Tell Us How You Got Into Personal Development

[StardewValley]

Name: Joseph

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Location: New York City

Occupation: Student in college

Hobbies: the internet

When I was 13 I became depressed suddenly upon the start of high school. I had trouble making friends my whole life and for some reason it suddenly hit me when I started high school and I became depressed.

I stayed stagnant for two years and then at age 15, upon ending my second year of high school, I started my journey to become normal. I was going to work hard to become normal and become a normal person that hang out and joke around with the normal people in school. I started doing self improvement stuff such as bodybuilding and researching social skills online and experimenting on my classmates on how to have conversations.

When I was 17 I lost interest in being normal and instead became interested in women, so my self-improvement was heavily focused on becoming sexually attractive. However, I also was interested in spirituality and would meditate and lucid dream and stuff around now. I then at one point had a panic attack for the first time and it made me stop caring about women so much. It made me care more about loving others and making the world a better place. Even though my interest in women was cut down, I never stopped improving myself. It is possible that I was always meant to start a self-improvement journey, and my life situation at age 15 just happened to make it manifest as a desire to become normal socially.

By the time I was 19 I stopped caring about women almost entirely and started caring about how to become self-sustainable. By now I had been a fan of meditation for a long time and started going down that route. I became interested in improving my mind so that I could make the world a better place. That is currently where I am. My focus is heavily on improving myself so that I could improve the world around me. At the same time, I am also very interested in spirituality.

Challenges I've Overcome:

• I've learned how to have conversations with people. I didn't really know how to do it but I taught myself by practicing on people in high school and the gym.

What I'm Working on Now:

• Social anxiety
• Anxiety in general
• Depression

Edited July 15, 2018 by StardewValley

[Trevor Herrick]

Name: Trevor James Herrick
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Location: United States of America, Michigan
Occupation: Discovery
Marital Status: Single

The yearning for personal development came suddenly for me after a decline in my mental health, about 3 years after high school, which i graduated from in June of 2014. I came out of school feeling rather stale and I was convinced I was in need of "work" experience. Thus I began "working" very soon after my graduation. My experience in two of two different vocations was that of a high degree of boredom, distortion and discomfort. My body was running on fumes from the conditioning my mind had received during my journey through public school and various other areas of my life. During my second vocation, I began showing signs of psychosis. I thought there was an organization of individuals out to find, abduct or maybe even kill me! But who am I really, right? ha ha! I was admitted to an inpatient mental care wing in a hospital for 13 days until the symptoms were suppressed by anti-psychotic medication which I clung to for an uncertain amount of time; long enough to induce a high degree of lethargy, laziness and apatite. The diet I was originally subscribed to was the typical american diet, it roughly consisted of excess salt, far too many carbs and far too often... pizza. This diet and how much I was eating lead to weight gain which was over 50 lbs. My body weighed over 190 lbs at one point... I didn't realize that the only reason I was eating so much was a result of the medication and how "unfulfilled" I felt within, but I can see it now as I reflect upon this experience. This combination of effects of the medication and my lack of awareness soon lead to mental anguish and what I would label as suffering. The whole world was in immense pain and the depression was severe, dark and hopeless. This lead to a change in diet after many months of suffering which stopped the anguish, suffering and pain. Now my diet is vegan, I take vegan supplements and for the first time in many years I have taken an interest in books related to existentialism and taking the time for a deeper look into what is really happening within the mind and within my augmented reality. Leo's self help course is enticing and I am already on board. I think my first question is, what is a thought, really?

But now a great thing in the street
Seems any human nod,
Where shift in strange democracy
The million masks of God.

-G. K. Chesterton

 

Edited July 19, 2018 by Trevor Herrick

[guisot]

Name: gui
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: France
Occupation: College student
Marital Status: Alone
Kids: No
Hobbies: gaming/movies/series/youtube, learning programming and languages

I got into personal development in 2014. It started when I watched the movie Revolver. It was powerful and the movie literally says "you are not your ego". I knew nothing about personal development but it completely resonated with me. This idea was already in me and I already knew that but I always lived like I was my ego (and I still live like this now). Then I discovered the video "overcoming addiction" and it also deeply resonated with my. Then I binged watched Actualized.org videos (which was useless). Then in 2016 I began to take actions instead of just watching videos and it amazingly worked.

Today I am less motivated, I'm trying to be more disciplined but it's hard. I've overcome a lot of challenges last year but now I'm losing all these benefits because personal development is a marathon and I'm not really good at long-distance race...

What I'm working on now:

Procrastination

Fatigue

Eating healthy

[Giancarlo]

Name: Giancarlo Benedetti
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Location: American, but lived in France during my adolescence and currently studying in Glasgow (UK)
Occupation: Student (probably a Theology and Religious Studies major, though still undecided)
Marital Staus: No
Kids: Nada
Hobbies: reading, meditation, personal development, theater, musical theater, fitness

 

I've always been into health and fitness, but I guess I first truly got into personal development early in high school (2015) when I got fed up with not being able to attract girls. So I got into pickup, and got a girlfriend. After that, I kept doing personal development, and found Actualized.org not long after that. After a while, pickup got a lot less interesting, and I became more and more fascinated by the more spiritual/philosophical topics Leo was covering. So I quickly outgrew the pickup community and got more engrossed in philosophy, spirituality, Spiral Dynamics... And here I am, 3 years later. It's amazing to look back at myself from a few years ago, who was obsessed with chasing girls, to now just being able to sit contentedly in silence. Thank you, Leo.

