Constant Anxiety And Sense Of Pointlessnese

[Henrik_Sahlen]

Hey, 

I have been meditating consistently for about 4 months now, every day for 20-60 min. 

While in the beginning I felt myself becoming more positive and conscious, currently I have a lot of phases where I find myself in constant pain, anxiety and depression.

However, there is no reason I "should" feel like that. I am one of the best students in my school. I am in an amazing relationship with my perfect 10/10 woman and I consider myself as being very fit and healthy. Because of these very very negative phases, where I feel that I am unworthy of love and happiness, that the pursuit of external things is absolutely pointless and I am just gonna loose everything, really holds me back from being happy and also successful. I feel how my motivation to study and going to the gym decreases and I just act insecurely the whole time. I don't know how to handle this. I am constantly hearing voices in my mind telling me how unworthy I am. Simultaneously I consciously see how I am self-sabotaging but don't know how to act against it. Is this just an effect of old childhood traumas coming up? Is this going to pass? Should I stop meditating for a while or just push through it?

I feel very desperate, as I risk to loose everything I love and worked for so hard.

 

Any help, advice or similar experiences would be helpful

 

Henrik

[Capethaz]

@Henrik_Sahlen  If you really want the ultimate goal of meditation that is freedom from suffering, you will face a lot of shit. Keep your chin and your practice up and try to remember that all states of being, no matter how strong an impact they make on you, are temporary.

[Henrik_Sahlen]

@John Flores, @Capethaz, Thank you very much guys. I actually have watched the video about the dark sides of meditation from Leo. However I was not sure if I even have meditated long enough to experience these dark sides already. I think I will continue my practice hopefully overcoming the negative phases soon.

Wish you the best

Henrik