The false rape problem

[Parththakkar12]

@Forestluv  And who decides what's 'appropriate'? Women? The system? I think it's women. One false move and you're dead.

Again, it's other people holding you to a standard of what's 'appropriate' and you have no say whatsoever. Also, why should someone be indoctrinated by your definition of 'appropriate'? Who are you to tell them what's 'appropriate' or not?

In a false accusation, there is no victim. There is a false victim. This false victim shows the biases of the system and how it seeks to hold men back!

[Danioover9000]

@Parththakkar12

14 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

Of course! It's always the guy to blame!! Al-fucking-ways.

Look at the ruthlessness of your own reactions. Do you see how hard it is for a falsely accused guy in the world? Nobody believes you!

Why do we never talk about holding the false accusers accountable? Do we see how biased the society is against men? We need to start treating women like the adults that they are for once.

   For the most part, so the best place for men to avoid being falsely accused, is being mindful of surroundings and who you are communicating to. Mostly look at their faces when talking, and scan their body for deceit signals.

   It's a weird world for men to live in at the moment.

Edited April 7, 2021 by Danioover9000

[Parththakkar12]

6 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Parththakkar12

   For the most part, so the best place for men to avoid being falsely accused, is being mindful of surroundings and who you are communicating to. Mostly look at their faces when talking, and scan their body for deceit signals.

Why are we telling men how to protect themselves against being falsely accused instead of telling women to not falsely accuse? How is it my fault if you falsely accuse me? Why should it be my fault all the fucking time, whatever you do?

Point your finger at the false accuser. Put the blame where it belongs. Then come talk to me about this.

Most men in the system are fucking pussy-ass bitches for not looking at the reality and trying to appease the woman. Excuse my language, but this is how I actually feel about them. They're getting manipulated by a woman and they cave.

Edited April 7, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Forestluv]

19 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

@Forestluv  And who decides what's 'appropriate'? Women? The system?

This is an excellent question. I think we as a society need to decide what is appropriate. And it's absolutely necessary for women to have a voice in the discussion.

Imagine a group of male fraternity boys deciding what is inappropriate sexual behavior on a college campus. They work behind closed doors and get no input from women. Do you really think that would lead to a fair policy?

19 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

@Forestluv One false move and you're dead.

You keep using extreme phraseology. It's not true that "one false move and you're dead".

As a professor at a college I need to be mindful of how I interact with female students and colleagues. For example, I don't allow a female student in my office with the door closed. As well, I do not touch female students (except for hugs at the graduation ceremony). For many men, it's super easy not to creep on women. Yet for other men, it's not so easy. They may think "wait a minute, if I brush aside a student's hair and whisper in her ear, would that be 'inappropriate'? This is so hard!! If I make one false move I'm toast!".

There is an element of being able to read a situation and intuitively "getting it". Yet is someone is wearing a self-absorbed narrow lens, it will distort their perception and make it much harder to intuitively know what is socially inappropriate. 99% of the time, I intuitively know what is inappropriate. I don't even have to think about it. It's very rare that I have to consciously think about what is inappropriate. The last example was a year ago when a female student asked me to go out to dinner with her to discuss her career options. She was a research student in my lab. . . It seemed like a grey area and I had to think about it. I decided it would be ok to go out for lunch at a cafe on campus, since this is much more casual and transparent. 

Yet with that said, there are a small percentage of females with the intention of entrapment. 

[Danioover9000]

@Parththakkar12

1 minute ago, Parththakkar12 said:

Why are we telling men how to protect themselves against being falsely accused instead of telling women to not falsely accuse? How is it my fault if you falsely accuse me? Why should it be my fault all the fucking time, whatever you do?

   By protecting yourself proactively, you avoid the flase accusations for the most part, and avoid most crazy women. There definitely should be laws that give harsher sentences for those who falsely accuse, comparable to the crime in question if true. I'm with you in part about dealing with false accusations, it's not easy, and getting jailed for nothing is worse, as that is harder to get jobs, and live locally. 

   The trick here, is are there more incentives against behaviours of falsely accusing people?

[Danioover9000]

@Parththakkar12  Also, be more careful if you're dating after dealing with a break up, or death of a loved one, as this opens you up to those who can manipulate you into getting into an intimate relationship, marrying, and filling for divorce for the money.

[Parththakkar12]

1 minute ago, Forestluv said:

You keep using extreme phraseology. It's not true that "one false move and you're dead".