Personal challenges I've overcome:

• Used to be totally socially awkward
• Used to be a terrible conversationalist
• Used to suck at attracting girls
• Overcoming a "Nice Guy" attitude without becoming a total dick (which took me a while to figure out)
• Anorexia
• Overcoming culture and language barriers at a young age when I moved to France

 

What I'm working on now:

• Becoming financially independent (probably starting a 4HWW-style business)
• Eating less meat
• Meditating and staring at my hand for long periods of time (Leo's right, it's a super good spiritual exercise)
• Reading
• Improving my relationships with the people I care about most

[Rigel]

Name: Tristan Tremblay

Age: 18

Gender: Male

Location: Québec, Canada

Occupation: Studying Jazz in College, Personal Developement

Martial status: Single

Kids: No

Hobbies: I'm writing a tone of music and poetry.

 

I got started with personal development in part because of pyschedelics and because of my love for art and beauty. When I was young I was pretty normal. I played video game most of my time, and I was hanging out with friends and family. I was doing a little bit of sport here and there and I had always an interest for music(I started to play guitar at like 10 years old as a little hobby). During my last year of high school I did like everybody else: I got involved in partying, getting drunk and smoking weed every weekend. Fortunately I stumbled upon psychedelics about 1year ago. I did my first mushroom trip and I was just blown away. It opened my mind to the beauty of this thing we call reality and my interest for art and music just sky rocketed. I was getting more and more involved with my study of jazz and was practicing a LOT(I still do ahah). At the same time I was researching the shit out of every psychedelic substances. I was reading trip report, watching videos on youtube about it, doing it myself a couple more times until I stumbled upon Leo's videos on the subject during my research time. I gradually got more and more interested in what he was talking about. Now I have made the commitment to the path and I do mostly two things: Personal Developement/Spirituality and doing all the practice and art with my music education stuff.(I also like to go for a walk in nature quite often)

Personal challenges I've overcome:

• I quit drinking and partying completely.
• I got a meditation habit in place.
• I got a Yoga practice in place.
• My resistance to practicing my domain of mastery as drastically reduced.
• I cleaned up my diet enormously(Became vegan and stoped eating refined food).

Things I'm working on:

• I'm working a lot on my life purpose.
• I'm trying to be more honest and authentic.
• I'm trying to wake up earlier to get more shit done during the day.
• I'm working on mindfulness and being more conscious of the beauty at all time.

[Arthur]

Name: Arthur Bondar
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Location: Halifax, Canada (Lived in Ukraine and Israel)
Occupation: Electronics Engineering
Marital Status: In a relationship
Kids: No
Hobbies: meditation, books, programming, movies, this forum.

I got into personal development in 2014. I found Actualized.org at a time of a big personal struggle, and from that moment, my life was never the same. I came to a cross-road and made a significant life decision. It wasn't easy, but I was rewarded with a teacher like Leo to guide me.  I immediately recognized the deep wisdom of Actualized.org. It's been a very bumpy ride, but today, I'm reaping the benefits. 

I first started by improving my social skills, like any other young male. Here, Personal development opened my eyes to how much we care about what others think. I found what women are actually attracted too, and how the whole dynamic works. Many of my naive beliefs got crushed, and from the fire, a more mature understanding emerged.

The quality of my life improved dramatically when I started Meditating. Every experience became infused with awareness. My mind is able to stay focused, sharp and clear. I'm can shift out of negative thought loops and destructive emotions. I consider Meditation to be the most important activity of all.  12 years of formal education is not as important as a meditation habit.

Practicing meditation got me deeper into Spiritual work. Here, my life was changed once again by self-inquiry and psychedelics. I've experienced deep mystical states - Samadhi, ego death, and pure awareness. Today I know myself as empty consciousness that is aware of everything. All things come out of nothingness to the spotlight (me) for a brief moment, then disappear into the void.

Personal challenges I've overcome:

• Playing video games and wasting time
• Moving to a new country to start a new life
• Problems with shyness and caring what others think
• Co-dependent relationships
• Unhealthy diet and lifestyle
• Attachment and ego-clinging

What I'm working on now:

• Helping others and contributing to the world
• Gaining more practical skills
• Working on my Life Purpose
• Self-realization - Enlightenment

[Bexo]

Name: Rebecka L Manzuoli
Age: 48
Gender: A woman (but not female. Male and female I consider a construction from hundreds of years back that limits us women far too much)!
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Occupation: Working with activities, film and telling in a place where elderly (dying) people lives. It creates deep meaning to me to travel backwards in time while listening to their stories! (And I make drama and film with them about their life-stories).
Marital Status: Husband
Kids: Three boyz
Hobbies: thinking, discovering BEING in creative work, feeling alive, reading, watching films, creating visual stories or drawing, meeting open people

 

Personal challenges I've overcome:

Being bullied and not accepted

I am an insanely sensitive person (also creative) that always feldt labeled as weak. (I guess I might also have Add, maybe also some introvert-thing).    I was bullied during most of my childhood (at home and) in school. I did not feel I had a value. People and I myself concidered me weak, weird and helpless. I was not accepted so I created my own fantasyspace in my head where I was something special.  I started to dig into myself. Reading and reading psychology. I did not want to become like a certain parent. My only mission was that. If I one day had a kid I wanted to be a better parent, another person than my mother told me I would become. Being bullied created the strenght in me to walk my own way - I dont need the group to survive. (Even if of course I thrive if I feel accepted). In great painful periouds I still have courage to explore my inner deep waters and I have reached deep acceptance. Still mad att certain norms in society that I feel as part of my life purpose to affect in better more loving-parthership-directions.

Being close to death

I have been close to death (but I was cured) and some people around me died. Every painful experience I enter (even if it means my last) makes me curious because I learn something at the same time as the pain I have to work through.

