Brain ruined by SSRIs, I hate myself

[DIDego]

@Nahm Said something to me about express openly and transparently 

@Podie45  Hang on, dont give up  You maybe have know all i write and have watch these many times, easy to forget the basics and focus on the advanced stuff 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

31 minutes ago, Podie45 said:

Amphetamines mainly just shoot up dopamine temporarily

 

My life was a mess and the dick was rarely working for a long time, if the rest of me are not in a good shape why should the dick work properly?

 

Try not be scared if it not function right now and please focus fix the rest first to function better, it aint falling off and are attached even if it not do regular workout with you and probably need to rest for spare some energy to rest of the complex machine.

 

 

I changed all my electronics from swedish to english to learn what Leo said, also used a lexicon.

Today i can listen a couple of hours of Leo's content, remember pretty much of it, understand and able practice. I never get angry or think mean stuff then i watch him any more 

 

Dont give up and try to use the forum as a support and a feeling of connection.

 

Get rid of all mental stuff you ever can that not are necessary now for survival, avoid facebook as much you can to not overload with mostly garbage, keep messenger if you can have mostly positive chats, example streaming can feels good but actually also drains if you running all days on fumes and will power mostly, netflix are fine in small dozes and not to much darkness content, arent we try to cheer up?

 Then can a horror movie be much for the brain, already got stable relationship and support? Keep! Dating messes head up if you not are stable, Sure you get some up's of pleasure but the downs can destroy you big times.

Shift between "boring" and  do less "pleasure if you have any, trick your self. Fake a smile in the mirror if you have to. I was f**cked 1 year sleeping and somehow heard that its possible to lure the brain thru muscles, even if suicidal and fake a smile, the brain believes thru muscles that its happy times. I was doing the smile, bath or shower and if lucky able played counter-strike 10 min(get some pleasure that worked at the time).

I was able stay up for an hour each day for very long time.

Do if you have anything that gives adrenalin and dopamin natural a short amount of time everyday, then spot on the most important you have to do, slowly trick and trick your self,

I was almost only able eat, shit and sleep 1 year around idk 2016 or 2017.. 

Ever since i started eat adhd medicin 2018, i was finally start to able sloooowly remember, sort info and learn a tiny tiny more what Leo bla bla about 5-10min and passed out, repeat, repeat and watched also other sources that involves areas needed to try to function.

Idk where you at and how basic tools you understand is needed to go into more advanced stuff.

I was switching between new content and more basic survival knowledge.

Leo's latest release are always tempting to watch, but remember also watch the goldmine.

https://www.actualized.org/start

 

Earlier more basic for primal needs are so easy to feel boring and think, "if i train the black-belt stuff, i will,  i will figh... crash boom bang".

I had a hard period to realize that i had to go back and repeat, basic stuff in life again, i was not able do kinder garden math or wrap my shoes or know my name entirely and  if i had stayed in the believe of the doctors words, you got burnout and we dont think you ever come back. Late 2017 early 2018.

But they wanted to give me concerta and ritalin.

I was terrified, nothing to loose.. but i had found something that the doctors refuse accept still today, that self-help and spirituality can heal.

I can function 1 hour today with super focus during a meeting with doctors today, they have not asked me about why.

I told them a while but they seems not care maybe cant think holistic so much at all.

I got medicin 2018 as dopamin substitute and actualized.org as the magic toolbox. Ofcourse i slowly had many sources for different inputs.

But Actualized.org and Leo was first aid kit to be able start at all.

Learn how to learn to learn what you need for every tiny step until you can do as you want.

  //

 

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, Podie45 said:

I've been making a documentary on this syndrome, I initally wanted funding & have it aired on some kind of network but nobody has replied. I probably need connections in the industry. I've still been working on it with my own money, a 4K camera & a studio mic. At this point, I plan on recording my experience at an ibogaine retreat.

Dude that's awesome. If you make it into this big and meaningful quest like this, and make projects that can help other people, you are doing true Alchemy: turning your suffering into gold. I have no doubt that you'll fix this. Maybe a few years still. I also have no doubt that you can do it. Who knows how many people you will have reached before then? And after? Have you thought about making a youtube channel? Seems like a good specific niche to provide help for. Keep doing what you do, it's awesome.

 

Yes I get that it sucks and I can't comprehend how much - the only thing I can compare it to is a bad MDMA hangover, I don't know if that's similar, but those only last a day.

 

Give the shrooms time - they do have some hardcore brain healing capabilities. Also other mushrooms, like lion's mane. Paul Stamets has a good microdosing regimen that he recommends. He's a good resource.

 

Also I was reminded of this:

It's about adderall damage, not SSRI, but still contains some good info

Edited April 2, 2021 by flowboy

[Podie45]

@flowboy This guy, Adam from Psychedsubstance, also has a condition similar to PSSD. That's how he lost his hair; ''Post-Accutane Syndrome''.

I've talked to him before. Cool guy.

And yeah, it's hard to not feel suicidal while fighting this shit. I just recently lost even more sensitivity and that's far from being lifefuel.

I did want to make a niche-type youtube channel where I explain how I cured Depression and such & experiment with substances in order to cure other syndromes (like HPPD & PSSD) but life got in the way. I'm still working on it though.

I pretty much have to start all over again because I got too many viruses & wiped everything, but I still got my recordings. It's just the re-editing that's going to be a pain in the ass. This is the only picture I have of what I was doing:

 

 

Edited April 2, 2021 by Podie45

[Podie45]

@DIDego You think maybe, cold showers, reading, nofap, avoiding sugar & boring things would help to resensitize dopamine too?

Yeah I'll probably be coming on this forum more often from now on and focus on this work, I've got nothing to lose. It's not like I'm growing by listening to my roommate talk about his tinder dates and such for hours.

Edited April 2, 2021 by Podie45

[GreenLight]

4 hours ago, Podie45 said:

@GreenLight I wouldn't recommend you go back on those meds, but I have heard of people fasting for a week or two and having their visual symptoms improve.

I wish I could explain how, but I'm having a hard time understanding the PSSD itself. I think the visual symptoms have something to do with 5HT2A / GABA / Glutamate?

 

Thanks for bringing this topic up. Only now did i consider the possibility that my illusions could come from ssri.

Did you get PSSD during your intake of ssri, after you quit taking it or are you still taking it?

Wanted to mention. I had this weird side effect on ssri called earworms ( stuck song syndrome). I asked a nurse and a doctor if it was side-effect and they denied. I had taken fluoxetine on two occasions and both times i had excessive earworms. So i undoubtedly know it was the ssri that caused it. There was one occasion when i got a song stuck in repeat in my head for 2 days straight non-stop. That was not fun. They should do more research into their meds. 

Probably closer to summer i will attempt a one week fast and break my record. Shall see how it effects me.

Edited April 2, 2021 by GreenLight

[Podie45]

@GreenLight I got PSSD after 3 doses of Effexor. It just never left. 4 years free. I took it for like 2 weeks max.

Yeah, they do shit like that. They trigger all kinds of shit. Of course, for some people it's a life saver.

For me, I still get occasional loss of consciousness because of it. It was one of the side effects and it's still there. 

I never got earworms from a pill per say, but from experience I should tell you that some nurses are clueless about anything that's different.

I was told Depersonalization is Brain cancer by a nurse. Trust your own experience, or an actual professional (even though ''professionals'' are simply animals that still make mistakes & they rely on studies that might be proven untrue in a few years)

Edited April 2, 2021 by Podie45

[DIDego]

25 minutes ago, Podie45 said:

listening to my roommate talk about his tinder dates and such for hours.

Ooh shared room totally or would you like to short explain how your life looks like, you can explain without give to much information.

Internat for example, eating in diner or have to make your meals etc. 

This can probably be explained in many ways, learned about some energy and not give your attention away.

You got an roomie, have you consider it as a major issue learn how to accept and let go of bother about roomie, IF it drain you. your work can shift into how to handle to be alone these days, that might be harder than learn not get enoyed of someone in the same room, whoever it is it can make you pay attention uncouncios. Listen constantly on music to avoid external stimuli puts you in a new issue can be your new issue.

Dont focus and get angry or so on your roomie, if you switch rommie next might be x10 worse, see it as a mission to save energy to your self. Sure if you can make it into somecommon topic in any area that not drain one of you, fine.

[Podie45]

@DIDego It's my best friend, we're sharing an appartment. I'm not angry at him but I'd rather watch Leo's content than listen to a story about someone from Tinder. Buddy has like 9 of them over every week. 

[GreenLight]

30 minutes ago, Podie45 said:

@GreenLight

I never got earworms from a pill per say, but from experience I should tell you that some nurses are clueless about anything that's different.

 

Agree. I asked the nurse if this was a side effect.

She said: "No, there is no such thing! Haven't you smoked weed before? If it was either ssri or weed, then definitely it is the weed that's causing it" 

Yeah right. Keep pointing at the few puffs i had many months before the earworms started. It can't be the ssri, no never!

[Podie45]

@GreenLight I've been experiencing the same frustration, even with actual doctors. This case is just too complex for them. Which is quite annoying, especially when they tell you ''I'd rather have cancer than be you right now, honestly".

Edited April 2, 2021 by Podie45

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Podie45 said:

@GreenLight I got PSSD after 3 doses of Effexor. It just never left. 4 years free. I took it for like 2 weeks max.

Yeah, they do shit like that. They trigger all kinds of shit. Of course, for some people it's a life saver.

For me, I still get occasional loss of consciousness because of it. It was one of the side effects and it's still there. 

I never got earworms from a pill per say, but from experience I should tell you that some nurses are clueless about anything that's different.

