I just feel like killing myself.

[Myioko]

I’m so sorry your feeling this way and living in such harsh condition. ): 

[Preety_India]

In such moments I'm always looking up at God to derive strength from.. 

I don't know what else to do.. There are lot of thoughts that come to my mind. 

It's very tough to stay strong.. 

My thoughts always go back to my dad. He was a good guy a very caring Empathetic man. Why did he suffer so much? 

I will never get closure to that question.. 

He died in deep agony. His screams before his death will always stay in my mind. 

They will haunt me for the rest of my life. 

He died a horrible death and I was too young to cope with it. I tried to cope with it at the time and blocked his death for some years and after that his memories of his life and death came like a boomerang and hit me hard. 

The shock of his death was slowly palpable. It came in waves. It would come up and then subside and after a few days come back again. 

Through these desperate moments I was reminded of how good people suffer a lot in this world. I had witnessed it on several occasions and tried to make sense of it. 

I know this is a hard thing to believe but there is such thing a thing called an "evil presence." I have psychic abilities, although I'm nothing like those professional psychics, my psychic abilities are mostly associated with things that happen to me where I get signs and visions related to something. They deeply impact my emotional psyche. I can feel that energy coming. It's not like I'm imagining it. My psychic experiences are very quick come and go. It is not a state of mind. It's like a small glimpse into another dimension of reality for split seconds which can be easily missed if I don't pay attention to the changes happening in the energy field around me. This different dimension is like a heat map, an energy map and the psychic experience is generally like a weather forecast. 

My psychic energy and senses have sharpened since I was a kid. Because that's how I studied my environment. I wasn't fully mentally developed to make sense out of everything around me and so it's my psychic senses that allowed me to scan my environment without having to observe people carefully. It's like being a blind kid sitting in the corner. You might think that the child doesn't know anything and that's your mistake. Because the blind kid is processing everything in his own ways.. The reason why I wouldn't do it openly was because of my deep introversion and inability to open up. This introversion meant that I developed ESP extra sensory perception of my environment as a child to avoid being held with suspicion. I would be busy with my own thing as a kid but my subconscious learned to survive by subconsciously scanning things for me. It's one of the marvels of the human body. Where if you have been deficient in a particular sense, your other senses start compensating for its lack. Since I lacked direct ways of observing things through my basic 5 senses, the survival instinct kicked in strongly and forced my subconscious mind to rely on my 6th sense to take charge of my survival. 

The subconscious mind is generally operating when we are asleep. When our conscious senses are switched off. 

This is what happened to me. I was sleep walking through everything as a child and in this process my subconscious mind became more powerful in scanning the environment than the conscious mind. 

Now the subconscious mind in my opinion holds the key to psychic powers. That is whenever we tend to rely more on our subconscious mind, the way animals do, we develop the power of intuition and this helps us to navigate through our lives by having frequent glimpses of that Unknown Dimension (the heat map I was talking about). 

I have become convinced through my psychic experiences that a dark entity is chasing me and is very responsible for a lot of my suffering. This is not hocus pocus. This is a truth. It is the Satan itself, variously referred to in different cultures as "shaitan" in Islamic cultures, "satan" in Christianity and "dybbuk" in Jewish myth. This a true entity although very difficult to believe at first and only those who have experienced the presence in their lives will know what I'm talking about. 

I call it "the presence" and if someone spoke to me about a certain presence then I would instantly know what they are referring to. It's the same stuff that has bothered me for a long time. 

