How to Overcome Fear of Abadonment?

[creator20]

Every time I start talking to a man and really start to get committed to the relationship there always seems to be some obstacle (ex. He all of a sudden wants to move across the country, he gets a new job out of the blue in a place where I would not be able to see him often, etc...) and at any mention of him potentially doing something where I would inevitably no longer be in the picture deeply bothers me and makes me feel hopeless in the moment to the point where it's difficult for me to hide or let go of the feeling of sadness. I am young (21) and talk to men around my age who are inevitably on the trajectory toward attempting to build their careers so it would be unreasonable for me to expect much different. I'm not exactly what one would call 'clingy' in a relationship, but I do like to have a sense of security and stability- However, this might be an unreasonable expectation at this point in my life as well. I want to be able to hold relationships with people and to cherish them while they last instead of constantly worrying about if and when they will leave. The sheer mention of someone I'm dating moving or pursuing something away from me sends me into a state of detachment where I feel as if it foolish of me to continue to open up and develop more feelings for the person despite wanting to be vulnerable with them. 

[Pseudom]

You should start look at yourself as a complete being, joyful and completely capable of giving love to yourself and not craving it from your partners especially craving relationships which are social commitments. When you feel this way you won't be frightful of sharing yourself intimately with another person because you won't be needing a commitment in return. I usually tend to struggle with this myself and i develop a victim mentality like the one you mention above (why this always happens to me?) but if you take 100% responsibility of your situation you'll get the power back. Even if you look at it in a pragmatist prospective you can't do anything about it unless you don't want to manipulate and control others. It's better to change your view because in this day and age with the actual job market people will move and relocate pretty frequently, you just have to accept it. I don't know how it's going to work out in the current situation with the current guy but if you tell to him what you really want from your partner two things only might happen, he will try to stick in and find a way for you to be together or will leave, you won't be hearing anymore from him but at least will respect you as a person with high integrity and eventually make room for you to find someone better which lives nearby.

[creator20]

2 hours ago, Pseudom said:

You should start look at yourself as a complete being, joyful and completely capable of giving love to yourself and not craving it from your partners especially craving relationships which are social commitments. When you feel this way you won't be frightful of sharing yourself intimately with another person because you won't be needing a commitment in return. I usually tend to struggle with this myself and i develop a victim mentality like the one you mention above (why this always happens to me?) but if you take 100% responsibility of your situation you'll get the power back. Even if you look at it in a pragmatist prospective you can't do anything about it unless you don't want to manipulate and control others. It's better to change your view because in this day and age with the actual job market people will move and relocate pretty frequently, you just have to accept it. I don't know how it's going to work out in the current situation with the current guy but if you tell to him what you really want from your partner two things only might happen, he will try to stick in and find a way for you to be together or will leave, you won't be hearing anymore from him but at least will respect you as a person with high integrity and eventually make room for you to find someone better which lives nearby.

Thank you so much for your input. You're right I think overall I need to be more present in my relationships instead of trying to micromanage the future. It's funny how the victim mentality is sometimes so embedded in the thoughts I have that I fail to recognize it as a victim mentality.