I feel disconnected from everyone. What are the causes and solutions? Help!

[SamC]

 

I feel like there are two different groups of people in this world...

There is me and than there is everyone else who basically is better, more socialble, more attractive and more confident than me. I feel like I am in a different league and that everyone else is competent and able to do stuff in life, while I can't becuase I am not a normal person like them.

In other words, I feel like I am not a human like everyone else but something else that is disconnected from humans and therefor also lifes possibilites as a human in general.

This have gone so far that I don't belive that I am swedish  ( enough) becuase I am not the swedish stereotype of a very tall man. I'm only 5 foot 8 and because of that I often feel like I am not swedish enough and that everyone looks down on me and judges me for not " belonging and being good enough". What's funny about this is that I'm like the most stereotypical swedie ever except for my height becuase I have blue eyes and blond hair but STILL, still I don't belive that I am " swedish" enough for me to " belong" and be a normal human being eventhough I am basically the sterotype of the people here except for my height.

That said, on another level, I am confident in that I can do stuff that others can't and that I am competent and that I am able to make it in life and I can just go out and do this and that to get that, but still..

It feels like I am not like everyone else. It feels like I am different and not enough.

Any tips, thoughts, solutions or video/ recorse recomenadtions? Thanks

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Low self esteem and unsecurity = dangerous mix. 

 

 

 

Edited April 7, 2021 by Preety_India

[SamC]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Low self esteem and unsecurity = dangerous mix. 

 

 

 

Why it is a dangerous mix?@Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Just now, SamC said:

Why it is a dangerous mix?@Preety_India

Because it creates confusion and frustration and stress. Slows down progress. It's like a mind eater. 

You're good enough. Work on your confidence. Don't compare yourself to others.. Be gentle with yourself. Convince yourself that you are good and deserving 

Don't give so much  importance to other people. 

You be you and you believe in you. 

 

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, SamC said:

Why it is a dangerous mix?@Preety_India

 

Also get rid of people pleaser mentality. 

 

[SamC]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Because it creates confusion and frustration and stress. Slows down progress. It's like a mind eater. 

You're good enough. Work on your confidence. Don't compare yourself to others.. Be gentle with yourself. Convince yourself that you are good and deserving 

Don't give so much  importance to other people. 

You be you and you believe in you. 

 

<3 I needed that thank you preety

[Moksha]

Since when is spiritual stature measured by physique? Would you rather be tall and miserable, or this:

[SamC]

5 minutes ago, Moksha said:

Since when is spiritual stature measured by physique? Would you rather be tall and miserable, or this:

Baby Yoda 100% thank you this helped actually!?

[Boethius]

2 hours ago, SamC said:

It feels like I am not like everyone else. It feels like I am different and not enough.

The "funny" thing is that most of us struggle with these sorts of thoughts from time to time. I find that if I can generate awareness that my own insecurities are the insecurities that other people face as well, then I feel less lonely and can extend more compassion to myself (and to others).

[Jacob Morres]

Self - CBT is one solution. Or you can find a nice therapist.

The work from byron katie can also help

 

[SamC]

10 minutes ago, Boethius said:

The "funny" thing is that most of us struggle with these sorts of thoughts from time to time. I find that if I can generate awareness that my own insecurities are the insecurities that other people face as well, then I feel less lonely and can extend more compassion to myself (and to others).

I still struggle with that cause my subconscious belive that everyone has it figured out but that's obviously not the case.

 

[Moksha]

14 minutes ago, SamC said:

Baby Yoda 100% thank you this helped actually!?

? Be your inner Yoda ?

[RendHeaven]

I feel the exact same way.

Which might make you laugh, because you know what I'm like. You would probably assume I have lots of friends lol (and yes, I suppose I do, but that doesn't make me feel any less alone).

But yeah, no matter how good you have it, feelings of not-belonging seem to creep through the back door.

It really helps me to remind myself that other people feel just as - if not more - isolated than I do.

When I trick myself into thinking that I'm the only one suffering from alone-ness, the world really begins to look that way.

But when I recognize that 99% of people are actively suffering from alone-ness (even when they look happy and social... many of them fake it) - i.e. feeling deeply misunderstood or disconnected from others - suddenly, it becomes less about me and more about us.

When we're all misunderstood and disconnected, that paradoxically makes it easier for us to understand and connect with each other.

Edited April 8, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Matt23]

Feeling disconnected from others? = = maybe from being disconnected with yourself?

[ted73104]

Although you may not be so different from your peers, it is the feeling that you're not on the same level as them that is limiting you. And we should respect your feelings. So if you think you're not on the same level as them, okay, then let us assume you're not on the same level as your peers for the moment. Even though that doesn't really matter

In the present moment when you are with your peers, it seems that you quickly try analyze the situation, things like "let's see if I'm good enough as my peers", "how am I not good enough as they are", "in what ways are they doing better than I am", "how am I going to fit in", etc. When you are in this mode of thinking, you create an atmosphere of doubt, fear, and judgement which would be sensed by your peers and friends. Although it is basically just you judging yourself, this atmosphere would likely push people away from you, because no one likes the kind of judgement you're putting on yourself. Normally, most people are not as sensitive as you are in this kind of way, and no one likes to over analyze things. If everyone had to analyze and see if they were good enough among their peers, then no one would be good enough and everyone would be just like you. And even if the people with you didn't sense your analyzing emotion, they would still have difficulty interacting with you when you're doing this, and thus they might just get bored with you and leave. So it's mostly not that you have a problem, but that you think you have "many problems" that is causing this.