I usually feel this presence in my darkest moments. As if it's mocking my despair. As if it's laughing at my pain and anguish. It's sitting in the background watching me during those moments. And i feel very bad that this presence has such power. Power to destroy people 

 

I am not going to use conventional terminology like Devil or Satan to describe this presence. It creates a lot of confusion when we use terms like Satan and make it extra fancy and takes away the attention from what's important, it unnecessarily builds up hype. So I will refer to it as "The Dark Entity" and this is the simplest way of describing and labeling it. This also Imparts an unknown identity to it because there is no particular name given to it, giving it a name causes people to extra dramatize it and forget that it's real. It becomes more mythological the more we personify it and that way it stays as a myth rather than a normal real phenomenon. But to really appreciate how powerful it is, it will be important to focus on its presence rather than the more literary and theatrical aspects of it. It's direct presence in the here and the now is what matters most. So this "dark entity" and I will shorten it as DE is what fucks people up mostly. It is very much present around us. And I will lay down a few observations I made about it. 

The first thing is that it doesn't want to be recognized or spotted. The best metaphor that comes to my mind is "wolf in sheep's clothing." It is already within us, around us and we don't know because it hides under some sort of camouflage. We don't notice it and this is exactly what it wants. It doesn't want people talking about it too much because that say it gets exposed. This reminds me of the saying - the greatest trick that the devil played was to convince the world it didn't exist. In fact it even registered in me subconsciously that people who put in active efforts into raising awareness of its presence easily get taken out of this world by strange events. One such person that comes to my mind is Tupac Shakur. He was a very intelligent guy who had great perceptual power, he could predict the future with great accuracy. He was popular, having a massive reach, people believed him, looked up to him. This guy could easily tilt the opinion of the world. He could leak secrets and wasn't afraid of speaking truth. The DE generally fears such people and makes them a target. This explains his sudden death. Although his death is not a big mystery, it still leaves a lot of questions as to why his life and death were so poignant, he was after all just a rapper, like any other rapper, why would his death cause such a sensation and his work leave such an impact? I think it's because Tupac was a very intelligent connected human being. He could see through things. He was gradually unraveling  a lot of truths. A lot of truth seekers die in this world under tragic and mysterious circumstances. Tupac was no different. He was in the same league. He was supposed to be taken out one way or another once he was beginning to know too much. It seems that anytime in history a person holds a vital clue to anything strange in this world, they suddenly fade away or disappear. I truly believe that there is a certain force operating in this world that holds us back from the truth in a very deliberate manner. We aren't allowed to experience the truth. This is not the work of God because God is the beacon of truth. The messenger. Then who can it be. Once again I won't call it Satan because that tends to take away the attention from the entity itself and turns it into a parody rhetoric. It's like God is the Christ (an emblem of Christ) and this entity is the anti-Christ. Because it is anti-God. There cannot be a name to this entity as it is nothing specific, it's like a shapeshifter. Can you call air anything other than air? Can you give it a name? Will giving it a separate name make it more visible? That's the reason why we refrain from giving some grandiose name to air because it won't do it justice. We just call it air and we know what it is. Similarly you cannot name a shapeshifter, it's only a shapeshifter. Only God can have the name God and Christ is not a person or thing. Christ is simply the hologram of God. Christ is the image of what God represents, Christ is the consciousness or nature of God head. Christ is Godness. It's the quality of being God, the all knowing, all seeing, kind, heroic entity that God is. This is magnified in and through Christ. And anything that thwarts the attempts of  Christ to change things for the better is the Anti-Christ. It is symbolic but should not have a name because it slips through everything like a snake in the grass. The anti Christ is the vision of the dead. The anti Christ is a force opposite to God. It is against God. God's strategy is to unify the world whereas the anti christ wants the world in a perpetual state of chaos and misery. At the root of this is deep malice, sociopathy and sadism. These dark qualities combine to form a vicious darkness that only wants to enjoy the suffering of others. These qualities are found in people as well but the proportion is too low. However when these qualities are very concentrated, you get the idea of what a destructive force will look like. This is what the destructive force is. It's an anti-Christ. This destructive force wants too much chaos. There is a deep dark energy to this force. 

How does this energy operate? 

