Breaking Free Of Inauthenticity

[Dan B]

Hi everyone,

I've been practicing meditation, self-inquiry, and personal development since November. And while I have seen remarkable improvements in my life something is still not quite right. Ever since I was younger I've noticed that my personality, energy, emotions, and verbal output changes depending on who I'm around. I've always just dismissed this strange occurrence but lately (I assume from meditation and self-inquiry) it is something I can no longer dismiss. It's basically uncontrollable how quick I change around certain people. In a way its like Instagram filters. When I meet someone or speak to them one on one my mind/body/emotions immediately groups that person in with a filter. Some filters result in me always being timid whenever that specific person is around, other filters result in me feeling confident and more intelligent whenever another specific person is around (I've noticed this is only when I feel that the person does not emotionally intimidate me). These automatic reactions are so deep in my mind that I do not know how to break it even if I attempt to pay attention to it throughout my day. However, there are very rare occurrences where I feel authentic and more at peace(I'm always at this state when I'm alone and no one is around). These rare occurrences usually happen when I'm in an environment where I know no one and where everyone is an equal. At this state there are no "filters" and the original picture remains. A quick example would be at a school meeting, retreat, or presentation which requires everyone present to step up. At such times I find myself no different than when I'm alone. It's so strange that I cannot keep this phase which offers love, calmness, and authenticity to myself and everyone around me. Usually this results in efficient output and natural leadership which is nothing like one of my usual personalities around others. I'm fed up with not being able to be myself around my closest family and closest friends and nearly everyone I come across. I'm aware that these are deep subconscious acts but I can no longer let inauthenticity control my life.

Any advice, input, or even similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Much Love,

Dan

[Ayla]

@Dan B

Who are YOU? Who are OTHERS? 

What is it that separates you from them? 

Inquire that for a moment please

 

[jjer94]

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These automatic reactions are so deep in my mind that I do not know how to break it even if I attempt to pay attention to it throughout my day. However, there are very rare occurrences where I feel authentic and more at peace(I'm always at this state when I'm alone and no one is around).

Wait, so these "automatic reactions" are not authentic? If they are, then why bother changing? I put on different masks in front of different people all the time, because one mask may be more fitting for one person. If I'm with a dog, I talk in a high voice. When I'm with a philosopher, I talk analytically. When I'm with my Mom, I talk like a hippy. Just because you act differently in front of people doesn't make it inauthentic. It's only inauthentic when there's an agenda behind the mask you're wearing, where you're trying to manipulate someone into doing something for your self-agenda. Although this situation does sound inauthentic....

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It's so strange that I cannot keep this phase which offers love, calmness, and authenticity to myself and everyone around me.

What if in the mere effort of trying to be yourself, you become inauthentic? Ponder that. You want to "keep" the phase that offers love, calmness, and authenticity, which sounds like you want to don the mask of "kind person" so that other people can reflect back to you how amazing you are. These are very subtle ego games here. Ego wants to control the situation in order to fulfill some future outcome, and by controlling the situation it resists its current situation. Isn't that what's happening right now? Why did you decide to post this? Because you're resisting your present situation?

In order to truly "be yourself," as you say, you probably need to let go of the idea of "being yourself." Let go of your need to act a certain way at all, and be completely unfiltered in your interactions with people. I double dog dare you. See what happens! Yes, it'll be embarrassing at times, you'll be afraid to do it, you may hurt some feelings here and there. But in the process of being radically honest, you will reveal all of your inauthenticities in yourself. You will intuitively sense what feels forced, what feels inauthentic. Once you become aware of your inauthenticities and what they're trying to accomplish, you will be much less likely to be inauthentic. Don't try to be authentic; only become aware of your inauthenticities through radical honesty. Authenticity will naturally flow in like spring water. And please, don't beat yourself up for being inauthentic. It's just conditioning you'll have to work through.

Whether you decide to take the plunge into radical honesty is up to you. Either way, I wish you the best!

JJ

 

[Natasha]

Leo has a video called Understanding The Authentic Self, check it out.

[A way to Actualize]

To be more loving and authentic to everyone around you, this will be your solution. I found with this teaching that all the times I am inauthentic are crushed. I found also that the people around me began treating me in a much more lovely way, it still surprises me.

