120 mg changa trip report - God/Love is all there is - which is you

[Loving Radiance]

20 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

Like an ultimate test/game for God Herself to test how capable of Love He is. (Of course God knows She is capable of anything, yet God loves playing games. Haha omfg it's so beautiful I could cry. It is all just 100% Love. Just perfect. Just God playing with ITSELF. WHICH IS ME. WHICH IS YOU!!! HAHA. WAUW. It's unbelieveable. Ineffeable. Completely ineffeable. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD, YOU CANT BELIEVE IT! HAHA. JEEZ. OMFG.  how could it be otherwise? HAHA.:-) <3
I see a lot of people on the path whining about feeling alone after having a Oneness/God-relization. They say "It's all just me. None else around. So much loneliness"... but this is just your ego talking. Really. If you truly understood what God/Oneness is (=what you truly are) you wouldn't feel lonely at all. On the contrary you would go out and hug random people on the street and tell them how much you love them. That's what you would do. Cos those random people are seen to be you, and you can't help but Love yourself.

Omg I feel the love coming from your words I gotta send this to everyone stuck in that nihilistic state.

20 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

Ultimately, I have nothing to say. Just keep on doing what you love. If you do something you don't love and which doesn't feel right, try to change it into something you love. Also dive into your fears. Gold is hidden as a gift if you do the things you fear. You are all perfect beyond perfect. You are all Love.

Right back at ya I just love how direct, self-exposing and self-honest you write, such a pleasure to read

Quote

suffering = healing

Do you mean that it is a pointer to home, God telling you that you can live in a life in flow?

 

Btw Luminous Beings and Eternal Space was just perfect listening to while reading. Hit just right at home

[machiavelli]

21 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

You are infinitely powerful. You are just absolute pure Love. You can make absolutely ANYTHING happen, yet you on a deep level, you don't want to just be able to walk on water or fly like an angel, cos if that happened, the beautiful dream would collapse onto itself. Boundaries/rules are nessecary to play the game of life. Which We are all playing/imagning :-)  On the other hand, I also understood that in other "dimensions of reality" you are actually doing all that. You are swimming around in Oceans of Love, flying on clouds, being all the birds, whales, having infinite amounts of sex with perfect imagined dreamed up Girls/Guys. I had all that and experienced all that doing my changa trip. I experienced anything I wanted to imagine. Just magic. Just God. DMT is truly something.
 

Ellaborate what do you mean boundary and rules are necessary in this game we call LIFE. And why this dream would collapse ?

21 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

There has to be apparant "evil" / "wrong-doing" for God to "learn" (imagine) how to be 'Good'. You see, if there was no bad people in the world, no people doing any bad things, then what would stop you from raping/doing harm? Cos in that scenario "it hasn't been done" and therefore you might as well just do it, cos you're infinitely free and infinitely powerful to imagine whatever you want.

It's because that God is truely INFINITE that everything exists, including hell, pain, suffering, wrong doing, rape etc. 

If those things were not possible, then God wouldn't be God, which of course is not possible, cos God is God (is what everything is).

God - We/I/You - are playing a delicate game of letting our imagination run amok, freely, and all kinds of "bad" things happen (World War 1/2, murder, rape starvation, the list goes on) but that is truly and fully deliberate of God. By imaginaging all the "bad" things He/She/I is capable of doing, and seeing how much pain/suffering it inflicts on to Himself, God learns to constrain Herself to only be acting out of Love. (I'm speaking relatively here, cos absolutely everything is just pure Love).

What I mean when I say "Everything/I/You = God" is just that everything is perfectly planned, perfectly deliberate. Ultimately, nothing wrong can happen, only Love. God doesn't make actual mistakes, only "apparant" mistakes (cos She's Infinite).

You are saying everything is pure love. How can anybody's suffering be love for GOD? People are suffering all over the world.

Such bad things bad things happen with good people. And you are saying god loves everything?

