Ex Girlfriend thinks about to go back to relationship, but she has no love

[OBEler]

Hello,

me and my ex were 5 years together. She was full in love with me the first years. She dumped me 6 month ago because she lost her love for me during long distance relationship of over 1 year. Of course she found another man. I went to hell because I still love her.

Circumstance changed and now she lives in my town for 3 month to finish her study. We talked a lot about our past and our mistakes as we were together. She revealed to me, that I am more to her than family. She cannot live without me. She asked me seriously, if we marry, would it be ok, if we have no sex. I replied that would not be an option.

She said, she can only make sex when she is in love. Otherwise she gets really strong negative emotions (she was raped in her past). And right now she doesn' t love me. When I touch her on her ass or other erogene zones, she winces. She says then she dont like this and I have to stop.

In my opinion Sex comes first, then love. But she needs love first to make sex. How should it ever to come to sex then when I cannot touch her on these zones? How should I behave? Should I openly discuss this issue or would this be a bad idea? I would like to tell her tactfully about my needs, that Sex is very important for me. And that we should try to make sex if she wants to go back to me. Is this too much pressure? is this negotiation of desire? I am really stuck at this problem. I sometimes feel, there is still a little love for me in her. Sometimes I can kiss her. But this is not enough for starting sex

[RendHeaven]

uhh wtf didn't you break up why are you acting together again.

[Nahm]

@OBEler

You & the relationship, and the love and sex therein is all an innocent cover up, unknowingly, yet spotted & understood thus far. Wether today or in decades, only her focusing on thoughts which feel good will do, because only the true nature, the truth, will do. While she is not, no outside person or thing can be a supplement for focusing on what doesn’t resonate. Fear of feeling isn’t a problem, and a million solutions can not solve what isn’t already a problem. Understanding emotions and focusing on wanted is change.   What happens doesn’t happen to anyone. She might believe she wants to, or needs to change herself. But the truth sets us free. What she wants is to change her experience, and how she feels. Neither experience or feeling are in a past. Letting go is choosing wanted, and the truth, which is well being, which is healing, arises. Until then, it’s suppressed with misunderstanding, and repeatedly believing the misinterpretation.  Notice you too are in the very same position. That comment can be deemed cold, careless, even disrespectful. This reveals the truth of what was said. 

[flowboy]

3 hours ago, OBEler said:

Hello,

me and my ex were 5 years together. She was full in love with me the first years. She dumped me 6 month ago because she lost her love for me during long distance relationship of over 1 year. Of course she found another man. I went to hell because I still love her.

Circumstance changed and now she lives in my town for 3 month to finish her study. We talked a lot about our past and our mistakes as we were together. She revealed to me, that I am more to her than family. She cannot live without me. She asked me seriously, if we marry, would it be ok, if we have no sex. I replied that would not be an option.

She said, she can only make sex when she is in love. Otherwise she gets really strong negative emotions (she was raped in her past). And right now she doesn' t love me. When I touch her on her ass or other erogene zones, she winces. She says then she dont like this and I have to stop.

In my opinion Sex comes first, then love. But she needs love first to make sex. How should it ever to come to sex then when I cannot touch her on these zones? How should I behave? Should I openly discuss this issue or would this be a bad idea? I would like to tell her tactfully about my needs, that Sex is very important for me. And that we should try to make sex if she wants to go back to me. Is this too much pressure? is this negotiation of desire? I am really stuck at this problem. I sometimes feel, there is still a little love for me in her. Sometimes I can kiss her. But this is not enough for starting sex

This is over. Never gonna happen. And you are exhibiting a poor level of personal boundaries by allowing someone who can't give you what you want, to take up the time and energy that you have for a partner.

Dump this person and break all contact. She needs therapy, you need to meet a nice girl.

[EnlightenmentBlog]

Run Forest run

[Gesundheit]

Of course she doesn't love you, because you welcomed her back like a fool. That was a shit-test, and you failed it. You forgot to punish her for flaking on you, and now you lost her attraction once again.

Pull back. Dump her ass, and never look back or return except on your own terms.

[IAmReallyImportant]

She doesn't want to be together with you, but has fear of being alone.

Especially, if someone was raped this is the case.

Ihate to tell you that, but you are second choice. You can decide if you love yourself or not. 

[Barbara]

You've helped her so much already, from what I see with your threads here on the forum. Now, maybe it's time for you to move on.

[aurum]

8 hours ago, OBEler said:

She said, she can only make sex when she is in love. Otherwise she gets really strong negative emotions (she was raped in her past). And right now she doesn' t love me. When I touch her on her ass or other erogene zones, she winces. She says then she dont like this and I have to stop.

 

So she wants to marry you, but she doesn’t love you?

I think the obvious answer here is that this girl is just not that attracted to you.

She probably sees you as a very good guy who would be there and support her. Which is nice. But it’s not enough.

Possibly you could communicate your desires and rekindle the fire. Couples have done it.

But considering she is repulsed by you touching her anywhere sexually, I’d say this one is done.

Time to move on.

[IAmReallyImportant]

7 minutes ago, aurum said:

She probably sees you as a very good guy who would be there and support her. Which is nice. But it’s not enough.

Ergo she doesn't want to be alone, that is all.
If she wasn't someone who settles for less and makes clear decisions, she would have left him long ago.
For me, that would be too little class and cheap.

But I think similar people attract themselves.

Edited March 31, 2021 by IAmReallyImportant

[Arcangelo]

DUDE!!!!

Where is your self esteem?????

[Jacob Morres]

you deserve better homie. ive been there before. you can do it.