Women come and go as they please

[Pseudom]

I've known this girl for more than 3 years now, we dated at that time but i was clingy and needy and she had to go to her hometown so we stopped contacting each other for a few years other than some basic chats in the social media. We both went on with our lives til last year when she wrote me she was living and working near me and wanted to meet me. At the beginning of last year we went out for a coffee which i felt like i was going to meet an old friend at this point but when we were there i was kinda feeling the tension and sexual polarization. I felt the same attraction when i originally meet her for the first time and apparently she felt the same. A week after that coffee Covid restrictions started to apply with the bars being closed, curfews and all so it was a bit hard to "casually" meet for a drink. During summer when things got back to being more normal with lesser restrictions we went out again. She told me she was going to study abroad and i really was happy for her since she always wanted to do so. I knew it wasn't a good idea to get involved more than that since it was hard keeping up during these pandemic times not to mention keeping up a long distance potential relationship but since i was in a self improvement marathon lets say and i decided to live in the "moment" so i continued dating, one thing took to another and we ended up sleeping together. We did that for a month straight, best sex for both of us, she would stay for days, we cooked together, went out, a few beach trips and went to the gym. At the time i had a lot of time to spend with her since i was working from home. She even said she loves me and although i felt the same i didn't say it to her because i knew she eventually had to leave and i was afraid. I was on cloud9. A few weeks went on and we had to part. When she was making the luggage ready both our eyes were full of tears. We never named our relationship or anything it was just a natural escalation of what began a few years ago so lets say i was not pretending to have a longdistance relationship since we didn't even mention we have a relationship. Anyway i felt devastated but she said we would travel a lot toward each other and organize vacations together, so there was the HOPE part. We talked everyday via videochats and audiochats, text etc. She came after a month for a week and we behave the same as she left so i thought even in this struggling time this might work. After she left again i was once again beaten down. We initially talked a lot like before via videochats and text everyday. After that we talked every 2 days then every 3 or 4 days and then once a week. We kept texting a lot during the day tho. After that we didn't chat at all and we only texted and sent a few memes to each other every 3 to 4 days til yesterday. You can call it a normal fading of the love spark but i was hopeful when we'll get back together we would rekindle things once more, but yesterday she told me she went on a date with another local guy and told me she was bored by him. My heart went 140bpm, i was cold sweating, felt realty crumbled down and my biggest fear got materialized. Since we never mentioned we have a relationship i had no rights to feel like i was getting cheated on or something like that but i felt the same anyway. I told her its sad what you're telling me this cause we said we were going to travel towards each other and continue where we left, i can't be her gay friend and i want to be romantic partners so if she wasn't feeling the same and wanted to date other guys she was free to do so but our communication had to stop. I also wrote her if things don't go well with those local guys and you get back home we could get back at dating again and wished all the best to each other. We haven't spoke since.

I'm a guy who doesn't do pick-up and cold approaches and have a lot of issues but basically i consider myself funny, good looking, a good friend a lover. I have a deep-feeling that if i want to get with a girl whoever she is i could do so you can call it confidence. The problem is im generally laid back and get too complacent. Leo says that with girls its a numbers game and i'm barely double-digit. I have no desire in dating other girls at this time and i'm getting obsessed with her. Clearly i know i don't deserve to be "treated" this way. I've heard of girls traveling continents to be with her lovers, girls that live with their disabled partners (like the video of the topic from before) and so and so on. At least she had to told me she lost attraction for me and move on with the dates and not "soo i was dating a guy but it didn't work"...what if it would have? to me it doesn't make any sense. Anyway i respect her part of being sincere and telling me everything that basically happens (although she doesn't tell me anything that's goes on her head). After this i wouldn't say i love her but i really really like her. She's funny, smart, has an amazing body and is very on her feminine. When we're together everything goes smoothly, we never fight or have a debate and we generally respect each other. I even considered her to be the mother of my kids. Funny eh. 

Now i'm deciding to go full no contact on her since she decided unilaterally to go on with her life and date other guys but internally i wanna travel there and kiss her like i don't know what. I'm not asking for advice or anything because i know "i should go on with my life too and if she comes back she comes back" and eventually is what i'm gonna do but the feelings i get from this are tragic. Yesterday i cried for nearly an hour thinking what did i do to deserve being treated this way. I know women are emotional creatures which behave according to what they feel in the moment but can women articulate what they're feeling without pulling out casually "sooo i was dating a guy aaaand", and some questions for the boyzzz, have this ever happened to you? How did you react? She came back?

Sorry for the long writing and if you made it to here without getting bored, i am grateful. Love you all.

 

 

[Preety_India]

Get another girl that sticks. Preferably no long distance. 

 

 

[Godishere]

There's probably 100 million potential girls for you in the world. She needs to submit to you and move to be with you or just cut it. It sucks because it definitely sounded like a really good thing you had going. But life sucks let's be honest. Bite the bullet, really face the pain and embrace it. Everyone gos through this.

 

[LastThursday]

@Godishere just to bring things down to earth a bit: https://logological.org/girlfriend, Although the pool is still quite large, time is against you.

[Rilles]

2 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

@Godishere just to bring things down to earth a bit: https://logological.org/girlfriend, Although the pool is still quite large, time is against you.

 This is so good. 

[EnlightenmentBlog]

[Pseudom]

On 4/11/2021 at 8:41 AM, LastThursday said:

@Godishere just to bring things down to earth a bit: https://logological.org/girlfriend, Although the pool is still quite large, time is against you.

Hello math my old enemy... here we cross paths again

How do you embody such wisdom tho... On a logical level i guess everyone knows these odds which are quite in favor, but on the emotional plain there's just a single person in every time interval. At least for the most of people which tend to have monogamic relationships.

[LastThursday]

@Pseudom more choice just means you can be pickier. If I only have two women to choose from, then if I'd like a girlfriend, then I'll probably have to lower my standards and pick one. If I have 18,726 women to choose from, I can afford to have higher standards, and I'm more likely to find "the one".

But the reality is, even if you dated a different woman every single day, you'll only get through 364 a year (with a break for Christmas). That's over 51 years to get through your pool of 18,726.

In reality most men have about 3 women to choose from at any one time - and one of those is probably their sister or mother, so 2. And the remaining women think you're an awkward dweeb or so intelligent you make them look stupid or too "unmanly" or they're already involved or a lesbian (or so they say). Even dating apps don't help, unless you have a PhD in taking photographs and a degree in English literature.

That is why you're desperate for this one girl - your male brain already knows the maths without working it out.

On 10/04/2021 at 1:43 PM, Pseudom said:

Now i'm deciding to go full no contact on her since she decided unilaterally to go on with her life and date other guys but internally i wanna travel there and kiss her like i don't know what.

I've done both in my life. Full no contact is definitely the best most loving choice for all involved.

Edited April 14, 2021 by LastThursday