Rapes, murder, torture God loves it also? 

You even dont know how my heart melts in seeing soo much suffering in world and you claim by smoking pschedelic that everything is love .

What is this? Isnt their is some reason like Karma which decides people birth? 

Why do some people born in good conditions and other struggle for even food in slums?

Corruption is on the top level all around the world and everything is corrupted right from politics to food industry . And you call god loves the suffering of people? 

[Loving Radiance]

@machiavelli There is existential Love and relative human level love. It would be bad, if you as God didn't allow suffering of all manifested form like humanity... if you didn't allow that you would be evil and thus not God. This Love (formlessness) is love for yourself that you choose to suffer (form). By suffering you love yourself because you experience yourself in any differentiated form.

Suffering points you back home, points you to that what you want and what you already are.

Edited April 13, 2021 by Loving Radiance

[Consilience]

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. 

[WaveInTheOcean]

4 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

Omg I feel the love coming from your words I gotta send this to everyone stuck in that nihilistic state.

Right back at ya I just love how direct, self-exposing and self-honest you write, such a pleasure to read

Do you mean that it is a pointer to home, God telling you that you can live in a life in flow?

Btw Luminous Beings and Eternal Space was just perfect listening to while reading. Hit just right at home

I'm delighted to hear you enjoyed the read. <3

Jon Hopkins is great and yeah Luminous Beings is actually composed with a DMT trip in mind, hehe (google it, you can find a interview with him).

I'd say all suffering in the world, on an individual or collective level, is always either directly or indirectly transformed into healing eventually.

It's hard to convey into words how. But let's take the Holocaust as an example. That's some serious suffering. Yet, ultimately -- even though I don't deny how horrible it was, and how much evil was involved in the holocaust -- we can today be relieved/glad/happy that the Holocaust happened, in the sense that it has been extremely instructive and teaching for us as a collective race. We have now global infrastructures in play that makes sure this is very unlikely to ever happen again. Holocaust teached us all how much evil can spawn if you stomp a nation of people (Germany was fucked after WW1). It teached us how much evil can happen if you blindly follow a charismatic man (the danger of propaganda) and if you blindly follow an ideology without some serious self-reflection.

We should cheer for all those people (God) who went through that suffering during WWII. Just gigantic amounts of healing they made happen on a collective level through their suffering (God's suffering).

On a more personal level, I had a suicidal depression this winter from october-february. Really hellish. I suffered a lot mentally. Like a fucking lot. 
Now, when I look back at it (I couldn't see it then of course) I see this period as actually -- on a higher level -- a very teaching, humbling, instructive and healing experience. It has learned me a lot to go through it. Last summer I was very Zen Devilish, believing I was invulnerable, denying I could ever suffer again, I had a lot of spiritual ego on the inside (and also on the outside to some extent). I was arrogant. I was naive. I was in for a rude awakening. I denied my shadow. So much consciousness (cos I was really in what I'd call close to God-consciousness for many weeks/months during the summer from May until September, had a deep deep trip on 2CB back in May), yet at the same time also so much unconsciousness, so much ego still to be transcended, still so much to learn, still more to integrate, especially my shadow.

My depression thus taught me a lot. Today right now as I'm writing this, I'm very aware that yes, while I'm on the one hand feeling amazing and whole and at peace, I also acknowledge that I'm not invulnerable. I'm not calling myself enlightened like I did back then. I'm aware of my shadow and accepting it. I accept all the negative thoughts that might come up during the day. I accept my OCD-thoughts. I accept I might get depressed again. I accept that I have more to learn. I accept I need to integrate a lot of stuff still. I basically accept my humanity, even though I might feel like I'm more than that (God:D). 
 

3 hours ago, machiavelli said:

Ellaborate what do you mean boundary and rules are necessary in this game we call LIFE. And why this dream would collapse ?

Thank you for your questions.

First of all, dream = game = play = Leela, I use these words interchangeably.