For example, as a professor at a college I need to be mindful of how I interact with female students and colleagues. For example, I don't allow a female student in my office with the door closed. As well, I do not touch female students (except for hugs at the graduation ceremony). For many men, it's super easy not to creep on women. Yet for other men, it's not so easy. They may think "wait a minute, if I brush aside a student's hair and whisper in her ear, would that be 'inappropriate'? This is so hard!! If I make one false move I'm toast!".

You've been fortunate enough to have that experience. I've been through some really ruthless shit with the system. You can feel how everyone's against you and how everyone is using under-handed tactics to fuck you over, because the system said so. Even when the truth is on your side. Especially if you have some vindictive woman in a position of power on the sexual harassment committee, oh boy.

It's not that I suck with women or something. I've had plenty of good experiences with plenty of women! The point is, this is not coming from a misogynistic place. The way it feels with the system though is that it's waiting for one slip-up from your side to fuck you over. Even if you don't slip up, even if all the evidence is on your side, they will do whatever is in their best-interests to protect their image. Not for justice or some high-consciousness ideal like truth or order or something, they'll do whatever saves their ass!

[Parththakkar12]

1 minute ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Parththakkar12  Also, be more careful if you're dating after dealing with a break up, or death of a loved one, as this opens you up to those who can manipulate you into getting into an intimate relationship, marrying, and filling for divorce for the money.

The fact that you're having to say this stuff is appalling. I want you to get how fucked up this is.

This isn't something only the falsely accused can avoid. That's why having a collective conversation about this is very important.

[Forestluv]

8 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

You've been fortunate enough to have that experience. I've been through some really ruthless shit with the system. You can feel how everyone's against you and how everyone is using under-handed tactics to fuck you over, because the system said so. Even when the truth is on your side. Especially if you have some vindictive woman in a position of power on the sexual harassment committee, oh boy.

It's not that I suck with women or something. I've had plenty of good experiences with plenty of women! The point is, this is not coming from a misogynistic place. The way it feels with the system though is that it's waiting for one slip-up from your side to fuck you over. Even if you don't slip up, even if all the evidence is on your side, they will do whatever is in their best-interests to protect their image. Not for justice or some high-consciousness ideal like truth or order or something, they'll do whatever saves their ass!

I would make a distinction between being in unhealthy relationships vs a woman flat-out trying to entrap and falsely accuse a totally innocent guy.  I've been in relationships with unhealthy women that were narcissistic and vindictive. This is part of being in relationships and it goes both ways. Guys can also be narcissistic and vindictive. As well, it's rare for one person to be 100% devil and the other person to be 100% angel. Even in relationships in which she went waaaay over the line into psycho zones, I was not 100% angel. It wasn't like I was an innocent bystander and some random woman I never met accused me of raping and impregnating her. 

As I've matured, my sensor has gotten much better. And part of that was me taking responsibility and looking at myself. Yes, there was input from others, yet there was also something about me that was attracting this drama into my life and why I was engaging in it. 

Systems created by men are not going to screw men over for one false flirting move with women. Unless a false move involves a child. 

[Parththakkar12]

@Forestluv Do you understand though how a false accusation could totally shatter your confidence with women? For no fault of your own? How this could easily create misogyny, in fact? The very thing you're trying to save women from by giving them the right to falsely accuse?

It's unbelievable to me that we haven't even discussed the false accuser's accountability on this yet. A FALSE ACCUSATION IS NOT THE FAULT OF THE ACCUSED!! I want you to repeat that 5 times until you get it. While you're at it, contemplate whose fault it really is.

Edited April 7, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Danioover9000]

@Parththakkar12

9 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

The fact that you're having to say this stuff is appalling. I want you to get how fucked up this is.

This isn't something only the falsely accused can avoid. That's why having a collective conversation about this is very important.

   And I know how fucked up it gets, having to deal with a false accusation, going through the court proceedings. We definitely should have a collective conversation about this, as this issue deserves a spot among many other societal and individual  offences. The fact that courts have a larger gap of charges for false accusations vs real crime is bad, as this isn't enough to deter anyone from making false accusations.

[Preety_India]

You can't create confidence by sexually harassing women and then blaming women for how they react. 

For you it is all innocent flirting. 

Maybe for them it is not??

 

[Parththakkar12]

14 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You can't create confidence by sexually harassing women and then blaming women for how they react. 

For you it is all innocent flirting. 

Maybe for them it is not??

Read the title of the thread. What does it say? Reply to me. What does the title of the thread say? In case you haven't read it, do it now.

