How to deal with pickup performance blockage

[StarStruck]

There are some days that I just don't have the balls. I don't have the strong intent but I do have the challenge to approach 10 girls per week. 

This is what happens: I go to the city walk around. Look for suitable targets. Don't approach. Walk around. Get frustrated and go home. 

I can approach but this only happens when I have high libido which means no masturbation. 

Context: I'm doing a pickup course right now and there are weekly approached. I have to do these approaches. 

How should I deal with the frustration of not doing any pickups? It is very easy. All I have to do is walk up to her say hi + make a comment about her appearance or environment. 

A lot of times I don't get eye contact and that is normal because it is day game. Sometimes I do get eye contact and it is too late and I already walk by her. 

I'm getting frustrated at myself and that is not helping. I would appreciate how to deal with lousy days. 

Edited March 30, 2021 by StarStruck

[aurum]

@StarStruck

You need friends who also approach. Or at the very least cool with your approaching.

Yes, you want to be able to approach solo. But there’s no reason to do that every time. Friends make everything easier.

[Nahm]

@StarStruck

Sounds like you’re putting some aspect(s) of experience on a pedestal and psyching yourself out. Have a look how & why you’re making it more important than any other experience, why it’s such a ‘big deal’ to you. Relax. If this is “the big deal” now, after you get comfortable with it, then you’ll make something else “the big deal”. That’ll go on until you inspect ‘why is this such a big deal again?’. 

[flowboy]

16 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I can approach but this only happens when I have high libido which means no masturbation. 

I think you just answered your own question.

 

I'm on a 65 day streak now and I'm fine.

 

Take your goals seriously and do what is required.

Edited March 31, 2021 by flowboy

[StarStruck]

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

I think you just answered your own question.

 

I'm on a 65 day streak now and I'm fine.

 

Take your goals seriously and do what is required.

I know this is going to sound sad but I can't stop touching my dick. It is frustrating and tragicomic.

 

10 hours ago, Nahm said:

@StarStruck

Sounds like you’re putting some aspect(s) of experience on a pedestal and psyching yourself out. Have a look how & why you’re making it more important than any other experience, why it’s such a ‘big deal’ to you. Relax. If this is “the big deal” now, after you get comfortable with it, then you’ll make something else “the big deal”. That’ll go on until you inspect ‘why is this such a big deal again?’. 

That is so true. When I don't make a big deal out of it or have a drink preferable I'm having much better performance. It is hard to not make a big deal out of it when it is a big issue in my life. It is all internal, not external.

When I talk to a girl I don't like I have this inner peace, but when I talk to a hot girl, the pressure just fucks me over.

18 hours ago, aurum said:

@StarStruck

You need friends who also approach. Or at the very least cool with your approaching.

Yes, you want to be able to approach solo. But there’s no reason to do that every time. Friends make everything easier.

I don't have a lot of friends who do pickup. The one guy friend who does it is busy and not available. I have to do this solo but I do get what you mean. I will try to plan something with that friend in the future.

[flowboy]

22 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I know this is going to sound sad but I can't stop touching my dick. It is frustrating and tragicomic.

It's also bullshit.

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, StarStruck said:

performance

Huh?

What is meant by performance?  Like, you’re an actor and she is the audience or something? Are you also judging your “performance”? 

Could be a way of someone selling you something you didn’t need in the first place. The sales method might be to “improve your performance”, when letting thoughts that don’t feel good to you go was all that was “needed”. Using quotes for needed because it’s a letting go of efforting, a no-longer-doing vs something you need or have to do. 

Maybe take acting classes....? You might enjoy that and it might make more sense, if what you’re wanting is performance. Maybe learning an instrument and or singing too. 

For talking with other people though, you as you are is plenty ample. 

Dreamboard stat. 

Imagine the thought feeling perfectly great and entirely natural.....”This life I’m creating is so fucking fun and awesome any girl would be lucky to be a part of it”. 

Give up beliefs about yourself. None of them are true. Choose this, and then be willing to feel whatever arises. Choose to experience what is, no longer to project fear upon it. 

[SLuxy]

Perhaps, buy 'Feeling Good' by David Burns.

CBT book. May help you with your inner game. It certainly has the potential too.

[Nahm]

@SLuxy

Welcome to the forum. Just had to say, what a beautiful picture! 

[StarStruck]

3 hours ago, flowboy said:

It's also bullshit.

What is bullshit?

 

36 minutes ago, SLuxy said:

Perhaps, buy 'Feeling Good' by David Burns.

CBT book. May help you with your inner game. It certainly has the potential too.

Thanks

 

44 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Huh?

What is meant by performance?  Like, you’re an actor and she is the audience or something? Are you also judging your “performance”? 

