I'm single. No Relationships. Living single.

[Preety_India]

My journey, at least for a temporary while as a single person for the first time in my life 

I have never been single since being an adult.. 

Always in relationships one after another, taking chances for seeking love. 

This is the first time I'll be alone. 

No more relationships, at least for the time being. 

Kinda fed up of falling in love, taking chances with my heart and then ending up heartbroken. 

But this is not the last time. 

Maybe one day I'll be ready for relationships once again. 

Who knows. 

I'll be more matured and not be in silly easy come easy go relationships anymore. 

 I am quick to fall in love. 

Now I have decided to place a self imposed restraint. 

No more fuss. No more drama. Mental peace. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Date 

April 6, 2021..

 

[BornToBoil]

You've got it, stay strong!

[Preety_India]

Aww, thank you. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

If you don't want me commenting I'll hide my comment. 

11 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

My journey, at least for a temporary while as a single person for the first time in my life 

I have never been single since being an adult.. 

Always in relationships one after another, taking chances for seeking love. 

How does that even happen? I apologize if this comes off as rude but I assure you it's coming from a place of curiosity since I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum.  For me, it takes me forever to find someone I tolerate romantically much less like. I've never been in a relationship. 

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

If you don't want me commenting I'll hide my comment. 

How does that even happen? I apologize if this comes off as rude but I assure you it's coming from a place of curiosity since I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum.  For me, it takes me forever to find someone I tolerate romantically much less like. I've never been in a relationship. 

Your comment is welcome. No you're not rude at all. 

I'm a hopeless romantic. I have a huge capacity for tolerance, although this capacity has been tested very badly. 

I'm a very spontaneous person so I fall in love without much thought. I think you need a person like that to usually end up with a long list of relationships,otherwise it won't happen if you're measuring everything carefully. I have been unabashed and reckless with my emotions, it causes all kinds of energies to be attracted to me. I usually have a lot of people (both male and female) tell me that they are attracted to me, although usually in a more competitive sense. So I really don't end up receiving much love, just more rivalry and attention. One thing I observed about myself that I tend to judge very little if someone expresses interest in me, this also causes me to let down my guard, as opposed to how I am usually, and it makes people more resonant with me. I'm not sure if I appear exceptionally friendly to people, this is only left up to people to decide. But the men in my life were quite persuasive, to say the least. I don't fall in love at first sight. But some amount of pressure from a man can make me cave in. If a man is too direct, like it Happened in a recent conversation, a guy said to me that he wants me and he is falling in love, I had to immediately tell him that I want him only as a friend. So that kind of directness never works for me. What pulls me in is some Biochemical chemistry. My hormones must be strong, hehe. I get this strong sexual feeling and then I know that the guys flirting is really working.. That's when I give the green signal. I'm not the platonic type, without sexual stimulating, I really don't get hooked up. I might be a good friend in the beginning, but the love thing only happens when I'm sufficiently sexually stimulated by the guy. I think my softness tends to blur out any of the harsh judgement that I might otherwise have towards that person, you know the rose tinted glasses kind of thing. So yeah it's my spontaneity that leads me to fall in love eventually. And I'm a die hard romantic at heart, I guess it's uncannily visible in my journals and writings and my choice of songs. That inclination is probably responsible for high risk taking behavior which is a prerequisite for having many relationships. 

Although the payoff of such adventurous romantic spirit is not very good. Lots of heartache, lots of heartbreak, the whole 9 yards. The entire gamut of experiences. Emotionally taxing. Mentally exhausting. But experience is a good teacher, so can't afford to regret. Made me a much matured person in a short period of time. Learned a lot by direct experience. 

Falling in love is also a lot of hard work because you have to stay up all night talking to that person, make arrangements to accomodate their lifestyle into yours, fights and arguments, misunderstanding and drama, expectations and boundary decisions, it's just as stressful as socialization in general. Sex can be exhausting as well, especially if the relationship is longer than 6 months 

 Not to mention the boredom factor which is bound to happen in every relationship, no matter how fairy tale lovey dovey it appears 

But relationship always is a doorway to get to know people very intimately. There are many things that you learn in a relationship that you wouldn't learn by simply being friends with people. 