If you are able to be okay with yourself, then everyone would be totally okay with you and want to hang out with you. The problem is, it is hard to be the real you. And this is everyone's problem.

Life is not about being good enough. I believe happiness is way more important than being "great", whatever that means. And to be happy, you need to be your normal self in front of others. So when you are with your peers and friends, kick all the judgement to the side and just simply be with them. Let your natural emotions flow through. Be your very ordinary self. If you want to analyze the situation you can do all that afterwards. Simply feel and observe who you are, and also who your peers are. Don't judge anything.

Once you are able to just be yourself without needing to achieve anything, you can see that you're as light as a feather and happiness is just at your finger tips.

[SamC]

11 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

I feel the exact same way.

Which might make you laugh, because you know what I'm like. You would probably assume I have lots of friends lol (and yes, I suppose I do, but that doesn't make me feel any less alone).

But yeah, no matter how good you have it, feelings of not-belonging seem to creep through the back door.

It really helps me to remind myself that other people feel just as - if not more - isolated than I do.

When I trick myself into thinking that I'm the only one suffering from alone-ness, the world really begins to look that way.

But when I recognize that 99% of people are actively suffering from alone-ness (even when they look happy and social... many of them fake it) - i.e. feeling deeply misunderstood or disconnected from others - suddenly, it becomes less about me and more about us.

When we're all misunderstood and disconnected, that paradoxically makes it easier for us to understand and connect with each other.

@RendHeaven This really helped bro. I haven't thought about it like that. Thank you.

 

On 2021-04-08 at 2:15 AM, Jacob Morres said:

Self - CBT is one solution. Or you can find a nice therapist.

The work from byron katie can also help

 

Lit. Thanks for the the advice.

[SamC]

2 hours ago, ted73104 said:

Although you may not be so different from your peers, it is the feeling that you're not on the same level as them that is limiting you. And we should respect your feelings. So if you think you're not on the same level as them, okay, then let us assume you're not on the same level as your peers for the moment. Even though that doesn't really matter

In the present moment when you are with your peers, it seems that you quickly try analyze the situation, things like "let's see if I'm good enough as my peers", "how am I not good enough as they are", "in what ways are they doing better than I am", "how am I going to fit in", etc. When you are in this mode of thinking, you create an atmosphere of doubt, fear, and judgement which would be sensed by your peers and friends. Although it is basically just you judging yourself, this atmosphere would likely push people away from you, because no one likes the kind of judgement you're putting on yourself. Normally, most people are not as sensitive as you are in this kind of way, and no one likes to over analyze things. If everyone had to analyze and see if they were good enough among their peers, then no one would be good enough and everyone would be just like you. And even if the people with you didn't sense your analyzing emotion, they would still have difficulty interacting with you when you're doing this, and thus they might just get bored with you and leave. So it's mostly not that you have a problem, but that you think you have "many problems" that is causing this.

If you are able to be okay with yourself, then everyone would be totally okay with you and want to hang out with you. The problem is, it is hard to be the real you. And this is everyone's problem.

Life is not about being good enough. I believe happiness is way more important than being "great", whatever that means. And to be happy, you need to be your normal self in front of others. So when you are with your peers and friends, kick all the judgement to the side and just simply be with them. Let your natural emotions flow through. Be your very ordinary self. If you want to analyze the situation you can do all that afterwards. Simply feel and observe who you are, and also who your peers are. Don't judge anything.

Once you are able to just be yourself without needing to achieve anything, you can see that you're as light as a feather and happiness is just at your finger tips.

@ted73104 My problem usually is that I try being myself and that I then judge myself for not being myself when I judge myself.

In other words I judge that I judge that I judge myself.

Furthermore, I struggle with even knowing what I want authentically. It feels like what ever I do I am inauthentic.

How do I act like myself?

[Nahm]

@SamC

Are you the awareness of these thoughts? 

More simply, are you aware of these thoughts? 

[Waken]

Perhaps you feel inferior because you want to be more like others but aren't. For example, if you're more of a quite person and you're at a party and lots of extrovert and loud people make a lot of fuss, you could look at that and be like 'Oh, I'm not like that, I can't do that', whatever. I would just follow what attracts you, follow what feels most like you in every moment, and I think you might just end up in the place you would wish to be most

[StarStruck]

Get into grounding yourself. I studied chakra system and that helped me. I had the same issues you had. Leo's stuff made me airy fairy. That is not good. Stop listening to Leo's advice for a while.