Help!!!! I Am 30 And I Have No Life Purpose

[LoveLotus30]

I'm going to get right to it. I am a 30 year old female with 2 young boys and I recently just moved out on my own. I feel like i have acquired the things necessary to survive and so far things are okay but now things are starting to pile on financially and I am scared that I am going to fail my children and myself. I have a decent job making $40K a year but as a single mother with 2 kids it just isn't enough. I was very immature for a long time mentally, emotionally and spiritually and have just recently come into the beginning stages of enlightenment. I have made some major life changes like giving up religion and become more spiritual and eating a plant based diet. I meditate and constantly try to stay aligned with the Most High. I suffered from a lot of depression and anger issues from past hurts and i find myself jumping from men to men trying to attain happiness which did not work . I realized i spent a lot of time wanting to be in a relationship and trying to find love that i let my entire life go by and really accomplished nothing. Yes,  I went to college but only because my mom made me and i really didn't have a plan so my degree is kind of obsolete. I am very shy and suffer from low self esteem and have a very hard time communicating with peers and especially women. I work Jobs but often feel like a number and not an asset because i just feel I'm not as good as my co- workers. I don't really have any friends and my support system is small. I guess I want to make a significant change in my life and live the life I imagine in my head but it only consist of as Leo says "the lush life" but nothing of purpose. People often say "well what do you want to do with your life "and I say "I don't know". I know it sounds pathetic but at 30 i still have no clue as to what i want to do with myself. I pray about it, I meditate on it and i just can't identify with anything. I feel like a drifter and i just go through life but there is no substance there.

At 30 I feel like I'm just becoming an adult and beginning to feel all the hits of reality that i should have felt at 21 or 25 even. I think I can admit I am lazy, not in the sense that i just lay around but more that I have ideas for my life  but I wont see them through mostly because I don't think I can actually attain them. I'm terrified and I try to keep a cool face for my kids because I know they look at me as the protector and provider but little do they know i don't have a clue or a plan in play to guarantee our success as individuals or as a family. I guess my question is "When you have all these feelings and you know you want to make a shift in life in a total new direction, where do you start?" Is anyone going through a similar situation? I know i made mistakes and haven't made the best decisions in life, I know all that, so I would appreciate if nobody will bash me or  judge me but advice I will listen too and hopefully gain some insight and inspiration to use in my day to day.

Thanks for your time.

[Jared Gregory]

@LoveLotus30 First thing I want to say to you is what i say very often to people which is you are enough.  Most of us go through not knowing what we want to do in life then one day we try things, and then find passions. It's great you meditate and it's wonderful you have children too  but ask yourself am i happy with what i am doing at this moment. Then you have choices either improve your situation or remove yourself from it to make you feel happier. By know means am i an expert i was very lazy when i was a teenager made bad decisions that's the joy of learning and making mistakes. 

Whenever i make a mistake i don't get sad or complain i just laugh and accept what is. do you have a positive routine that you do  daily like walking,working out meditating? if not maybe apply that each day and see how it makes you feel.  

Try stuff find different ideas as I have been there before to afraid to give it a go but really you have nothing to lose  

I am sorry if this aint helpful 

 

[LoveLotus30]

Any advice helps and I'm grateful for you taking the time to try and help. I do incorporate exercise in my day at least 30 minutes each day and it helps. I just want the American Dream ya know. Nice house picket fence and the dog in the yard and i put a lot of pressure on myself because I feel i should be further than what I am. I'm one of those people who knows what to do but can't seem to apply it to my life. I just need to figure out some goals for myself and start trying to achieve them. Just hard to do when you don't know what it is you are trying to accomplish in a sense.

Thanks for your insight, much appreciated. Be well.

[smd]

Do you have any family like parents, brothers, or sisters?  You should consider moving in with some relatives until you can get your life sorted out.  Even if it means you have to relocate and get a new job, but try to find a new job in that location before you move.

Next, I would consider Leo's Life Purpose Course.  The entire course is designed to help you find out what you want to be when you grow up.  I wouldn't be ashamed at being 30 and feeling these problems.  I didn't realize it was an issue until I got into my early 40s.  I don't feel bad about it however.  Everyone arrives at these points at different times in their lives.  The course is $249.  If you can't afford that, consider Leo's booklist for $20 & focus on the stuff he has there which I believe is life purpose-related, also success-related, & business related.

Lastly, you have nothing to be ashamed of.  Congratulations, for figuring it out early.

[Xpansion]

Wait, you're 30 and you've let your "whole life go by"!! It's funny how we get to 30 and start to get a glimpse of how we aren't  going to be young forever and of our impending mortality and then go into a panic.  The age 30 is like some kind of big event for 20 somethings especially women but believe me when you get to your late 40s its laughable.   