 

What I'm working on now:

Working on calming down and build my energy up again after a burn-out (right word?) so I find my way back to the beautiful life!  So I can continue to feed and developing my (always) hungry and qurious soul.  Also not to take care of everyone in need until I lifted myself and my family.

Working on being more present and continue being humble in relating to all living creatures, quriously listen to their life-stories and try to see life from their point of view, understand their needs (without making my own ones less important).

Still struggling with my creativity problem. Working on developing a story for a weird graphic novel I will draw. (Wich I know will lead me to more`dream´activities if I manage to make it real). That is to make my weird special inner world get visible to the world so I can get  illustration-jobs that fits me because normally I dont fit into the mainstream world and what`it´wants. But today I enjoy not fitting in and I am proud of my journey.

Thanks Leo for sharing your wisdom and building up this interesting place where we can share! Old lady enjoys. <3

[Iulius]

Greetings community, I just got accepted and there is no better first post than to introduce myself ?

• Name: Iulius
• Age: 34
• From: Timisoara, Romania
• Occupation: Emerging Life Coach
• Never married, no kids
• Hobbies: Hiking, fitness and Taekwondo, Traveling and culture, studying spiritual practices and religions, nonduality, psy-festivals, meeting like-minded people.

My story of Ascension began in 2013 in a vacation in Hungary. It was the worst state of my life. I was very overweight, in a bad relationship (for which I now hold myself responsible), a dead-end job,  anger issues, toxic atheist, excessive smoking and drinking, excessive gaming and other things I am not very proud of. One day while camping I saw a very funny painted VW parking with many happy young folks that looked like hippies. Something drawn me to them and I went to say hello. They were very loving and friendly and  I offered to help them set up their camp which was full of Indian God's blankets, psychedelic trance music, LED lights, everything beautiful. After we had dinner together and talked very deep topics, one of the guys told me about spirituality and that he believed I should try Changa (a DMT mixture) of which I knew nothing about. He told me it has the potential to bring out the best in me by revealing deeper parts of who I am. He seemed very trustworthy so I accepted the offer. What was about to happen were the most important minutes of my life that would change my world view forever. I wish to describe shortly what I remember.

He lighted a very aromatic wood called PaloSanto and created a very cosy atmosphere. He put the DMT in a pipe and told me to inhale fully. I did just that and when I released, the whole reality trembled and disintegrated into fractals and colours I never seen before. I try to ask him "is this for real" and he smile kindly and told me to enjoy, go inside myself and that we will talk after it's over. So I did just that. I sunk deeper and deeper up to a point where there was nothing but an all loving, infinite, timeless blueish dot. The love I felt in that moment was so true and present, that simply trying to describe it envelopes it in an egoic-mind construction and ruins it. I also saw myself young and I understood why things are as they are without blaming anyone not even myself. The trip ended in layers of reality coming back and when I started to logically think about my experience it slowly faded away. I knew then and still do that we are entirely responsible for our thoughts and actions. I felt great after the trip and I contemplated all evening.

Long story short, the next days I quit smoking and I went jogging. To this day I still do. I got into fitness, nutrition and in one year I lost nearly 30 kg and became a fitness instructor. In the same time I started reading self help books and listening to vlogs. That's when I discovered Actualized which impacted me the most and propelled me further to pursue this path even deeper.

Today, 5 years later I am becoming really good at what I do, practicing life coaching as a volunteer while I am developing my website. Although I am original in my own way of expressing my value and service, I can't help but integrate what I learned on Leo's videos. I know how important having a life porpoise is, and using system-thinking, seeing the bigger picture though Spiral Dynamics and many more.

Thank you for accepting me guys ❤️ and I hope to share a bit of value in the future. Great work Leo being such a great manifestation of the divine and dedicating your life to serve humanity.

Edited April 12, 2019 by Iulius

[Anirban657]

Hello, my name is Anirban. 

Age- 19

Gender- Male

From-India

Occupation- College student(Business degree)

Relationship status- Single

Hobbies- Reading, writing, singing, blogging.

 

I used to play videogames because I wanted to avoid social interaction at school because I had social anxiety because I used to think that people don't like me. 

So after playing 17hours of videogames for every day for 6months I got frustrated and started to ask "Is this all there is?" 

And then I typed on YouTube , "how to not be a victim in life?" And Leo's video about how to not be a victim came up. I watched it and as I watched it I awoke as if I had been asleep all my life. 

I watch more of Leo's videos and I started doing meditation everyday. 

It changed my videogame habit. I started hating videogames and I got back in touch with reading books and I started reading many self-help books. I even bought 20-30 books in this period. 

This was my entry into stage organge of spiral dynamics. 

I became driven to manage my time, study despite my aversion to it, joined extracurricular activities and became more confident. I was starting to grow more my ego bigger.

At this point I got bad grades despite my self-help and time management because I only half-assed the studying. 

So I got frustrated to the point of meditating all the time. I would stay awake at night and write in my journal why I am unable to understand math and science despite all the time I put into it. I grew neurotic.

Then I started to meditate the whole day. I remember I decided to meditate for straight to hours and I set timer for every 1 hour. But it made me more anxious.

I started getting lost in thoughts and deep thinking and psychosis happened. Partly because I was meditating 6 hours and also because I was too energized to sleep at night and insomnia happened.

Psychosis induced by insomnia and meditation. That created terror in my chest and I was always afraid. My external appearance was normal but on the inside I was deeply scared. I was scared of the existential void, the possibility of annihilation.

May ego was dissolving and I could feel the fear. I was terrified. 

Then I had to go to mental hospital. And there I met amazing people and I made new friends.