Imagine a theater play, or a computer game, or a dream without any rules, without any boundaries. It's even hard to imagine, actually impossible. It would just be literal nothingness/infinity. 

Now, this dream you and I are in right now. It is actually Infinity/Nothingness -- the substance of it is that (which is also Love/God/Consciousness) -- yet it -- often -- doesn't *APPEAR* like that (to most people.. to some it might appear like that hehe). It appears -- to most -- like a rather serious thing with lots of threats to our survival, with lots of laws, rules, dualities, bad, evil etc. 

For one we have the physical rules. Like the game engine. We got gravity and all kinds of physical constants. You can't walk through a wall. Just like you can't in a video game. The engine/physical laws takes care of that.

Then we have more obscure rules, like: you can't commit murder (or you can, but it's karmically bad for you as God to do so, and besides you might end up in jail).

The world appears as though the brain is the source of consciousness. As though the rules of life are build upon quantum physics -> classical physics -> chemistry -> biology -> consciousness. That's how it appears. Yet, this is just something you imagines as God.

Now, God could, if You REALLY wanted, you could change any of the imaginary rules. 

But if you as a person think "I would like to turn water into vine, walk on water and manifest 1 mil. USD on my bank account as well as walk through walls", then all that are just your ego talking. We can view the ego as the sort of "shadow of God". The ego is actually alsao just something God imagines. Yet it's all that which isn't aligned with what God is (Love). 

What God actually wants is just Love. And there isn't much Love involved with allowing your or my silly dream character to be able to walk on water or manifest money on a bank account. All those are just selfish desires.

Yet, those things can happen if you follow the rules. Work hard, earn lots of money. Buy a ship, float on water. Build a rocket, destroy walls. Make wine with grapes. Hehe, it's possible, it just requires "effort":D 

If you actually bended the rules so much that your character could walk on water, etc. then the dream would collapse, the world would collapse, because then it all becomes unreal. Actually imagine if there was a person on Earth that tommorow went out and walked on water and flew like a bird. Imagine what would actually happen, how people would react. It's a fun exercise.

To some it up: in order for 'something' (for instance, your life right now) to 'exist' that 'something' has to be grounded in a context that has boundaries and rules. 

Look at a white blank paper. It has infinite potential. As soon as you draw something with your pen, you are creating something. But by also creating something you are also minimizing the potential the pure whole white blank paper has.
 

You are saying everything is pure love. How can anybody's suffering be love for GOD? People are suffering all over the world.

See my previous answer. It's hard to explain with words. I'm not denying suffering or saying there isn't work to be done. There are lots of suffering the world, and lots of paths we can take to try to alleviate it. But it's complex. Our highest goal should be to eliminate all suffering Earth-wise. But that is a gigantic task. What do you do as a person? Do you travel down to Africa and help a small town? That's noble and fine, but it doesn't save the whole planet. You could also raise your own consciousness by a ton and go and teach other Westernes to raise their consciousness, and then maybe they would act differently in regards to the climate crisis and other social crisises.

Life is filled with suffering. But it turns out to be Love. Can't really explain it other than quoting the great Mr. Watts:

"What is Chaos at one level of magnification might be Harmony at a higher level of magnification" ~ Alan Watts

 

Such bad things bad things happen with good people. And you are saying god loves everything?

Yes. Of course. All those people suffering are actually God. It is God who suffers through his dreamed up characters.

But God loves it all, naturally.

 

Rapes, murder, torture God loves it also? 

As concepts (as you and I are sitting here talking about these things), NO, God doesn't love those things no, no, no. God Loves Love, and murder, torture and rape is the opposite of Love (relativally speaking). Of course!

