How do you be persistent without being disrespectful

[krockerman]

Leo has talked about that it is important to be a hard closer in dating. But How do you do that and at the same time while being repsectful And making sure she genuinely wants it?
 

And when you are on the street/in the club it’s normal to have a bit of resistance at first. For many reasons, How do you keep persisting and at the same time being respectful  to the woman?

[krockerman]

@Leo Gura def needs to clarify this

[LastThursday]

The bottom line is if someone outright says "no" and you ignore that, then you are being disrespectful. Personally? Move on immediately.  Life's too short.

But. Not everyone knows how to say "no", and most people are not sure either way. Honestly? You have to use your judgement wisely. You should keep things playful and light until you're sure. If you start getting good signals then push ahead aiming to "close", don't dilly dally.

[Emerald]

My advice is not to listen to Leo on this one.

When I was 20, I was lacking a support system and dealing with a lot of emotional upheaval. And men would invite me to their place, and I'd know what they wanted. But because I was very alone in the world at the time, I felt lacking in the capacity to turn down the company. And I would tell myself, "Just turn him down if he tries to get sex." But I was also dealing with boundary issues because of all the problems going on in my life at the time.

And there were a couple guys, where I said no quite a few times before they eventually wore me down and I gave in to their advances.

And it was really clear that those guys who pressured me into it thought that they really had won me over just because they eventually wore me down. They probably had some notion that I was really into it deep down and that they just needed to keep finessing me.

It's just that, once it gets to a certain point, you feel like "Do I want to consent and make the best of it?" or "Do I want to resist and have this escalate into a full blown rape?" And the former is easier because you can convince yourself that no boundary breech has occurred.

But I felt pretty violated the first time... and monumentally violated the second time. The second one was straight up date rape. 

But he had no idea. He invited me out on a date the next day as though he hadn't consistently ignored my 'no's the night before. 

Basically, don't be dumb. If a woman says no, it's not because she's playing hard to get. And if you eventually wear her down, it's not an indicator that you've won her consent. She just decided that it would be less dangerous/stressful to give in. 

[Roy]

You will know, if you feel it inside and don't ignore it, but it just raises the larger question; Why make it hard on yourself like you're so desperate to prove something? If you aren't vibing with someone right away and you feel you have to force things it's a good indicator to just move on. It saves yourself from needless work and saves them time being annoyed.

It's not like you're on a desert island trying to restart the human race lol. There are literally tens of millions, HUNDREDS of millions of potential partners out there. It's hilarious. Never get hung up and overinvest in just one, that's stupidity.

Edited April 8, 2021 by Roy

[LastThursday]

Just to add to what @Emerald said and for parity, it happens the other way too. Although I haven't been in such a potentially dangerous situation.

I've been in a situation where a woman was being overtly persistent with me. I didn't find her attractive at all, but she was also a friend and someone I enjoyed meeting up with. I found it basically impossible to outright say: no I'm not interested. The best I could do was to continue to be polite and not to encourage her. I think in the end another female friend told her to "cool it" and she stopped.

I've also been in a nightclub situation where everyone was a bit drunk. This was on a trip abroad where everyone was acquainted with each other, but didn't really know each other that well. One particular woman mistook my friendliness for something more and went to kiss me. I was taken aback and pulled away. Before that moment I had no idea and I certainly wasn't interested in her. She was apologetic the day after, but still was confused about my reaction. I had to bullshit her and say that I was just in a grumpy mood that night.

I've even been a situation where I've engaged someone physically, mostly kissing. But the day after, I had a rethink and politely told her that I didn't think it was a good idea to carry on. We shared friends in common, and I thought things could end up being awkward. She had the wherewithal not to pursue things further.

I've also been in many situations where I've been unconsciously and naturally flirtatious, even with women I didn't find that interesting. And definitely, my behaviour could have been mistaken for sexual interest. Should I behave differently, because other people can't read my intentions well? 

I think the last point is very important. In my experience a lot of women will want to be friendly and approachable and maybe even a bit flirtatious, it's very easy for a man to read too much into it and get carried away.

Edited April 8, 2021 by LastThursday

[Mason Riggle]

Every time I've fallen in love, it was never something either of us pursued.. If I 'went after' a girl, things never went past a first or second date.  

Stop thinking about it so much, and start feeling about it.  

When it's right, it's right, and it's unmistakable. You won't have to wonder 'is she in to me? should I pursue this?'.

[universe]

Be a hard closer but also be an authentic, emotionally mature and charming man.

The stuff after the "but" is important.

I think most people looking on the internet for dating advice usually fall into the category of closing too little/not at all, so there is that as well.