I feel disconnected from everyone. What are the causes and solutions? Help!

[ted73104]

1 hour ago, SamC said:

@ted73104 My problem usually is that I try being myself and that I then judge myself for not being myself when I judge myself.

In other words I judge that I judge that I judge myself.

Furthermore, I struggle with even knowing what I want authentically. It feels like what ever I do I am inauthentic.

How do I act like myself?

Okay, so this is sort of a knot that has formed in your psychology. You don't like it when you don't act naturally in front of others, and then when you judge yourself for this, you then think judging yourself for not being able to act naturally is also "wrong", so you judge yourself again for judging yourself. I've had one of these before. The issue here is that your natural behavior doesn't seem natural to you, but you don't really have the chance to even change your natural behavior because of the multi-layer judgements. What you want on the surface, according to my limited understanding, is that you want to act like someone who is very authentic. But what you really want inside is to not have to endure the very bad feelings of being judged. One side of you desperately wants to find a way to act naturally while the other side wants to prevent yourself from being judged. It's really a situation where you're stuck.

What you need to realize is that even if you are disfunctional in some way, that is still authentic. It's okay to be relatively not confident, not smart, not outstanding. You don't have to act at the level you imagine you need to be at in order to be authentic. But then again even before allowing yourself to be your current self, there is the issue of these multiple layer judgements...

Two directions you can do at the same time.

@Waken's suggestion is very good, try to drop the need to be outstanding. Your true thoughts and natural self are being held back because deep down you think they're not good enough to bring up. But if you're able to let yourself go and allow yourself to express the "low" thoughts that you are feeling, the result can be better than you expected. If you express what you truly feel, people will relate to that.

Then again, like what @Nahm said, you need to be conscious of why you are judging yourself. Where are the judgements coming from exactly, why are you judging yourself in this way. I think you understand that perfectionism is toxic, so trying to be perfect never works and so that shouldn't be the goal. You'll need to find time when you're by yourself to contemplate on this part. And don't think of this question logically, think of it emotionally. Dig into your emotions and feel the origin of the judgements/thoughts. Once you're able to find where these thoughts came from, you might be able to see how dumb these thoughts of judgement are and be able to drop them.

[SamC]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

@SamC

Are you the awareness of these thoughts? 

More simply, are you aware of these thoughts? 

Sometimes yes and sometimes no

[SamC]

1 hour ago, ted73104 said:

Okay, so this is sort of a knot that has formed in your psychology. You don't like it when you don't act naturally in front of others, and then when you judge yourself for this, you then think judging yourself for not being able to act naturally is also "wrong", so you judge yourself again for judging yourself. I've had one of these before. The issue here is that your natural behavior doesn't seem natural to you, but you don't really have the chance to even change your natural behavior because of the multi-layer judgements. What you want on the surface, according to my limited understanding, is that you want to act like someone who is very authentic. But what you really want inside is to not have to endure the very bad feelings of being judged. One side of you desperately wants to find a way to act naturally while the other side wants to prevent yourself from being judged. It's really a situation where you're stuck.

What you need to realize is that even if you are disfunctional in some way, that is still authentic. It's okay to be relatively not confident, not smart, not outstanding. You don't have to act at the level you imagine you need to be at in order to be authentic. But then again even before allowing yourself to be your current self, there is the issue of these multiple layer judgements...

Two directions you can do at the same time.

@Waken's suggestion is very good, try to drop the need to be outstanding. Your true thoughts and natural self are being held back because deep down you think they're not good enough to bring up. But if you're able to let yourself go and allow yourself to express the "low" thoughts that you are feeling, the result can be better than you expected. If you express what you truly feel, people will relate to that.

Then again, like what @Nahm said, you need to be conscious of why you are judging yourself. Where are the judgements coming from exactly, why are you judging yourself in this way. I think you understand that perfectionism is toxic, so trying to be perfect never works and so that shouldn't be the goal. You'll need to find time when you're by yourself to contemplate on this part. And don't think of this question logically, think of it emotionally. Dig into your emotions and feel the origin of the judgements/thoughts. Once you're able to find where these thoughts came from, you might be able to see how dumb these thoughts of judgement are and be able to drop them.