This energy operates by using destruction to its advantage. Destruction itself is not a bad thing. In fact destruction is only a situation, an incident that tends to destroy things. Destruction by a strong wind can cause some plants to be uprooted. But not much. Destruction does not always mean sadness, misery and negativity. For example children can break toys. That is destruction too. But it's not something that causes pain.  destruction caused by natural forces or by accidents and errors is not as destructive as we imagine. We glorify things that are huge in stature. We make movies on it like movies on earthquakes and dinosaurs. We like to watch massive destruction on a big screen because it's entertaining. Dinosaurs causing buildings to topple. It adds to the thrill. But in reality not all destruction is this awe inspiring. Much of destruction is boring and mundane and without deaths. Like a flood in places where there is no human settlement. Stuff happening around volcanic zones. These things don't bother us since they don't impact us. Something that bothers us is usually something that we can closely relate to. Like a crime, someone dying because of a disease, the pandemic being a good example. The DE is not interested in destruction that doesn't serve its purpose like a flood in some distant river. The DE is only interested in destruction that holds high emotional value. So imagine your body like a pipe through which water flows. Now if the pipe bursts and the water leaks, imagine this to symbolize the bursting of your arteries and you bleeding to death. Now imagine there are many many many rocks rolling  at a high speed in different directions towards the pipe but the these rocks keep missing the pipe. Now imagine that the DE is directing these rocks to the pipe to cause maximum impact in such a way that the pipe will burst. Now imagine God watching all this and jumping into action. God knows obstructs the rolling rocks by standing between the rocks and the pipe so the rocks roll off and are reflected in another direction. Thus the pipe remains unharmed and no leakage happens.. God acted as a shield even in the face of destruction..Destruction did happen. The rocks are still rolling but the pipe is saved despite the mayhem. The efforts of the DE to destroy the pipe have been foiled.. This is how the DE operates. It operates by taking advantage of destruction and using that destruction and directing it to cause harm. Destruction does not always cause harm yet the DE always wants or creates some harm. As you can see the only solution is a divine force. A divine force so powerful that it can obstruct the path of destruction. It can stand like a wall and stop the flood. This is what God does in our lives.

The DE is responsible for a lot of bad karma. Imagine a circular disc made of cloud and smoke. This is full of negativity or bad karma. Very bad energy. When you stand on this disc you can feel all the sadness, anger, pain, frustration, failure,helplessness, agony, anguish etc. This is a heavy zone. This is bad karma releasing as bad energy. It's a black hole. Now imagine God to be this Sublime bright white light shining. When this bright white energy of God touches the black hole of negativity, there is a sudden charge like lightning and thunder and Fusion both the light and the dark cloud and dissipation of all that negativity gradually and its replacement with light. That is God bringing hope where there is none. 

This is how we beat the DE and this is the only solution. 

 

 

Edited April 17, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

The above explanation gave me some comfort. 

 

[Preety_India]

For me evil is an ambiguous term. 

It means a lot of things. The evil that is offensive, like murdering someone and evil that is trying to correct  behavior of someone like and 

 

[Preety_India]

So once again I was flooded with thoughts of Joseph. Which is just not good. It fills me with fear. 

Like every time the thought of Joseph comes, I literally get panic attacks.. 

 

[Preety_India]

I still don't feel empowered despite all my effort. It seems Joseph affected my psyche very deeply where he nearly broke my brain. 

Horrible thing to do to someone. 

That's why I will never date again. Don't want to get traumatized by another man again in my life. 

 

[Preety_India]

OK continuing with the word evil. 

For me evil is an ambiguous term. 

It means a lot of things. The evil that is offensive, like murdering someone and evil that is trying to correct  behavior of someone who is evil that is lesser evil fighting greater evil is also evil. But it's a necessary form of evil.. 

This causes confusion. If I tried to kill an evil person, It would still get called evil. 