This transition gave rise to a change in me. From orange to green in spiral dynamics.

I became more emapthetic and I realized that life was more than about myself. It was about the universe. I am just a small drop in this vast ocean. This humbled me. 

I became interested in Spirituality and I watched tons of videos. But this time I was balanced. I know the pitfalls of meditation and neuroticism. 

Right now I am stable on medication. And my situation is improving. 

The funny thing is all the time I was obsessed,I was not really growing but now when I am not obsessed I am really growing Spiritually. I am more aware of my ego's defense mechanisms and I am happier. 

All this happened the day I discovered self-help and Spirituality. This was worth it. I am a changed person now. I am not perfect and I am way far from enlightenment but I am peaceful and happy and I am motivated for experiencing life. 

I have started a blog on personal development, I have met many spiritually highly developed people along my journey, I am reading more books from Leo's book list and I feel less resistance. I also am moving towards my life purpose. In this time I also did the life purpose course and it helped me discover my values and strengths and I have a vision too. 

All this was possible because people like Leo are spreading the message of personal development. 

 

Challenges I overcame:

• Obsessive neurotic drive to succeed
• Selfishness  for possession of status
• Projection of my shadow onto others
• Videogame addiction
• Shallow understanding of the world

 

What I am working on now:

• Reading more books on consciousness 
• Focusing on results rather than obsession
• Being kind to others
• Overcoming social anxiety
• Accepting what I am to grow to what I can become
• Forgiving all the people who did me wrong
• Knowing what am I?(Enlightenment)
• Getting in tune with my intuition

 

@Leo Gura Thank you!

Edited April 15, 2019 by Anirban657

[kindayellow]

Name: Owen Dawes

Age: 18
Gender: Male
Location: North Wales, UK
Occupation: Unemployed
Marital Status: Single
Kids: No
Hobbies: Personal development, playing the keyboard, hip hop 

I was introduced to the idea of personal development in 2017. I was a very stage orange person, and I watched videos on men's health, learning about fashion, how to dress, skin care, exercise. Which stemmed from my low self esteem and wanting a girlfriend. Some videos I watched touched on mental health, and about low self-esteem. This struck my interest as something that was very much worth trying to improve. So I found Leo's channel and did a little personal development. I then got into a relationship that just distracted me fully from myself and it was June 2018 when I properly got into personal development work.

Personal challenges I've overcome:

Letting go of the obsession with how I appear to other people

I've removed toxic relationships from my life entirely and now I am alone, but not lonely

I've become more mindful of my emotions and I get frustrated less easily

I am less emotionally unstable when it comes to things I would label as bad things

Getting over the loneliness hump after removing my toxic relationships

 

What I'm working on now:

Working on my introversion and social anxiety

Working on eating less sugar

Working on finding what is authentic to me

Working on finding a job and my future plans

Working on improving my meditation habit

 

[Druid420]

Name: Druid420
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Location: Norn Iron
Occupation: Theoretical Physicist 
Marital Status: Dating
Kids: No
Hobbies: Appreciating/experiencing nature, mind alteration, socialising, understanding, skiing, football, everything adrenaline, enjoying the experience.

I have led something of a confused existence, at least in my early years. I was born into a war torn country where racism was rife without any need for a differing skin tone. I was born into a rich family from a poor society and as such as was persecuted by my peers. I hated myself and my entire existence.

I ended up running from my lands and exploring the world but my mind had become corrupted and everything tasted bitter. I became addicted to heroin and lived on the streets for a while. My only concern was to anaesthetise life for my existence was nothing but pain. 
My family began signing me into rehab facilities which followed very christian 12 step methods thats main objective seems to be trying to break you into such small pieces that maybe they can rebuild you. The glue of which I am made is much too strong for this and as such I did not break but only hated myself more and more and ever more desperately tried to numb my existence. 

I attempted suicide many times but found myself always waking up. Might I add that these were all very serious attempts performed with the upmost conviction. It was always even more depressing to find myself unsuccessful in my endeavours and cursing the world before I'd inevitably get sectioned for a few weeks. 

Nothing seemed to be going anywhere - it reached the point where I'd load a 0.8 gram hit into a syringe and I would hardly even notice the relief. I never stole or came by money dishonestly for the drugs, so I suffered countless cold turkey withdrawals - in hind site I reckon this time of constant withdrawal served to fortify my resolve in general. I feel very strong these days simply by knowing my conviction could tackle something so seductive.

 > Some side story - from my childhood I have experienced very strong ASMR and dream walking, in my early teen years I began to suffer depression and insomnia - in an effort to defeat the insomnia I took to meditation - very ad lib might I add, but very valuable. 

12 months ago we went on a family holiday to Thailand. Things where okay - I was quite depressed and had also got a bad dose of travellers bug while in Dubai for one week before travelling onwards (my big sister is quite epileptic so we need to let her body clock adjust which is why we stopped there).

I almost cancelled my onward travels to return home, I was feeling that bad. But my father convinced me to come to Thailand with everyone and if I was really feeling bad I could fly home from there, so I agreed.

There was some family conflict regarding myself while we were in Thailand and I got EXTREMELY depressed and suicidal. 
I ventured out on a moped around the Island of Kooh Samui, where I found my teacher, Ajarn Panthep. 

