Why I don't want to feel anything ?

[bunna]

I need explanation, why I don't want to feel anything ? I keep avoiding anything that trigger my emotions even positive ones like passion and excitement for example I avoid listening to music or watching movies that makes me emotional I rather listen to boring podcasts or youtube videos about boring subjects I'm too serious I don't like to relax because I know I'll have to face my emotions so I keep myself busy all the time, I don't want to reflect on anything like what I've done so far in my life or where I think where I'm going etc .. before bed I try to watch something to distract me from thinking I don't let any chance to be conscious of my current state I always convince myself that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and I'm doing okay just to stop triggering my emotions ( like depression , sadness , anger etc. ).How can I stop this ? 

Edited April 12, 2021 by bunna

[Nahm]

@bunna

It’s the belief. You’ve defined your self as not wanting to feel, and you’re believing and feeling the discord, of that belief. The resistance you’re feeling is that the belief is not true.

When you hold the belief “feeling will have to be faced”, you hold a belief which is directly in discord with feeling because it simply isn’t true.

If you retrace the concept that feeling is anything less than good, you arrive at how someone made you feel. If you continue, clarity shines through revealing how you made you feel. We’re all dumb & innocent, it’s not just you. And we can all feel and focus on better feeling thoughts too, not just you. They, whoever they is, could have, but they didn’t. What say you now ?

I am ________.  That’s our real super power. Be mindful what you put in that blank. 

The emotional scale is effective for intimately revealing you can’t skip contentment. Letting go and relaxing isn’t the thought about letting go and relaxing. If you don’t know relaxation, you don’t really notice resistance, even while you feel it. 

[ted73104]

It would seem like you are not happy with the current situation that you're in. However in your mind, you think that it is way too hard to change the circumstances in your current state. So there are two forces at play here, one is you have a strong urge to change and transform yourself based on I would guess a very negative motivation. The other is a strong resistance of pain, because you've already worked so hard to get this far. Maybe you realized you went in the wrong direction at some place in your life and now you're so tired you want to rest, you just don't have any energy left to work on the transformation you want at the moment. These two forces create a big conflict and it is very normal to have conflicting emotions as well. 

On the surface, you desperately wish you could change something about your life, but in the inside you actually want to avoid the pain of "loss" or behaving in a way you deem "unworthy". This is probably why you are avoiding positive emotions, because once you express your positive emotions, there would be more room for you to feel more negative emotions, the emotions you want to escape right now. Your deep consciousness seems to know that there is a huge amount of work you need to do in order to get where you want to be. However you want to avoid thinking about that, because the Truth is sometimes unbearable. 

You need to know the greatest transformations in life always starts with realizing how "low" or "bad" your current state is. Sometimes external accidents even, to force people to realize the Truth. If you are able to find peace with yourself right now, you will embark on a new journey towards a higher level in your life.

What you need to do now is to very slowly identify where the huge pain is in your emotions. Clarify the points that are causing these painful emotions and gradually feel in the pain very consciously. Normal people would just keep on evading the pain by distracting themselves non-stop. This would only bury the pain deeper and deeper until they've lost touch with the source of their problems. Then I would suggest talking with a very close friend, someone you could say anything to and is willing to listen. Express the kind of negative emotions your are experiencing right now, and what are causing them. Do this until you get very conscious about what you don't accept about yourself. What you need right now is rest, the conscious type of rest. You need to stop trying to change and just simply be and observe yourself. Feel in the pain and let the source of the pain be your future motivation to achieve greatness.

[NatureB]

I recommend journaling on the prompt "What am I afraid of if I allow myself to feel?"

Do this first thing in the morning so you don't skip it. If you'd like, I can hold you accountable.

 

Also, get a therapist. I've found that most issues are just the tip of the iceberg. Once you get exploring, you uncover more and more stuff.