Was I confidence tested?

[Danioover9000]

@Roy

3 minutes ago, Roy said:

Some people (those girls) just have a buzz about them sometimes where they just want to interact, and unfortunately they aren't always perceptive to other peoples emotional states.

As for your question, look man you don't want to do this. You are thinking about this from a place of fear, which I know you know is not a good thing. Being even more guarded and reclusive may "protect" you a bit better against people like this, but you have to understand they are rare anyways. What's even worse is you would be closing yourself to all the beautiful, positive interactions you might have.

The question you should be asking yourself is, "How do I let go and become emotionally unphased when others aren't being considerate".

That place of strength is where you want to go, and you will not get there by being protective. You think being "protected" makes you strong, but in fact it's the exact opposite. What makes you strong is being vulnerable and then building up from the hits you take.

   Just now, I realized that I was also feeling fear mixed in with anger and annoyance while they were at the table. I didn't realize afterwards, but while I'm here I just realized fear was there as well. The apathy feelings I felt after might have helped me forget other negative emotions as well. I might consider getting hypnotherapy done as well, to bypass the depressions episodes.

[Roy]

3 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

 Just now, I realized that I was also feeling fear mixed in with anger and annoyance while they were at the table. I didn't realize afterwards, but while I'm here I just realized fear was there as well. The apathy feelings I felt after might have helped me forget other negative emotions as well. I might consider getting hypnotherapy done as well, to bypass the depressions episodes.

This is good. I know it's painful, but facing the emotions and understanding them will make it easier to pass through. Part of the reason they persist is lack of understanding and acceptance.

So you are headed in the right direction 

[universe]

3 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

Maybe I was acting strange somehow, or looked strange, so they decided to ambush me. I don't know, I know enough about body language and  tonality that they were not hitting me up for sure. I was caught off guard. 

There is not much to do about it, normally it doesn't happen anyways. Sometimes people in groups can act weird. If they tried mobbing you they were looking to get some kind of emotional reaction out of you. Best not to react and not give them what they want.

[Emerald]

On 4/10/2021 at 4:39 PM, Danioover9000 said:

    While back, I was in a library in college, reading a book at one of the tables, minding my own life. Three women came and sat on the table I'm at. One of them asked what book I was reading. I said poetry, without looking. The other asked if I could watch her bag. I said no thanks, while the third girl apologises for her friends talking. I realized something was wrong, and felt defensive. A teacher came by to silence noise coming from the other tables. I took this chance to place that book in the middle of the table to them, and left.

   Were they testing me, or what? I was minding my own business.

No. They weren't "testing" you. That's not really something where women just pick a random guy and do it to them. 

They were either just talking to you, which I'm thinking is quite a bit more likely.

Or they decided to mess around with you, either to flirt or to make fun. It really just depends upon their energy and how pushy they were.

If they weren't pushy, then it's definitely them just talking to you. If they were pushy, they might have been trying to make fun or flirt. 

[Danioover9000]

@Emerald

10 hours ago, Emerald said:

No. They weren't "testing" you. That's not really something where women just pick a random guy and do it to them. 

They were either just talking to you, which I'm thinking is quite a bit more likely.

Or they decided to mess around with you, either to flirt or to make fun. It really just depends upon their energy and how pushy they were.

If they weren't pushy, then it's definitely them just talking to you. If they were pushy, they might have been trying to make fun or flirt. 

   The two girls were pushy when they talked to me, and the third wasn't, and apologized to me for her friends behaviour. I also remember using the book I had, and my bag to the right of me as some sort of barrier against them. I definitely was caught off guard, and felt nervous, fear, and annoyance, so my replies and tone were defensive.

   Now that I think more about it, it's likely the two wanted to mess around with me, which also triggered something in me about my childhood.

Edited April 14, 2021 by Danioover9000

[Danioover9000]

@universe

11 hours ago, universe said:

There is not much to do about it, normally it doesn't happen anyways. Sometimes people in groups can act weird. If they tried mobbing you they were looking to get some kind of emotional reaction out of you. Best not to react and not give them what they want.

   Thank you for your advice. I think when the teacher arrived to silence the other groups, and the girls stopped, I now remember I felt other emotions, like relief that they shut up, but also vengeful for them making me feel insecure, fear and vulnerable, similarly to what happened in my childhood, at least what I could consciously remember. I also remembered whispering loudly to them, while I was leaving, to put back the book when they're done studying, while the teqcher was nearby. I think I was passive aggressive on my exit.

   I later on felt some apathy like loneliness, depression, or some form of defeat from not standing up more, although at that time I just didn't know how to stand for myself, and emotionally shut down afterwards. Is this my coping mechanism for situations like this?

[Danioover9000]

@Roy

13 hours ago, Roy said:

This is good. I know it's painful, but facing the emotions and understanding them will make it easier to pass through. Part of the reason they persist is lack of understanding and acceptance.

So you are headed in the right direction 

   Ok good to know I'm heading in the right direction. I have to thank myself for keeping up mindfulness practices in the past.

[Danioover9000]

@Lyubov