How to deal with living in generally homophobic surrounding?

[Ander Tomsen]

I live in a city where generally people are homophobic. As a homosexual individual , this affects my social life , for example :  Whenever i go out to socialize or am in a new people group : college , new course or social hobby , i have great conversation start with big percent of the people i had interacted with. However , as we get into the conversation and start getting to know each other, somehow the topic about gay people and negative comments about them always happens to come out. And this becomes a deal breaker for me and i become detached from them and want to just close in my bubble. It is really anoying when you click with someone and then they say something very nagative about partucular group of people that you actualy are secretly apart of. I know this happens to many people , i just wanted to ask if someone have tips on how to react in this situations and what is best to do. 

[fridjonk]

These are basically your options. 

1. Move away
2. Confront them and stand up for yourself.
3. Understand their ignorance. 

 

[Surfingthewave]

@Ander Tomsen Sorry to hear you live somewhere so many people are homophobic.

It also sounds like you are having to keep who you are a secret. 

My advice to you is where you can, be brave. When people start talking in that way, casually drop in the conversation you are gay. 

Homophobia is based on fear of difference. Exposure is key to breaking down this fear. If you live your truth you will be not only helping others to realise it's okay to be gay, you will be aligning yourself with love and will get that in return. 

If someone has a problem with you being gay that's their problem and not yours. Try not to let their toxic opinions effect you. If you have to drop friends or colleagues over it, then do.

So many gay people have fought and died for the right to live a life of loving who they want to love and being who they really are. Keep up the fight with three words, actually I'm gay. Truth =  power and love. 

Edited April 9, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Matt23]

Feel ya.  Ya, first I'd say maybe try moving to a city where it's more gay-friendly.  

If that's not an option, I'd say even saying you are gay might snap people out of it.  Actually, and I'm not saying this is everyone, but some people might be "faking" or just sort of going along with seeming to be anti-gay, but if you express that you are gay, they might not even care.  I have a feeling that people really don't care and that their insecurities will just make them not spend much time with you if you come out.  Thereby those who really don't care will stay around and you can talk to them about it more deeply n how you feel etc.  

Pick your spots too.  Use your wisdom.  

I recently got a job at a Christian organization and told a co-worker I'm gay in front of one of our residents.  He was apparently insecure about it and I think his mom found out and there was like a report about it and they used the words "alternative lifestyle".  I definitely felt hurt around it.  I'm sticking with the job for now but ya, I dunno, I might be selling out or something.  It's not a forever job but ya. I dunno. 

[Surfingthewave]

2 hours ago, Matt23 said:

 Thereby those who really don't care will stay around and you can talk to them about it more deeply n how you feel etc. 

I recently got a job at a Christian organization and told a co-worker I'm gay in front of one of our residents.  He was apparently insecure about it and I think his mom found out and there was like a report about it and they used the words "alternative lifestyle".  I definitely felt hurt around it.  

I hope you feel proud, you should. I'm sorry you feel hurt. 

It's not an alternative lifestyle, it's your life. 

Well done to you. The whole Christian/religion/gay thing is frustrating. The shame is on them, we live in 2021 and it's time for people to update their attitudes and beliefs. 

My partner received homophobia at work from a colleague who is religious so I feel your pain. It's their insecurity and it's sad but I wouldn't let it change what you're doing in your life. 

[Bando]

@Ander Tomsen Setting up your boundaries is important you dont have to drop the gay bomb all the time but when someone says something ignorant about gay people, try to ask some questions on why they feel that way about it (if you want them to be your friend) or stand up for yourself and say I'm gay and dont appreciate it when people say things like that. 

But I would be creating a plan to move out the city and move to a more accepting environment if I were in your shoes.

[Matt23]

20 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

Well done to you. The whole Christian/religion/gay thing is frustrating. The shame is on them, we live in 2021 and it's time for people to update their attitudes and beliefs. 

Ya.  Honestly though, not to rationalize and belittle how I feel, I think most people there are quite supportive and non-judgemental (to a degree) about it.  At least not openly.  I'm not totally clear on the situation, but I think most of the disagreeing came from the resident's mom and not really much of the staff.  Like the manager said "As long as he's doing the job right, that's all I care about."  I even told one of my coworkers who's Christian and she's pretty ok with it and has even had gay friends in the past she's told me about (she even showed me a few of them on her phone to check them out haha).  I guess maybe it's a more cultural attitude, something maybe that's not sooo explicit or harsh, but maybe more subtle forms of insecurity and "not ok"ness if you get me (I mean, they may not even be aware).  The thing that got me the most I think, if I understand what happened correctly, was putting "alternative lifestyle" on the report.  I dunno if they did that cuz that's what the mom said, but ya, I dunno, just felt like they were trying to hide me being gay or something. 

....

Felt good to type this out to clarify a few things.  

[flowboy]

If you don't feel like spending much of your life energy educating ignorant people, move. I would move. It's going to cause too much friction and waste your life juice which would otherwise be spent towards your life purpose. 

 

Why are you living there in the first place? What's keeping you? It sounds terrible.