@ted73104 This was an amazing response. I am mindblown. This really really helped. Thanks a ton Ted.

I have a split inside me which want the exact opposite of eachoter, which basicially means that both parts hate eachother and that one ( or maybe even both parts Are repressed and act out unconsiously because both want to save me from the other.

Both parts sacred of eachother.

Any more thoughts or things that you notice that I am missing?

--------

Also

How have you attained such a high level understanding of this and psychology in general. Would Love some tips on how to learn more. What did you do to understand this stuff? Have you studied this professionally? One can really sense you know what's up.

 

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, SamC said:

Sometimes yes and sometimes no

If you’re not aware of these thoughts sometimes - and that experience is known - then awareness is aware of that experience, which means awareness is not coming and going. Thoughts are coming and going. The thoughts are about you being a person, in the sense, only a separate physical object. Awareness is searching for which thoughts are true about this separate physical object, and not finding any thoughts to be true. That is not the problem, that is the relief. There are no expectations to live up to. That recognition leads to a great shift, a realization thinking about yourself never pans out to anything, but thinking about what you want to do, be, have, experience, etc, feels really great, since it’s what you want, which is the same as saying, what feels good, to you. Not someone else. You. 

The awareness never comes and goes, and is eternal. When awareness is believing thoughts, which are appearing & disappearing, and can barely even be said to be temporary, this is of course going to feel ‘off’ to eternal, infinite, pure goodness, awareness. 

Regardless of thoughts or beliefs which come & go, awareness is eternal and ever present. It is the true authentic one which is aware of the thoughts and beliefs. 

Also, if it’s useful... one can try and feel good based on what other people think, and by comparative thinking (comparing oneself to another self). One can be motivated by this for a while. Self image, popularity, accolades, accomplishments, potential, prestige, that kind or flavor of self referential thinking, projected onto others, about oneself. But it never feels quite aligned, and one inevitably recognizes one has never actually experienced what another thinks, and one is feeling the resonance of what one is focusing on. In shifting focus to what feels better to you, you feel better, and the mind actually clears. Then as more aligned better feeling thoughts arise, wanting to be outstanding, amazing, etc begins to seem funny, because it gets clearer that you already are. Then you are feeling our source, and then you can accomplish anything. Unless what you want is to be better than someone else, or better than yourself. Can’t do that. Can laugh about it though. 

[ted73104]

3 hours ago, SamC said:

@ted73104 This was an amazing response. I am mindblown. This really really helped. Thanks a ton Ted.

I have a split inside me which want the exact opposite of eachoter, which basicially means that both parts hate eachother and that one ( or maybe even both parts Are repressed and act out unconsiously because both want to save me from the other.

Both parts sacred of eachother.

Any more thoughts or things that you notice that I am missing?

--------

Also

How have you attained such a high level understanding of this and psychology in general. Would Love some tips on how to learn more. What did you do to understand this stuff? Have you studied this professionally? One can really sense you know what's up.

 

Good to know that I was able to help a bit. Most of my response were only guesses, I was afraid my description wasn't really your case.

You'll have to find a way to untie the knot to go forward, not easy though. Other than that, I don't have anything more to add at the moment. 

 

I don't think there is a sure path to understanding psychology. I had serious depression before and I spent a lot of money on different therapists. Then luckily there were Youtubers like Teal Swan and Leo Gura to aid me more. Then it took over 7 years to implement the stuff, this is where I really understood what I learned previously. It really depends on what topics you're really interested in and whose content would be able to allow you to understand more. Google is your best tool. Basically you only need find methods to fix one problem at a time and you will naturally understand more when you resolve those issues one by one.

[SamC]

1 hour ago, ted73104 said:

Good to know that I was able to help a bit. Most of my response were only guesses, I was afraid my description wasn't really your case.

You'll have to find a way to untie the knot to go forward, not easy though. Other than that, I don't have anything more to add at the moment. 

