Understanding ghosting by females

[StarStruck]

So I met this girl at the mall. We talked and we had a good connection.  She said I should text her so we would have a walk in the park together. 

So I texted her asking her if she was in for a walk. She says yes. I suggest to meet somewhere at a 14:00. 

At this point she starting totally ghosting me although she was very enthusiastic when I talked to her. 

I really don't understand these women man. Why say yes to go to a date and then totally ignore me after I suggest a time. ?

I sent a question mark a day later. And I got ghosted again. Why not just tell me you are not interested? 

Is she playing hard to get or not interested at all? I don't want to appear pushy by triple texting her. 

[Zeroguy]

She found better guy. 

Judging by your post you most likelly texted her very same day. 

Big mistake. 

She can smell neediness, that you are after her vagina only and don't have anything in life. 

Women and girls can't be your 1st objective in life. 

Edited April 19, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Zeroguy]

Next time when inviting girl out for date. Took her where you want to go. 

Park, really. Indicates to her so many things. 

Low value. 

[StarStruck]

24 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

She found better guy. 

Judging by your post you most likelly texted her very same day. 

Big mistake. 

She can smell neediness, that you are after her vagina only and don't have anything in life. 

Women and girls can't be your 1st objective in life. 

I texted her 2 days after meeting her.

This was the conversation through text:

Me: hi

She: hi

Me: how are you?

She: good, you?

Me: I'm fine too, tomorrow it is going to be good weather, do want to go for a walk?

She: yes, that is fine

Me: ok, let's meet at 14:00 at the gate

*No reply*

Me: ? (3 hours later)

 

At that was the end of it.

15 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Next time when inviting girl out for date. Took her where you want to go. 

Park, really. Indicates to her so many things. 

Low value. 

That is the only option right now because of Corona.

[Zeroguy]

Let go of that. Find another girl. 

Meanwhile do everything you can on improving yourself and your life. 

Girls should be fascinated by you. 

They are raised as princesses. Princess want king. 

[StarStruck]

5 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Let go of that. Find another girl. 

Meanwhile do everything you can on improving yourself and your life. 

Girls should be fascinated by you. 

They are raised as princesses. Princess want king. 

I know but these kind of things destroy my motivation. She says she wants to go on a date but then she ignores me. What is going on? If she has better options why did she say yes in the beginning and afterwards ghost me.

There is nothing left than to go on and keep approaching but these things do make me lose my innocence. If everybody is just after their best option, I should be too. Girls shouldn't cry about fuck boys, they create fuck boys by behaving like this!!

Luckily the city-centre is like 10 minutes away so there are no great cost for doing pickup but there is a lot of mental and emotional strain.

A lot of girls are cold, and it can get awkward very quickly.

At this point I can only pickup girls who are interested in me right from the start.  Also I'm very picky who I approach because I don't want to ruin my reputation in my city. Probably I will go to other cities and do approach streaks (like 20-30 approaches in a day).

I'm new with day game, I'm doing this now for 2-3 weeks.

[Zeroguy]

Ah PUA stuff. Ok. You are young ha.Girls of those age in large percentage and their opinion doesn't really mean anything. So relax. 

[StarStruck]

4 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Ah PUA stuff. Ok. You are young ha.Girls of those age in large percentage and their opinion doesn't really mean anything. So relax. 

I will relax when I get pussy ?

2 minutes ago, Zeitgeist said:

Forget about her unless she texts you back with a good reason why she didn't reply. Do Tinder instead of pickup. Much easier and the motivation is clear from the beginning on both sides.

There is too much competition on tinder. I'm not getting matches. I gave up on tinder. It is depressing to put it lightly. 

[Roy]

You don't want her anyways. People who chronically ghost are immature and it shows low value. If they can't handle the emotional labor of being honest and simply communicating how they feel, or that they are busy, then they are fucked when anything difficult comes up and things get real.

Don't take it personally, she's in the wrong not you. Forget it and find someone better.

Edited April 19, 2021 by Roy

[intotheblack]

31 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

will relax when I get pussy ?

That’s your problem right there.  You are trying to get something from her, girls pick up on that straight away. 

[intotheblack]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

This was the conversation through text:

Me: hi

She: hi

Me: how are you?

She: good, you?

Me: I'm fine too, tomorrow it is going to be good weather, do want to go for a walk?

