What if i accept that i am doomed, hopeless, depressed

[kras]

The recent days i've been in a very dark place and i find something that really help me to keep moving...

What if i completely accept myself?

What if i accept that i am doomed, hopeless and depressed all the time? 

What if i accept that i will never find the partner i want or i will never have the life i want? 

What if i accept the feelings that i am unworthy and ugly? What if i stop pretending to be strong when i am weak and vulnerable?

 

 

[ted73104]

If you embrace the "darkness", you would be free. You wouldn't be doomed as you think in the long run. 

After that, change would become more likely if you pursue small goals at a time.

What you don't know is that although it takes time to evolve, you are not actually that far off from where you want to be. Another thing is that if you maintain the same survival mentality that you have now, you will still be depressed even if you got the partner or the type of lifestyle that you wanted.

Rebirth, that is the way!

[Preety_India]

@kras yes I did that. 

It's a path of no resistance. 

You set yourself free from expectations of yourself and feel better 

 

But the important part to remember is that even if you accept yourself that way, always tell yourself that you still have room for improvement and keep the doors to Actualization open. This way you don't have to deal with the weight of depression and you also keep options for growth open 

 

[Blackhawk]

@kras I've done it.

Basically life becomes a loooong loooong wait for death.

[Nahm]

8 hours ago, kras said:

The recent days i've been in a very dark place and i find something that really help me to keep moving...

What if i completely accept myself?

What if i accept that i am doomed, hopeless and depressed all the time? 

What if i accept that i will never find the partner i want or i will never have the life i want? 

What if i accept the feelings that i am unworthy and ugly? What if i stop pretending to be strong when i am weak and vulnerable?

What about accepting that doomed, hopeless, unworthy, ugly, weak and vulnerable are your opinions?

I think you’re blessed, hopeful, worthy, beautiful, strong and invincible. 

[Jacob Morres]

yep. but there's a difference between being okay with it versus doubling down on identification 

ah yes i am not okay... that that is okay

vs 

i am not okay... this is just how life is (but pattern this too can be accepted) 

[Waken]

And what if you love and be gentle with the you that feels doomed and hopeless? Love the one that wants a partner to fill up a void because he grew in a society that is very confused? And what if you be gentle with and love the you that feels unworthy, ugly, weak and vulnerable which is kinda a result of growing up in a world as ours? Would you then become the answer to all these problems that so many in this world are struggling with? Then you would be a true walking gift in this world. Does that thought feel good to you?

Edited April 21, 2021 by Waken

[Nightwise]

Others have pointed it out already, but I'd like just to repeat or reiterate it in my own words:

True acceptance has absolutely nothing to do with giving up on your hope or your ambitions, and it most certainly isn't about allowing your ego to trick you into believing that strengthening your identification with a narrative of hopelessness is the same as acceptance. In fact, these things are pretty much opposite.

Acceptance, let-go, is about the present moment. It has nothing to do with thoughts, beliefs, stories in your head about the future. To say that "I accept that my life will always be this way" has absolutely nothing to do with true acceptance. It's just one of the ego's tricks that to get you to get more strongly identified with a narrative whilst you think you are doing the right thing or being spiritual or whatever. Acceptance has almost become an ugly word merely because of the misuse and misunderstanding that it has come with.

True acceptance is first and foremost just letting go of the stories and narratives you tell yourself, and the way you do that is by witnessing the narrative and not going along with it.

Another way to express acceptance as is just allowing everything to be exactly as it is, here and now. NOT then and there, because then and there don't really exist except as a projection in your mind. Not much can be said about 'Then and There' because the future is unknown and the way you will change throughout the years is unknown. So don't limit yourself by saying "I will never be able to do that". You have much potential and many things can most likely will change for the better throughout the rest of your life. In fact, things most certainly will change for the better if you refuse to settle for the narrative that 'I can't do it'. It depends on you.