He taught me about meditation which I grasped very quickly due to my unguided practices from my youth. He gave me a Sak Yant tattoo and told me some rules of which I should try to live (No alcohol and some things like that - basically be good to keep the blessing). This was my first awakening - I felt so good, like I could be anyone or do anything. I felt powerful. I kept to these for maybe 9 months - being Irish, not drinking over the Christmas period is just a big no no! haha

Anyway to wrap things up - I continued my buddhist meditative practices and with in a form of 'self inquiry' - the way Ajarn put it to me was just to fully explore 'Who am I? What am I?' (Etc. I cut off my hand, I am still here and aware, Therefore I am not my hand.) 
Then when I got my hands on some DMT for the first time a couple of weeks ago everything got focused to a degree I could not even have possibly fathomed before. The whole truth to my self and the self was revealed. I died and was reborn several times. I have been a snake, a pigeon and a rock thus far. The experiences DMT have allowed me to realise are without ANY SHADOW of a doubt the most profound awareness I have ever experienced. 

I am now on a quest, for my own and my children's sake, along with anyone else who cares to listen, to fully understand these mysteries and integrate this knowledge with my life. 

I have considered myself strongly as atheist for a long long time, so there's a little internal conflict going on but I really see now that there is something valuable to be had from religions - however most these days have dressed the truth in their own agenda. It is my plan to document my experience as honestly and unbiased as possible for others who want to try and uncover and understand for themselves. 

Personal challenges I've overcome:

Terribly depressed with a disgusting perception of body image

Can get very excitable over things that seemed to make socialising difficult when I was younger . I still get over excited about many things (which is a great thing in itself) but I now more actively process these thoughts into digestible and more comprehensible lines so that others can grasp my angle.

Was an IV user of heroin, taking 3.5g per day and sleeping in shop windows.

Left school when I was 16. Now in university studying Theoretical Physics MSci.

 

What I'm working on now:

Working on enlightenment and implementation

Working on digesting awoken thoughts into an easily comprehensible form for seekers.

Working on improving my health & diet

Working on graduating from University and pursuing a PhD. 

[cwispe]

Carmen Wispe, vegan, New Jersey

51, single,unemployed mom of a teen

Self/truth seeker who has felt eternal and loving since about age 5, but soon realized that most people don't know how to act human or they act too human. Consequently, I felt like an alien. Came to Actualized via law of attraction videos my sister insisted I watch. I then read a bit of The Seth Books. Many years ago I came to the conclusion, on my own, that we are all a facet of god's personality , and when we die we "go back" to "him." There was once at a point where I thought that hell was this earth and it's ridiculousness. Soon realized this went against my loving grain. I became vegan for ethical reasons.

Mostly a loner, yet I like being around others, and tend to analyze them while trying not to judge (hey, I'm only fucking human). Single because I'm a loner who's realized most men don't really want to get to know me, and I'm gonna buzz cut my hair to piss them all off, and go against society's "norms." In addition, having little hair will help me focus more on my inner work, instead of how I look.

Have had dreams of past lives. Have seen shadow people. Things like that just run in my family.

Presently, looking for my true passions. Hopefully, it'll lead to a niche where "work" feels like being in love, instead of feeling like a time-constrained puppet.

Leo is hot, harsh and loving.

 

[Tim Stretton]

Name:  Tim Stretton

Age:  53

Gender: Male

Location:  Southampton, UK

Occupation:  CAD Draughtsperson

Marital Status:  Divorced

Kids: 2 young adults at 22 (daughter) & 24 (son)

Hobbies:  Music (listen | play in jazz band), Science (Astronomy | Geology | Chemistry), Etymology, Philosophy, Cooking, Draughting, Clever/Higher thinking.

 

BEFORE:

I read up about the Galileo Affair as a kid, and it astonished me that a society could act in such a way towards people of new developments in science or whatever, such as the Copernican theory of the motions of the planets, and this seemed to be the case also with romantic relationships, a kind of open minds versus closed minds.

One day in 1988-ish, my mum had asked me or my dad if either of us would empty the kitchen bin?  I thought, ‘Why us?  Why the men?’  This was my first awakening to becoming a gender egalitarian.  Rather than to complain about matters, I set about doing all the things that I could do around the home and beyond!  Being married, running a home, doing my mechanical engineering craft apprenticeship, studying and completing my BTEC HNC in Mechanical Engineering Design, having the kids born during the years of 1991 to 1997 was a very busy time for me.  I really grew up during this time!

However, the lovely ladies in my life hoped that I could take on all those men roles, or rather, that they didn’t.  Having a very polite and loving ‘disputes’ with my beloved mum for 30 years didn’t make it easy.  I used to say to my mum and other ladies, “I am me”.  My mum had hoped that I would become this necessary Spartacus like night in shining armour, which I didn’t feel that I was at all.

To cut a long story short, I had to move on from my wife and start a new life.  This was further growing.  I was meeting quality people and making many good friends which I still have.  I read many self-help books, (Feel the Fear, 7 Habits, The Power of Now, etc.), and I enjoyed the new words that speak many, such as Timshel taken from John Stainbeck’s East of Eden.

Amongst my good friends, was someone who became my girlfriend.  After our year together, she left saying, “I know who I am”.  At first this threw me out of all proportion.  Once my bad emotions were clear, I set about the REAL and DEEPER meaning of “being who I am”, if it meant anything.

Whilst looking at many YouTube videos for possible answers, I discovered Leo Gura of Actualised.org, as well as Eckhart Tolle, and Teal Swan.

NOW:

I am taking up more exercise, and seeing how I can be rid of the bad feelings and emotions that have become, and grow even more.  To understand more so what love in a romantic relationship can be about so that I can get it ‘right’ next time around, and especially to be in a higher place of thinking so that I can make better growing decisions.  I am also working on the idea of enlightenment, spiritual or otherwise.