She: yes, that is fine

Me: ok, let's meet at 14:00 at the gate

*No reply*

Me: ? (3 hours later)

 

Too boring... you should have chatted for a bit first, asked her some questions etc maybe a bit humour.  If you ask straight away to meet it gives off a desperate vibe 

[Karmadhi]

Girls can be really retarded sometimes, it is just how they are. In this case from what i read your messages were super normal, to the point and not thirsty at all (you did not suggest to go at your house or anything like that). Your approach was also good since she agreed initially to go for a walk with you. Honestly think she either found someone better or is a disrespectful person. Maybe something came up in her life and she was like fuck that guy i no need to officially cancel with him. Some girls can be like this, some are respectful and act normally. Unless you made a mistake somewhere and not telling us then it is not your fault at all. Do not beat yourself over it. People can be weird and rude, it is just life.

Forget this one, she does not deserve you.

Edited April 19, 2021 by Karmadhi

[StarStruck]

15 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

Too boring... you should have chatted for a bit first, asked her some questions etc maybe a bit humour.  If you ask straight away to meet it gives off a desperate vibe 

So what are the topics I should have talked about first? 

To be honest I thought I don't want to fuck this up. Let me just ask her out straight away since she agreed to go for a walk when I spoke her in person. 

12 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Girls can be really retarded sometimes, it is just how they are. In this case from what i read your messages were super normal, to the point and not thirsty at all (you did not suggest to go at your house or anything like that). Your approach was also good since she agreed initially to go for a walk with you. Honestly think she either found someone better or is a disrespectful person. Maybe something came up in her life and she was like fuck that guy i no need to officially cancel with him. Some girls can be like this, some are respectful and act normally. Unless you made a mistake somewhere and not telling us then it is not your fault at all. Do not beat yourself over it. People can be weird and rude, it is just life.

Forget this one, she does not deserve you.

She just lost her job. That is the only thing I left out in this thread. 

Other than that my approach was pretty good. At the end she was very enthusiastic, engaging and showed showed lot of interest. 

[Bando]

@StarStruck From my experience theres so many reasons why a girl might ghost you, sexual availability is one big one either she isn't open to dating right now cause of life stuff, or maybe she has so many options and just chose her best one, keep meeting new women and try to reschedule with this girl 1-2 weeks later if she doesn't respond drop the number.

Add a little more personality to your texts when you set up logistics and also make sure you get a solid number close. When I do an approach and I sense it's going good I might turn the set into an insta-date but if time is an issue ill set up our next meet in person and verify over text.

Getting a number isn't as big of an accomplishment once you get used to it. When you get more experienced screen harder for more compliance so you can get a solid number. Your rejection rate is going to increase but flakes won't happen as often. Good job out getting out there and going after you want.

[StarStruck]

23 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

That’s your problem right there.  You are trying to get something from her, girls pick up on that straight away. 

It is hard to let that go. I'm a dude with needs but I honestly just wanted to go for a walk with her. And depending on her behavior I could try to pull her home but that was the least of my worries since I'm a noobie. 

[StarStruck]

27 minutes ago, Roy said:

You don't want her anyways. People who chronically ghost are immature and it shows low value. If they can't handle the emotional labor of being honest and simply communicating how they feel, or that they are busy, then they are fucked when anything difficult comes up and things get real.

Don't take it personally, she's in the wrong not you. Forget it and find someone better.

She was very hot so I thought this is a new plateau. And I thought I reached it. At this point I don't even have the energy to approach anymore. I need to change my mindset but I don't know how. 

 

9 minutes ago, Bando said:

@StarStruck From my experience theres so many reasons why a girl might ghost you, sexual availability is one big one either she isn't open to dating right now cause of life stuff, or maybe she has so many options and just chose her best one, keep meeting new women and try to reschedule with this girl 1-2 weeks later if she doesn't respond drop the number.

Add a little more personality to your texts when you set up logistics and also make sure you get a solid number close. When I do an approach and I sense it's going good I might turn the set into an insta-date but if time is an issue ill set up our next meet in person and verify over text.

Getting a number isn't as big of an accomplishment once you get used to it. When you get more experienced screen harder for more compliance so you can get a solid number. Your rejection rate is going to increase but flakes won't happen as often. Good job out getting out there and going after you want.

This day game shit is very confrontational. I'm not a dude that is confrontational. I can only do like 5 approaches and then I retreat and analyze the shit out of it so I don't make the same mistakes. 

