My Enlightenment Experience - Crying, Laughing, and Spitting

[PepperBlossoms]

I thought I would share my "enlightenment" experience that I had over the weekend while taking some stuff**.

I had the theme idea of concepts after seeing flames on a mailbox - the flames are a concept, I am a concept, relationships are a concept, your job is a concept, etc.

Another thought was that you can't reject anyone because everyone is the same thing.

At the beginning, the voice in my head said - "You fool - you fell for enlightenment. We banned the psychedelics and we introduced religion and you went around both to try to become enlightened.  Religion is a blessing so that you don't have to get enlightened.  There is nothing to see at enlightenment."  I was thinking that the voice (or ego or consciousness) was evil and male and then I realized that it wouldn't be male and remembered (forgot) that I was a female and then I thought it could be unisex.  I then thought it wasn't necessarily evil and I was just saying it was.

I felt that everything is of the same thing - the snow, the trees, the air, other people.  I became terrified to look at the other person with me or touch the snow - for if it was the same thing.  The other person kept saying "you" and the word "you" was bothering me.

The architecture of the world became all one consciousness. (or it seemed to compress visually? or something that gave me that idea...?)

I had the thought that the universe is using me to experience itself (I started crying because I felt used) and I am using the universe to experience it- but I am not separate from the universe.

If everything is all one consciousness - then there possibly could be things that are conscious of when we are more conscious and try to interact with us as such.  (I could be wrong- I just heard lots of different birds chirping and was wondering if any of them could have been the consciousness part of consciousness talking to me or if they are all just chirping like usual)

For a while I felt like I was observing myself with no control but that at the same time seemed wrong because I think I had control the whole time and just told myself I didn't.

However - I feel like I was influenced by books/other people and I can't tell if I was delusional or not.

I went from crying to laughing to crying to laughing (pretty loudly and not holding back) like maybe 100 times back and forth and I was spitting out constantly but then realized that I was spitting "myself" out but then kept doing it anyway.  Crying and laughing seemed to be the same thing.

I looked at my hands and they looked like alien hands and I looked at my legs and they looked like hairy animal legs (hadn't shaved in like 2+ months).

As a side note, the trees looked like those miniature train track trees with snow on them, the snow had rainbow sparkles in it, and the trees would try to shake off the snow and it sounded like someone shaking a blanket.

I started to tell myself "okay" over and over again.

[28 cm unbuffed]

Everything is You, You are everything