Ego Pushing Me To Failure

[the dreamer]

• i am studying in preparatory classes that means that after this year i will pass a test that will give me chance to enter an engineering school, and the better my rank will be in that test the better opportunities i have to enter a good school of engineering. the problem i have is that i am blocking myself from being good at school because i am identified with always having problems. it might seem odd to you but this for me is a big problem. i feel like i am the only thing that is blocking me from getting successful probably because i unconsciously believe that my life will be boring without my problems( especially my studying problems). i just finished reading a book of Eckhart Tolle and i know if i practice what he calls "being in the now" i will no longer have any problems yet i'm not doing it. literally i am stopping myself from understanding what the teachers are saying in the classroom because of my chattering mind and sometimes when i do get in the now i understand everything without any problems even if its very complex. i am identified with being this boy who is always not like the others (special) because he has deep problems that are making him sad and depressed and suicidal. i really want to get successful but at the same time i don't let myself get successful.      maybe even this content that i am righting right now is just another thing that i am doing because i'm identified with the perpetual searching for a solution to the problem that is me and that only i can solve if i only just want to .   
• any suggestions ? 

[Shin]

Tell yourself for 5 minutes every morning, in front of the mirror,

"I have no problems and I'm advancing in life".

Edited October 23, 2016 by Shin

[Rakesh]

lmao

[Shin]

15 minutes ago, Rakesh said:

lmao

Laughing at someone having huge issues or laughing at someone who's trying to help ?

Huge signs of a disfonctional ego.

[Rakesh]

You edited what you wrote, and your advice made me laugh. Chill out.

[Prabhaker]

8 minutes ago, the dreamer said:

i just finished reading a book of Eckhart Tolle and i know if i practice what he calls "being in the now" i will no longer have any problems yet i'm not doing it.

Start living moment to moment totally and intensely, joyfully and playfully — and you will see that nothing goes out of control; that your intelligence becomes sharper; that you become younger; that your love becomes deeper. And when you go out into the world, wherever you go, spread life, playfulness, joy, as far away as possible — to every nook and corner of the earth.

Do whatever you are doing -- walking on the street, running, taking a bath, eating, going to sleep, lying on the bed, relaxing -- and remain with the activity totally. With no past, no future, remain in the present. It will be difficult in the beginning -- very difficult and very arduous -- but by and by you will get the feel of it and then a new door will open, a new realm. 

If you want to live a more fulfilled life, first you will want to know your potential, who you really are.Meditation is the route to that knowing. It is the methodology of the science of awareness. 

All the methods are basically different ways of witnessing.

First, watch your actions of the body.
Second, watch your actions of the mind: thoughts, imaginations.
Third, watch your actions of the heart: feelings, love, hate, moods, sadness, happiness.
And if you can succeed in watching all these three, and as your witnessing grows deeper and deeper, a moment comes that there is only witnessing but nothing to witness. The mind is empty, the heart is empty, the body is relaxed. In that moment happens something like a quantum leap.

 

[Azrael]

1 hour ago, the dreamer said:

• any suggestions ? 

Stop believing your own story. You seem to take your issues extremely serious and there is probably this big fear in the back of your mind that ... what if this whole thing called your life doesn't play out? What if? What if you lose? Well, I have a suggestion. It's a fun one, so listen. And I'll guarantee that if you do that, you'll hugely transform.

Every morning - starting tomorrow - the first thing you do after you wake up is go down on your knees, bowing to the sky and talking to yourself innerly: "I'm grateful for [...]" and in these brackets you put every issue you listed above, your whole nightmare story. You say that you are grateful that you have the time, energy, the life and the power to be completely lost in this fairytale. It would be kind of good if you reach tears at some point of your practice to really get into the attitude, here. I'm not kidding. Read further.

In addition to that every time in the day when your negative thoughts and emotions come up and you can remember what I'm about to tell you, you do this: You say to yourself (as well on the inside - don't be a psychopath talking to yourself out loud when people are around ) that you just cant fathom how masterful you are in spinning the worst kind of nightmares and creating the most painful kind of life scenarios. Be astounded how good you are at this. Astounded like you saw one of your buddies hovering in front of you out of nothing. That kind I mean.

Now, I'm not joking here at all. I'll guarantee that if you start doing that - starting tomorrow - and you make little notes in your calendar, or your mirror or wherever that remind you of doing that, that you'll lose most of your negative thought chains, your emotions will come down and you'll eventually achieve what you want to do. And all of this much faster then if you would started meditating today, read 20 self help books, become addicted to that crap like the rest of us and spend your life doing nothing else then researching that shit. Guys, don't take me to seriously with that one, I'm having fun here.

But the essence is this: You desperately believe that the story you tell yourself is real. And what I just offered you is the fastest and most direct way to show you that whatever you tell yourself is a story and not reality. And by working with my story the other one will automatically melt and you come out somewhere in the middle, being pretty grounded.

Have a good one!

