I'm sitting here in tears thinking about how I got into this situation. I have this complex about myself that insists I am better than that type of drama. But I attracted this into my life because I still haven't worked through a lot of the pain I have from my childhood. I recently moved into a home with 3 roommates. I noticed right away after moving in that I had gotten myself into a situation that I was trying to move away from, drinking and partying. But at the point of my realization, I had already moved in and was settled. In a new city, all by myself. Okay, I should be alright, right? Well, I have a history of using drugs and alcohol and I feel a very strong pull to do those things when I am around them. I thought I could just, not do it, and live in the house regardless. But I was needy, I wanted friends, and my roommates were partying so why wouldn't I join? I tried to not get involved but I was just drawn to the things happening all around me.    This girl punched me because she didn't like me being friendly to her. I take full responsibility for it. I walked up to her, she was drunk, high and angry. I smiled at her. She called me a bitch and punched me. I didn't react. It's my fault for trying to prove to her that I am a nice person... I deserve that. I moved out the next day. But now I'm living in a hotel, alone in a new state.    I keep turning inwards and looking at how I got myself into this situation. And it's a little overwhelming to see all the ways in which I am at fault for all my drama. I just feel like I should be over this by now. I've been really putting work in for 3 years but have been into spirituality for 10+ years. To think that all those years were just me lying to myself about how "spiritual and good" I am just pains me. I'm a liar to myself first and then to those around me. As a tall, white, pretty girl I have this look that makes me seem like I have my life together. But I am suffering deeply, and the only reason I'm not a homeless drug addict is because I have a really good support system. I just feel like such a fake.