What I am noticing, is that compared to others that I have read on this webpage, ‘Spartacus’ or not, my life isn’t that bad at all really.  Whilst I ‘wait’ for that special someone — which I am not in a hurry at all — I look forward to seeing what I can do even further for my continuing growth, and of course, borrowing and sharing many a philosophical word or two from and to others on this forum.  Indeed Self-actualisation just might be the key to my better happiness, assuming that I don’t have it already.

Cheers, all.   

Edited July 19, 2019 by Tim Stretton

[Moon]

Name: M
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Mechanical engineering student
Marital Status: In a relationship
Kids: No
Hobbies: meditation, nature, philosophy, theology, psychology, biology, physics, creative writing, powerlifting, drawing, painting, makeup, cooking

I first got into personal development as a stubborn 15/16 year old who was going through depression and other issues and was searching YouTube for help to become a more positive person and along with many other channels I came across a few of Leo Gura's videos that helped me. A few years later I believe, I came back to watch a few of his videos which compelled me to start meditating, which was one of the best decisions of my life. 

Things I've overcome:
-ADD
-social difficulties mostly resulting from the ADD
-severe depression and anxiety as a teenager
-major procrastination habits
-extreme smartphone/social media addiction
-impatience and poor relationship with family members
-lack of emotional intelligence
-lack of confidence and being physically unattractive

Things I'm working on now:
-doing well at uni (mostly to improve my self-discipline and its intrinsic reward)
-improve even more socially
-work on some minor emotional issues
-express my creativity to form ideas for my future innovations and business plans
-stay consistent with foundational daily habits that I will carry for the rest of my life
-read a lot more self-help books 
-delve into the enlightenment and spiritual side of things
-improve my fitness and eating habits

[Saupahar]

Name: Saugat Mainali
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Location: Kathmandu,Nepal
Occupation: Doctor
Marital Status: Married
Kids: No
Hobbies: Reading self help books, playing guitar,watching movies.

I got into personal development in 2019. I was afraid,overthinking everything, regretting what i said the previous day or thinking jealous with my colleagues,stressed about my studies, worrying about presentation, shy with people,thinking what people thought about me, wished people listened to my advice,becoming unncessarily angry.I was so angry even in small things with my mother,wife and friends. Also when was i younger i used to be angry but more afraid. In January 2019 i started watching video on " how to not get angry" videos on youtube which did not help much. Then i searched for best audiobooks online and downloaded 4 books not knowing how those were. I finished the book by Stephen Covey and one day randomly i heard the 'ting' sound from my earphone and rest is history. I found 'The Power of Now' which changed my life. I listened to other audiobooks too. I also started meditating. l watched videos of Eckhart Tolle and Mooji on youtube.Then one day I found this great channel 'Actualized.org' which was mind bending and took my personal development to the next level.

Personal challenges I've overcome:

Used to be angry most of the time and in unnecessary matters.

Was afraid of people asking me questions.

Worried what people thought about me.

Did not talk to my wife after a fight.

Felt sad if people did not take my advice and even got angry sometimes.

Stopped drinking and smoking.

Used to speak quickly and stumble.

Used to be very anxious and stressful most of the time.

Had less self confidence.

Had not so exciting sex life.

I used to give less thought while speaking.

Less confident while giving presentation.

Used to get increased heartbeat sometimes without any reason.

What I'm working on now:

Working on enlightenment

Working on improving my health & diet.

Working on improving my reaction to people and loving them fully.

Working on going deep into self development.

Working on discovering my full potential.

[AWL]

Name: Woncheng
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: Ghana
Occupation: Medical Student
Marital Status: Single
Kids: No
Hobbies: music production, enlightenment, meditation, personal development, reading, learning, nature, healthy eating, chess

I got into personal development in 2013, getting out of high-shool. I always had a sense of untapped potential within me and I wanted to create an extraordinary legacy, this led me to reading quite a number of self-help books. At that time I was taking the SATs and other international exams, basically trying to get my butt out of "Africa" (I'm sure you can imagine) this didn't turn out too good for me and it got me slouching and taking the back seat of my life.

I started watching actualized.org videos at the beginning of the channel and I fell off the conscious path and now I'm back here. I've literally shed tears watching some of these videos considering all the time I pissed away. Now I'm compelled more than ever to get my shit together and NEVER slack off. I'm here on the day of the release of "The Trap Of The Toxic Life Purpose" and It is amazing because I'm seeing this video exactly 2 days after I watched the video about how to escape wage slavery, and this was a more than appropriate follow-up. I've lately been deliberating what my life is going to be henceforth. I purchased the booklist a couple of weeks ago, and it's intense the value Leo is giving out here. I've just gotten through 3 of the books and I'm already experiencing so many tangible results in my life. Can't wait to get the life purpose course at this point cos It's so easy to get caught slipping out here, (the world has gotten a shit ton slipperier now than it was even 6 years ago) and I'm not going to be able to live one more day of my life if I waste another half a decade. Thanks @Leo Gura

Personal challenges I've overcome:

I overcame shyness and the fear of speaking up

I set up multiple businesses, although most failed

I cleaned up my diet,  been vegetarian for four years almost

I taught myself the basics of music production

Improved my fitness

What I'm working on now:

finding my life purpose

cutting off all the clutter from my life

expanding my consciousness

becoming financially independent

improving my diet, health, and fitness

being more authentic in relating to others

Edited September 20, 2020 by AWL

[caspex]

Name: Swarnim Kumar Yamdagni
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Location: New Delhi, India
Occupation: Student
Marital Status: Single
Kids: No
Hobbies: enlightenment, meditation, personal development, reading, nature, healthy eating, anime, hatha yoga, yoga in general, cooking.