But in old mythologies this was not the way evil was described. In old mythology evil was cunning and wicked and that which destroyed it was considered venom not evil. Venom wasn't labeled evil in ancient  tribal cultures of India, Egypt, Aztec, Africa, Maya etc. There was a certain Intimidating quality to this venom shown in depictions of Snake In India, Kali and Mahakali, serpent gods in Egypt and Azteca, Crocodile, Hippo, dragon gods, and Voodoo. 

 

Such cultures regarded them as deities although not equivalent to God but fearsome and Intimidating and regarded them with respect. Annoying these Gods was asking for trouble. 

Why did such thoughts and beliefs exist? 

Although with modern Christianity sweeping across the planet, such beliefs have become non existent, even mocked. 

But I have deep respect for old cultures. It seems like they understood reality better than us because they were closer to it in a more animalistic sense. They got the chance to experience the reptilian brain better than us. 

 

Yeah, I get that they were very superstitious and that's the bad part. 

But the good part is that there is always something to distill out of it and absorb from it.

 

 

[Preety_India]

Since evil means many things, I will exclusively use the word to only describe situations of protection and self defense. 

To me evil = poison necessary to defeat another evil 

 

Now what is genuine evil? The kind that destroys 

 

I would call that Malice.

 

 

So instead of using the word evil, I will replace it by the term Malice. 

And instead of using the term Satan or Devil, I will use the term DE or Dark Entity. 

 

So this is set and done. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I keep changing my profile pictures. 

I have a sensory connection to my profile pictures. When I look at them I feel like these pictures say something to me or make me feel a certain way. 

When I feel like I'm not deriving that energy anymore I change the picture to something that fits my current mood. 

 

The current profile picture is unique. It gives me a sense of power for some reason. 

The look in the eyes of the profile photo makes me feel like I need to be a stronger woman to fight my battles. 

 

A lot of the profile pictures in the past made me feel redundant or run of the mill. There was no emotion. 

I always have an emotive quality to my profile pictures. Any random pic doesn't do the job for me. 

So i carefully select a picture based on the emotion or sentiment it creates. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

This profile picture brings me a feeling of power, as though I'm marching with power, for some reason. 

 

Edited April 17, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I feel better right now. But of course this never lasts long. 

Sooner or later  I'm going to be suicidal again. 

I just need to keep hanging as long as I can and maybe one day I'll be out of the dark tunnel and get liberated once and for all. 

 

This is my Hero's journey. 

 

I wish this wasn't my journey because I wanted to help humanity, donate money, and do great things and teach people the importance of love. 

But here I am stuck in little foolish family dramas and financial issues. 

I had great ambitions as a teen 

 

I will hold that vision in my eyes as long as I can and maybe some day I won't be suicidal anymore and maybe that day I won't feel the pressure of family anymore and I will be free to do what I like and I will have enough money to do what I want to do. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

? ✨ List aloud or whisper the most beautiful things about yourself, it must be real things, but let your heart speak.

 

? ✨ Looking at your past and listed out loud or whispering all the beautiful things you have done either for yourself and others.

 

? ✨ Look to the future and imagine the most beautiful potentialities, the most beautiful possible futures, imagine that everything is going well, without problems, smoothly, in creativity, joy, happiness, gentleness, intelligence, cheerfulness, infinity.

 

? ✨ Look at what you can do in your present present to move towards this path of happiness.

 

? ✨ Write down everything you can do to help yourself, to help others, everything you want to do in life.

 

? ✨ Let "negative" thoughts pass all the time and stay focused on silence and "positive" things.