I don't think there is a sure path to understanding psychology. I had serious depression before and I spent a lot of money on different therapists. Then luckily there were Youtubers like Teal Swan and Leo Gura to aid me more. Then it took over 7 years to implement the stuff, this is where I really understood what I learned previously. It really depends on what topics you're really interested in and whose content would be able to allow you to understand more. Google is your best tool. Basically you only need find methods to fix one problem at a time and you will naturally understand more when you resolve those issues one by one.

Thanks for the insights!

[SamC]

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

If you’re not aware of these thoughts sometimes - and that experience is known - then awareness is aware of that experience, which means awareness is not coming and going. Thoughts are coming and going. The thoughts are about you being a person, in the sense, only a separate physical object. Awareness is searching for which thoughts are true about this separate physical object, and not finding any thoughts to be true. That is not the problem, that is the relief. There are no expectations to live up to. That recognition leads to a great shift, a realization thinking about yourself never pans out to anything, but thinking about what you want to do, be, have, experience, etc, feels really great, since it’s what you want, which is the same as saying, what feels good, to you. Not someone else. You. 

The awareness never comes and goes, and is eternal. When awareness is believing thoughts, which are appearing & disappearing, and can barely even be said to be temporary, this is of course going to feel ‘off’ to eternal, infinite, pure goodness, awareness. 

Regardless of thoughts or beliefs which come & go, awareness is eternal and ever present. It is the true authentic one which is aware of the thoughts and beliefs. 

Also, if it’s useful... one can try and feel good based on what other people think, and by comparative thinking (comparing oneself to another self). One can be motivated by this for a while. Self image, popularity, accolades, accomplishments, potential, prestige, that kind or flavor of self referential thinking, projected onto others, about oneself. But it never feels quite aligned, and one inevitably recognizes one has never actually experienced what another thinks, and one is feeling the resonance of what one is focusing on. In shifting focus to what feels better to you, you feel better, and the mind actually clears. Then as more aligned better feeling thoughts arise, wanting to be outstanding, amazing, etc begins to seem funny, because it gets clearer that you already are. Then you are feeling our source, and then you can accomplish anything. Unless what you want is to be better than someone else, or better than yourself. Can’t do that. Can laugh about it though. 

??

[Origins]

@SamC There's a lot of inner turbulence.

If you stick to this technique (https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/64015-explorational-archetypes-past-lives-imagination-energies-and-the-nature-of-being/?do=findComment&comment=873989). It won't let you down, only any lack of awareness can let it down.

That's a promise Sam.

You'll have to fight through the difficulties though, however, they will become resolved if you stick to it. It'll be extremely difficult but all it will take is your grit and consistency.

It's not easy to accept solutions. We have a lot of cognitive biases that turn against us. But here it is. Let's see what you can do with it.

This would work for you, I don't know if it would work with others it really just depends on their makeup.

The moment you've prioritized another when they haven't earned your respect, you're automatically lowering yourself. You have unresolved issues around self respect.

Best. There's no need to say thanks, the thanks is in you becoming you. If you find something better, all the best for you.

P.S - you would need at least 2 hours every day on it. Eventually those problems will subside though and by then you can make it a regular part of your processing.

Edited April 10, 2021 by Origins

[SamC]

On 2021-04-10 at 2:09 AM, Origins said:

@SamC There's a lot of inner turbulence.

If you stick to this technique (https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/64015-explorational-archetypes-past-lives-imagination-energies-and-the-nature-of-being/?do=findComment&comment=873989). It won't let you down, only any lack of awareness can let it down.

That's a promise Sam.

You'll have to fight through the difficulties though, however, they will become resolved if you stick to it. It'll be extremely difficult but all it will take is your grit and consistency.

It's not easy to accept solutions. We have a lot of cognitive biases that turn against us. But here it is. Let's see what you can do with it.

This would work for you, I don't know if it would work with others it really just depends on their makeup.

The moment you've prioritized another when they haven't earned your respect, you're automatically lowering yourself. You have unresolved issues around self respect.

Best. There's no need to say thanks, the thanks is in you becoming you. If you find something better, all the best for you.

P.S - you would need at least 2 hours every day on it. Eventually those problems will subside though and by then you can make it a regular part of your processing.

Thank you man. I really appreciate the advice??