In 2008, my parents (who owned a very successful business) got accused by some employee of fraud. This was a very well planned accusation and that employee had alr gathered a lot of people to support him that were in on it. My parents, being not very well familiar with the ways of the judicial system and corruption going on, got fucked over hard. My father was in jail for 3 years before finally being able to be bailed out. During that time me and my mother had changed our original (duplex apartment) home and were living on rent in some small government built apartment. I like those days a lot. After 2.5 years of my father's arrest, my mother was arrested too. Before my father came back 6 months later, I stayed with my uncle in a village. I would say those 6 months in a rural village contributed to my spiritual growth. And after that my father came back, shortly while after my mother came back too. Then we eventually got the custody of our old home back and we went back to live there after getting it fully renovated in around 2012. Why I have told you this is, this whole phase in my life consists most of my early life memories. And I believe this has shaped my personality. If it weren't for those experiences, I don't think I would have been open minded enough to get into spirituality as soon as I did. 

Till 2017, shit went insanely smoothly and they were among the most materially prosperous times of my life. A good home, two maids (who stayed in our home) who I treated as sisters and my parents as their daughters, a good school life (i was pretty smart), a loving tutor lady that came to teach every evening and I love talking to her. My day used to be like this:

Woken up by mom or father pretty early  usually around 5 - 6 am > Went on to bath and brush > Then go to our in-home temple and read some sanskrit shlokas OR just ask for it to be a good day > eat breakfast > Leave home with my Dad and he'll drop me off to school and he goes to office (or sometimes not, he can just go back home and chill, majority of the business could be handled from home, by we still had a office) > have an epic day at school with friends > mom picks me up, we talk in the car on the way back > go home, change, eat food made by maid, chill till 6 pm by watching either TV, Laptop, PC, Tablet, or Phone. > Tutor comes to teach for an hour, it was really great since we were really frank and open. > father arrived moments before tutor left > then wait for dinner to be cooked by the two maids while watching TV while mom and dad talked about the day and other stuff > then eat dinner cooked with mom and dad while watching a TV serial (an Indian soap opera lol), maids ate too sitting on stairs while watching TV with us. > father went to sleep at 9 PM and me and my mum at 10 PM or 11. 
Schedule was obv changed on Saturdays and Sundays since no school or tutor, and father didn't go to office. It was much more freeing and fun.

As you can see, I didn't have to worry about food, love, studies, a clean home, money, etc. 

After 2017, my parents started to get accused again, (Actually the guy who accused by parents back in 2008 {the case is still on going from 2008 btw, just that my parents are bailed} has has formed a group of people who go around accusing people of fraud to then later blackmail money out. Since they have strength in numbers, shit always works out for them.) People started to come to our home every Saturday to bother us about money, they even got our company's name printed in the newspaper as fraud one time. Well eventually they paid the police from the state of Jammu and Kashmir (at this time this state had a separate government from the central one, not anymore tho). So really it was easy to get my parents arrested if some false FIRs were arranged. So on the night of 31 March 2018, the police came and arrested my parents. 

A fuck ton of stuff has happened since then till now. The general gist is this. I was left with my 3 year old sister at that time and two maids. We lived easily, mum actually managed to get away from the Jammu and Kashmir police a month later (a whole story as to how that happened), my mum then helped us live till 2020 January from hiding in a different home. A whole ordeal trying to communicate without being caught lol. 

I got into spirituality through Aaron Doughty on YouTube in Dec 2018. I have stopped watching him but he's the one who got me into it. Now since I had all the time in the world really, no parents, and maids to cook, clean and take care of my younger sis for me, I could easily go into this stuff. 

Over time the maids had to leave and go back to their homes. First one went in early 2019, responsibility of my sis came on to me while the maid that was left did the cooking and house work, then that maid had to go as well in October 2019. We hired a temp maid that came daily, cooked and cleaned and left. Because of this, responsibility of keeping the home clean and my sis all came onto me. And then my mum surrendered to the police in January 2020 as well because we really ran out of money and my mum couldn't even buy food. Two uncles help me with buying groceries these days and really, they are struggling with money as well. 2019 was a very traumatizing year tbh since the struggle with money was really, really bad, and I had to talk my mum out of suiciding three times. it really seemed like all hope is lost. Compared to then, today is a peace of cake. 

When Covid pandemic hit, there was a lockdown in last week of March 2020 and it continued till July 2020 here. Till then the maid couldn't come to my home. This meant I had to cook on my own each day, this gave me the hobby of cooking. And this is when I started meditating at the end of April and went up to 2 hours a day. Then I stopped in end July. Trying to build the meditation back up again to at least an hour these days. What's crazier is this, in April 1st 2020, my Wi-Fi was cut, since we hadn't paid the Wi-Fi bill in six months! Only recently I have gotten my Wi-Fi back on 2nd November. This means I had to stay in one place(my home), not go anywhere except for maybe buying stuff (very rare), no school after my final examinations of 10th grade in March 2020 (no school cuz couldn't pay fees), take care of my sis, cook and all, with no Wi-Fi. I only had 1 GB data a day to go buy. THIS was the turning point in my life and spirituality. Because so much limitations, and my meditation habit, I grew and realized so fucking fast. I'd say I went from solid orange to yellow just from March to September this year! I had been saving up data to watch @Leo Gura as well. I found Actualized.org in late 2019 actually, but I only seriously watched his videos in March 2020 before my Wi-Fi cut out. I watched him and Sadhguru really seriously and almost binged his videos on non-duality and self-deception and other videos before the Wi-Fi cut. This set up a nice ground to contemplate on after the Wi-Fi cut and this mini-retreat of sorts lol. I was very into Sadhguru, then I came across the series of @Shanmugam talking about the cult like behavior in Sadhguru's following. I resonated and finally stopped watching Sadhguru in like august 2020. 95% of it was because his content wasn't resonating with me anymore, since he talked about stuff that resonated with the majority, not the hard sauce, just weak sauce now. Shanumugam just acted as catalyst for me to stop watching him now. I still am subscribed tho, in case he has some good video put out. 

