I really just don't care about getting laid.

[IAmPaulQuinn]

I'm a young man who is questioning a lot of things at this moment.

 

With the help of self awareness, I realized that my primary motivation for 'getting after it' is to increase my ability to get laid. (Attract girls and hopefully have sex.)

 

.. And I believe its because I got pressured by our culture to "Get girls and get laid!!! Or your a gay man!! An unsuccessful man!!! A scared cat!! Haha!"

 

This, deep down, actually feels fucking empty.

 

I don't know what's the obsession about wanting to get sex. It just feels shallow.

 

Look, I'm 17. I would love to experience having a relationship with a girl and have sex. But I really want to look at it as a bonus. Not a primary motivation for why I 'get after it' in life. This self awareness was eye opening to me.

 

I want to live a meaningful life where I follow my heart. I want to die with a smile on my face, knowing that I focused on the most important things in life for me.

 

Thoughts?

 

EDIT: Guys, I'm not saying that I don't like girls and sex. I want girls and sex. But It's only a bonus. Not my primary motivation in life. I have more meaningful things I want to do before I die than chase girls obsessively. The right girl will come in my life, and I will cherish her. 

Edited April 11, 2021 by IAmPaulQuinn

[SamC]

1 minute ago, IAmPaulQuinn said:

I'm a young man who is questioning a lot of things at this moment.

 

With the help of self awareness, I realized that my primary motivation for 'getting after it' is to increase my ability to get laid. (Attract girls and hopefully have sex.)

 

.. And I believe its because I got pressured by our culture to "Get girls and get laid!!! Or your a gay man!! An unsuccessful man!!! A scared cat!! Haha!"

 

This, deep down, actually feels fucking empty.

 

I don't know what's the obsession about wanting to get sex. It just feels shallow.

 

Look, I'm 17. I would love to experience having a relationship with a girl and have sex. But I really want to look at it as a bonus. Not a primary motivation for why I 'get after it' in life. This self awareness was eye opening to me.

 

I want to live a meaningful life where I follow my heart. I want to die with a smile on my face, knowing that I focused on the most important things in life for me.

 

Thoughts?

Sounds good. Be careful so that this is not an excuse as to why you should keep sucking with girls.@IAmPaulQuinn

Many times when we need things desperately we try to drop the need for it in order to feel good for not getting the need fulfilled. It's like an obsession thought where we try to avoid our core fear/ vore self statement about ourselves by trying to not care about our needs and fears, while we in reality really do.

If you say that you did this and that to get laid, that probably tells you that you really want it.

[IAmPaulQuinn]

7 minutes ago, SamC said:

Sounds good. Be careful so that this is not an excuse as to why you should keep sucking with girls.@IAmPaulQuinn

Many times when we need things desperately we try to drop the need for it in order to feel good for not getting the need fulfilled. It's like an obsession thought where we try to avoid our core fear/ vore self statement about ourselves by trying to not care about our needs and fears, while we in reality really do.

If you say that you did this and that to get laid, that probably tells you that you really want it.

 

I read your post and I thought about whether I was making an excuse because I was scared of talking to girls.

 

Maybe? 

 

I don't know if I'm making an excuse. Or maybe I'm in denial? I really don't know.

 

I really just want to make it a secondary motivation so I don't have to deal with this negative pressure to 'get after it' and actually focus on balance and creating a meaningful life that I'm proud of.

 

Maybe what I'm saying is this:

- My meaningful life first. Girls are secondary. That's it.

Edited April 11, 2021 by IAmPaulQuinn

[Roy]

You're right to question the cultural obsession, but don't consciously abstain from certain experiences in life out of spite.

Just go about your life focusing on what's important and if something like a girlfriend and sex comes into it naturally, then let it be.

Edited April 11, 2021 by Roy

[IAmPaulQuinn]

12 minutes ago, Roy said:

You're right to question the cultural obsession, but don't consciously abstain from certain experiences in life out of spite.

Just go about your life focusing on what's important and if something like a girlfriend and sex comes into it naturally, then let it be.

 

I didn't say at all that I want to permanently stop myself from getting laid. Haha.

 

I said that I want it to be a secondary motivation. A bonus. I would love it, but it's not something that's on the forefront of my mind 24/7.

 

Thank you, Roy.

 

[Roy]

I just brought it up because your language was leaning in that direction, and our language usually reflects our attitude about things.

Edited April 11, 2021 by Roy

[SamC]

1 hour ago, IAmPaulQuinn said:

 

I read your post and I thought about whether I was making an excuse because I was scared of talking to girls.