GTFO with your 'maybe's. Yes, I do gain confidence from seeing that a false allegation is false. You don't get to destroy my confidence by using your 'maybe's and distorting the reality of a FALSE allegation.

This kind of attitude is precisely a part of the problem. You don't want to create clarity so that you can have complete control over men! By completely gaslighting and confusing a falsely accused individual.

Edited April 7, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Forestluv]

11 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

@Forestluv Do you understand though how a false accusation could totally shatter your confidence with women? For no fault of your own? How this could easily create misogyny, in fact? The very thing you're trying to save women from by giving them the right to falsely accuse?

That is not the framework I'm using. I'm not condoning false rape allegations. I'm looking at the larger social system. To me, you are hyper focused on on a specific cause-and-effect relationship and extrapolating from that. 

And for the record, I do understand what it's like to be falsely accused. I broke up with a vindictive woman who then falsely accused me of impregnating her. I knew she was lying because she had her tubes tied. Several months later it was obvious she wasn't pregnant and was lying. 

Yet this is part of life. There are some people that are unhealthy (both men and women). Yes, my confidence took a hit and I didn't date for about three years. Yet during those years I did a lot of introspective work. What was it about me that got involved with this woman? Why didn't I see red flags? Why was she attracted to me? . . .I was able to grow as a man and guess what? I don't find myself in those situations anymore. And it's not that society changed around me. There are just as many unhealthy people. The reason I don't find myself in those situations anymore is that I changed. However, this does not condone her behavior. What she did was still messed up. 

[Rilles]

This forum has been so salty lately. 

[Danioover9000]

@Parththakkar12 

8 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

Read the title of the thread. What does it say? Reply to me. What does the title of the thread say? In case you haven't read it, do it now.

GTFO with your 'maybe's.

   Men shouldn't have to go through what this guy went through. For 20 years. Jesus christ.

 

[Parththakkar12]

30 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You can't create confidence by sexually harassing women and then blaming women for how they react. 

For you it is all innocent flirting. 

Maybe for them it is not??

 

I'm calling this attitude out for being part of the problem of false rape allegations. Not personally attacking @Preety_India.

Sigh. We have a long battle to fight against this situation. It's going to be a long struggle before things change!

Edited April 7, 2021 by Parththakkar12

[Epikur]

Quote

Kennedy and Witkowski (2000)

The authors found 68 reports of forcible rape, of which in 22 cases (32%) the complainants admitted that their reports were false.
Similar to the Kanin study, most of these false reports served as an alibi (15 out of 22, 68% of the false reports). Diverging from the Kanin study, revenge was rarely cited as a reason (1 out of 22, 5% of the false reports). The remaining cases were cited to attention-seeking (6 out of 22, 27% of false reports).[40]

Jordan (2004)
Second, in 62 cases (38%), the police were unsure if the complaint was true or false. Third, in 55 cases (33%), the police considered the complaint to be false. Fourth, in 13 cases (8%), the complainant stated that their allegations were false. For the cases in this fourth category, 8 of these 13 cases (62%) had another party calling the police on the complainant's behalf, or another party pressuring the complainant to contact the police.[39]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_accusation_of_rape

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

I'm calling this attitude out for being part of the problem of false rape allegations. Not personally attacking @Preety_India.

First of all learn to be respectful. 

Stop using the curse language. 

 

Second this is not about "attitude. "

It's a matter of perspective.. 

Not everyone is comfortable with flirting. 

You can't decide the rules as a man.. Because you aren't being approached. 

Are you going to decide what is sexually appropriate for a woman and what is not?

No. It's for a woman to decide if a man is being sexually appropriate or not. 

Does she have the right to accuse an innocent man of rape? Absolutely not. 

But if a man is groping me and I find his mannerisms offensive, I have every right to say that he is being sexually inappropriate. He can call it flirting all he wants. But the experience is directed at me, So I'll call the shots. 

If you don't want some woman to blame you, then learn social cues and mannerisms and apply them properly. 

It's not a woman's job to teach you how to be a gentleman in public if you don't do your homework.. 

You do wrong behavior. Then you also suffer the consequences. 

STOP BLAMING WOMEN 

 

 

[Parththakkar12]

@Preety_India Looks like you didn't read the title of the thread. I'm going to show you how to do that. Here's how : Take your phone/laptop, scroll up, read the title of the thread. What does it say?

Edited April 7, 2021 by Parththakkar12