Why is it "pathetic" that you don't know what to do with yourself? Who told you that you should know??   Your parents? Your friends?   society?    Do you really believe that? Or Is this a false belief that you have taken on board?   Who are you comparing yourself to and why? Can you see how these beliefs are limiting you? To think of yourself as pathetic is not going to get you far. 

Imagine this. You go through your whole life striving to find out what it is you want to do. You try many different interesting things and you don't find any particular thing but you meet many interesting people along the way who you form rich relationships with.  You manage to do the best job you can bringing up your kids with the resources you have. They don't get to live a privileged life , go to an expensive private school or university but they love you and appreciate everything you did to help them survive. They don't turn out to be entitled twats who have never had to struggle for anything and so they are really well adjusted, resilient, kind and caring people who appreciate what they have and take pleasure in small and simple things. You  die surrounded by your loving friends and family. The end.  

 In my opinion that is a successful life and you couldn't ask for much more.   Just enjoy the journey, the process and start to be very kind to yourself.  Stop bashing yourself up. Appreciate everything you have while it lasts. Your youth, your kids, your friends, your family, your life.  Take actions and steps towards things you might like and enjoy but do it with some detachment. Happiness is not at some point in the future when you achieve, accomplish and attain A,B and C. Take a deep breath and know that it is within you here now.   

Click here for Loving kindness practice

Edited October 26, 2016 by Xpansion

[WakingMike]

Hi Lotus.

Thanks for sharing your story.

I’m sure it’s easy to feel alone in your current situation even though there are so many others who are in the same situation feeling the same way. If you’re watching Leo video’s you’re on the right path.

Recognize that at times you will feel overwhelmed and your situation hopeless. Allow yourself to feel that way knowing that it will pass. Even knowing that it will likely happen again and it may be like that for a while. Keep chipping away at it even though it may seem as though you’re not making any progress. Videos, books, meditation, exposing limiting beliefs (age for one thing!), soul work(healing inner child wounds).  Follow areas of interest that will help you move forward most at the time.

Have faith that your higher self will steer you in the right direction. Understand it’s a process and at times you will feel overwhelmed and hopeless. Allow yourself to feel that way, and it will pass like everything else.

It’s easy when you’re feeling this way to obsess about it. Thinking that things should a certain way, question that. Remember to be grateful for what you do have (a job, great kids) while working towards finding out what it is that you want and having faith it will emerge over time. Hope this helps!

 

 

[Inspir8tion]

@LoveLotus30 Thank you for opening up and sharing your situation.  A lot us go through this whole process of stressing about life purpose or feeling like by a certain age we should have completed all of the above.  I think that is our main problem, instead of enjoying our journey, we are focused on the finish line.   Have you ever thought you're going through this situation , because someone needs to hear your story? You're not pathetic , you are aware that you have a purpose, its just not crystal clear to you yet. 

[Frode]

Hey, Lotus! I admire that you are so open to showing vulnerability. 

First, I'd like to acknowledge the fact that I'm a lot younger than you (20), and that I'd be stupid to think I have the answer to everything. Therefore, I'll just give you some advise that has worked well for me. 

One part is from the book "Born for This" by Chris Guillebeau, a book which is written to help you find the work you feel like you're born to do. Here's the advise: “Try a lot of things. Over time, you discover something that requires more of your time and attention – and that’s when you switch to focusing more and more on that one thing.” It's about trying several things which may suit your interests, and then decide upon what you eventually would like to put all of your (work) energy in to.

Another great tip I found in Cal Newport's book "So Good They Can't Ignore You", is how we should focus on developing some skills in an area first instead of first finding out what we're passionate about: The Passion Hypothesis: “The key to occupational happiness is to first figure out what you’re passionate about and then find a job that matches this passion.” 

So, try a lot of things, and find a skill that's valuable and that you want to get good at would be my advise.

I wish you well in improving your life situation :-)

[Zane]

I'm 22 years old and I'm still discovering my life purpose! I know that I have a deep desire for storytelling and creativity and I'm striving for that creative experience of peak experience and flow state where I get so deeply immersed in creativity that I feel a state of flow. Of course you can discover your life purpose!  The great news is that purpose is completely subjective and it can be created however you want. It can be such a simple purpose or it can be a fairly broad and deep purpose. Introspect and ask yourself questions on your purpose and be both strategic and intuitive about your purpose! I created my purpose to tell stories and discover my creativity as a child and I was on track and fell off track with my purpose!