Self development feels endless

[soos_mite_ah]

Are things like shame, guilt, fear, insecurity, doing various types of shadow work, dealing with limiting beliefs etc. things that you slowly chip away at over time as they bubble up or do you need dig through your psyche to deal with them all at once? Do you ever finish dealing with these things? Sometimes self development feels like peeling off layers of an endless onion. 

[Matt23]

It seems to me, coming from people I've heard whom I consider experts in this area of human growth, that...

Growth might mean different things at different points.  

• As in, perhaps at the start when someone is dealing with lots of psychological and interpersonal issues, shadow work and trying to heal and resolve conflicts and traumas is crucial and works well.
• But then, after a while of doing this (depending on the person), you might reach a point where you're just digging up endless shit and that now the best way to grow might be something along the lines of self-acceptance or discipline or something. 
• Bonnitta Roy (someone who I consider a stage-yellow thinker) spoke about this, in that yes, for certain people shadow work, etc., is essential, but then also the mind can endlessly come up with stuff.  So there's a point at which you're just endlessly going around in circles where your time might be better spent tackling "issues" (or perhaps simply reframing issues) in a different way. 
• Seems like the lesson here is that growth doesn't only mean "tackling issues", but could also mean going meta and gaining a new perspective on how you see something, the issues, the world, such that the issue resolves itself.

It could also mean learning how to balance shadow work, etc., with other areas of life and perhaps refocusing.  Like if you've been doing lots of inner work for a while, and it's starting to feel monotonous, maybe the growth is now more about trying to find things that bring you joy and learning how to get a better balance in more areas of life.

Edited April 13, 2021 by Matt23

[Roy]

Your potential is limitless so of course there is a lot of work to do 

It can be overwhelming always looking at the big picture though, you have to learn to stay present and trust the process of chipping away a little bit at a time, day by day.

It's also hard to notice any strides you're making until years go by and you realize just how much you've accomplished.

One thing I like to ask myself every few months is, am I better off now than I would have been if I hadn't been doing all this work?

Edited April 13, 2021 by Roy

[wwhy]

Emotional hygiene is just like physical hygiene. First it depends on how much cleaning you need to do, and second, you are never going to take that one bath that is so perfect and awesome that you never ever have to bath again for the rest of your life.

[SS10]

@soos_mite_ah First of all, personal development IS a lifelong process. There is no endpoint. Just take it easy and be gentle with yourself.

[BlackMaze]

Yes it is an onion. You are better off peeling those layers though. As i understand it to deal with it all at the same time just means to be able to constantly peel now. It's not a one time thing but a way of being thing. 

[mandyjw]

 The more you look for flaws the more you'll see. The more you look for things to appreciate, the more you'll find to appreciate. There aren't two of you, one that can judge the other and find the other lacking or falling short. It's an exploration, an adventure with no end, because what you truly are is not limited and finite, you are infinite. You would not want there to be an end, but if you aren't quite seeing it as an adventure for you to enjoy and aren't having fun, then it's not you that needs to change but your relationship with you. The only real end so to speak is that you will see through the reality of the self that you wish to change, and realize that there are not two of you.

Ever notice how you can't "get" a joke if you're stressed, anxious or taking part of it personally? "Shadow work" or light work works JUST like that. 

As stuff starts to bubble up, it is seen as impersonal and is seen as the Love that it is. As long as there's a self trying to change itself into something it thinks it will like better than what it already is, you cannot see this, because it's not in alignement with the timeless, infinite, whole Love that IS already its true Self, true clarity, the very foundation for change itSelf. 

[mandyjw]

No one wants to change for any other reason than they want to feel better about themselves. Well, you can feel better about yourself right now, and everything will change, even though it doesn't matter anymore. We think to put the cart in front of the horse, but thinking will never be feeling, and what you want is to feel better. Feeling doesn't know time, it's only ever now. 

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Are things like shame, guilt, fear, insecurity, doing various types of shadow work, dealing with limiting beliefs etc. things that you slowly chip away at over time as they bubble up or do you need dig through your psyche to deal with them all at once?

You can inspect what they really are anytime, as lightly or as deeply as you want to. 

