childhood traumas

[HERO_]

I have a history of childhood traumas and sexual abuse by a family member , I was numbing myself the whole time I'm 22 right now and I'm in a really low point of my life  I feel like I'm failing in life , I want help I need resources about healing childhood traumas, emotions etc , right now I don't have a job I'm very dependent on my family on basically everything because I have very low self-esteem every time I get a job or an opportunity I don't do well I immediately sabotage them because deep down I don't feel I don't deserve them \not good enough I  know what I want to do.. but I don't feel I'm capable of creating great things like others do I feel deep shame of my current state I want to do something but I'm paralyzed by my emotions it blocks me from life I'm very isolated and I don't have friends they all were abusive because I keep attracting abusers   

Please share any resources websites, bolgs,books,programs ,youtube channel etc, that has helped you with your healing 

[Breakingthewall]

I feel identified. my father was what could be called "bad". narcissist who wishes evil. After some years living with him, after my mother died,  I found myself at the age of 19 in a well of darkness that I would never have imagined. I did not dare to go shopping in supermarket , I had no friends, I did not speak to almost anyone, I woke up in the morning and began to self-torture by making a list of everything that failed in me, I felt a deep contempt for myself. I hit rock bottom, but I was lucky, one day I was walking through the field ruminating my humiliation when I saw the light: there was only one way, the fight. something clicked into my mind, like a gear, and from that moment on I became an extremely aggressive person towards life, a 180 turn in a few days. What you have to do is somehow find the flame that wants to live inside you, the one that is about to go out, but that wants to be a fire, and let it burn. You have to be brave but seriously, risk your life if necessary. there is much to lose, living depressed the rest of your days is hell. the lion must wake up. It is the hour of conquest and war, not of pleasure. Your self steem will not be given to you without a fight. Life has put this test on you and you must face it. it is a matter of enormous seriousness. You better die tomorrow trying than to follow the stream down

Psychedelic could you to find that flame , is hidden but exist, and if you free it, will burn, you will see

Edited April 5, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[Matt23]

Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS).  Great tool I picked up (especially if combined with Byron Katie's ''The Work'').  Basically it teaches you how to understand and communicate with your subpersonalities.  

[Crane Bahnsteik]

Sedona Method, the 1992 videos on youtube are quite good to start, and the surrender technique by David R Hawkins which can be read about on his book "Letting go" (or just search it on youtube), is quite good as well, they complement each other.

[Matt23]

@Crane Bahnsteik  Is the Sedona Method basically simply observing and feeling emotions and then letting them go?

[Superfluo]

@HERO_

Check out my posts, I have several where I point out how to heal, various approaches, powerful techniques and resources.

[Crane Bahnsteik]

6 hours ago, Matt23 said:

@Crane Bahnsteik  Is the Sedona Method basically simply observing and feeling emotions and then letting them go?

Yes.

[Podie45]

I can definitely relate, I grew up with sociopaths & narcissists. I have one friend.

That's why I recently moved out, it was a tough decision but it's the first step towards the path of healing.

I was lucky enough to find a job where I don't sabotage myself. I believe you can too!

I'd say this could be helpful after moving out:

PS: I'm not underestimating how serious the issue is. This is just what I've been doing to help myself & could potentially help you too.

 

[Origins]

@HERO_ Feedback loop I designed just for you (updated with steps 13, 14 and 15):

1. close your eyes

2. sink into your body

3. feel your emotions

4. label your emotions while staying contact with your body --- you mentioned failure, target that first then work down the list of "negative" emotions

5. recall a memory that links to that emotion (may just end up being association/s)

6. remember to keep your eyes closed and stay in any of those associations that come up

7. ask yourself, what is behind the feeling that I'm experiencing relating to this association

8. any other emotions, prepare yourself, experience them fully, the body is learning to understand these new commands you're providing it in doing so, its learning how to bring up emotions as you ask it to in response to your associational mind-body memory

9. focus on your breath for a few moments away from other associations and emotions while not blocking them out either

10. shift to the emotion of compassion on the experience you're going through, do this for 30 seconds as a practice run, as you get better and better at cycling through these steps, learn to transition between this state and love so that you learn to transmute that state to the level you've automatically learned to do, that you've developed a natural instinct for anticipating the amount of time you personally need to devote

11. notice any changes you're experiencing and now here's the step where I'd advise that you start a journal to help you encode the experiences you've had in this practice so you can recall the benefit of doing it, in doing, increase the likelihood of continue to do it

12. in this journal I want you to repeat the above exercise with/without the noted transitions but in doing so, I want you to mind map those associations in a more regimented manner, going back to the earlier question of asking yourself "what emotion is behind this emotion", taking that to the next set of associations and the emotions that are behind there

• In the beginning it'll be difficult to perform these steps but as you improve your proficiency your mastery over your emotional intelligence will become second to none. 

 

Go through the same process with your:

- feelings of shame

- family dependency or dependency in general, work through any feelings associated with the idea of independence 

 

13. have trust in your intuitive intelligence to notice patterns you performed in step 12 and then translate those insights into actions you can take right now to begin repatterning those associations, for example as it concerns any associations relating to dependency, do the opposite of withdrawal that may have arisen when you say perhaps wanted to shy away at an independent move. The same can be done with shame, by focusing on say pride and performing a corresponding action that produces said pride you can train your relationship to pride and better transition naturally away from feelings of shame

14. before bed read your journal which would include your experiences in step 13 and remind yourself in the morning of those insights

 

15. remind yourself throughout the day of these insights you've uncovered, this will trigger dopamine (makes you feel good) and a positive progress feedback loop for yourself

Edited April 5, 2021 by Origins

[Origins]

Hey mate, just thought this link trail which leads back to here would be useful for you haha (seriously  - i.e. in light of childhood trauma).

Think of the link trail like a fun game  . 

[Preety_India]

@Origins lolling at your link trails. Great idea. Evrything is linked huh?!! 

 

[Origins]

It certainly is ha  .