Acceptance is that capacity just to be whatever occurs in the present moment, without judging or wishing it to be different. That can be quite hard, and sometimes it may seem like it's not working very well or even at all, but still, it's certainly worth exploring because the deeper you develop that capacity to just be with whatever is, the deeper you will be able to see that as long as that capacity is present, you don't really need to make any changes at all in your life in order to be at peace, nor do you need to feel better, because acceptance is not so much about the experience itself that would change, but your relationship to the experience that changes.

Of course, even though I'm saying you don't need to make any changes to feel peaceful whilst you're in that state, which is true, I'm not saying that you shouldn't make changes to your life. In part, because make changes to your external life and your psychology can help you come into contact with that state more easily.

But I can also understand that sometimes certain narratives that float around in your head can be quite sticky, and that sometimes with all the best efforts you give in order to try and let go of it, they can still remain dominant and overwhelming at times. That's why at the same time I would also encourage you to investigate if the stories and narratives that you hold to be true or that you are attached to, if those stories are actually true or if they are just in the end just some narrative that you picked up somewhere. Mainstream society usually isn't particularly helpful dismantling these hopeless kind of narratives in a deep and profound manner.

Because I'll tell you one thing my friend: None of the stories about why your future or your case would be hopeless are true. I don't care what traumatic past you had, I don't care how long you've suffered from mental illnesses, I don't care how old you are (oh, how much people limit themselves by thinking that they are too old to make changes), I don't care what kind of physical or neurological or mental or whatever handicaps or limitations you may have... There are always ways in order to not only proceed but to create a fulfilling life for yourself; Whether this is through the pathway of Self-acceptance, or the pathway of Self-improvement (or both).

So also go contemplate if those stories about 'you being doomed' are actually true, both through thinking about the question and also investigating through your own experience inasmuch the narrative holds up to your actual life experience (this can be done by paying extra attention to the moments where this narrative is not true or does not appear to be true, and noting those moments down). You can also seek stories and examples from other people who may have believed the same kind of hopeless narratives as you did in the past, but overcame them anyway. Beware however of the tendency to dismiss other people's stories because you think "they're not like me". Generally speaking, the more specific you want a particular life story to be, the harder it will be to find such a thing. Doesn't mean that the story has to be specific in order to be relevant to you, though. There are existential laws that are applicable to everybody, including existential laws related to healing and recovery.

If you want an example of someone who has been down in the rut but 'got back up': Go watch the "get back up" documentary from Blue October here. I intend to seek more examples of people who have overcome a really dark and lengthy past in a spiritually mature way some time in the future.

For that purpose though, you can also contact me personally if you want through a message on the forum, as I've gone through some rough shit as well so I certainly have something to say about that. I can't promise however that I'd be returning here to the forum to check my message center anytime soon.

 

[alchemizt]

Accept that, and the gates of heaven will open for you. Psychedelics make this clear. Resistance/acceptance is the difference between heaven and hell. 

[intotheblack]

On 20/04/2021 at 8:38 AM, kras said:

The recent days i've been in a very dark place and i find something that really help me to keep moving...

What if i completely accept myself?

What if i accept that i am doomed, hopeless and depressed all the time? 

What if i accept that i will never find the partner i want or i will never have the life i want? 

What if i accept the feelings that i am unworthy and ugly? What if i stop pretending to be strong when i am weak and vulnerable?

 

 

You can do this if it makes you feel better, but remember it is a coping mechanism, and isn’t getting to the root.  

the coping mechanism you are choosing is something like  ‘awfulizing/catastrophizing’ 

[intotheblack]

I also recommend you watch Leo’s latest video, about childhood survival. 

[BipolarGrowth]

You can accept all of those things, but you’ll be lying to yourself in doing so. You are not limited in all of these ways to some unchangeable degree. Accept the emotions. Drop the bullshit stories you’re feeding yourself that make you feel okay for feeling those emotions. It’s okay to feel them already. You don’t need any self-defeating beliefs to accept the situation.