I made a lemon tek. I eat an apple to get some juices in. The comeup feels brutal, like getting pulled up in the highest roller coaster track. The comeup is rough. I want to let go of this person [more on that see edit 3]. I prepare to surrender. But nothing could prepare me.   Entities appear like bullies around me. Keeping me small. I rise up, saying, "I am Goodness. I am Love." I am the one keeping the lights on, not you. I am very sure to turn this trip around. Oh boy.   I become conscious of this body being an ape. But there is no control. There is no one moving that body.   Wake up in this body. Know nothing what this is. This body feels like a cage, limited. There's so much more but know forgotten. It is just out of this world. Alien doesn't describe it, more cosmic or universal.   Arriving at Infinity. Pure machine. It's a spinning apparatus, spinning for ever, feeding into itself, being itself. A perfect loop. Spitting out creation for ever. Words repeatedly come out of the mouth, "Existence.", "It makes no sense." and "Pure insanity." It is Existence, everything else would be a lie. Memories fade now, however it was devoid of everything, being like a canvas that holds everything that is painted on it. No emotion or property of any kind. Even saying no characteristic would be a characteristic. Everything less than Infinity can be labeled. What came up first when detaching from Infinity was Love and Goodness. It is the Creator loving the creation. Words are said. They rhyme and loop back into each other like the Infinite loop. Doesn't make sense now, however it was an existential feeling of Eternal and dead immortality.   There comes awareness of the body. No one is speaking, "What have you done.", "You wanted that.", "You got what you wanted.", "You are completely insane now." [more on that see edit 2] The body moves on its own. Being naked on the floor. Being back on the bed in fetal position. Recognizing that it doesn't feel good. It isn't important how the body is, it is already dead. However it moves to being comfortable and getting some warmth again. There is not knowing what breathing means. It is known that there is O2 needed. Time is nonexistent. There is bodily reaction to the knowing that this experience is timeless and standing still. I believe to be dead, that nothing could be done to me because I am nothing. Memories also fade here. I accept to be carried into an insane asylum for the rest of the life. It still isn't in the normal physical reality. However I knew I fucked up the meaning making structure and would be insane for ever. That was accepted. No, it was no choice. It was still acceptance. [more on that see edit 1]   I was spit out. Joy overcame me. So much Love. I felt greatefulness that the identity was back. It was pleasant to feel to be sane again, to have an identity back. God spoke to me through my mouth, "My child, you are so loved.", "You are everything that I ever wanted.", "I want you to exist and you are perfect.", "My child, I want everything for you.", "Dance my child and dance for me. Dance and the universe dances with you." I read the trip questions. So much egoic stuff of clinging to identity, being afraid of dying. Beforehand I wrote some answers under the questions and they all were right. What felt to be said is that this knowing of You is requisite for living life. When you face any limitations that are connected with being an identity you feel back into your eternal nature. You know you are non-existent. So just create what you want because God is you and you create through God's will.   After that I just felt exhausted. Getting outside. There was internal stillness. No mind movement. Just barely the essential movement.   Edit 1: What came up now was a feeling of infinite warping right before coming back into the body. There was no reality but infinite warping, an infinite loop. Very difficult to describe. While in that state the door bell rang. There was a knowing that going to there to the door naked would just be infinite warping. It was devoid of anything human. Just pure movement. Eternal. Immortality. ... Yeah, there was just warping and the imagined human life was seen as imagination. It's just warping forever. Edit 2: What was remembered again is Infinity being a circle. A sinus wave. Forever and ever. The mind tries to make sense of it but it is beyond. When the mind grasps it it is a circle spinning forever. A straight line which is the circle. Doesn't compute. Doesn't have to compute. Edit 3: I didn't want to be this person anymore but wanted to be another person. There was really no want to be nobody but a person I would like myself to be.