Difficulty diving into sexuality (looking for wise advice)

[Human Mint]

I am a 20 years old guy. I have been with girls just a couple of times and those were times when i felt amazing.

I haven't been with a girl for more than a year ago, and I am having trouble aproaching. I really feel the need to do so and have sexual intimacy But there is something keeping me down (a lot of fear). A train of insecure thoughts and tense feelings come when I talk to almost any girl of my age. It is evolving in socially awkward situations, even with other mans (including friends), and i think that not being able to be free with my own sexuality is contributing to more fear related to social encounters in general.

I share this here because it is the only place i feel free to do so. Thank y'all for that 

Edit: thinking about it, I may be acting out of selfishness (doing it for me and to felt great afterwards). That may be the reason of fear

Edited April 18, 2021 by Human Mint

[karkaore]

@Human Mint I feel you. I also experienced this.

At some point I realized that this was because I was objectifying them. Why was I doing that? Because I wanted something from them. I looked at them as a piece of cake. Then I have asked my self what was it that I wanted from them exactly? and so on the questioning went until I realized that I really do not need anything from anyone.

Chances are that you are using self-talk to come up with excuses why you are afraid and insecure. You can stop doing that.

[Nahm]

@Human Mint

Maybe the ‘fear’ is just thinking of outcomes you don’t want... and feeling the resistance to thinking about what you do want. 

[universe]

Do you know why you get tense talking to woman? What is it that you fear?

[Human Mint]

8 hours ago, universe said:

Do you know why you get tense talking to woman? What is it that you fear?

@universe I don't really know, but it may be fear of humilliation. I can't handle that, i just freeze and that worsen my feeling of insecurity (and I try to hide it but it is to obvious). For example, I experienced some of this as soon as I opened this post to see what's new.

16 hours ago, Nahm said:

Maybe the ‘fear’ is just thinking of outcomes you don’t want... and feeling the resistance to thinking about what you do want.

@Nahm Yes. And what techniques do yo sugest can help to get me thinking about what I do want?

 

Thanks

[Nahm]

@Human Mint

A dreamboard.