However, if any devilsh person in the world should go out and rape or murder or torture someone right now, as we are sitting here speaking, then that situation/happening would be something God would Love yes (as long as it happens), of course...absolutely speaking, that is. Relatively speaking, God doesn't enjoy suffering per se. God enjoy suffering only as so much it is contrasted with the opposite: Ecstacy/Love, with it turns out to always be... cos every human being on this planet that ever lived has died, yes? What do you think happens when a dreamed up characther in God's infinite mind dies? The answer is Love. (I'm not saying this to encourage suicide. Suicide won't fix anything (most of the time), since suffering is on a deep level always self-inflicted. Yet if you actually are in a situation where you are in chronic physical pain due to cancer etc, then of course suicide/assisted suicide -- euthanasia - is a very viable option that hopefully becomes legal soon in more countries as we evolve our consciousness).

Everything that happens, everything that has happened is Perfect. Can't be otherwise.
This doesn't mean we shouldn't strive for ideals that are aligned with Love. Quite the opposite.

I'd even go as far as saying that while on one level, nihilsm is kind of true, i.e. the "nothing matters"-attitude, on a higher level there are actual moral rules that God deliberately has designed (imagined up) for this dream to follow. These moral rules include not inflicting unnessecary pain onto others. Yet it still happens, of course, just a some people cheat in games or don't follow the rules. But it's just God playing with Himself :-) Ultimately, though, in the "long run" We will go towards a world that is getting more and more aligned with Love. Look at where we are now compared to 1000 years ago. Imagine where we are 1000 years from now.

 

You even dont know how my heart melts in seeing soo much suffering in world and you claim by smoking pschedelic that everything is love .

Don't believe anything I say. Go validate for yourself by doing whatever you feel like doing. Live your life fully. You don't have to meditate or take psychedelics, even though I'd say there is some big potential in those two things for lots of people. Meditation is the more easy-going, less risky approach, whereas psychedelics are some powerful powerful hacks that need a lot of respect.

What is this? Isnt their is some reason like Karma which decides people birth? 

Might be. But, ultimately, it's just all God.=D 

Why do some people born in good conditions and other struggle for even food in slums?

You tell me. 

It's all just God, tho. Leela. Has to be dangerous, has to be hard. If it were too easy all the time, God would be bored. Hehe. (Again I'm not saying this to neglect all the unfortunate circumstances lots of people are born into. It's very trumatic and sad. And we need to make ways to help those people.) 

Ultimately, it is all just Love, though.

Corruption is on the top level all around the world and everything is corrupted right from politics to food industry . And you call god loves the suffering of people? 

Ultimately, no people suffer, only God. When you think "I suffer" or "mr X or mrs Y" suffer, what is actually suffering is that 'I'-feeling at the innermost depeest level, stripped away of all the concepts surrounding that 'I' (eg. having a name, age, personality, career, story, etc etc.) ... That 'I' , that Eternal Self, that you can feel more clearly in states of Pure Love, or deep meditations, or deep trips... that Eternal Self is the same in every conscious being through the galaxy. When you see "another" person suffering, it is YOU suffering, ultimately speaking.

 

Edited April 13, 2021 by WaveInTheOcean

[WaveInTheOcean]

35 minutes ago, Consilience said:

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. 

Thank you for reading <3

[WaveInTheOcean]

In regards to suffering. My man Daniel Schmachtenberger spitting some truth:    

[WaveInTheOcean]

It was only 40% DMT content btw. (40% DMT, 15% Syrian Rue Maoi extract, 45% leaves).

I meditated 30-40 min daily every morning (typically after an 8 km run) for the 3-4 weeks leading up to the trip. No doubt it helped. (Note: have been meditating on/off for 5 years, but this month long streak - still going - is actually the longest hehe).

My meditation technique is 10-15 minutes of whimhoff. Then 10-15 minutes of deep slow breathing through the nose, with the silent mantras:

"I Love, I Love, I Love" on the inhale

"What would Love do?" Slowly when holding the breath.

"I let go, I let go, I let go" on the exhale.

Then ~10 minutes do nothing just bathing in the blissful state.

