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[NutellaTC]

I had been involved in self help for a while and now recently I realized how much i was deceiving myself , I'm working on my inner demons cleaning my mind and stuff , meditation is working but it's slow and I'm still neurotic,  though I'm identifying less myself with my thoughts ( still do a lot ). can't ping point my awareness , I'm not sure if I'm aware or if is just a memory I've found myself tricked by the idea of being aware ( shit! Is dope how your mind works ) this thing of being aware is like trying to empty the sea with a bucked with a huge hole in the bottom , got off topic but yeah I need a faster way to get off my back all these monkeys they are a lot!!!! The more I observe myself the more I get the (oh shit !!!) feeling (that too?) I'm full of self destructive behaviors that happen below my awareness , I feel like I've been walking trough life with a slick up my ass .... I'm tired ! Help !!! 

[Alex4]

maybe you should meditate twice a day.

 do you try to do many things in a day? ive recently discovered the many stupid things I wanted to do (stupid things like watch the same tv show every day, watch as many sports  events on tv as possible, listen to music or radio shows whenever im walking down the street or in the train), play that videogame I bought last week...

thinking that I had to do those things when actually I diddnt want to created stress on me, 

all that stuff only creates noise in your head.

Edited October 23, 2016 by Alex4

[Bob84]

@NutellaTC That is awareness from the egos perspective. Its trying to make sense of something its incapable of doing.
Awareness just is, and you always have it. When you are identifying less with your thoughts/mind it is your awareness doing that. If that makes sense to you. To me it sounds like you are making good progress. So you might as well let your ego compliment you a little on what you have achieved.