Losing touch with my soul

[goldpower123]

About a month ago I was living from my Heart & Soul and I was actually out here feeling alive, working on myself, it was like my mind was connected with my heart and soul. I was living my purpose, could actually go within myself, lucid dream, meditate, question existence, get the answers for myself, etc. and it was amazing, I felt truly ALIVE and on the right path.

I hit a wall, ended up relapsing on No Fap (gave into the ego) and pretty much hit rock bottom on all levels and went right back to square one.

I can't seem to find my heart, my divine inspiration, like my ego has taken over and I'm identified with suffering. Lost touch with Spirit. It's hard to discipline myself or work on myself, or do anything inspiring. I feel uninspired and lethargic, in a sense a bit frightened of personal development after that crash. This is causing me a big deal of stress, confusion and stagnation within myself and the trajectory of my life.

I need a love experience to trigger that inspiration within me, but I can't find myself surrendering. I know that the only way to live an authentic, alive and meaningful life is to live from the inspiration in my heart/soul (an existential level) but it's difficult when it's like there's no calling. There's nothing calling me back home.

It was a dreamlike state (my "Soul" projecting my awareness into my body) but now it feels like the opposite (identification with body and suffering, and mind creating awareness, trapped in 3D)

I've watched Ego Backlash, Dark side of Meditation, etc. but does anyone have any advice on surrendering to the Truth and how to get back to how I was? Is it normal to go through periods like this for a few weeks?

Thanks

 

[soularlight]

Hey there,

I know what that's like! I'll tell you, your Soul is intact and is in fact more you than these babbling thoughts are!

My dear, are you not aware of identification with ego? 

There is this sense that there is an "I" here that is identified with ego, right? "I hit a wall and gave In to ego" and "I can't find myself surrendering"

"I AM IDENTIFIED GOD DAMN IT!"

But are you not aware of this I-thought?

Were you not also aware of the pleasant experiences you had one month ago?

Has the Awareness really changed? Or has what you are aware of changed? 

What you are looking for is the Awareness that is looking.

You are a beautiful Being. What would Love do? What would Love see? 

Nothing Real is lost, ever. What can be lost isn't Real.

What is always constant, always here? It's not a thought or word, right? Be That, knowingly. 

Edited April 5, 2021 by soularlight

[BipolarGrowth]

Serotonergic psychedelics. That’s your best shot imo. You are fighting an uphill battle against your ego, and the tool you are using to try to win this fight is your ego. A high-dose trip, or several, will most likely act as a huge catalyst in your attempt to return to this state of spiritual progress and attunement. The love experience you seek to set things back in order can quite likely come from psychedelic experiences if they are done with intent and taken seriously. 

[caspex]

contemplate What's the difference between me then and me now?

[goldpower123]

45 minutes ago, BipolarGrowth said:

Serotonergic psychedelics. That’s your best shot imo. You are fighting an uphill battle against your ego, and the tool you are using to try to win this fight is your ego. A high-dose trip, or several, will most likely act as a huge catalyst in your attempt to return to this state of spiritual progress and attunement. The love experience you seek to set things back in order can quite likely come from psychedelic experiences if they are done with intent and taken seriously.

A specific person I met, who turned out to be my father's best friend from childhood, meeting him was like the missing link between understanding my dad, becoming into a man, spiritual growth etc. Sometimes I can feel his hand in my soul and can feel the love he showed to me, he was wise too like a new found father. He understood psychedelics and how they could've put me on a path to better myself (did a small shroom trip) 

This and No Fap has been the cause of my deep inner experiences, I'm not big on psychedelics. Will see how things go.

Edited April 5, 2021 by goldpower123

[DIDego]

@goldpower123 Hi. Im new into try change my life to a holistic life.

 

However i dont want use drugs anymore if can avoid, and psychedelics are out of question because law and i prefer wait as last resort.

 

Learn, change or reset routines, habits, etc.