On this particular day my meditation was extra deep, I already felt like I was in touch with DMT beings sober (higher aspects of myself). I  knew I was in for a deep ride.

I contemplate daily. It's 2nd nature for me.

I was kind of fasting while tripping (like u know the 5:2 IM fast. I had only eaten one ? smoothie the day before and two bananas in the hours prior to the trip.)

I hadn't had ejaculation for 7 days leading up to. Just didn't feel like fapping.

I think your inner vibrational state prior to inhaling the DMT molecules to a larger extent determines your exp and whether you'll break through or not.

I was feeling amazing prior, in part due to two prior very healing changa trips beforehand (one was the same session, perhaps 80-90 mg, and one was 1 week earlier).

Just to give some context ?

Edited April 16, 2021 by WaveInTheOcean

[Frenk]

You are on youtube bro  

[CBDinfused]

OP's video on "It's all God" reminds me of a drug induced "thought loop". While it is nice that OP's loop always ends with god, it doesn't always end up that way:

Check out this video, where this dude is tripping on some drug and can't seem to escape from the "loop". There is no "its all God" in this loop, it is only an endless loop returning back to this present moment. I have been there, and it is not fun. 

Of course, the only way to escape the loop is to no longer resist it, but its the same with any experience of hell, the more you resist the more you suffer. You can only escape hell by surrendering, but somethings this is easier said than done. 

Edited April 16, 2021 by CBDinfused

[WaveInTheOcean]

1 hour ago, Frenk said:

You are on youtube bro  

HAHA . Awesome. Who made it here from the forum?

 

[WaveInTheOcean]

1 hour ago, CBDinfused said:

OP's video on "It's all God" reminds me of a drug induced "thought loop". While it is nice that OP's loop always ends with god, it doesn't always end up that way:

Of course, the only way to escape the loop is to no longer resist it, but its the same with any experience of hell, the more you resist the more you suffer. You can only escape hell by surrendering, but somethings this is easier said than done. 

It doesn't always happen with a God-relization. I had a nightmarish/very hellish Changa trip september last year. Probably also around 100 mg smoked. My ego couldn't handle the Infinite Love.

I feel like DMT just opens up all your pores in your body-mind-soul-complex so that you can receive the Infinite Cosmic Love that is always present. Yet, if your ego isn't ready to accept (surrender) this Infinite amount of Love, well then that Infinite Love will feel like pure hell, like your soul is getting burned for eternity in the purgatory. That's at least how my changa trip felt in September. Very traumatizing. I was already down on the slope towards suicidal winter-depression (I probably have some mild genetic bipolar) but that trip speeded it up. 

Ultimately, it was just Love though, inlcuding my depression. Very humbling experience.

Suffering = Healing

Edited April 16, 2021 by WaveInTheOcean

[blackchair]

yeah, can you elaborate a little bit more on this, suffering=healing. 

[WaveInTheOcean]

9 minutes ago, blackchair said:

yeah, can you elaborate a little bit more on this, suffering=healing. 

Well I am mostly speaking from my own experience. To put it into context, I was very happy last sommer. Felt like 24/7 ecstasy almost. Felt like I had awakened. "Thought" 'I' was "done", enlightened. I had a very deep 2cb trip in June.

Yet, when winter came, from September-February, I was very very depressed. Worst period was October-January, just 3-4 months filled with suicidal thoughts almost every hour I was awake. Wasn't that far from actually doing it - when it was worst, I planned it deliberately, and almost followed through. 

I suffered a lot. Deepest pit of depression. 

Yet, when I look back now, at my suffering, at all my major suicidal depressions (3 now, last 3 winters in fact), I can only see them as humbling, teaching experience. I have managed to transform the suffering into deep healing, wisdom, greater self-knowledge and more appreciation for my shadow and for - in general - what it means to be human.

[WaveInTheOcean]

I really like the video. Thank you whoever made it.