Quote

Do you ever finish dealing with these things?

Inspect what ‘these things’ are, then you’ll know what you’re talking about in a more literal sense, and then you can see if there’s still anything to ‘deal with’. 

Quote

Sometimes self development feels like peeling off layers of an endless onion. 

There is absolute. It’s all absolutely worthwhile. You’re the hero though, wether you know it or not. It’s up to you. 

There are also many many things to directly experience... psych’s, reiki, therapies, guidance, meditation, yoga, etc...all available online too. You could try to narrow down what’s going on, and then see where to start. 

Simple things go a long way, like writing down how you want to feel and think, and doing that when you wake up tomorrow and notice similar or same thought as the day before. In that way, making a dreamboard makes it much easier to focus on what you do what to think & feel. 

[hyruga]

Come, let's learn from the Masters of the Human Potential Movement:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_Potential_Movement

Let's read up more on New Age

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Age

Edited April 14, 2021 by hyruga

[Lyubov]

make sure to really allow yourself to rest 

I have felt this way before when I focus on something I'm trying to actualize or embody and it's taking longer than I thought it would 

[soos_mite_ah]

7 hours ago, Matt23 said:

It seems to me, coming from people I've heard whom I consider experts in this area of human growth, that...

Growth might mean different things at different points.  

• As in, perhaps at the start when someone is dealing with lots of psychological and interpersonal issues, shadow work and trying to heal and resolve conflicts and traumas is crucial and works well.

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

You can inspect what they really are anytime, as lightly or as deeply as you want to. 

Inspect what ‘these things’ are, then you’ll know what you’re talking about in a more literal sense, and then you can see if there’s still anything to ‘deal with’. 

There is absolute. It’s all absolutely worthwhile. You’re the hero though, wether you know it or not. It’s up to you. 

There are also many many things to directly experience... psych’s, reiki, therapies, guidance, meditation, yoga, etc...all available online too. You could try to narrow down what’s going on, and then see where to start. 

Simple things go a long way, like writing down how you want to feel and think, and doing that when you wake up tomorrow and notice similar or same thought as the day before. In that way, making a dreamboard makes it much easier to focus on what you do what to think & feel. 

5 hours ago, wwhy said:

Emotional hygiene is just like physical hygiene. First it depends on how much cleaning you need to do, and second, you are never going to take

that one bath that is so perfect and awesome that you never ever have to bath again for the rest of your life.

So what I'm getting at is that it depends on what phase you are at you life whether you are in a place where you have A LOT of deep cleaning up to do in your psyche or you're at a place where you need to do maintenance to pick up after yourself and your life experiences.

7 hours ago, Matt23 said:

• But then, after a while of doing this (depending on the person), you might reach a point where you're just digging up endless shit and that now the best way to grow might be something along the lines of self-acceptance or discipline or something. 

• Bonnitta Roy (someone who I consider a stage-yellow thinker) spoke about this, in that yes, for certain people shadow work, etc., is essential, but then also the mind can endlessly come up with stuff.  So there's a point at which you're just endlessly going around in circles where your time might be better spent tackling "issues" (or perhaps simply reframing issues) in a different way. 
• Seems like the lesson here is that growth doesn't only mean "tackling issues", but could also mean going meta and gaining a new perspective on how you see something, the issues, the world, such that the issue resolves itself.

It could also mean learning how to balance shadow work, etc., with other areas of life and perhaps refocusing.  Like if you've been doing lots of inner work for a while, and it's starting to feel monotonous, maybe the growth is now more about trying to find things that bring you joy and learning how to get a better balance in more areas of life.

4 hours ago, mandyjw said:

 The more you look for flaws the more you'll see. The more you look for things to appreciate, the more you'll find to appreciate. There aren't two of you, one that can judge the other and find the other lacking or falling short. It's an exploration, an adventure with no end, because what you truly are is not limited and finite, you are infinite. You would not want there to be an end, but if you aren't quite seeing it as an adventure for you to enjoy and aren't having fun, then it's not you that needs to change but your relationship with you. The only real end so to speak is that you will see through the reality of the self that you wish to change, and realize that there are not two of you.