[Vytas]

@Azrael Sounds like you are eally good at spotting delusions. Good job Azreal, very nice advice. When  I think about it all problems seems so egoistic. I mean there is so much to be grateful for and I myself very often get caught in problems like, being lazy, skip homework, others treat me bad (this is very delusional). But after all I have so much, like srsly, when I was sleeping I couldn't feel wind blowing, notice these rich colors around me, but know i can experience it all thanks to my existence. Man, this advice to be grateful really wake me up from illusions.

[Azrael]

14 minutes ago, Vytas said:

When  I think about it all problems seems so egoistic.

Yeah, but don't forget that it's not your conscious decision to bombard yourself with all that. You basically have to completely re-evaluate all of your programmings, the whole society, how nature works and how you stand in relationship to all that to really see that everything is okay and there is nothing to be worried about. And you come from a position in which you are completely lost and every earthly attempt to get out of that gets you even more lost. So it's a twisted game.

[Vytas]

@Azrael Do you suggest that a person who really sees through illusion doesn't fear anything? And the person who have fears simply is ignorant and haven't woke up from a 'dream'?

[Shin]

44 minutes ago, Vytas said:

@Azrael Do you suggest that a person who really sees through illusion doesn't fear anything? And the person who have fears simply is ignorant and haven't woke up from a 'dream'?

You'll always have some kind of fear, even if you see through the illusion.

The difference is that you'll know fear is just an emotion, and that you can conquer it.

I guess an enlightened person fears too, but I guess they just sees that emotion at an even greater distance, which means fear can't make them act against their values.

Edited October 23, 2016 by Shin

[Azrael]

1 hour ago, Vytas said:

@Azrael Do you suggest that a person who really sees through illusion doesn't fear anything? And the person who have fears simply is ignorant and haven't woke up from a 'dream'?

All this work we do, all the contemplating and meditating and all the frameworks we spin around it, all this does is putting every experience including fear into its proper position. As long as you are a human being you'll have fear, love, boredom, wisdom, overwhelm ... as an experience, just because life happens to be that way.

What can change though is the way you internalize these experiences. Right now you're maybe very afraid of fear and negative emotions. You might be wired to do everything to get around it. But why is that? What is it that makes fear such an unwanted thing? Is it the experience itself, the blast of intensity that it carries? Is it the way your mind makes it into this huge ball of thoughts, emotional reactions and triggers?

Find that out. Make it clear to yourself what this is and why you are trying to get away from it. When you've decluttered all the mayor emotions and triggers that make up your individual self and you know it intimately, things will fall into place. And you'll come out at place at which fear will blast at you and you have a smile on your face and say: "God, what a show. What a beautiful show." 

[the dreamer]

@Azrael i can't see why crying would be beneficial could you please explain? thank you for your advice 

 

[kundalini]

On 23.10.2016 at 5:29 PM, the dreamer said:

• i am studying in preparatory classes that means that after this year i will pass a test that will give me chance to enter an engineering school, and the better my rank will be in that test the better opportunities i have to enter a good school of engineering. the problem i have is that i am blocking myself from being good at school because i am identified with always having problems. it might seem odd to you but this for me is a big problem. i feel like i am the only thing that is blocking me from getting successful probably because i unconsciously believe that my life will be boring without my problems( especially my studying problems). i just finished reading a book of Eckhart Tolle and i know if i practice what he calls "being in the now" i will no longer have any problems yet i'm not doing it. literally i am stopping myself from understanding what the teachers are saying in the classroom because of my chattering mind and sometimes when i do get in the now i understand everything without any problems even if its very complex. i am identified with being this boy who is always not like the others (special) because he has deep problems that are making him sad and depressed and suicidal. i really want to get successful but at the same time i don't let myself get successful.      maybe even this content that i am righting right now is just another thing that i am doing because i'm identified with the perpetual searching for a solution to the problem that is me and that only i can solve if i only just want to .   
• any suggestions ? 

Well. it is not ego that pushes you to failure. Its your true naure, you as this big intelligence in you but apart from thinking mind (ego), that want to bring your ego (conteps what should be, how you look at yourself and so on) down. So yes you as intelligence within you knows that the success is not what society, mum and dad, friends are telling you it is. First step to success is to see youresf not from perspective of ego, but from perspective of your true you. And when it happends you know it happened. And then its kind of new life. 

[30secs]

On 10/23/2016 at 11:29 PM, the dreamer said:

i feel like i am the only thing that is blocking me from getting successful probably because i unconsciously believe that my life will be boring without my problems( especially my studying problems)

yes sometimes I felt this too, but hey dude you just finished reading The Power of Now, ask many times why it should be boring if there's no problem(this is a reaction of ego). Step outside every time when you feel or your ego manifest this illusion, the illusion of boredom. Remember what Eckhart Tolle said that happiness is different from inner peace. You are unhappy because of some external circumstances occuring but you can still be peace with it:)

[Azrael]

9 hours ago, the dreamer said:

@Azrael i can't see why crying would be beneficial could you please explain? thank you for your advice 

 

To really mean it. Picture this: If you walk the Rocky Mountains and fall off them and one of your buddies catches you in the last sec, that kind of gratefulness you'll have then is really authentic.