I just feel like killing myself.

[Preety_India]

I have began to get those feelings again. 

 

I just can't take it anymore. 

I just give up 

 

I just want to kill myself and be done with this daily distress 

 

I don't want to keep fighting like this. 

 

[Preety_India]

God sees my pain. God knows that I'm trapped

 

I want freedom. 

I don't want this life. 

I am tired of fighting. 

 

I  have to keep fighting like a thug all the time and I'm tired of it 

I'm fed up of living like this. I feel rotten 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India it's ok it will get better. 

 

[GreenLight]

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Preety_India it's ok it will get better. 

 

❤️ 

[Roy]

You're having too much time to overthink, and stew. It exacerbates negative feelings.

Find something you enjoy doing, and do that instead. Without thinking about it.

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India

This forum is full of shit. Lot of hypocrisy here. 

Birds of a feather flock together. 

 

[Clvp]

What problems are you facing that are making you feel this way? 

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, Clvp said:

What problems are you facing that are making you feel this way? 

Emotional issues, financial issues and family drama. 

I still depend financially on my family even though I have a job because the job pays me peanuts. It is enough for my food. 

I lost a lot of money in the past 6 months in the medical bills of my mother because there is no insurance, and I can't buy insurance because I don't have the money to get insurance. 

And my mother has come to live with me because she had problems with her landlord. 

Now this was the only apartment I could afford.. I got this on rent in 2019. Now the prices have increased by a huge amount. I barely afford the rent. This rent I'm able to pay because they didn't increase it. However all other apartments around go by the current rate and I can't afford them. 

At this point, my mother needs to stay the fuck out of my life. I'm 27. I can't take it anymore.

I want to have my own life and I feel stuck. 

The money is not enough for me to buy separate homes for her and myself. 

A day ago she kept yelling at me abusive things and then directly attacked me as I was readying for work 

She got violent and hit on my head. I yelled and screamed to get away from her and she threatened that she will call the cops on me. 

I got scared because of her death threats and went outside and stayed out for the whole night sleeping on a bench in the park. 

I'm fed up with living with this life where I can't get freedom from this motherfucking bitch. She ruined my dad's life. Now she is on to me. 

She is bipolar, insane, violent and abusive. 

She got me evicted from 2 other places where I tried to move by telling stories to my neighbors and threatening my landlord. 

I have no idea why she is trying to ruin my life. I'm tired of her. 

I suffered her abuse for so many many years.. 

Either God give me freedom from this bitch or God give me Death 

 

 

[Clvp]

@Preety_India sorry man, I know shit can seem unfair. It sounds like your mother is the problem, it’s easier said than done, but you got to get her out of life by any means, no if, and, and or buts, you can do it.

[Preety_India]

@Clvp that's what my goal is. 

I feel defeated every time but someday I will be free. 

 

[Clvp]

@Preety_India  You could legally kick her out of your house. Although I can understand how you wouldn’t want to throw her in the streets. 

[Preety_India]

@Clvp yeah I don't want to do that because she is mentally ill and a widow and nobody to care for her except me. 

 

[Clvp]

@Preety_India  you’re a great daughter. Good luck with everything 

[Melissa46]

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Clvp yeah I don't want to do that because she is mentally ill and a widow and nobody to care for her except me. 

 

There has to be care homes for the elderly where you live... or better yet, if you have other family members from her side to care for her, like siblings she might have? 
 

I’ve dealt with a LOT of narcissistic abuse from my mom for many years too, so I empathize so much... either you need to see improvement in her behaviour or find a way to pry yourself apart from her, seeing as she has no empathy or respect towards you ?

[Preety_India]

Just now, Melissa46 said:

There has to be care homes for the elderly where you live... or better yet, if you have other family members from her side to care for her, like siblings she might have? 
 

I’ve dealt with a LOT of narcissistic abuse from my mom for many years too, so I empathize so much... either you need to see improvement in her behaviour or find a way to pry yourself apart from her, seeing as she has no empathy or respect towards you ?

I have tried approaching a lot of the elderly care homes but the panic created by the pandemic is so strong that they are literally not ready to take anymore patients. They simply hang up when I call them. 

There was a care home that I managed to find and it was meant as a recreation house for elderly people with mental illness and they stated an exorbitant price per month which is like half of my bank account, of course I had to reject their offer because they were so money hungry. 

The only people around me who can afford a decent place for the elderly are very rich people. 

But the pandemic made it incredibly harder to get anything done. 

I'm desperately waiting for the pandemic panic to go away. After that I'm planning to approach Social Services and maybe they will intervene and give her the necessary instructions and therapy so that she realizes that she needs to act wisely.. 

I guess Social Services will really help me out with the situation. I just do not want to physically be around them because of the pandemic. 

Once this whole thing is over with, it will be much easier for me to handle her. 

 

[Preety_India]

@modmyth ❤️

[Etherial Cat]

@Preety_India I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. Don't you have any other relative that could take her of her?

If you're feeling so bad and tired, maybe it is a case of putting your own oxygen mask first before being able to help other people with theirs.

[Preety_India]

I feel depressed and suicidal again. 

 

[Preety_India]

I feel my life is worthless. I just don't want this. I don't feel free. 

 

[Preety_India]

I want to end everything. Maybe that way I will be free.