddenly I loved that life coursing through everything.  I loved Life doing life, just doing life, creating and breathing life into all the various things you see around you.  It's all you.  How can you not love You doing what you do best.  That is loving yourself.

It's not a problem because the self was clearly seen to be non-existent.... so who would it be a problem for?

Or in your belief structure, why would God have a problem?

❤

 

 

[Eternity]

@VeganAwake Oh oops, I'm sorry I answered the wrong person.  It was Solarwarden who asked.  Just ignore.  It has been clearly seen here as well that there is no self, however I try to aim my advice to the level of the questioner.  Just ignore, thanks.

[SolarWarden]

I feel so good and lit up reading our replies here. There is many different angles to see this apperantly.

Self-Love it is!

[Nahm]

16 hours ago, SolarWarden said:

I have this confusion on what self-love is.

An old saying comes to mind... “The checker gets what the checker checks”. The term self-love is hyphenated donating one, rather than ‘self and love’, or even self love, as in care or tending for one’s self. This would point to there not being two, similar to the term nonduality, such as there being an ‘I’ which has this confusion. When thinking love is attempted, and it is impossible, it is not per se confusion... if it’s acknowledged it’s impossible. Then it makes perfect sense... ‘what’ is one is not even a second, to any thought. One would never be able to experience a true thought, “about” oneself, or, self-love. 

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You don't need to post Leos's self-love video as I watched it already. Neither from Teal Swan as I clearly remember the video "self-love is the shortcut to enlightenment".

In that ‘not two’ vein... there isn’t a self... which could be enlightened... and so there is no short cut (second ‘thing’) for no one. 

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I understand that it is the most important teaching. My autistic brain just doesn't understand what happens when we love ourselves?

Awareness & ‘my autistic brain’ would be two. We love ourselves, would be two. 

In inspecting, if that thought feels great to you, great. If it doesn’t feel aligned & wonderful... the feeling might be the very love pointed to with thoughts and words, “right there” in, as, direct experience, so to speak.  

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Is it an action made toward ourselves that is aligned with the Higher Self?

Awareness and a higher self would be two. To whatever extent words can point... notice one can never experience action toward one. One can uncover one... by inspecting thoughts... and shedding all which do not resonate, with one. As much as can be heard, the implication is outrageous. This would mean that you have never thought or heard a single true word about yourself. Literally. 

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I read a blog about this guy who says he channels the Love of the universe throughout his whole body everyday. Is he "loving himself"?

Love of the universe would be two. Notice, the twoness of thought and therefore of all communication and language. 

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I am not talking about narcissism. Which is a focus on one owns attributes and appearances.

Sadhguru says that Love can only happen when there are two people:

One forgets oneness, infinitude, by appearing as two. 

Quote

He's view reminds me of the occult idea that "Love falls in love with nothing but its own self, it is free from all other attractions"

Yes, as in there aren’t really any, and never were “two”. 

Quote

My mother used to say that I need to love myself more. I understand that this notion is prominent amongst women.

How do you love yourself? Is there a other name fo self-love that describes it? 

Yes, The Truth. “The checker gets what the checker checks”... the “twoness” is only in thoughts. Inspect every thought. 

Quote

You are welcome to write anything you know about self-love.

Anything known about self-love is not actually about self-love. The knower, the knowing, and the known, is apparent. As one, the knower is the known. 

[VeganAwake]

8 hours ago, Eternity said:

@VeganAwake Oh oops, I'm sorry I answered the wrong person.  It was Solarwarden who asked.  Just ignore.  It has been clearly seen here as well that there is no self, however I try to aim my advice to the level of the questioner.  Just ignore, thanks.

I understand everything you were saying.

Underneath the stories there is a deep love and satisfaction for all of existence.

Unconditional love ❤

[Breakingthewall]

the problem is in the trial. you judge parts of yourself, or your life, as wrong, should be or have been otherwise. the foot has to deform to enter the shoe, and therein lies the mistake. it is the shoe that must be tailored to the foot. what is, is, without shame or pride. I say this wise advice when I am unable to carry it out most of the time, because at the end I'm a son of this society. It's difficult to remove conditioning and be free

 

Edited April 21, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[gettoefl]

the only self-love is to see and then hate the false self ... since this false self stops you being the true self you were born to be

how do you hate the false self?

starve the me mine i thoughts to death, give them no place in life

the true self thereafter shines blindingly

 

[Breakingthewall]

4 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

how do you hate the false self?

starve the me mine i thoughts to death, give them no place in life

Absolutely. The false self is the enemy. He wants to bury you

[Tovius]

20 hours ago, ivankiss said:

 

Yet another example; someone could be staying in an abusive relationship thinking that's what acceptance is. 'Oh, it's ok that they continuously abuse me. I accept them for who they are.' When true acceptance would be packing your shit and getting the hell away from that situation. 

 

How is this true acceptance aligning with love? Wouldn't leaving be resistance?