What Kind Of Delusion Do I Have If I'm Not Surprised By Any Of This?

[jennywise]

5 minutes ago, Capethaz said:

@jennywise The issue is that you THINK you know what Enlightenment is. Nothing is more precious than the freedom that comes with awakening. This freedom usually manifests in the "world" as love and compassion. But you have to get the thing done to know.

So I'm guessing as long as my experiences of no self (what I thought was a taste of enlightenment- but, *sucker punch* I guess not)- as long as I continue to be blocked by self-loathing that means any experience I thought I was having is just more thoughts and essentially another delusion, since it is not manifesting itself as love and compassion. Great.

[Capethaz]

@jennywise When you get enlightened you will know for sure, all doubts about the path are erased when you enter the stream.

[laurastarla]

Jenny from your writing i sense you do the same thing I do - 'I already know this, I've already tried this, I see this and that clearly, and yet I can't figure anything out and I'm still all messed up'. I've been investigating this nicely packaged ego trap I've created for myself -  by making this my identity I can continually eat up information (even though I already know it) and run around in circles thinking I'm doing all this hard spiritual work and look how deep I am and how I see so much more than those believing their illusions and thinking things matter- and still sort of, feel sorry for myself because I'm not getting anywhere (at least not quickly) and so get to blame everything else and stay in victim mode when it suits me, and as you said, 'poor me.'. Yet it feels so REAL this poor me, that is what is scary about it. We know we are bs'ing ourselves but it's beyond us to stop. Maybe that is a core belief to untangle 'I know all this stuff, I practice all the tools, and yet I still can't get it right'. Underneath that is 'there is something wrong with me.' You said you love so much enlightenment work - as long as you are still confusing yourself you get to continue it. Imagine if you really experienced it, this frantic searching and intellectualizing would stop. who would you be then, what would you do, what would you enjoy. We want more than anything the truth and the answers, but we want more the endless searching in some way, and identifying with this 'deep, insightful yet lost soul' we are pretending to be. I guess ;-) If we could stop being attached to this definition of ourselves if it would all just melt away. But then we start asking, but HOW, and the whole game renews itself. Uggggg!!!!!

[abrakamowse]

5 minutes ago, jennywise said:

So I'm guessing as long as my experiences of no self...

You can share the experience someday... if you feel like it.

[jennywise]

18 minutes ago, laurastarla said:

Jenny from your writing i sense you do the same thing I do - 'I already know this, I've already tried this, I see this and that clearly, and yet I can't figure anything out and I'm still all messed up'. I've been investigating this nicely packaged ego trap I've created for myself -  by making this my identity I can continually eat up information (even though I already know it) and run around in circles thinking I'm doing all this hard spiritual work and look how deep I am and how I see so much more than those believing their illusions and thinking things matter- and still sort of, feel sorry for myself because I'm not getting anywhere (at least not quickly) and so get to blame everything else and stay in victim mode when it suits me, and as you said, 'poor me.'. Yet it feels so REAL this poor me, that is what is scary about it. We know we are bs'ing ourselves but it's beyond us to stop. Maybe that is a core belief to untangle 'I know all this stuff, I practice all the tools, and yet I still can't get it right'. Underneath that is 'there is something wrong with me.' You said you love so much enlightenment work - as long as you are still confusing yourself you get to continue it. Imagine if you really experienced it, this frantic searching and intellectualizing would stop. who would you be then, what would you do, what would you enjoy. We want more than anything the truth and the answers, but we want more the endless searching in some way, and identifying with this 'deep, insightful yet lost soul' we are pretending to be. I guess ;-) If we could stop being attached to this definition of ourselves if it would all just melt away. But then we start asking, but HOW, and the whole game renews itself. Uggggg!!!!!

Wow- yes- absolutely- wait, if I'm not me, are YOU me?!!!

 Except I don't feel any sort of self-congratulatory feelings on doing deep spiritual work, in fact it also has a catch 22 nature for me, because I think it's essential to do before trying to wrestle with other demons, (for example procrastinating doing something that will lead to personal success) and at the same time, the fact that it is so time consuming makes it feel like just another self indulgent way to procrastinate. In fact a part of me really envies people who are thoroughly invested in their illusions- people of faith for example, man they are so into their realities, I mean they really dig them. but the viscious circle thing I totally hear you. But I'm not as depressed all the time as I come off- just when i start thinking about my life's purpose & the idea that I may never figure it the fuck out!

Edited October 26, 2016 by jennywise
mispellled somthingy

[Naviy]

On 25.10.2016 at 10:19 PM, abrakamowse said:

Well, I don't know that. If you want to know my opinion, I don't think that's what happens when you are enlightened. But I can be wrong.

In my opinion, when you are enlightened you see what true and real in this dimension, in your actual experience. It's not possible to translate it because we are distorting reality with our concepts and thoughts. 

What I'm saying to you, it is impossible that you know exactly what I am meaning, because the words and everything has a different meaning for me than for you. When someone enlightened talks, he gives the words a much more deep meaning that the one that we can grasp. Because we are not mature spiritually to understand it or accept it.

When I talk to you, you are listening to yourself, not me. Because you are filtering everything I say from your point of view, from your understanding and the same happen to me. I must be losing some of the deep meaning of your words... I am just listening to my self in reality...

Sometimes you read something, and after some years you read it again and you understand it in a different level, that's why we can't grasp sometimes the truth, but I don't think is about a matter of dimensions.

 

 

 

In addition to these words. Just watch it: