URGENT I'm having an issue that i don't know how to deal with

[rd5555]

I live with 2 friends who I really like, but i've grown apart from the wider friendship group.
I don't feel close to the people in the friendship group, and it's just super awkward when I see them.
I don't want to be close to them either, they're into partying and drinking and i'm trying to improve my personal growth and build a business.

I'm developing really bad anxiety, whenever they mention about anyone from that group coming round I just feel so stressed out about it.

So 90% of the time it's fine because other people aren't at our house, but when other people do come over I feel so uncomfortable.
I feel uncomfortable if i'm chilling with them in the lounge, and I feel uncomfortable if i'm in my room rather than chilling with them because they're probably thinking wtf why is he in his room alone.

So my options are a) move out - although in doing so I definitely think i'll become less close with my current friends because I just w

b) just put up with the 10% of the time they're round (if so, is it better to just be in my room and keep to myself, or actually make an effort to try to enjoy the interaction when they're round)

 

I need to speak to one of my friends about it either way, so maybe they'll understand my situaiton and help me with a compromise.

I love the area I live, I love the property I live in, so it's a lot to give up, but at the same time everyone should feel comfortable in their own home but it's also kind of unfair for them to never have people round just because I don't want them to

 

[mandyjw]

27 minutes ago, rd5555 said:

they're probably thinking wtf why is he in his room alone.

It's a fantastic exercise is not caring what people think. When you're alone, you're thinking of them, that's the actual situation, you don't experience their thoughts about you, just your thoughts about you and them. Whether you're in your room or out with them, become aware that the anxious thoughts are your interpretation of the situation. The awkwardness is your own interpretation of feeling, it's no one's fault, you're creating it. If you embrace the awkwardness the situation becomes funny and relaxed, which just so happens to be the exact opposite of awkwardness. Isn't that funny how that works?  So learn into it rather than avoid it. That doesn't mean you have to act awkward purposefully or anything, just be kind to yourself. 

[Leo Gura]

@rd5555 I wouldn't put up with human bullshit in one's living situation.

Move out and find yourself a solitary place where you can feel right.

You shouldn't have to abide fools and devils cavorting in your living space.

Yes, it's annoying to move, but you'll be glad you did. Consider it part of your personal development process. An important part of personal development is setting up your own personal sanctuary at home where no assholes can interrupt you. Don't treat this as unimportant. Your home is important.

[Nahm]

@rd5555

If you want to move, move. If you want to stay, hang out when you want, focus on what you want to in your room when you want to. Have your cake and eat it too. Wondering what’s urgent about this, and what the anxiety’s about. Thinking it’s too much concern for other people’s thoughts. No? 

[Origins]

@rd5555 If you sit quietly in your mind and imagine their presence when they're not there, what kind of experiences come to mind? What is the experience of sitting with them like in pure observation? This is particularly important as it concerns discerning the nature of the actual anxiety and the reasons it comes up.

Outside of the anxiety, what are other problems you experience with the wider friendship group?\

May as well share this while I'm at it just shared, may serve (not necessarily relating to childhood traumas of course though perhaps, just in relation to your anxiety:

 

Edited April 5, 2021 by Origins

[rd5555]

thank you for your help guys!