More random notes about the trip:

- It is important after awakenings like this to remember that actually nothing has changed (except my outlook on life). Yes I am God and Everything is God (which is nothing but Love). But this has been the case all my life, and before, and to eternity.

- After my 2CB-awakening trip in June, I remember I had a feeling (on the trip and after) that I had to help everyone wake up. That that was my life purpose. 

What I didn't realize back then was how much more work I still needed to do on my own before I should even consider such thoughts.

- The ego is God's way of manifesting all this! Love it. ? The ego is sort of the shadow of God if you will.

- The trip itself, the peak specifically, felt like an eternity. Not an hour. The songs I listened to felt like lifetimes in length. It was ecstasy beyond ant ecstasy you can imagine.

- God is all-embracing, all-forgiving, all-loving, all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present, beyond time and space, yet also time and space itself. 

- I hugged and forgave every human in existence. Including my own dream character. I was the raw essence of Love itself.

- God is so free. This is Her Dream. Make it Good. God wants to constrain Himself to only do acts of Love. (Relatively speaking, inside the context of the dream).

- During the trip I let go of all kinds of insecurities, anxieties, and all kinds of attachments, that I didn't even know existed... deep inside my unconscious. Every breath during the peak was a lifetime of an excerise in letting go, accepting ... and surrendering to the present moment. Words fail. The inner deep peace afterwards (and still present today to a large extent) is amazing, and I'm so much filled up with gratitude.

- I desperately wanted to 'bring a proof of God back', but in hindsight I realized that that proof can only be myself as this dream-character, showing the way, leading the way...of Love.

- In regards to desires, goals, ambitions, wishes: as long its in alignment with Love, it WILL happen (sooner or later). Make it!

- You cant really do anything wrong when you sit down to meditate, as long as your intention for doing it is Love for yourself and all others. Let go of perfectionism.

- Waking up in the morning and not going back to bed, is the hardest part in my life, almost. Takes so much self-love to get the fuck up. But after 5 minutes it's good again ?

- All psychedelics have different flavours of teaching you aspects of Yourself that you have forgotten. MDMA is really good for self-love, for instance. DMT feels like the ultimate revelation of the nature of Cosmic Infinite Love.

[WaveInTheOcean]

I actually wished my friend had filmed me for the entire hour. I spazzed out completely. Like manic laughter, crying, repeating sentences like "OMFG." "JESUS", "NO NO NO " "YES YES YES " IT CANT BE!" "IT CAN!" "I CANT TAKE IT! "I CAN TAKE IT" "HOW CAN IT BE SO GOOD?" "WAUW WOW WOW WOW" ...haha. repeatingly taking my hands to my face, making silly movements with my hands like i was some kind of wizard. Hiding my face behind the duvet. etc. hehe

Edited April 17, 2021 by WaveInTheOcean

[WaveInTheOcean]

Also the day after, I did something that is pretty rare for me to do.

I saw a cute girl in the bus on my way to work. I wasn't even dressed very nicely or had my hair done, yet I felt I had to talk to her, even though the anxiety was there.

The bus was filled with ppl and she was even talking in her cell phone.

After 10 minutes of gathering courage, I jumped out in the frozen water and poked her, said sorry for interrupting , and I said she had beautiful hair, and then I asked if there was any chance I could get her phone number.

She said thanks, but she was talking to her boyfriend in the phone Yet I'm proud of my self I talked to her. Anxiety provoking as fuck for me to do it, yet I felt empowered and good afterwards.

[WaveInTheOcean]

29 minutes ago, Kalo said:

The deluded mind will see what it wants to see, interpret any experience to validate it's beliefs. A trip is a trip and no matter how grand it is, it will never put you on the Throne.

It began with idol worship, now it's reality and self worship.

"And LO! God said: "O Jesus, son of Mary, did you say to the people, take me and my mother as deities beside God? He will say, "Exhalted are you! It was not for me to say that which I have no right. If I had said it, You would have known it."

<3 =D