 

 

 

Edited February 11, 2016 by A way to Actualize

[Huz]

7 hours ago, jjer94 said:

In order to truly "be yourself," as you say, you probably need to let go of the idea of "being yourself." Let go of your need to act a certain way at all, and be completely unfiltered in your interactions with people. I double dog dare you. See what happens! Yes, it'll be embarrassing at times, you'll be afraid to do it, you may hurt some feelings here and there. But in the process of being radically honest, you will reveal all of your inauthenticities in yourself. You will intuitively sense what feels forced, what feels inauthentic. Once you become aware of your inauthenticities and what they're trying to accomplish, you will be much less likely to be inauthentic. Don't try to be authentic; only become aware of your inauthenticities through radical honesty. Authenticity will naturally flow in like spring water. And please, don't beat yourself up for being inauthentic. It's just conditioning you'll have to work through.

 

 

I have got the same feeling at the moment @Dan B. Its literally identical to what you are experiencing. I have been picking up on the fact that i feel my personality changes with many people. At times it drives me nuts. Sometimes, I get anxious coming home form uni because i am afraid that my friends think i have changed and that i am not my usual self around them. I am glad you brought this thread to life.

@jjer94 can you offer any tips for getting rid of the filters because it is easier said then done. I try to hard to remove them and that makes me even more filtered.

I am on a path to realise who i am based on truth and maybe there is a correlation between the two? I have become isolated from a some mates at uni because i have discovered spirituality and i feel they think its a bit odd that a student who usually loves to drink and socialize become this way

[jjer94]

@Huz88

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can you offer any tips for getting rid of the filters because it is easier said then done. I try to hard to remove them and that makes me even more filtered.

Notice your wording here. You try hard to get rid of them. To try to get rid of them is itself inauthentic, because you have an agenda to be authentic. Authenticity will naturally flow out when you stop trying to be authentic. Authenticity is very natural, like the wind that guides a sailboat. How do you completely let the wind guide you? By releasing the tiller on the boat. How do you release the tiller? By just letting go.

To let go is to radically accept the present moment. It's to remove all notion of "should" or "shouldn't" so the body just does whatever it feels moved to do. If you haven't watched Leo's free will video, watch it. Because essentially what this is, is releasing the illusion of control. You're making things worse by trying to control the situation. 

Like I said to Dan, the way to get rid of your authenticities is not to try and control them; it's to let them come to the surface by letting go. Once you become aware of these inauthenticities and understand their manipulative purpose, then they will subside naturally. No need to force anything. Just use your own awareness. 

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I am on a path to realise who i am based on truth and maybe there is a correlation between the two? I have become isolated from a some mates at uni because i have discovered spirituality and i feel they think its a bit odd that a student who usually loves to drink and socialize become this way

Of course there's a correlation! Those who realize Truth will naturally align their lives based on Truth. Instead of doing things out of inauthentic self-agendas, they will naturally gravitate towards what feels right to them, which is almost always authentic. Once you've been on the path for a while, you start to develop an intuitive ability to sense rightness and not-rightness. You may want to try to use that for this situation. 

What feels right to you? Maybe you can still socialize with your buddies and just not talk about spirituality. Or maybe you're so different from them now that it's not worth hanging out with them anymore? That's up to you to decide. But whatever you do, there's no need to judge them or anyone else as "inferior" for not pursuing spirituality. What that does is that closes you down, and this path is about openness to the utmost degree. 

Cheers!

[Huz]

Truely beautiful words. I Have realised that all of this discomfort has been the play of my anxious egoic self to show that its real. I have seen that this has never happened before in my life until I have discovered spirituality. I have seen through the ego and i love my friends. 

Thank you so much xx

"if you search for the sense of self as a tangible entity and find nothing there, then the whole universe is there. That's how much space the ego takes up. Like putting your finger over the sun"

Shri Moojibaba 

 

Edited February 12, 2016 by Huz88

[Guest]

On 2016-02-10 at 1:47 AM, Dan B said:

(I've noticed this is only when I feel that the person does not emotionally intimidate me)

So you see this. This is good.  Just watch all the things you see happening when you are with different people.  Do not judge or think how you should be acting. If you continue to analyze and judge, then you begin to weigh differences and compare in your mind. This is a limiting type of judgement which releases emotions that present a feeling of timidity or confidence - as the case may be.  Being attached to that activity of mind, believing it is affecting "you" is the very denial of authenticity. 

What you are watching is the authentic reactions of who you are acting as at the moment. 

Who is it that sees this "reacting you"?   Start there.   This will put you into the mode of "perceiver" and free you from the emotional effects of the thoughts and reactions.  When you have mastered this aspect of relating to the world and are ready for further insights, the next  level of enquiry would be to ask who sees the watcher?  But that can wait until you feel comfortable with this questioning that you have about being authentic. 

The fact that you can see the behaviour and the reactions of the body and mind already puts you on the road to authenticity in life.

joy

 

Edited February 12, 2016 by walt
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