 

? ✨ Simple and extremely powerful prayer: Test you will see ^^ : To be recited continuously as many times as possible :

 

- For oneself: "Divine Source purify me, Divine Source heal me"

- For others: "Divine source purifies and heals first name + last name + bond-with-the-person"

- For the universe: "Divine source purifies and heals the entire universe, planet earth, human beings, animals, plants, all living beings, all that exists"

 

 

?? Body and Health

https://ducielalaterre.org/liste/corps-et-sante/en/

 

 

 

??For all those who wish, recite as many times as possible continuously: for oneself and / or for others and / or for the universe

 

« Divine source purify me divine source heal me »

 

« Divine source purifies and heals first name + last name + link-with-the-person »

 

« Divine source purifies and heals the planet earth human beings living beings and everything that exists in all possible dimensions »

 

?? To target a prayer, for example if someone else has a disease in the left lung: Recite continuously as many times as possible aloud or in a whisper (recite internally if you cannot while whispering):

 

For several minutes at least :

 

I ask the divine source to transmute into pure light the entire left lung of first name + last name + link with the person.

 

• The base: I ask the divine source

 

• Then: Say precisely what you are asking: for example: to heal to cleanse to purify to transmute into pure light all the sick cells of the body of first name + last name + link with the person

 

• Then: Recite with the greatest faith and conviction, for several minutes at least, the more serious the case the more time it takes. Recite aloud if possible, whispering otherwise, internally otherwis

[Preety_India]

You get so fed up with this hateful forum where people are constantly trying to push your trigger buttons. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India just let it go. Don't get angry. Let it go. Let it go. 

Don't give into that bait.. 

Let them try harder to get you angry. 

This is called taking a step back. 

 

[Preety_India]

Why people feel the need to say something personal and rude to each other? 

And even if you wanna be personal with someone, can't you be less aggressive? Do you really have to carry that chip on you? 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Sometimes I feel like venting out my anger here. 

[Preety_India]

 

A short conversation I had with myself 

What would I like to tell my self (if I were a child) 

 

Preety

 

The world is a brutal place. 

It's not your fault that you are here. Things don't always work out as we imagine. I know that your mother did a lot of wrong things and it's hard to forget that. 

But my only advice is to stay away from toxic people. As much as possible. They ruin your life. 

There are a lot of bad people in this world. It's not a good place. You need to watch out for yourself at every step. I didn't do that because I was too naive to understand what was going on. 

All I wanted was to live a happy life but I was doomed from the start. 

Don't ever give into anyone. Don't ever trust anyone. Nobody loves you and you have to accept that. You have to accept that your mother doesn't love you and no matter how you hard you try she is not going to change. She is a flawed person even though she is a mother.

Its your time to pick yourself up somehow or else the world will eat you up. 

I was too naive and time ran out too quickly. I couldn't do anything to fix things. It became too late. 

The only thing you need in this world is your money and security and your sanity. There is no place for your emotions in this world 

We come into this world with an innocent soul unaware of what's in store for us. But this world fucks with your head. You get played, cheated, betrayed, hurt and damaged. 

You are better off alone than get hurt again. 

Don't give into false hopes for love. Don't go seeking for it. There is no fairy in this world waiting to give you love. No superman to rescue you from trouble. All that there is is emptiness and hollow. There is no love. Its a mirage. 

You are only born because 2 people decided to have sex. There is nothing more to it than survival. 

Save some money because you will need it. And look after yourself. That's the best that you can do in this world. 

The world is not meant for love. Love doesn't exist. Love yourself if you feel lonely. But don't wait for someone else to give it to you, that won't happen. 

I know without love it's difficult to function. 

But there are many ways to be connected to good things in life. 

Even if any human being ever showed you love, it will be for a selfish reason, for greed, and it will be fake.. Real love doesn't exist. 

There is still hope out there. There is God. God won't judge you like your mother did. God will love you. 

God is generous unlike humans. God has plenty to give. 

If the world hurts you real bad, then let it stop. Stop attaching yourself to the world in search of love. Stop wanting love when they can't give it. I know it's like hunger. And it's difficult to suppress this need. But you have to do it for your sanity. 

Close your eyes and think about God and you won't need to think about this world anymore. 

 

Rest in peace and forget the pain 

 

[Heart of Space]

On 4/14/2021 at 0:53 AM, Preety_India said:

I have began to get those feelings again. 