Could be a way of someone selling you something you didn’t need in the first place. The sales method might be to “improve your performance”, when letting thoughts that don’t feel good to you go was all that was “needed”. Using quotes for needed because it’s a letting go of efforting, a no-longer-doing vs something you need or have to do. 

Maybe take acting classes....? You might enjoy that and it might make more sense, if what you’re wanting is performance. Maybe learning an instrument and or singing too. 

For talking with other people though, you as you are is plenty ample. 

Dreamboard stat. 

Imagine the thought feeling perfectly great and entirely natural.....”This life I’m creating is so fucking fun and awesome any girl would be lucky to be a part of it”. 

Give up beliefs about yourself. None of them are true. Choose this, and then be willing to feel whatever arises. Choose to experience what is, no longer to project fear upon it. 

Those are amazing insights. 

I totally get what you are trying to say but it is hard to actualize it. 

I took a half hour bicycle trip to go to the city just to walk around and not approaching. 

There were some good opportunities but I was just second guessing and it just didn't happen. 

I will try to apply what you said: no effort, just enjoying the moment, and having the frame of sharing and enjoying the present awareness. 

There is also some part of me that got very disappointed after I didn't approach yesterday. Only thing I can do is learn from it and move on. I have a tendency to be attached to pain. 

I guess part of pickup is to find the right mindset and calibrate. I'm just very chaotic at the moment. I'm trying something new which is not hard. Just say hi and make a remark about her. It shouldn't be that hard.

[Nahm]

@StarStruck

Thanks. 

At the end of the day so to speak, you’re experiencing the exact story you’re telling about yourself.

You are powerful, such that what you say after “I...”, comes to be your experience.  

Don’t be happy from intimacy and or relationships, be happy from the story you’re telling. Be in communion with your true nature of being. All else falls in your lap, and is mere icing on the cake. 

[flowboy]

56 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

What is bullshit?

Your belief that you can't stop touching your dick.

[StarStruck]

@Nahm usually I have buts but this time I don't have any buts left. 

Only shows that things learned in pickup can be applied anywhere else. 

If I master this narrative thing that you are talking about I'm hoping I can solve my procrastination and addiction problems too. 

[Nahm]

@StarStruck

You can do anything you put your mind to.

Much love brutha. ?? 

[StarStruck]

I managed to squeeze one approach out of my supermarket visit.

She wasn't interested and that is OK. 

It was a direct approach which I don't do. I got over it instantly. I'm just happy I tried it. 

It is all about stacking reference experiences and evolution of the skill set. 

[EnlightenmentBlog]

The general rule is that whenever you see a girl you like, you approach. If you take more than 3 seconds to decide, you're done.

On 30.03.2021 г. at 6:34 PM, StarStruck said:

This is what happens: I go to the city walk around. Look for suitable targets. Don't approach. Walk around. Get frustrated and go home. 

I felt utmost fear and dread when I did my first approaches. There is no way around that but doing it. Also, you first 2-3 approaches should be warm-up. You have to give no fucks and just say what you want. That puts you in the mood. A great pick-up artist called these 2-3 girls sacrificial lambs because you know you'll fail so at least use it for something.

[StarStruck]

17 minutes ago, EnlightenmentBlog said:

The general rule is that whenever you see a girl you like, you approach. If you take more than 3 seconds to decide, you're done.

I felt utmost fear and dread when I did my first approaches. There is no way around that but doing it. Also, you first 2-3 approaches should be warm-up. You have to give no fucks and just say what you want. That puts you in the mood. A great pick-up artist called these 2-3 girls sacrificial lambs because you know you'll fail so at least use it for something.

I live in a small-medium city. I don't want to just ruin my reputation by doing the spray and pray strategy. I don't know. Perhaps I'm just bullshitting myself into not doing pickup. I care way too much about not disturbing girls. 

[EnlightenmentBlog]

1 minute ago, StarStruck said:

I live in a small-medium city. I don't want to just ruin my reputation by doing the spray and pray strategy. I don't know. Perhaps I'm just bullshitting myself into not doing pickup. I care way too much about not disturbing girls. 

I know what you mean. I have moved from a small town myself. I can't imagine pulling smth like this off there. If there's a larger city nearby, you could travel. That same pickup artist I mentioned commuted 2-3 hours just to approach. 

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, EnlightenmentBlog said:

I know what you mean. I have moved from a small town myself. I can't imagine pulling smth like this off there. If there's a larger city nearby, you could travel. That same pickup artist I mentioned commuted 2-3 hours just to approach. 

Ow damn. 2-3 hours? That is some commitment. There is a big city 30 minutes from my place. I would definitely try a new city if I knew I could do 10 approaches. Then it would be worth it. 

[EnlightenmentBlog]

23 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

There is a big city 30 minutes from my place. I would definitely try a new city if I knew I could do 10 approaches. Then it would be worth it. 

There you go. Find a mall or uni campus and you're golden. Of course it'll be much better when Covid passes.