I have been growing like crazy and have had insane realizations this month. Just unbelievable. I guess the tarot reading I watched in November 2019 of "What it would be like an year from now" was right! "You'd be really joyful and living in a dream". This isn't what I expected but this is way better.

Materially, shit is still rough. Both parents in jail, really trying hard to get them bailed. Struggling with money, no school yet. Right now I am cooking in the morn and the maid comes and washes the dishes and cooks dinner and cleans in the evening. I spend most of my day on my PC. Either watching spiritual stuff or anime. I also do Hatha Yoga. My day goes like this now. 

Wake up at 11 - 12 pm > look at how my lovely 5 year old sis has made a mess again > go to the pc, browse shit till 1 or 2 Pm > go cook > eat > use pc till maid arrives at 6:30 PM (My sis gets to watch YouTube on my phone, I also try to moderate what she watches, whole another story.) > talk to the maid while she cooks and cleans (I have a really good and frank relationship with her. I talk about spiritual stuff with her, she listens very carefully while working. She's on blue vMeme mostly.) > then close the door after she leaves, eat and then use pc till 3 am, my sis goes to sleep at 11 or 12 in the night. > Repeat

this cycle has been repeating since November 2 and actually everyday has been similar since April 1 2020. It was much more 'boring' before November 2 since I didn't have Wi-Fi. It was so similar each day that my time sense was all messed up. A week/moth ago felt like yesterday and 2 days ago felt like a month back. I never even looked at the dates. 

It's 2 PM now, I'll go cook.

Long ass Post.

Edited December 1, 2020 by Swarnim
Fixing errors

[blackchair]

started reading NDEs 6 years ago

[Batzon]

Name: Malte
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: Germany
Occupation: Student of Geography
Marital Status: Single
Kids: No
Hobbies: yoga, qi gong, spending time in nature, spirituality, meditation, gym, making  music of any kind, philosophy, learning about our own kind, discovering myself

 

When I was getting into puberty I had a huge feeling of alienation, I never felt I fit in. I fled into video games. At 13 years I also started to get into spiritual stuff, I always had an interest into mystic things, I often felt that there is more to life and that we have much knowledge within. At first I did it for my ego's sake (Maybe it was even for the sake of fleeing reality). At 16 I dropped the spiritual stuff because I wasn't getting anything out of it. I tried to fit in an became a pretty nervous, selfish and arrogant guy. Until last year I was heavily addicted to video games.

Spirituality came back to me when I was having  a deeper intention set after moving into a new flat 6 months ago. "I need a reset" I told to myself, "now I mean it". 2 weeks later while meditating I had a profound shift of consciousness which sustained for 6-7 days. I was in tears, I had this immense feeling of "how could I have forgotten this?". I realized many things that kept me from growing, it was an immense relief. In the stages of bliss I saw reality as it is. It was a glimpse at all but it was so shifting that nothing has been like before. My ego came back and threw me into weeks of insomnia and depersonalization/psychosis like states (I would say mild forms). I had the constant fear of becoming crazy. After daily grounding and integration I saw what was going on. In these 6 months I started shadow work and had some big emotional releases, I saw that I punished myself over the last decade pretty hard. Months after I never have felt more mature. Still, at the moment I'm cycling through depression and anxiety, but I'm thankful for that. I feel like I can finally be the creator and move on, I finally feel like I can start life. It's a learning process and I finally stopped skipping school, I'm willing to learn and grow now. It's not easy but it's the best thing that could have happened. 2 weeks before my awakening experience I had a dream where a voice told me I would get sick but I will be healed. That's giving me much faith.

 

Personal challenges I've overcome:

- Awakening shattered my video game addiction

- Eating like shit

- Desire for constant attention

- Being way less judgemental

 

Challenges I'm working on:

- Becoming independent, authentic, grounded, compassionate,

- Listening to my gut,

- living and enjoying life with all senses, seeing positive sides not only negatives

- embracing ANY kind of experience, going out there in life instead of hiding from it

- overcoming self sabotage

- finding my purpose and passion

- Not letting my fears limit me

 

 

[Yahya]

Name: Yahya Yousaf

Age: 16

Gender: Male
Location: Ontario, Canada
Occupation: Student
Marital Status: Single
Kids: No
Hobbies: studying, meditation, personal development, reading, learning, healthy eating

I got into personal development after my failure at elementary school. I failed 8 years throughout elementary school but then I luckily graduated from it. I got sexuallly harrassed at the aged of 13. I suffered a history of abuse from my school and my parents. After I graduated from my elementary school in Saudi Arabia, I travelled to Canada to pursue a better education. However, the trauma I suffered still continue to haunt me today. I came across the Leo video "Advice to highschool and college students" to help me to get success in school.  That time my English was horrible so I couldn't even understand a thing what Leo was saying. Ever since I found Leo I began to listen Actualized.org in different languages which mad me to learn 5 languages till this very day.

Personal challenges I have overcome:

- Stop failing at school and became a rockstar student.

- Increase the development of my emotions.

- Found my dream career.

- Coped with the trauma and harrassment I suffered before. 

- Routine and habits.

What I'm working on now:

- Forgiving all the people who did me wrong.

- Success.

- Making my life purpose real.

Edited January 10, 2021 by Yahya
Incomplete answer