The big issue is self image. I don't believe I deserve a gf and these pickups are a way to prove the opposite. It is hard to let go of the negative assumption. I tried having positive assumptions but if the majority of girls are rejecting me it is hard to have positive assumptions like I deserve a gf. 

I did Tinder for a year and got almost no matches. I told people this and they say they don't get why I don't get matches. Nonetheless 1 year of tinder (during the lockdown) completely destroyed my self image. 

[intotheblack]

4 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

So what are the topics I should have talked about first? 

To be honest I thought I don't want to fuck this up. Let me just ask her out straight away since she agreed to go for a walk when I spoke her in person. 

Hmm I dunno, maybe just a bit more warmth to the messages,  ask her what she’s been up to the last few days.. then you could ask if she’s still up for meeting? 

Since 2 days had passed it was maybe a bit blunt to ask immediately to meet. 

she could probably sense that you want sex, and for whatever reason she couldn’t be bothered with going out and chatting with a new guy who is giving off the sex signal.  
 
I agree though it’s not cool! to arrange a time and then stop responding... 

but at least nothing more happened with you’s otherwise it would be harder. 

plenty of guys do this disappearing act without explanation too, it’s not just a female thing.  I’ve been ghosted a fair few times in my life, it’s like a dagger to the ego heart. 

[Preety_India]

Plenty of reasons here. 

First she lost her job. She might have been thinking about it and let go of all other things. 

Your message wasn't sweet. I would have ghosted you too if I was in her place because it sends me a feeling of discomfort. 

After reading your message, the first thought that goes through my mind is - why is he so eager? Why can't he take it slow? What does he want? 

Girls sense that very easily. The horniness. And they don't like that. 

There is no emotional stimulation in your message. Not one long text. You made it look like a Hunt. 

You didn't go beyond "how are you?" 

You could have asked so much more. You immediately jumped to meeting her. 

You didn't even establish a proper conversation creating warmth on both ends. 

I see your short conversation as very dry and selfish. Like a Telemarketing text - hey, how are you, ok, will you buy this product? That sort of. 

You reflected your horniness right away. 

Of course you just want to go for a walk. But it won't end there. You would push to get it to a point where you would want sex in the immediate future of your interactions with her. 

I have had guys approach me like that where they immediately set up dates before I even get to know them well. And I usually say yes out of courtesy in the moment and then don't bother to reply because something tells me that if the guy is not creating an emotional connection with me, but just wants to read me like a restaurant menu or catalogue, making sure he is getting what he wants, sorry but I'm not appearing for his interview, I'm not standing for his modeling contest, I'm not another number in his pick up game, I'm a human being. 

She agreed to it but later realized that she didn't want it.. 

That's all I can judge based on this limited information 

Reading this whole pick up mentality that you have, it looks like used car salesman job and ain't nobody got any time if you are going to be so dry about it. 

Honestly reminds me of beautiful Ariel Burdett who said "I'm not a number, I am a human being." 

That's why you got what you got. 

 

[StarStruck]

20 minutes ago, intotheblack said:

Hmm I dunno, maybe just a bit more warmth to the messages,  ask her what she’s been up to the last few days.. then you could ask if she’s still up for meeting? 

Since 2 days had passed it was maybe a bit blunt to ask immediately to meet. 

she could probably sense that you want sex, and for whatever reason she couldn’t be bothered with going out and chatting with a new guy who is giving off the sex signal.  
 
I agree though it’s not cool! to arrange a time and then stop responding... 

but at least nothing more happened with you’s otherwise it would be harder. 

plenty of guys do this disappearing act without explanation too, it’s not just a female thing.  I’ve been ghosted a fair few times in my life, it’s like a dagger to the ego heart. 

Thanks for the input. I know guys do this too. It is really how you interpret it. 

Me as a guy who is very introverted and not a lot of social experience it is hard not to take it personal. 

What helped me was to switch from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. That is easier said than done. 

Changing mindset is very hard. 

[StarStruck]

@Preety_India I know what you mean. I just didn't know how to break the ice and I got tensed up and just asked her out. 

I thought if I ask about her jobless situation that is not sexy or something. I know that is stupid. 

To be honest I was not horny. I was just very insecure and I didn't know how to handle that conversation through text. I was afraid of being ghosted and that is what I got.