 

I just can't take it anymore. 

I just give up 

 

I just want to kill myself and be done with this daily distress 

 

I don't want to keep fighting like this. 

 

I love you and you are a beautiful soul.  I appreciate your presence on this forum and I always feel joy when I read your posts.  

Never give up and overcome your suffering.  You have shared with us your beauty as a soul and as a person.  

I can't wait to read your inevitable post about how you have overcome these feelings and perhaps I can take a page out of your book and overcome my own suffering.  

Thank you for sharing this.  ❤?

[Preety_India]

 

I think this place is dangerous. 

 

After whatever happened yesterday I was going to get  seizures. 

This place is not okay. 

It is toxic. It is only good for people who have zero personal problems in life 

It is not good for people who are very vulnerable and have personal or family problems. This place will eat you out.. 

There is too much drama here. 

 

The policy of the website does not allow you to completely ignore a person. They can still attack you. 

This is even worse than social media. Because on social media the only problem is addiction and too much socialization. 

That is not the case here. Here people attack and nothing can be done to ensure that future attacks don't happen. 

People make many accounts here. That itself is a huge source of threat.. Because people who hold a grudge make accounts to harass. 

This is not safe. 

Anybody can randomly attack. 

 

The journal does not even have a safety option to turn off commenting from "ignored users "

Everytime for every little thing you have to run to moderators.. Or else nothing happens. 

 

This place can be very dangerous for people who have a prior of history of being stalked or bullied. 

Even if you try to avoid a person, the same person can come back with a different account. 

 

If you don't agree with someone, they start using personal attacks to get their point. There are so many debates that this aspect is impossible to handle. 

 

 

Anybody can claim that whatever you're writing is about them even when it is not. 

 

Leo never took into account the dangerous nature of the internet while creating this website.  He simply wants people to get along but this is not possible if it's going to be an international place. That's merely impossible. 

Also the kind of people that this website attracts are domineering competitive people the fighty types. Even when you tell them to leave you alone they don't have the decency to leave you alone.. It doesn't attract docile sensitive caring cooperative people who are simply focused on their work.. 

Any Normal decent conversation can easily be turned into a big fight by simply trying to provoke the user with personal attacks. And usually that is what happens 

 

Leo does not have a good policy in place to stop personal attacks and attackers.. 

So good people will leave this place because they will get fed up with the abuse. 

Even if you tried your best, options like ignore, the question is how many people are going to put on ignore, there are so few people here even if you put a lot on ignore, you are left with nobody to talk to. 

Even people who are not on ignore normally tend to say something shitty and the damage is done. 

Right now I took a look at my messenger. 80% of it is people sending me shitty messages. Nothing helpful. Nothing beautiful. Nothing uplifting. 

How can you call this a self development forum?

And when you complain, you're gaslighted for complaining. Somebody will come with a long spiritual explanation of you're the cause of the problems you're facing. It is you who is attracted to unwanted things. If you are criticizing others then it's your fault because you're judging them (even if the other person is an instigator and attacking you ), because you're the one having issues, you perceive them this way because YOU ARE THAT WAY..... DOES THIS MAKE ANY GODDAMN SENSE AT ALL????????????????

How is this objective?

Every time such an objection is raised there is some bullshit spiritual answer given to the problem instead of giving some sound practical advice. Are you living in such luxury???? Yessss. BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE LIVE IN FIRST WORLD COUNTRIES..... OF COURSE.. Of course you can come up with such bullshit answers. Come to a third world country and I CHALLENGE YOU. Let's see how you survive with your bullshit spiritual platitudes there. 

I am indian. I understand spirituality. I'm not STUPID OR DUMB. We don't use spirituality like this. This is shameful. A shameful way of marketing spirituality and making people feel miserable if they are facing a problem. GASLIGHTING. SHAMEFUL GASLIGHTING. 

SPIRITUAL BYPASSING with your Spiritual EGO.. 