First maybe try to have as many friends as you can have. Maybe then try to prep yourself for a relationship. 

Your MBTI can tell me a lot more.. I don't know your MBTI. Are you a Libra? 

Libra are never the easy ones. They never easily fall in love. This I know from my first crush who was a Libra 

 

I ironically took the opposite route. I first got into relationships and now I'm looking for friendships. It should have been the other way round honestly. Like first friendships and then relationships. That way it helps, your friends can becomes important markers along the way in guiding you about the trajectory of your relationship. Unfortunately I didn't have that. I had to rely on complete strangers to show me what my relationship looked like. It was greatly helpful even though they were strangers. 

You kind of don't have to beat yourself up for not being in a relationship. Because at the end of day, happiness and mental peace matter more than any experience or adventure in the world 

At the same way. Don't hold yourself so uptight. Learn to sometimes give into things. It won't be that bad. Don't get so overly concerned and closed off. Let such experiences come to you and you be ready to welcome them with an open mind and less skepticism. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I think when I will reach the furthest deepest end of human maturity, I just won't find any value in romantic relationships. 

 

I already see this coming. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Your MBTI can tell me a lot more.. I don't know your MBTI. Are you a Libra? 

I think I'm either an INTJ or INFJ. I'm actually a scorpio. But if we are talking about astrology I think my virgo venus is to blame when it comes to being picky lol.

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

You kind of don't have to beat yourself up for not being in a relationship. Because at the end of day, happiness and mental peace matter more than any experience or adventure in the world 

At the same way. Don't hold yourself so uptight. Learn to sometimes give into things. It won't be that bad. Don't get so overly concerned and closed off. Let such experiences come to you and you be ready to welcome them with an open mind and less skepticism. 

Yeah that's a balance I have yet to master. I tend to be really cautious about these types of things. I'm scared of wasting my time and having more trauma. Got enough of that to work through because of my parents and upbringing. Don't need any more. 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

 

Yeah that's a balance I have yet to master. I tend to be really cautious about these types of things. I'm scared of wasting my time and having more trauma. Got enough of that to work through because of my parents and upbringing. Don't need any more. 

I might become that way over time. My boundaries are getting stricter every day. 

Well I'm quite happy to spot a Scorpio. First time..

 

[Preety_India]

I don't wish to be with people who don't resonate with me. 

Mad respect for those who understand me, because I'm difficult. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Being single for the first time in life is quite refreshing. 

Although it felt like a lonely prison for the last whole month post the breakup. 

 

[Preety_India]

Try to be with people who put some effort in trying to win and earn your respect and space. 

Those who... Earn your trust and deserve your loyalty. 

 

 

Edited April 6, 2021 by Preety_India

[BornToBoil]

@Preety_India do you have some real life friends? 

[Preety_India]

@BornToBoil yeah. Few. 

 

[BornToBoil]

@Preety_India that's nice

I have one, haha

[Preety_India]

I'm going to limit my interactions significantly from now on 

 

Only with people that I get along with. 

And only in journals. 

I've had enough people shoving into my face. Acting rude. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Yes shed all the baggage now. Shed all the baggage. 

It's over for good. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I'll refer to my boyfriends(exes) by their initial names 

It's in this order - RS, ST, Bud, Joseph, Andrew. 

RS was a short fling when I was a teen. 

ST was my first real boyfriend. It didn't last long. We had differences. And I dumped him after 6 months. 

Bud was my second ex. Was very abusive.. He was the one responsible for my hospitalization that year. 

Joseph was my third ex. It lasted nearly 4 years. The most abusive but also the most passionate relationship I had. He was violent and would often cheat. But we would get along during our happy times. In the end I broke off because of his frequent cheating and exhaustion from his abusive behavior. 

Andrew was my fourth ex. It lasted a year. Friendly nice and gentle. Sometimes we had disagreements. He called me a bunch of names once. He was a bit career oriented and i didn't resent that. We were both into spirituality. Yet the relationship was not very grounded. Our affection was not strong enough. My own baggage from past exes combined with my mental health struggles began to take a toll on the relationship. I was emotionally erratic. He wasn't happy when I told him that I had PTSD. I broke up because we weren't able to make it work. 

 

Now I'm single. Kinda feeling normal.