 

Maybe? 

 

I don't know if I'm making an excuse. Or maybe I'm in denial? I really don't know.

Only you can know what you want.@IAmPaulQuinn

 

1 hour ago, IAmPaulQuinn said:

 

Maybe what I'm saying is this:

- My meaningful life first. Girls are secondary. That's it.

 I usually said that too in order to trick myself so that I could double down on " getting" after it because I thought getting after it was the key to get good with girls.

But You're not me. Maybe you generally don't give a fuck and if that's the case. Amazing.

 

 

[IAmPaulQuinn]

49 minutes ago, SamC said:

 I usually said that too in order to trick myself so that I could double down on " getting" after it because I thought getting after it was the key to get good with girls

 

So you're saying that my subconscious is fucking me up? That perhaps chasing after girls is worth it and should be pursued? Yes, I want a girl in my life, but my thought process is this: It's only Secondary. Not the main part of my life.

 

Edited April 11, 2021 by IAmPaulQuinn

[Espaim]

I can relate a lot.

The desire to have a girlfriend or sex appears sparingly for me. It's not enough to motivate me to do something.

When I see how much work people put into getting laid I'm astonished.

I also never understood why people put so much emphasis in being in a relationship/getting laid in everyday life.

As an addendum: when I took a supplement that increased libido, doing pickup felt 100% worth it ? Maybe just do something similar for a while to see what happens.

Edited April 11, 2021 by Espaim

[Bando]

 @IAmPaulQuinn Get bloodwork done or check T-Levels kids your age should have a high sex drive, if you have low libido there could be an underlying issue you should start addressing.

But I feel like thats not the case you just dont know how to go about get laid or  finding a quality gf and your just repressing it. At your age you should be focused on building social skills and getting a handle on this. Just take it easy and learn bit by bit on how to get better with chics, don't make a big deal about it

[Nahm]

@IAmPaulQuinn

What’s primary for you?

[IAmPaulQuinn]

28 minutes ago, Bando said:

 @IAmPaulQuinn Get bloodwork done or check T-Levels kids your age should have a high sex drive, if you have low libido there could be an underlying issue you should start addressing.

But I feel like thats not the case you just dont know how to go about get laid or  finding a quality gf and your just repressing it. At your age you should be focused on building social skills and getting a handle on this. Just take it easy and learn bit by bit on how to get better with chics, don't make a big deal about it

 

@Bando

This replies are confusing me.

 

I don't think my sex drive is low, in fact, it's very high. Oh, trust me. Haha.

 

What I'm saying is this:

- All this talk about getting laid is cool, and I would love to experience it, but it shouldn't be my main motivation for getting up in bed and staying disciplined. I simply think I should look at it as just a bonus, instead of pressuring myself to stay disciplined because girls like ambitious man! (But how about my happiness and work-life balance? Give me a simple girl, and I'll be happy with her.)

- There's too many pretty girls in this world, and I can't have them all. If I value girls too much, and some of them reject me, I would be sad. I want to only care about a simple girl that I am truly attractive to, but not be obsessed about chasing her. That's it. Girls are not the center of my life, but just a part of it.

- If a random high school girl classmate wants to have a one night stand with me for fun, then I will accept. Because peak experiences are great. Haha.

Edited April 11, 2021 by IAmPaulQuinn

[SamC]

1 hour ago, IAmPaulQuinn said:

 

So you're saying that my subconscious is fucking me up? That perhaps chasing after girls is worth it and should be pursued? Yes, I want a girl in my life, but my thought process is this: It's only Secondary. Not the main part of my life.

 

@IAmPaulQuinnNo, I am saying that you potentially care more about chasing girls than you admit and that you use " imma focus on what's meaningful " as a way to get girls but in another sneaky way.

Note, that I said potentially because I can't know what's up with you. Maybe you don't have a fixation around getting girls and just see it as shallow and not worth your time and if that's the case - good for you.

Me personally have used " I don't need to focus on girls " as a way to avoid talking to girls and instead try to move around that need by denying and repressing that all I secretly want is sex and intimacy.

Moral of the story - figure out and investigate why you don't care about getting laid.

Edited April 11, 2021 by SamC

[IAmPaulQuinn]

30 minutes ago, SamC said:

Moral of the story - figure out and investigate why you don't care about getting laid.

 

Thank you, @SamC.

 

I'm still confused about your statements but I understand.

