Dealing with severe symptoms before I lose my mind

[Striving for more]

No hyperbole or exaggeration intended with the title, but as I'm writing this message I am unsure if I'm actually going to make it alive. 

I may be wrong, but this is how I feel, my stomach is tensing up. Ok maybe time to call an ambulance goodbye 

[Striving for more]

I don't even know how to describe my symptoms. 

But I had them yesterday, but way less severe - I called 111, (less serious help line) 

& as I was talking to them the symptoms declined, I thought maybe it's anxiety I hanged up & went to bed. I got 5/6 hours

I didn't feel good today, but not distrubingly bad, maybe a 3-4 / 10

Right now I feel distrubingly bad.

I've heard of the boy who cried wolf, & I shouldn't do that metarphorically to myself, but everytime I call an ambulance (unless inflicted by another) it almost always turns out  i'm exageratting. 

But this feels really bad right now

[Preety_India]

Drink water? 

 

[Striving for more]

I always drink water. 

[mandyjw]

Hope you feel better soon! Sometimes it helps to just write, even if it's random or off topic of the feeling we're feeling, whatever comes to mind. I know the "not being able to describe it" feeling, but it's incredibly helpful to work toward trying to express what we are feeling so we can help ourselves or get help from others. If you allow yourself freedom in the way you express rather than making it just being a description for someone else, you might find that a description or solution comes to you anyway, or you just inexplicably start feeling better. It's the crazy magic of journaling!  

Sending you light and healing thoughts. 

[Striving for more]

@mandyjw Thank you for your concern. 

I actually don't really have "depression" or negative thoughts. IMO, I have much worse than that in a sense. Constant symptoms that mean I can't sleep, can't focus.  Currently Headaches,

But always OCD of a type that doesn't go away, not negative thoughts, just loops of futile thoughts, loops & loops & loops like i'm in a mary go round that doesn't stop

[Striving for more]

@mandyjw You're right. 

I've noticed that it seems like a lot more women journal than men on this forum & I'm sure in real life. 

I heard that it is a natural psychological tenedency for men to "externalise" their emotions - via agression or anger ect.. 

Where as women "internalise" them. 

But it seems more healthy to do both, "internalise" & externalise (not violence, but release, sports watever) 

 

 

[mandyjw]

@Striving for more I hear you on the OCD thing. It's really just a fancy term for obsessive thinking. Telling yourself to drop it forcefully only strengthens it. I find that at least with journaling, it's an intentional and focused thought, if I'm gonna have those thoughts anyway, journaling just automatically makes them more conscious and intentional somehow. 

Try to relax and breathe into the pain for 10 or 15 minutes and see how it responds. Also if you're too worked up you can try music or watching a show, whatever relaxes you. 

The Roby Body Chart can be interesting, sorry it's an amazon link, hard to find a readable one but this one works. https://www.amazon.com/Roby-Chart-Beliefs-Anatomy-Background/dp/B0065PH8V8

[Striving for more]

Some productive healthy people on this forum think I like many perhaps come on here to procrastinate. But it's not like that. 

I always try & focus on more on my real life, but when you constantly have these fucking intangible symptoms & nothing gives u mental energy, it's really hard to be an elon musk in real life. 

So I have in a sense, no choice to be on this forum. Because I can't just lie in bed & suffer with insomnia. It is healing to an extent. It doesn't cure my problems, but it helps me forget the tension & frustration, & i'd argue it's mostly a healthy means of doing that, because without something like this I'd just be drinking. 

I can never underestimate "cosmic podcasts" either, I say "cosmic" because If i listen to a podcast about people being happy & free I get envious, the podcasts about space & robots help me forget myself briefly. 

[Striving for more]

4 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

@Striving for more I hear you on the OCD thing. It's really just a fancy term for obsessive thinking. Telling yourself to drop it forcefully only strengthens it. I find that at least with journaling, it's an intentional and focused thought, if I'm gonna have those thoughts anyway, journaling just automatically makes them more conscious and intentional somehow. 

Try to relax and breathe into the pain for 10 or 15 minutes and see how it responds. Also if you're too worked up you can try music or watching a show, whatever relaxes you. 

The Roby Body Chart can be interesting, sorry it's an amazon link, hard to find a readable one but this one works. https://www.amazon.com/Roby-Chart-Beliefs-Anatomy-Background/dp/B0065PH8V8

I'm not sure if you understand OCD ? 

My type of OCD has nothing to do with my mood or anything like that. It has nothing to do with me consciously obssesing either, even though I do obsess, it's litterally a brain disease. 

I have no control over it. 

If I say computer, my  brain might say computer 3 times, but thre's no rule. I just struglle to even articualte my form of OCD, but I literrally have no control. 

It's perhaps like a form of mental torettes at the level of the neurons & synapse, the synapes have torettes. I can't control them

Edited March 30, 2021 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

8 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

@Striving for more I hear you on the OCD thing. It's really just a fancy term for obsessive thinking. Telling yourself to drop it forcefully only strengthens it. I find that at least with journaling, it's an intentional and focused thought, if I'm gonna have those thoughts anyway, journaling just automatically makes them more conscious and intentional somehow. 

Try to relax and breathe into the pain for 10 or 15 minutes and see how it responds. Also if you're too worked up you can try music or watching a show, whatever relaxes you. 

The Roby Body Chart can be interesting, sorry it's an amazon link, hard to find a readable one but this one works. https://www.amazon.com/Roby-Chart-Beliefs-Anatomy-Background/dp/B0065PH8V8

I don't care about books like that or mindset anymore. 

I just want an upgraded brain. Less diseased. 

Those books are good! but they take you from functional to optimal. 

I'm just trying to be functional first

Edited March 30, 2021 by Striving for more

[mandyjw]

Ok, I understand OCD pretty well, suffered from it quite severely as a kid and have had some pretty awesome revelations about it since. It comes in many different manifestations of thoughts and I haven't experienced them all though, but the unwanted thought thing is kind of the main root, thing going on with it. 

The Roby Chart is just a chart, not a book. 

I'll leave you to your journal. Hope you feel better. 

[Preety_India]

@Striving for more drinking a lot of water helps with those symptoms.

[Striving for more]

If only it was that easy. I drink a lot anyway. 

Cognition is also messed up, verbal articulation is all I have left. short term memory near non existent. It could get better though I'm sure, I have felt sharper before. Good to stay positive. 

Tim Feriss once had lymes disease for 2 years, he felt mentally disbaled the whole time. Now he's doing well. & At the time he had no clue he had lymes diease too, doctors were usless at dianosis/

Edited March 30, 2021 by Striving for more

[Michael569]

@Striving for more bro get a professional support. You're in UK, the holistic medicine is on a great level here. Go to the Institute of Functional medicine and find someone you can work with or reach out to London Clinic of Nutrition. Alternatively get in touch with the College of Naturopathic Medicine and you can get 2 sessions with a herbalist student or a naturopath for £40!!!!!