That's what I call it 

... If I were at a higher position I swear I would have roasted this place so good. Not Leo. Not his fault. He started everything with good intent. He is a good guy. 

I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TRUST ANYONE HERE. ABSOLUTELY. 

DO NOT CONTACT ME.  I SAY IT AGAIN. LOUD AND CLEAR. DO NOT CONTACT ME. I DO NOT WANT YOUR CONSOLING MESSAGES.. I want none of this drama. 

Today I woke up and I was suffering again. This is it. This is final 

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO with ANYONE HERE. EVERYTHING IS TURNED INTO DRAMA AND I'M TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

I AM not going TO TALK to ANYONE here. 

FINISH. 

Enough is ENOUGH. 

You can't be a good person here. I tried.  It never works. 

Someone is always trying to trigger you to the max.  

MY BRAIN HURTS.... And I'm DONE. 

You know what. With your attitude you will never solve any problem of humanity, let alone your own (if at all you have any problems, because the point is you don't, because people with real GODDAMN problems don't talk like this, they don't have the luxury to be so spiritually sweet all the time )

I AM DONE. I am SERIOUSLY DONEEEEE. 

This is my inner rage. Now don't tell me that rage is bad and gaslight me.. 

MY RAGE IS HELPING ME. 

I will never talk one WORD TO ANYONE HERE ANYMORE. Done being POLITE. Done with the NICETY. 

Done with the social SPIRITUAL GAMING here. SPIRITUAL AND SOCIAL ABUSE HERE. 

 I am an authentic person. I say what I mean. I say what I FEEEEEEEEEEL.  

AND I DON'T FEEL GOOD HERE. 

I ONLY COME HERE FOR MY WORK. Do YOU GET IT????

I'm NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN NOW. I have felt suicidal since yesterday. THIS IS NOT OKAY. 

I have taken enough ABUSE here. 

RACIAL ABUSE. SPIRITUAL ABUSE. SOCIAL ABUSE. I'm done. 

Today I felt like cutting myself again. 

THIS IS NOT OKAY.. 

ABUSIVE NONSENSE FROM THIS GODDAMN HORRIBLE PLACE.. 

THIS PLACE COMPLETELY RUINED MY PEACE OF MIND FOR SIMPLY NOT WANTING TO FEEL LONELY. 

I'M DONE. 

I WILL NEVER TALK TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN HERE. Ever.  GO TO HELL

Do not TALK TO ME.  I don't need even one person to talk to me. Get lost. 

Stop bothering me. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH????????HUH????

What part of "stop bothering me, leave me alone " is not understood????

Just leave me in peace. Leave me alone. 

I HAVE NOTHING TO DO with ANYONE. 

I like my solitude. IT'S BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN BE AROUND HARMFUL PEOPLE. 

Even if they don't mean harm. 

This place is 1000 times worse than social media. 

But my goddamn work of 3 years is tied up here. 

All MY WRITING WORK, MY HARD WORK IS HERE. 

MY HARD WORK OF 3 YEARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

DO YOU GET THAT?

I HAVE SPENT 3 YEARS OF SLEEPLESS NIGHTS DOING THAT WORK 

DO YOU GET THAT ??????????

DO YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR ANYONE'S HUMANITY AT ALL?????

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO WORK THAT HARD TOWARD MY LIFE PURPOSE ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE... ALL OF YOU.... LEAVE ME ALONE 

 

From today on,  I  AM NOT TALKING TO ANYONE HERE. 

ENOUGH BULLSHIT AND HARASSMENT 

I AM DOING MY WORK AND MY GODDAMN WORK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.  

 

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY WORK,  DO NOT READ. 

STOP HARASSING ME. ALL OF YOU. 

 

 

 

 

 

DO NOT COMMENT ON MY JOURNALS. 

DO NOT 

 

(people who understand me are allowed to talk to me in private ) others NEED NOT BOTHER.