I was told Depersonalization is Brain cancer by a nurse. Trust your own experience, or an actual professional (even though ''professionals'' are simply animals that still make mistakes & they rely on studies that might be proven untrue in a few years)

I came off this medication twice (I was on a fairly low dose for a little over a year each time) and I don't recall having sexual side effects after coming off it. I was able to have sex while on it but I recall it feeling a little more numb and not as sensitive, maybe a 30% decrease. Also I had less interest in sex and would maybe masturbate every 2-3 days rather than once a day while off. 

- Check for nutritional imbalances, REALLY focus on diet and fitness

- Cold showers & daily breathe work 

- Get all your vitamins tested

- How is your sleep? Are you getting deep healthy sleep? Go to a sleep lab to see if your are sleeping well

- Comprehensive metabolic panel 

- Test hormones comprehensively & thyroid (TSH, T3, rT3, T4, SHBG, free test, estrogen, DHEA, cortisol, etc.)  You said you have tried TRT, to what extent and how comprehensively? I would double check this and seek out a doctor that specializes in TRT and sexual dysfunction. General medicine practitioners usually don't know much about specific stuff. Seek out doctors that specialize in these symptoms and related disorders, male genital problems (urologist), hormonal systems (endocrinologist).

This sounds pretty awful, I'm real sorry. I would really look for other people who have improved their condition and seek out doctors that treat sexual dysfunction in men as well as alternative medicines and treatments in this area. 

Would you say you can 100% starkly attribute it to the medication as well kinda like if you were in a crash and lost your leg or is it more ambiguous? Are there any mental aspects, stuff from the past, worries, emotions linked to it, psychosomatic so to speak, etc that are making it more difficult? Perhaps brainstorm and see if there is anything else this could holistically be connected to. You sound like you are emotionally hurting as well, this can impact bodily functioning and the sex drive. It's possible it could be a compounding of multiple things going on and clearing each one up will lead to improvement. Take a broad approach and address multiple areas in physical, mental and emotional.

Another idea is psychedelics which you seem to be looking into. MDMA can make people horny as well. Really research whatever you take though in this are and weigh the side effects and benefits and positives, really do your research. 

 

Edited April 2, 2021 by Lyubov

[The0Self]

7 hours ago, Podie45 said:

@The0Self It's been about 4 years. Testosterone is low, put on TRT, this has shown no change except more beard growth.

Hopefully there is way, though.

Ahh. This could be a starting point for your holistic search for a cure. Perhaps I can help a tad bit:

What ester? (Testosterone enanthate, cypionate, or propionate?) What dosage? What frequency?

And I'm assuming you get blood work every 3-6 months? How's your SHBG? Cortisol? DHEA? Estrogen? Contrary to popular belief, it's actually often worse to have low estrogen than high, especially for mood, libido, and sexual function.

On TRT, your endogenous production is suppressed through negative feedback, which would not be an issue if it were only testosterone that got suppressed. Other hormones can be suppressed. I would highly recommend taking pregnenolone 100mg on most days -- Life Extension brand has a good product.

[ethanb121]

No one is gonna pick you up but yourself  that's the hard truth i tried to kill myself 5 times ...and I know you can do it ... I'm sure your a fantastic person ... accept it love yourself unconditionally and know that I love you as a person

[Preety_India]

@ethanb121 you're loved as well. 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

@Podie45 Don't give up. Keep troubleshooting solutions.

[Kshantivadin]

I feel you. I was on antipsychotics for a while, so less serotonin problems and more dopamine problems. Keep in touch for troubleshooting, since I'm willing to do some.

Anhedonia, no libido and similar stuff, for months after quitting.

I just woke up so I'll write more later.

 

[DIDego]

@Podie45 How are you feeling today? 

[Crane Bahnsteik]

@Podie45 I was on a similar boat as you, but i had a mixture of Post-Accutane Syndrome and porn induced ed months after quitting porn, what helped me was Citicoline at around 500mg/day in the first 3/4 weeks and then 100mg or even 50mg daily for a couple of months. At the time i took it quite randomly and didnt research it, but later i found out it increases the density of some dopaminergic receptors, mainly the D2 ones and that it increases the general response to dopaminergic stimuli. If you take it i would recomend cycling it 3 months on and 3 months off, but if you get a very good response from it a long term 50mg daily dose should be fine. 

[Espaim]

I suffered from the same thing. Take a look at my earlier posts on this forum. I eventually recovered my libido and started feeling emotions again! It's possible.

If I can say anything it's that it takes time to heal. If you don't give up it'll eventually improve.

[peterjames]

Another angle is this. By all means, keep looking for a solution. If you should find that it doesn't work, then you might want to aim for spiritual enlightenment instead. The end result here is oftentimes a loss of libido, and a quiet peace, which makes life enjoyable even if one doesn't feel too many emotions. You can read about the condition here: https://shalomplace.org/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/18910625/m/22610875?csra=Y&f=18910625&a=tpc&m=22610875&s=577106381

And you can walk the path by following the [simple] process here:
https://www.calmdownmind.com/reaching-a-place-of-total-allowing/

If you find that that appeals to you, you might want to supplement it with this site:
https://www.aypsite.org/

Best of luck.