Self talk

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India maybe I just wanted to sit alone, be by myself and think nothing. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

This is an ideal setting. Then peep through the shutters. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India or sometimes read dead end letters that come from distant strangers who have no clue about my heart. But pretend like they do?

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India what were you looking for? That's a perfect setting. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India I've my own ways of saying Fuck You. 

To all those who give me nothing but pain, I say go away your way and don't look back. No need to nitpick at me. I'm good as I am. My heart that I wear on my sleeve is with me. 

I don't need your fruitless directions. That lead me nowhere. I am not asking for attention so please give your attention to someone else who is begging for it, not me. 

I can be terse sometimes. It comes with the territory of always being nice. A bit too nice. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

@Preety_India these curtains represent me. They represent what I want. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India  then maybe I was standing in a ballroom all alone and all the curtains were staring at me.. 

What would they know about me that I didn't? 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India if I ever have kids in the future, nobody fucking nobody or anything will ever come between me and them. That's a promise. I can be fierce like a hurricane when I need to be. They will never suffer, they will never have to, because I will be their mother. I won't let even a fly touch them. Never will they be raised the way i was raised by my mother, that's a guarantee. 

I can be snappy sometimes. Just the inner rage about my shitty upbringing. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Fuck everyone who have nothing of value to offer me, other than just give me a hard time all the time. 

 

[Preety_India]

Now there are two ways in which I communicate with myself in this journal. 

One is where I'm directly talking to myself referring to myself by my name. 

 for example 

@Preety_India  why don't you just stop doing it already? 

And the other is where I refer to my name but speak as though I'm the listener and my alter ego is speaking through me 

For example

@Preety_India  I should have never been there in the first place. 

Both ways are effective in Self communication. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India  let people come to you rather than you approaching them. Aka sp. 

You don't approach them to constantly be put down or let down. 

Don't be too eager with those who approach you either. Both ways you aren't giving room for solid reciprocation. 

It's completely fine if someone is not interested in you at all. 

Wait for the right ones even if that means you have to wait for over a year and get past 100s to get that person who is uniquely loyal and affectionate to you. 

Those who care about you won't disagree too much, won't rile you up or play mind games. They will have something to offer  

They will be wholesome and have wholesome conversations with you. You won't feel snubbed. 

They would try to understand you, not offend you, care to not offend you and won't get nitpicky with you since they will value you more. 

You won't feel uncomfortable or trapped or rejected

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India by maintaining stricter boundaries you only allow those people into your inner space who truly show interest in being with you. 

Not someone who is randomly commenting. And then upsetting you 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I felt much better by doing this. 

It calmed my agitation. 

 

[Preety_India]

Sometimes simply  looking at Leo takes away my depression. 

 

[Preety_India]

Leo can instantly put a smile on my face. 

What a dude. 

 

[Preety_India]

And this song kept playing in my head for the last few hours. 

Bob Sinclair. World, hold on.. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India at least Leo is with me when I'm alone. 

 

[BornToBoil]

@Preety_India I have this exact thought sometimes. I often watch Leo's videos when I am down, they are the best antidepressants

[Preety_India]

@BornToBoil agree

[Preety_India]

@Preety_India I don't have anything to eat. So I feel pretty miserable right now. 

On a side note, I feel this person is a big hypocrite. 

Tries to be nice with me but secretly devalues me