 

Again, as I said:

- Yes. I want girls and sex. But it's not my main focus in life. It is simply a bonus. I feel like I have more worthwhile things to do, than obsessively chase girls like all blind men do. As they said: Don't chase girls, and the girls will chase you.

- Am I repressing it and hiding from it because I'm scared of girls? Probably. Not really. Maybe. I don't know. Depends on how we look at it, haha.

Edited April 11, 2021 by IAmPaulQuinn

[Waken]

It's fine, just chose to do what attracts you instead in the moment. Don't act out of anxiety, that's a common motivation. Just think what the thing is right now that you feel most attracted to doing and do that, and live like that. Could be taking a walk, calling someone, reading something, playing a song, making a song, blahblah.

[tatsumaru]

4 hours ago, IAmPaulQuinn said:

I'm a young man who is questioning a lot of things at this moment.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I am totally the same. Has nothing to do with my sex drive, I get crazy horny every day. It's just that somehow I've transcended living for the sake of my lower self all the time. Sure I think about fucking often but the desperation is gone. The neediness is gone. I am on my own journey, life is about me and my gift to humanity. If I find someone along the way that I want to share it with - great, even kids are welcome, but I am not on a mission to conquer women anymore. Oddly enough, women tend to find this lack of desperation quite sexy so it's the best of both worlds. I think this happens when you find some sort of inspiration or purpose in your life, it gives you a certain sort of satisfaction that fills in the void in your life and you no longer live for external validation anymore.

[Espaim]

1 hour ago, IAmPaulQuinn said:

- Am I repressing it and hiding from it because I'm scared of girls? Probably. Not really. Maybe. I don't know. Depends on how we look at it, haha.

I've gone down this road of "repression" due to peer pressure. Then did some LSD and mushroom trips digging deep into my past and present without fear... Found nothing, really. It's genuine.

Testosterone levels are sky high.

I'd say just don't worry about it.

[soos_mite_ah]

5 hours ago, IAmPaulQuinn said:

Again, as I said:

- Yes. I want girls and sex. But it's not my main focus in life. It is simply a bonus. I feel like I have more worthwhile things to do, than obsessively chase girls like all blind men do. As they said: Don't chase girls, and the girls will chase you.

- Am I repressing it and hiding from it because I'm scared of girls? Probably. Not really. Maybe. I don't know. Depends on how we look at it, haha.

If it feels authentic go for it. Patriarchal notions often paints men as hypersexual like if a man isn't constantly thinking about sex there is something wrong with him. It can cause a lot of messed up issues such as if a guy gets sexually assaulted for example, people don't take it seriously because men are expected to want it all the time. It also leads to men who for whatever reason didn't get laid feel like there is something wrong with them which can then spiral into a lot of self doubt and a messed up relationship with their own masculinity. I'm sure there are more but since I'm not a guy I'm mainly going off of what I've heard from men and from feminists who talk about issues regarding male sexual assault as well as my own observations.

I'd say that it's good that you're questioning this and not to feel bad about what you authentically want your priorities to be. I was like that too at 17-19 or so where I wanted a relationship as a cherry on top but I was mainly focused on getting other areas of my life together. Forcing yourself to do something that doesn't feel authentic to you especially in the domain of sexuality can lead to a lot of regret and self betrayal. You aren't obligated to act a certain way if you don't want just because it is expected of you because of your gender and age. 

[Rigel]

Great you can now do what you care about. Congrats?

[Kalki Avatar]

@IAmPaulQuinn You may remember this comment in the future.

Im actually like you. We just get bombarded into distracting us for and with sex. Sex is great, but is an extremely miniscule thing to be focused on. 

When you dont focus, think, watch or relate with anything sexual, you will see how much lower any sexual craving is. But, in the future, you might get conditioned into it again. Society, media, movies, friends, family, work, etc. Since they have been conditioned as well, thats one of their main focus. They dont know anymore and you might get lost into it even while knowing. Thats how strong social conditioning is into going directly to your unconscious mind.

What I would recommend is to have sex with a couple of girls and/or scorts and take pictures or videos if they are comfty with it. When you save that data, it will be a permanent reminder as evidence that you already tried that and its not as society wants to paint it. That yes, is cool but my focus is beyond such trivial thing. That way  you will not feel guilty when others try to convince you into it and having a gf, proving yourself onto others as how many girls you get, etc. You can remind it to yourself and be mentally at peace and even if others pressure you without no more choice, you can show them proof to shut up and you keep going with your thing.