I guess deep cleaning is more of a phase so you don't end up digging up endless things or unnecessarily picking at wounds. Then you need to take on a higher perspective once you're done with dealing with things at a certain level of consciousness while also balancing other areas of life in order to explore the experience. 

44 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

make sure to really allow yourself to rest 

I have felt this way before when I focus on something I'm trying to actualize or embody and it's taking longer than I thought it would 

Yeah I struggle with this too. I'm not the best at giving myself a break tbh. 

[hyruga]

Of course it's endless. Self development encompasses many subject and at every level.

Let's face it. If you really want to study self development, you have to take philosophy, psychology plus many more up to the PhD level.

Then you also must study spirituality, many religions, anti-religions, shadow work, pantheism, new Age, new thoughts, shadow work, stoicism, Tao, science of success, business, communication, financial education, sales plus many more to a high level of proficiency. Good luck learning them all.

 

Edited April 14, 2021 by hyruga

[universe]

I definitley understand what you mean and have experienced it myself.

The thing is they might not change. But you will change. Perspective is everything.

The question is how willing are you to change?

Can you let go of the soos_mite_ah with all her limiting beliefs, grief and insecurities?

Do you want to?

 

[erik8lrl]

Tho there is no end to personal development, there is a definitive point that limiting beliefs, grief, fear, insecurities, and shadow work as a whole reach an end. Where most of your experience will no longer be affected by any of it, it happens when you are fully developed and awakened. So follow your heart and keep working at it.     

[wwhy]

10 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

So what I'm getting at is that it depends on what phase you are at you life whether you are in a place where you have A LOT of deep cleaning up to do in your psyche or you're at a place where you need to do maintenance to pick up after yourself and your life experiences.

What am saying is that when you finally have the courage and energy to take up the work, its impact will depend on how much dirt you have (never bathed in six months!). But once you've cleaned up most of the major stuff.. the impact of each bath is negligible (last bathed yesterday), but is crucial over time. Both are very important... the initial cleanup, and the ongoing maintenance work. The maintianance work should obviously not be as intense or life-changing as the initial work.

[Ero]

18 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Are things like shame, guilt, fear, insecurity, doing various types of shadow work, dealing with limiting beliefs etc. things that you slowly chip away at over time as they bubble up or do you need dig through your psyche to deal with them all at once? Do you ever finish dealing with these things? Sometimes self development feels like peeling off layers of an endless onion. 

It definitely takes time. There is a reason you have buried those those things in your psyche. Exposing yourself to them at once will break and traumatise you. That said, the more consistent you are, the more momentum you build over time. In the beginning everything is fuzzy, confusing and overwhelming. But if you keep on, you'll eventually push through. 

[soos_mite_ah]

16 hours ago, universe said:

I definitley understand what you mean and have experienced it myself.

The thing is they might not change. But you will change. Perspective is everything.

The question is how willing are you to change?

Can you let go of the soos_mite_ah with all her limiting beliefs, grief and insecurities?

Do you want to?

I want to. But then again, I wonder if it's wise to run full steam ahead towards that goal, take my time with that goal, or do something in the middle where I work on myself a lot in certain bursts and then move into periods where let myself take a more relaxed approach. Letting go of my limiting beliefs, grief, insecurities etc. is the goal, but the question is how to get there. 

7 hours ago, wwhy said:

What am saying is that when you finally have the courage and energy to take up the work, its impact will depend on how much dirt you have (never bathed in six months!). But once you've cleaned up most of the major stuff.. the impact of each bath is negligible (last bathed yesterday), but is crucial over time. Both are very important... the initial cleanup, and the ongoing maintenance work. The maintenance work should obviously not be as intense or life-changing as the initial work.

That makes sense. Thank you. 

6 hours ago, Ero said:

It definitely takes time. There is a reason you have buried those those things in your psyche. Exposing yourself to them at once will break and traumatise you. That said, the more consistent you are, the more momentum you build over time. In the beginning everything is fuzzy, confusing and overwhelming. But if you keep on, you'll eventually push through. 

So basically, take things slow to avoid backlashes and trauma to make the process more smooth. Have a slow, consistent form of momentum to create the self improvement discipline.