Kidnapped

[Preety_India]

This journal is going to be a record of certain incidents in childhood that included kidnapping.  

And I am not going to be very open about it. 

Since it's too deep to talk about publicly. 

I'm going to be venting excessively. 

 

All of this excessive venting is helping me to gain a threshold in my recovery process. 

  I will avoid being direct about because only the memories matter so far 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'll be a bit reserved and broody in this journal. 

Before I write a journal,  I have to prepare what my emotional state is going to be.. 

Especially with my more intimate personal private journals. 

Because I don't want to appear like a wreck.  

So I have to maintain some sobriety before I go down with my venting. 

Also I normally don't achieve a flow if I'm not super emotional. 

I can be a bit scattered when it comes to that.

My emotions can shift from 0 to 100 within milliseconds and the flow is lost. 

I don't want to lose my natural flow. 

I have to be careful not to bungle my efforts for a clean spontaneous entry. 

Once I achieve spontaneity, then IRS easy for me to look back over it and get some good insights over my situations. 

 

[Preety_India]

It felt like a deep dark cold place. 

I often describe this place in my other journals. 

I felt trapped for hours, days, weeks, months, years. 

I remember I told my sibling that I needed to get out of that place.. As soon as possible because I was going to kill myself 

It was insane.. 

I felt deprived and deficient all the time.  Not much food. 

It was tough.. 

The person who was supposed to protect me had sexually abused me and kept me here as punishment for months and years 

 

So there I was lonely and stressed, very little since the age of 10.  

I was weak and fragile. I did not have an appetite. Constantly stressed out. 

I had no power. 

No sense of understanding what was going on. 

My father had suffered a stroke when I was just 12. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

It was a place I never want to revisit or remember in my life.

I was kidnapped there, held in seclusion and treated with extreme control.  

I was allowed to go to school. 

I made one attempt to escape that place when I was 14.  

It didn't work because I was roaming the street on bare feet. Somebody discovered me in a maroon skirt and orange polka dot top and then told me to get back into the car. 

I was taken back to the same place. 

I didn't want to be there. 

But once again I had no money. Not a single penny in my pocket. 

How could I survive at 14 without money?

Being in such a secluded place for a really long time meant that my mental age was around 10 when I was actually 14. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

This was also the most horrible time of my life. 

My cat was also kidnapped and murdered. I talk about it in another journal on Cats. 

My father went into terrible distress during this time. 

He was hospitalized for his terminal illness, he lost his job and then died as a result of his complications of his illnesses. 

 

[Preety_India]

I became used to the suffering. 

I have become somewhat numb to these experiences. 

Talking about it in a journal helps. 

Maybe tomorrow might be my last day, and before I go there will at least be a record of all the things I went through. 

There is that anxiety that things need to be known before I die