Cynicism VS Faith

[Denial]

I feel like ever since I became a spiritual person I have become very naive about the idea of faith. Like I will justify that "I was meant to suffer like this" or "The universe has my back". For those of you who have "realized" the Truth about the universe. How does this play in? Are there spirits out there, is there a thing such as faith? Or is Life just a Dream and You are God, but other than that you are alone. But even if you are alone, you have still duplicated your consciousness to infinite amounts of imaginations if I'm gonna take the non-dual approach seriously. Ever time I get a little more cynical I become more productive, but when I lose the drive to do anything I justify that my "enlightenment" will soon happen and that it's meant to be. I guess what only matters is what perspective is needed to survive and grow, but then you could argue that I should go back to religion to get more control out of my life. Which is something I don't wanna do, but feel like I need in some sense to justify my suffering. That's what happened to Eliot Hulse, but he got extremely toxic because of it.

Edited April 9, 2021 by Denial

[Denial]

@KaloThis contradicts the status quo in this forum. I'm curious about the non-dual view about life. 

[Denial]

Like I see for example Jamie Munday on youtube saying that if you see your watch with number "11:11" or "55:55" (repeated numbers) many times that means you are going through a spiritual awakening. And It sounds silly, yet I can't help but entertain the idea that I'm ignoring something important. Like I feel like I'm being watched constantly by other spirits or God or whatever. 

Edited April 9, 2021 by Denial