Breakdown of ego layers, get really tired :

Turn up side down on your 24/7 life a while, stay up with no sleep 24-48 hours or more if you need.

[Nahm]

9 hours ago, goldpower123 said:

About a month ago I was living from my Heart & Soul and I was actually out here feeling alive, working on myself, it was like my mind was connected with my heart and soul. I was living my purpose, could actually go within myself, lucid dream, meditate, question existence, get the answers for myself, etc. and it was amazing, I felt truly ALIVE and on the right path.

I hit a wall, ended up relapsing on No Fap (gave into the ego) and pretty much hit rock bottom on all levels and went right back to square one.

I can't seem to find my heart, my divine inspiration, like my ego has taken over and I'm identified with suffering. Lost touch with Spirit. It's hard to discipline myself or work on myself, or do anything inspiring. I feel uninspired and lethargic, in a sense a bit frightened of personal development after that crash. This is causing me a big deal of stress, confusion and stagnation within myself and the trajectory of my life.

I need a love experience to trigger that inspiration within me, but I can't find myself surrendering. I know that the only way to live an authentic, alive and meaningful life is to live from the inspiration in my heart/soul (an existential level) but it's difficult when it's like there's no calling. There's nothing calling me back home.

It was a dreamlike state (my "Soul" projecting my awareness into my body) but now it feels like the opposite (identification with body and suffering, and mind creating awareness, trapped in 3D)

I've watched Ego Backlash, Dark side of Meditation, etc. but does anyone have any advice on surrendering to the Truth and how to get back to how I was? Is it normal to go through periods like this for a few weeks?

Thanks

 

Weirdest thing, but “woke up” this “morning” yet again apparently, splashed cold water on the face, went outside and didn’t know a damn thing out there. Breath taking whatever it is. Looking up, damn. So vast, infinity so beautiful. Thought could’ve arose, but I stopped thinking in the first hour of everyday many many years ago, allegedly. Now on treadmill, earbuds just killin it, just full on murdering feeling with this. Feels so good it’s god damn disgusting. Pretty sure I’m James Brown reincarnated. Or is he lol, not too sure really.  Honestly I’d love to help, offer something, but I really don’t get the point of all the conceptualizations, re-conceptualizations, contextualizations and re-contextualizations, the justifications, the rationalizations, the narratives, etc, etc, gd etc. Wish you all the best with your levels and states. Godspeed. ? 

[allislove]

17 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Weirdest thing, but “woke up” this “morning” yet again apparently, splashed cold water on the face, went outside and didn’t know a damn thing out there. Breath taking whatever it is. Looking up, damn. So vast, infinity so beautiful. Thought could’ve arose, but I stopped thinking in the first hour of everyday many many years ago, allegedly. Now on treadmill, earbuds just killin it, just full on murdering feeling with this. Feels so good it’s god damn disgusting. Pretty sure I’m James Brown reincarnated. Or is he lol, not too sure really.  Honestly I’d love to help, offer something, but I really don’t get the point of all the conceptualizations, re-conceptualizations, contextualizations and re-contextualizations, the justifications, the rationalizations, the narratives, etc, etc, gd etc. Wish you all the best with your levels and states. Godspeed. ? 

Ahaha, caught the wave, thanks 

[Nahm]

@allislove

?‍♂️

 ?

?

Made it 47 minutes before abasement in a basement.  “Stinkfist”  got me. Lol. What a take on purification. Sophia Urista is just so Sophia Urista. 

 

[Waken]

My thoughts on it: If you want to align with your soul, stop acting on what you think you should do, like working on yourself, discipline, etc. Stop all of that, ditch all your thoughts and ideas and just look to what you feel most like doing now. It may sound lazy to lots of people, but it's the way to go. Maybe you just feel most like just sitting, having a drink, taking a walk. Be easy, relaxed. Let go of anxious drives of figuring things out and how you lost 'the flow'. Do what feels best, what attracts you